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Mar 2, 2019

Bearbound

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhLzuwD4Ps0

She holds her hand out of the window, feels the ice cold breeze hit her. She smiles, loves to feel the cold sensation hit her skin. She’s always been doing this, holding out her hand to feel the airflow hit her soft first, then harder. She moves her fingers up and down, plays with the wind between her fingers. It’s cold, it’s the last leg of winter. March is just around the corner and so is spring.

Spring will bring blooming months, followed by summer. Her summer. The most meaningful so far.

Taylor slowly pulls her hand back into the car again, then closes the car window with the little button on the side of the passenger seat. She turns her head and finds him focused on the road, his blonde hair falling into his face. A classic Joe state whenever he’s been too lazy to fix his hair in the morning. But she loves when it falls this way. She loves seeing him this undone. This natural. The way he looks when he’s in bed with her. Just himself. Just Joe.

“How long are we going to be driving now?” She asks again and he chuckles slightly, quickly looks at the navigation system of the car and contemplates for a few seconds whether he should tell her, or not.

“Not long. Maybe.. an hour?” He says and steals a quick look from her. She excitedly looks out of the window again, her hair as curly as ever and put into a little bun in the back of her neck.

Taylor stares at the trees they pass, while she leans her head against the car window and gazes with a slight smile on her face. She just loves the countryside, the green color on end, the fascinating nature that only becomes visible in its full beauty once you leave London. The amount of trees and grass, in combination with the grey skies full of fluffy clouds make her feel cozy. She’s always loved exploring this country outside of London, with him. She’s always loved every cousin’s birthday party or every friend from university they visited outside of the city that would enable her to see more of England than just London.

“Does Brandon know where we’re going?” She asks him and Joe laughs.

“He does. But don’t try to text him cause he won’t tell you. I made sure.” Joe says with a smirk and Taylor sighs. He knows her too well.

“I sincerely hope you two won’t kill me somewhere in the middle of nowhere. I don’t even have service out her anymore.” She says, bringing the blonde haired guy to chuckle sightly.

“If I wanted to kill you somewhere in the middle of nowhere then I wouldn’t have brought your bodyguard with me. Would be pretty stupid from my side, don’t you think” he asks, loves playing this game with her.

“Well.. I mean, if he’s in cahoots with you then I have a problem.”

Joe laughs quietly, then reaches with his hand for hers. Taylor intertwines their fingers immediately while focusing on the road with him. Her fingers are slowly caressing his while she looks out of the window again and listens to the song on the radio.

Sand at my feet, ocean after that, silver light of the moon dancing on the waves, girl you got me high, just with your eyes, every word you say, well, it's a lullaby

She leans her head back, sighs quietly and closes her eyes.

“You okay?” Joe mumbles and Taylor answers yes.

“I’m gonna close my eyes for a while.” She says, then breathes deep in and out, feeling a little uncomfortable in the car.

“Take a nap, baby. Do you want me to make it warmer?” He asks, is already about to turn up the heating.

“No, thank you. Is your phone on? And connected to the bluetooth? In case tree calls, or mom..” she says and Joe sighs and smiles a little. Of course, she can’t shut her mind off for more than an hour.

“It is. Don’t worry. Everything’s fine. Now rest a bit.” He says and Taylor does what he says and closes her eyes slowly.

The car pulls up at the small villa, in the middle of nowhere. Taylor immediately opens her eyes as she feels the car come to a stop, looks around sleepy and a little disoriented. Joe just smiles at her, hasn’t let go off her hand just yet. She looks confused, her left cheek a little red from sleeping on it for the past hour while she starts to rub her eye.

“Are we there?” she asks with sleep in her voice, receives a nod from Joe in return. Taylor looks around her, fascinated. They really are in the middle of the woods, only a beautiful and pretty big house with a small frontward right in front of them. The villa looks old, is built on a classic brick stone. A beautiful groomed facade right in front of them.

