Send my muse kisses you want to give them! //@bbckeswrctes
† for a kiss to say good bye forever.
They were a TEAM. Ever since she had first met him when they were shooting blast fire through the streets as a way of defending themselves from people she, admittedly, had provoked to begin with. They had been by each other’s sides through all of the rough times and had never once turned their backs on one another. Anna hadn’t had anything like that in a very long time, not since she had August around. They had always been by each other’s sides, doing business, traveling on his ship together. Everything had been great until he went into hiding and she was left alone in so many ways. She hadn’t wanted anyone else in her life to be honest, not really. Then Spike came in, turned her world upside down, and she kind of liked it. In fact, she’d rather not go back to the way that things were but follow him into the future.
Anna had never thought that one day they would end up going their separate ways because of how good things were going now. A long time ago they had opened up about the people that they wanted to find. Hers was August of course, and Spike so badly wanted to find Bebop and rejoin his old crew. There wasn’t much he said about them to begin with but she could always see that they were special to him, and she respected than more than anything. As time went on, she was sure he hadn’t forgotten about them, but that he was content where he was, which was with her. Maybe it would have hurt less if she had always remembered the day might come when he would find them again.
The day was now, Bepop turning up and wanting to have Spike back with them again. Anna had stared at him for a long time, seeing the expression on his face as he laid eyes on former crew mates…friends…family. She could see how happy he was to see them after being without them for so long. She wondered briefly if she would have that same look upon her face when finding August, if she ever found him. It had to happen to her, too, right? But seeing him like this made her stomach churn because she could see how drawn he was to them, and after talking about how much he wanted to find them and here they finally were…he might just rejoin them. Where would that leave her?
❝Go with them. I know you want to.❞ It was the most selfless thing that Anna could ever say to another person. Smugglers often had this bad rap about them, people claiming that they were nothing but selfish, always in the game for themselves and would they could get out of it. Anna had always thought that she was different. She did things because she wanted to, or because she wanted to help someone, because she cared. What kind of human being would she be if she begged Spike not to go with the people he’d been dying to get back to? Something squeezed her heart tightly, and she didn’t know what it was, but it didn’t mean she was going to take back what she had said. No, she didn’t want him to go. More than anything she wanted him to stay with her. He had become so important to her and God, with all of her heart, she loved him. She’d never loved anyone like this before.
Spike had hesitated at first, because he loved her, too. The life they had began making with each other was something good and leaving it behind like this would make it feel like it never meant anything at all when the opposite was true. But Anna was a stubborn woman, and she wasn’t going to take no for an answer. He’d regret it if he didn’t leave with them.❝I’m going to be fine, I promise. There’s a whole universe out there for me to see and experience, Spike,❞ Anna told him, holding back the tears with all of her might and putting on a brave face and smile for him.❝You taught me that. You showed me that I didn’t have to be on a Hutt’s leash and that choosing freedom was the best thing that I could ever do. Because of you I can do that now. I can do anything I want.❞
Spike took her face in his hands, his eyes taking her in, memorizing everything that he could in these last few minutes that they were going to spend together. His forehead pressed against her own and he asked,❝What am I supposed to do, Ace?❞ How was he going to leave her behind like this?
Anna’s slender fingers clung to his shirt, not really wanting to let him go at all. There had been so many hard moments in her life but right now, this felt like the hardest one of them all. Oh my God. They were actually saying goodbye, weren’t they? It didn’t feel real, like some dream she’d conjured up. But feeling his thumbs caressing her cheeks which she realized were now wet with tears she didn’t realized she’d cried while being held by him, she knew that this was real, that Spike leaving was actually about to him.❝Don’t say it,❞ she whispered, knowing that he would understand what she meant because the hardest word that they could say right now was on both of their minds.
Spike nodded his head, not even sure if he had the courage to muster up that one word. He dipped his head down, his lips slowly capturing her own and lingering for as long as he could. He was holding himself together as best as he possibly could, though his hands did tremble somewhat with his restraint. The moment that he felt her lips pull away, even if she was just for a moment to collect herself, he could feel his heart splitting in two. He wrapped his arms around her, not wanting to let her go. Torn up inside, Anna put her arms around him, one hand gliding against his cheek and holding him close to her, kissing him back with more passion, as she knew this was the last time.
Moments of taking each other in this intimately ceased slowly, and as her lips lingered against his own, her breath shaky and the tears hopelessly falling down her stained cheeks, she whispered,❝I love you,❞ against his lips. It was hard to look up at him after telling him this, after kissing him goodbye, after being together for so long and now having him leave her. And though it tore her to pieces, she wanted him to go with the people he belonged with, that he desperately wanted to find. Not once did she selfishly think he should remain with her because how much they loved each other. Why did being selfless hurt so much?
❝I love you, too, Anna,❞ he told her, using her real name instead of one of the quippy nicknames he’d used for her, like Ace, for the longest time now. Her honey brown eyes dared to look up at him at last, staring into his own. A smile tried to find its way on her trembling lips, wanting to tell him that things would be okay, that she would be okay. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but in the long run she would pick up the pieces and be happy again.
With those last words dedicated to one another, they finally let each each other. Bebop had plans to leave this planet soon and travel to further destinations that didn’t involve being under Imperial orders. If Spike was going to go with them, he had to leave now. One last kiss was left on Anna’s forehead before he finally turned away while he still had the courage to do so. The young woman watched as he left, seeing the faults in his composure though he did his best as he always did. There might not have been smiles and jokes to pick up the mood now, but Anna knew he’d be okay, too. He was with his crew, and that meant something. Anna, despite the flowing tears and heartache, was happy he was with them again.
