Doughnut Destroyer Wants Your Soul....Or Just a Doughnut is Fine Too
I cannot enough sing the praises of a good doughnut. A doughnut can lift one’s spirits and make the world seem new and bright. A doughnut can show you the world. Shining, shimmering, splendid- wait, that’s Aladdin.
In order to share with you how I feel about doughnuts, I have written a haiku, I call it “Doughnut?”
My sweet sweet doughnut
Doughnut, how do I spell that?
Doughnut or Donut?
Really though, “doughnut” looks right to me. But “donut” does too.
I’ve now spelled it so many times, they both look horribly wrong. I’ll use both.
Anyways, back to the story; I love doughnuts/donuts. If you’re trying to win me over, bring me a doughnut and you’re in.
The other day I was having a bad day and my friend, angel that she is, brought me a donut.
The joy I experienced while eating this doughnut is such that I cannot explain it. My life seemed complete. Problems no longer existed. Anything was possible!
While I was aggressively consuming said donut, another friend, angel that she is, snapped a picture of my doughnut experience.
When I say aggressively, I’m not exaggerating. I aggressively destroyed that donut.
Imagine if a beaver’s children were being attacked by a doughnut, and the only way to save them was to attack the vicious pastry with all the fury and ferocity of its beaver ancestors; that was this picture.
Needless to say, we got a pretty good laugh out of this masterpiece.
Now, I don’t have a whole lot of shame. It takes quite a bit to embarrass me. I mean, I get into epic Ugly Face battles via SnapChat with my friends, and I ain’t ashamed of the hideousness my face can muster. But this picture was so unattractive, I wanted it destroyed.
Yeah, that didn’t happen.
Later that day, we had some friends over and a couple of them got ahold of the picture taker’s phone and, angels that they are, sent themselves the Donut Destroyer picture.
So now it exists out in the universe, at the ready should I ever make any of my friends unhappy.
On that day, on the whisper of the wind you’ll sense an impending doom. You’ll hear the chime of your mobile telephone and peer at it only to see the horrible disfigured wrath of the Doughnut Destroyer.
Please, protect your children.