“What.. what is this?” She asks him confused, receives a smile back in return.

“This is The Crazy Bear. It’s a weekend getaway house that I rented.”

Taylor just looks at him and opens her mouth excitedly, then covers her mouth with her hands. Her eyes sparkle. She’s happy. She didn’t expect this at all. He smiles.

“Oh my god, Joe.. where.. where are we even? Did you.. why did you?”

He laughs, moves his hand that is holding hers and kisses her slowly.

“We’re in Stadhampton. It’s a little town up north. And I did it cause I wanted to spend some time with you away from the stress and everything..”

Taylor smiles, places her hand on his stubble and leans in to kiss him slowly.

“Thank you, baby, I.. did I miss anything? Our anniversary or…”

Joe laughs and shakes his head.

“You didn’t. I just wanted to have a relaxing weekend with you alone so I did this. Do you want to get in and see it? Eddie should be there.”

“Who’s Eddie?” She asks excitedly, reaches for her black coat and opens the door of the car.

“Eddie is the owner of the house, whom I had contact with these past weeks. To plan everything, make sure we can take security with us and so on..” He says, also leaves the car with her. The cold afternoon wind of this February hits his face. Taylor who now walks next to him immediately looks behind, waves Brandon in the big black car that is parked behind them and who smiles back at them warmly. She can’t believe Joe planned this surprise for her. She can’t believe after all this time, he still is who he was in the beginning of the relationship. A considerate, loving, honest and faithful person. Taylor immediately meets his arm, holds onto him and lets him kiss her slowly as they make their way into the villa. Taylor is impressed. The hallway is full with old and golden frames and gives her a first views into the big living room that is full with carpets, warm colors, a stuffed bear at the end of the room. She looks a little surprise and Joe laughs.

“Stadhampton is known for being a hunting town. Sorry babe, I should’ve mentioned that earlier.” He says, as she just smiles at him, signals him that she’s fine. More than that.

Suddenly, they hear steps coming closer to them, and a man in his mid-fifties appears, white hair and a Ralph Lauren polo on, absolutely fitting into this exquisite house. He excitedly welcomes them with a smile.

“You’re Joseph?”

“Yes! Hello, you’re Eddie?” Joe asks and the man in the polo sweatshirt nods.

“So good to meet you, Joe. This is your..”

“Yes, this is Taylor.” Joe says and Taylor shakes the man’s hand.

“Hi, it’s so nice to meet you.” She says, and Eddie smiles back at her.

“It’s nice to meet our two guests for the weekend. We hope you had a good ride here? Not too much traffic?’ Eddie asks with a strong Liverpool accent. Taylor smiles, looks around the house. It’s very traditional yet warm and incredibly cozy. The fireplace is lit and it smells like apple-tart. It seems that this villa is a classic British getaway. After three years, Joe of course knew that she would love it. And he was right.

“No, we had a great drive here. Beautiful area.” Joe says, holding smalltalk with the man. After a few seconds, Eddie hands Joe the keys. “So, if you want, I will give you two a short tour around the house. Breakfast will be delivered every morning between 8 and 11 am, whenever you want. You can always order food at every time of the day. The cleaning lady will come in the afternoon whenever it’s fine with you. And also the other few things we talked about…”

“Yes, that’s great, thank you.” Joe interrupts him and Taylor looks at Joe a little confused. What other few things is the man talking about?

“So this is the entrance, and right here is the living room. To the left there’s the kitchen. Fridge is filled. One guest bathroom is downstairs. And upstairs we have the master bedroom, two other bathrooms, one with shower and one with bathtub..” Eddie says, walks Taylor and Joe across his house. Taylor is speechless. The house is surrounded by greens, dark hardwood floors covering the spaces on the floor that are not carpets. This house is the perfect getaway place. She can’t believe Joe put so much effort in finding the perfect place.

Together with Eddie, Joe and her walk up the spiral staircase, the old wood crackling under their feet. Joe holds her hands, looks back at her and finds her smiling. She seems to love it. He’s glad.

