3/7/2020
I know about heartbreak. I know it inside and out. I know about sleepless nights and not eating enough. I know about heartbreak in a way that no one else can. No one could possibly understand all the losses that I have endured. Friends, family, lovers.
It’s probably for the best that I’m so closed off and unapproachable. At least I like people to think of me that way. It’s better than having to lose someone else.
I do miss it sometimes. Intimacy. Being close to someone. Touch.
I actually think there is something wrong with me. How could I want something and not want something at the same time?
I want to start over somewhere new. Somewhere where no one knows my story or what happened to my family. Somewhere where I can be someone, anyone else. Instead, I feel trapped. Stuck. Forced to be somewhere I do not want to be.
I suppose it doesn’t really matter. My life now isn’t bad, it’s just not what I want. I want something else. Different. I want to be free of my past.
Do you ever wish you could take something back? I do. I have so much regret.
I wasn’t always like this. I had hopes and dreams and wanted a future. Now, I feel like I don’t have any air left in my lungs. I feel out of my mind.
He’s gone.