“Oh my god, this is gorgeous.” Taylor suddenly says as they enter the bedroom. At the end of the room is a huge window facade that allows them to be on one height with the gigantic pine trees of the forrest. Taylor is speechless, admires the view of nature. She’s never felt like she was closer to nature yet still in a house, than now. Joe and Eddie smile at each other.

“Yeah, this little cabin is something very special.” Eddie says, as Taylor walks up back to Joe and him with a smile.

“Do you have any questions? You have my phone number in case anything is wrong, right?” Eddie says and Joe nods.

“No, I think we’re good. Thank you so much for the little tour.” Joe says, shakes Eddie’s hand. Taylor does the same.

“Thank you so so much, your house is absolutely stunning.” She says and Eddie smiles.

“Thank you! I’m wishing you two a great time. Check out some of the local stores in the city center when you have some time. People love it. There’s also a bakery twenty minutes from here that you should check out. The oldest bakery in the village.”

Taylor and Joe both smile and thank him for the advice. Eddie then hands Joe the keys and disappears downstairs to leave the house. Taylor look at Joe and covers her mouth with her hands, feels unable to speak for now.

“Joe, this is..”

“Do you like it? I didn’t want to just book something for the weekend, I wanted to find something special so I thought..”

“Baby, I am speechless. This is something so special. Thank you.” She says, has placed both her hands on his stubbly cheek and kisses him lovingly.

“I’m so glad you like it.” Joe smiles, standing in the middle of the gigantic bedroom with her. His hands on her sides, his belly pressed against hers. He would be lying if he said that he never feels the fear to disappoint her. Deep down, he knows that he could never disappoint her, that she loves him for who he is, that material things aren’t as important to her as he is. Yet he still knows that Taylor has lived in a different world than him for the past decade. It’s true that he has made a lot of money himself in the past years and still, he doesn’t consider himself to live in a luxury bubble where money doesn’t matter and he splashes out as much as he wants, most of the time. He knows that she doesn’t care about these material things and still, he wants her to feel spoiled. To feel like he gives her only the best. Which is exactly what she deserves.

“I absolutely love it. It’s like a treehouse in the middle of the forrest. I love spending my weekend with you on a treehouse.” She smiles, her eyes full of excitement. Joe laughs quietly and kisses her lips once more, slowly and tender. She then slowly lets go off him, too excited to just stand there and walks up to the big window front again. He admires her, how she stands there in her comfy clothes, black sports leggings and her favorite light grey cashmere sweater covering her body. She wears this sweater a lot. It seems to give her comfort during this time, the soft material always “constantly cuddly”, as she calls it.

“I’m going to get our suitcases real quick, babe. I’ll be back in a second.” Joe says, receives a nod and disappears downstairs.

After a few minutes, Joe comes back upstairs, finds her sitting on the big bed, both hands behind to support her torso, still looking out of the gigantic window. She seems so fascinated by the view. He’s glad she likes the house so much. Joe places the suitcases next to the big dark red couch at the end of the room, then turns on the little golden lamp that is right next to it. The cold, dark grey day is slowly coming to an end and it’s getting darker and darker outside. Taylor still stares into nature, as Joe slowly sits down next to her. She immediately smiles at him tiredly, then sits up as well. She looks a bit pale to him. He can always see it in her eyes, whenever she’s not a hundred percent well.

“Everything good?” He asks, places his arm around her. Taylor smiles and nods, then leans her head against his shoulder, still looking out of the window.

“It’s so romantic. I could sit here for hours and just look at the trees and the leaves moving in the wind.” She says and Joe smiles, quickly turns his head to the side to kiss her hair. She smells as good as always.

“We can absolutely do that.” He says.

Taylor moves a little and sits upright again, places her hand on his thigh next to her.

“I’m getting a little nauseous and I think it’s cause I haven’t had food since like.. four hours. Do you think we can order something?” She asks, as Joe immediately places his big hand on her small belly.

“Absolutely. You look exhausted. Do you want to take a bath?” Joe asks and Taylor shakes her head.

“No, I think I’m going to take a quick shower and then rest a little. Is that okay for you? Do we have plans?” Taylor asks, doesn’t want to ruin any plans, in case he made them. But truth is that she’s exhausted from the day, didn’t sleep well last night cause so much was going through her head, as so often these days.

Joe just shakes his head, can’t believe she worries about him again.

“We don’t have any plans, babe. I think we should have a relaxed night in, tonight? I’ll order some food, we will put on a movie. I’ll light the fireplace up here as well. Sound good?” He asks and Taylor smiles and nods. Joe kisses her lips once more and Taylor slowly lets herself fall back. She really feels the exhaustion in her legs, just remains on top of the sheets for a few seconds, way too lazy to unpack her suitcase and jump under the shower. Joe immediately leans over her, presses his face softly into the fabric of her sweater. He slowly lifts up her grey cashmere sweater and Taylor just lets him. He pulls up the fabric so far, that her bare belly is revealed. Joe clearly sees the little curve on her stomach, a small but prominent belly that is slowly forming. His lips immediately find her skin on that sweet spot and he kisses her tummy a few times. He still is absolutely amazed by this scary, unbelievable, beautiful miracle that is growing inside of her. By the love of his life that is growing the love of his life. Making a human with her wasn’t planned. It wasn’t planned but it was wanted. So incredibly wanted.

“My skin didn’t hurt today and I didn’t even have a back ache, can you believe that?” Taylor says, her hand on Joe’s hair, watching him shower her stomach with kisses. These minutes are always the most beautiful minutes of the day for her. She’s not sure if it’s just the hormones or the deep connection that she, her tiny fetus and Joe already have. But as soon as he kisses her belly, the world is okay. She feels calm. This is how it’s supposed to be. It’s a natural. Him, her and the tiny human they made, who still has to grow strong.

“I’m so glad” Joe smiles, looks up at her again.

Taylor smiles back and Joe steals her tiny tummy a last quick kiss before pulling the cashmere sweater over her skin again. He then slowly places his hand on her cheek and kisses her lips softly.

“What do you want for dinner? I’m ordering whatever you want.” He says and Taylor smiles, as excited as always when they talk about food.

“I’m so hungry.. I want something proper.. like pizza. Can you order a cheese pizza for me?”

Joe just nods, steals her cheek a last kiss before sitting up again to grab his phone from the counter.

Taylor slowly sits up as well, sighs slightly before standing up as well to walk to her suitcase that is next to the couch. She crouches down, opens it and starts to search for her favorite silk pajamas that she packed this morning. “I’m taking a quick shower, okay?” She says, and Joe just nods reassuringly while focusing on his phone. He waits for her to close the bathroom door, then takes a deep breath.

______________

“That is still the funniest story and I can’t believe that actually happened.” She giggles quietly in the dark, her head pressed against his chest, his arm on her waist, the warm blanket covering her body. Joe laughs with her, sinks his head every now and then to breath her in or kiss her hair on her head slowly. The window fronts are not closed, because Taylor wants it this way. She wants to wake up, surrounded by pines, by the snow falling down and feel like she really is in a treehouse. Joe agreed, understands why she craves that intimacy with nature so much. It’s quiet, it’s silence. Especially during the stress and excitement of the past weeks.

“It did. You know that stuff can only happen to me.” He laughs, and Taylor cuddles herself a little more into his chest.

“That’s why you’re mine.”

Joe smiles, feels her press a kiss onto his neck.

“Can you tell me the story of how you met me again. My favorite story.” She says and Joe laughs once more, just pulls her closer under the blanket and protectively kisses her head once more. It flatters him that she always wants to hear him tell the story whenever she can’t sleep. But this time, it means something more to him.

Because they’re here. Now.

“Okay, so.. it all started with me being on a plane from London to New York. And I was pretty much excited and terrified. Mostly terrified if I’m being honest.”

Taylor chuckles slightly, her eyes closed, her nose pressed into his face.

“And I knew that I would be able to get into one of those celebrity parties that I always dreamed of. And back then, I kinda knew what bubble that world is but.. I’m just a boy who grew up in Crouch End, so.. of course it was a big thing. And I remember getting into the taxi at the airport, driving to the hotel. It was bloody hot that day, I was already sweating off my palms and I just remember being overwhelmed. Especially when I got into the big hotel room. And then a few hours later, Nick picked me up. I was wearing a suit I hated. I clearly remember that. And.. so we just drove to this event.”

“Were you scared?”

“Oh, love, I was hella scared.” Joe answers, his hand on her head, stroking her hair affectionately. “But I knew, that this was an important step for me to take. My dad always said to me that if you want to be an actor you have to like the spotlight and I remember thinking that .. this is something I have to work on. That was legit my last thought before getting out of the car. And from then on, I just remember this.. maze. Of photographers and people I don’t know and.. and then at one point they let us in and we got seated. I talked to Glenn Walker’s wife for like two hours, cause she told me about her daughter’s dog who is sick and I couldn’t stop her, so of course Nick was long gone already, left me alone with the dog whisperer on the loser table.” Joe laughs, makes Taylor giggle into his chest as well. She doesn’t really move, her cold feet slowly touching his.

“Your feet are icicles.” Joe then says. Taylor agrees suffering.

“I know, ugh, I have that a lot at the moment.” She complains and Joe immediately offers her to put them between his. She thanks him quietly, then cuddles back into his chest.

“Okay, continue.” She whispers.

“So.. yeah like I said, I was sitting at the loser- table. I didn’t know who to talk to and I was sure that nobody wanted to talk to me cause I was quite literally a nobody, who just went to this gala cause his manager got him into it and advised him to go in order to increase his media presence. I bloody hated it. And so I got up, to excuse myself to go to the bathroom, as suddenly Nick pulls me from the side. And I turn around, and he stands next to a guy with a brown beard and steel blue eyes..”

“Caleb!” Taylor says, Joe nods.

“And that guy was Caleb, his really good friend. He introduced me and then asked if I wanted to get a drink at the bar with him. At that point, I didn’t really understand who he is, but I just went along with it cause I really wanted to get a beer. And as we got to the bar, a huge crowd around us, he suddenly introduced me to his wife. Lily. And then suddenly I saw a girl standing next to her in a crazy dress, platinum blonde hair..”

Taylor squeaks, presses her head even more into his chest. Joe chuckles.

“I looked soooo shitty that night, ugh.”

“You looked incredible. But at that point I didn’t even realize who you were..”

“So you weren’t scared off, huh.” She mumbles and Joe just shakes his head.

“No, not at all. I was intimidated when I realized, but you were..” Joe searches for words, his hand still placed on her head. “You were just so nice. I remember being confused cause among all these people I had briefly met that night, you actually shook my hand and looked at me. And that was just so surprising to me.” He says. Taylor places her hand on his side, right over his sleeping shirt and breathes him in. Slowly.

“I remember you looking at me and I was so intimidated. Your eyes, your smile. I will never forget that.”

Joe just smiles silently.

“And when we exchanged numbers and you told me about your boyfriend later that night.. I swear, I thought I would never have a chance. Never in this life.”

Taylor laughs, doesn’t move but enjoys his proximity while listening to him talk. The entire bedroom is dark, only the dimmed light of the night sky shining in. She feels surrounded by him. His arm around her torso, his head kissing hers. She can breath him in. She can find peace in this moment.

“It’s so strange to think about our beginnings.” She whispers into the night, letting her words sink a bit. “To think that.. everything was so uncertain once. That I was scared of us, can you believe that?”

Joe smiles, sinks his head and kisses hers for a longer time. He feels so many things, but first and foremost, he wants to say it all. Everything that’s been on his chest for months. Everything that’s always been on the surface of splashing out. He slowly pulls back from her hair, then presses his face into her hair once more just to breath her in.

“Do you remember our phone calls that summer? I swear whenever we just wanted to talk for a little while it turned into hours. Every fucking night..” He laughs and feels Taylor smile back at him. She presses a last kiss onto his chest, then slowly turns around under the blanket, reaches for his hand and gets comfortable again. This time with her bum cuddled up towards him and her hand holding onto his arm.

Joe lowers himself in bed as well, feels his hands slowly starting to shake. This is the perfect moment. This is it.

“Remember that day in New York, when we cooked together after having sex for like.. an eternity..” Joe says and makes Taylor giggles.

“Great sex, great food.” She mumbles half asleep and he laughs, kisses her head once more.

“I just.. I just remember so well how you would look at me when we were together and how you would tell me that all you want is someone who would see you for who you are, and not for what you want to be seen. Do you remember that? I was.. I was so moved by you saying that to me. And that is exactly what I tried to do from that day on. You were so scared to be hurt again. You were so scared to commit, but I just.. I knew that you were my best friend and it was so easy for me to see who you really are and not what you try to make me see.” He whispers, feels his hand shake evidently now. “So, that day is more than three years back now but it still means a lot to me and so.. there’s something I want to talk to you about.” He brings out somehow, tries not to make her notice how shaky his voice suddenly got. He waits for her to move, to feel what is coming but she doesn’t move. Joe slowly leans over, can see that she has her eyes closed. She fell asleep. It seems that his words have lulled her to sleep. Joe sighs incomprehensible, closes his eyes once and then slowly places his head on the pillow right behind her. He closes his eyes again, this time keeps them that way and feels her hair tickle his nose.

Again, he didn’t get it off his chest. Not yet.

There's magic in this memory, like the shadows that dance up on the silver screen, and years from now, when I look back, I’m still under your spell somehow

“Okay, but promise me to be back, I’m like the weirdo sitting all by herself” she mumbles into her friend’s ear, just gets a laugh and a reassuring nod back. She watches her friends step away to the bar, to get more drinks. Taylor just admires the atmosphere of the club while sitting on one of the big black couches located at the very back of the dark club. People are laughing, dancing, drinking. She wishes she could just get up, go through that crowd and order alcohol at the bar. She wishes she could make mistakes here, be young and stupid and drunk, just like most of the people in front of her. She sighs, feels like everyone is staring at her, even though that’s probably not even true. It’s a mechanism that she has trained herself to, after being stared at for over a decade. Her therapist told her so. People are not staring at you, you’re just being paranoid, she tells herself. Taylor quickly crosses her legs once more, takes out her phone from her little back Prada handbag. Why does it always give her so much comfort to just stare into this phone? It seems like the sad disease of a generation.

Suddenly she hears someone talk to her security, who stands on the sides of the seating area, making sure nobody drunk gets a stupid idea and storms onto their seats. Taylor tries to identify who is trying to make his way towards her, suddenly feels her gut churn when she realizes. The blonde guy, Caleb’s friend’s friend, who she met last week is trying to make his way to her. Taylor immediately signals Brandon that it’s fine. A little intimidated, he walks up to her, sits down.

“I’m so sorry, I actually just wanted to say hi cause you were sitting all alone here.” He says into her ear, trying to get through the noise of the nightclub. She just smiles, can’t believe what he looks like. He’s wearing a washed out light blue jeans, and a creamy long sleeve shirt. He’s wearing Nikes, while sitting in one of the most prestigious nightclubs in the city. She can’t believe it.

“No problem, I just … kinda have to have security here, it’s annoying.” She says, feels naturally embarrassed as always. But he just smiles and nods.

“Do you want a drink?” He asks, Taylor shakes her head.

“The girls are already getting me something. How are you?” She asks him, always has to talk into his ear to make him hear her. A thing she doesn’t like about nightclubs is the inability to properly have a conversation.

“I’m great, so exciting to be here for longer.” He says with a smile on his face. Taylor blushes. His accent and his smile are the two things she noticed immediately when she met him two days ago. He has a lot of charisma, that’s for sure.

“Do you live in New York now? Do you like it?” She asks him, and he shakes his head.

“No, I live back home in London. With my parents. Still waiting for that first check to come.” He says laughing, immediately feels embarrassed by what he just said. But Taylor just smiles at him, surprisingly. God, this person is so grounded. He still can’t believe it.

“Oh god, I remember that feeling.” she laughs, then turns her head into his direction again, “even though I was way too young to understand how all of that works.” She adds. Joe smiles and nods.

“You’re used to all this, I guess. For me, this is a whole new world and it’s so exciting and.. I don’t know, it’s crazy. My friends are so jealous of what I experience at the moment.” He says and Taylor silently smiles. It takes her a while to realize what he reminds her of so much. Herself. Herself, back then. The excitement, the inability to hide it, the actual clear decision not to hide it. She appreciates someone who thinks like her. She appreciates someone who hasn’t seen the shadows yet. The dark and scary shadows of this world that nobody tells you about when you’re a teenager and dreaming. At the same time, he’s so unapologetic. He’s direct. Open. No embarrassment or trying to act cool in front of her. It’s that moment she realizes that confidence isn’t someone telling the world that you’re “his”. Confidence isn’t standing on a DJ console, letting people tell you how incredible you are. Confidence isn’t control. It’s being vulnerable. It’s being so honest about your feelings without being scared of people’s reaction. And that is the coolest cool possible on this planet.

“Your friends back home?” She asks, and he nods, immediately takes out his iPhone to show her photos. Taylor hears him talk, looks at the photos of his friends, dressed up as penguins for a costume party. She just stares at his smile, his nice eyes that start to shine whenever he talks about things that excite him. She can’t stop listening to him, asks him more and more about his friends, his family, his home. He just opens up, doesn’t even hesitate to treat her like an old friend. An unexpected rush of happiness overcomes her. She doesn’t know what it was. Just when he shows her a photo of his friend drunkenly taking off his pants, Joe closes his phone screen. Taylor laughs.

“Don’t worry, we all have that friend who escalates after the second drink.” She giggles and he laughs as well, slowly puts his phone back into the pocket of his pants.

“True.” he laughs, “So do you live in New York or in LA? I didn’t quite get that last time.” He says, and looks at her. Her blonde hair in a ponytail, wearing a black dress that makes her look even more incredible than last time. How much he wishes he would have a chance. How much he wishes, he was somebody she would want.

“Well, I have a house here and in LA but my ‘home’ is Nashville. That’s where I grew up.” She says and smiles. Joe nods.

“That’s.. Tennessee, right?” Taylor nods, “Yeehaw!”

Joe laughs, and so does she.

“Do you live there with your boyfriend?” He asks, suddenly realizes what he just said. He doesn’t even know where that question came from but apparently something in him just wanted to start chatting about that topic. What confuses him most though, is her sudden reaction. She was all bubbly before, laughing, smiling, just having a good time. Suddenly her face changes a bit and she starts to look down, playing with her fingers.

“Uhm.. no, my boyfriend lives in LA.” she says, ‘who I haven’t talked to in a week’ she adds in her mind but keeps her mouth closed.

“Oh nice. LA is just.. another thing.” He says and smiles. Taylor tries to do the same, but ends up failing. He notices immediately.

“Relationships are hard. I haven’t been able to get that right yet.” He says. Taylor feels nervous. For whatever reason.

“Oh, you tell me?!” She asks and they both laugh.

“My ex- girlfriend posted a quote of your song on Facebook after we broke up when I was 21. That hurt. Thanks for that.” He says, leans back casually and Taylor laughs loudly, covering her mouth with her hands.

“Were you mean to her?” She asks, for some reason already knows that that’s not the case.

“I think I was too nice for her, If I remember her words correctly.” he laughs. Taylor doesn’t know why, but she swallows. She really likes him a lot. More than she should. He seems like a good guy.

“I know that feeling.” She says and he smiles back at her. “I feel like it’s time for a drink.”

Joe laughs and nods.

“I agree. How did we end up here?” He laughs and Taylor chuckles.

“I have that effect on people.” She jokes and winks. Oh how much you do, he thinks.

“I’m leaving for London tomorrow and I have a full day of press waiting for me, so my goal for tonight was not to get a second drink.” He says. Taylor suddenly feels herself become sad again. It’s like she was on this rollercoaster of happiness while talking to him. Realizing that this moment won’t last for ever, that this conversation will be over soon and that he’s going to go back to his life and she to hers, suddenly makes her sad.

“Oh, you’re leaving tomorrow already?” She asks, knows exactly how that just sounded. She blushes a little. He notices.

“Yeah, I do.” He says, doesn’t know how to interpret her face. He wants to be bold, but he’s scared to be illusional. What if this is all in his head? What if she’s just being nice and he interprets the craziest things into her words.

“You should visit me in London, whenever you’re there. We have the Hugglest BearFest coming soon. I feel like that’s something you’d love.” he ears himself babble, wants to slap himself the second after. What’s wrong with you tonight, man.

“A BearFest? Did I just get that right?” She asks, already laughing, with him.

“It’s a teddy bear festival that’s like huge where I’m from. Different artists from the country all come together and have a teddy bear auction. And also, another fun fact, this was the most embarrassing interaction I ever had with a woman.” He says and Taylor is already laughing out loud. He feels himself get deep red, just wants to take back the last minute. But she seems to be more than amused about this, laughs so loud that his heart opens up. Why does he have to talk to the most beautiful woman he has ever seen and bring up the BearFest. What is wrong with him.

“I feel like you know my heart.” She laughs, wipes away tears of laughter that almost came. “I’m... Joe, I feel like my life will never be the same if I don’t go to this teddy bear auction. Is it like a serious event with people bidding on Winnie Pooh and Paddington, or is it more like teddy bears from 1965?”

Joe laughs, sighs and sinks his head. He still is embarrassed.

“Yeah, there are people in suits who discuss the quality of the teddy bears.”

“I love England. Joe, we’re going there. I’m calling you next week. We have to go.” She laughs and he smiles back at her. Next week. He can’t wait.

“We absolutely should. You will love it.” He says, then remembers that he’s taking Taylor Swift to a Teddy Bear auction and feels ten times more embarrassed again.

The loud music is still playing, but this time, Taylor doesn’t mind. Her hands are folded on her knees and she looks into the crowd smiling.

Somehow, he has that effect on her.

Joe just silently looks at her. He doesn’t hear the music anymore, doesn’t feel the embarrassment anymore. He just feels happy. Happy about her smile. Happy about the little strand of hair that fell out of her ponytail. Happy about her short fingernails that are folded on her leg. Painted in ten different colors.

“Sorry, If I came across as a weird guy in sneakers and jeans who asks you to go to a Teddy Bear auction in a nightclub, I..”

“I was waiting for someone like you to take me to something like that.” She’s laughing, but looks softer to him than before. She’s not giggling anymore, she just warmly smiles at him. Joe smiles back, suddenly feels his hand touch hers under the table. He feels his stomach exploding, butterflies letting his chest tingle to the point of no return. Where does that courage come from. He knows that what he does is wrong. He knows that she has a boyfriend. He knows that this will lead to nothing because he’s Joe and she is Taylor Swift. And he knows that he will eventually pull back and walk away, because that’s what he has to do. He will walk away, let her be, and desperately long for her call. To see her beautiful smile again. To feel her soft fingers in his, under this table again.

He will walk away, but right now, he just wants this moment to last forever.

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