#beccamakalapua

[awwyoumademeink]

When they ripped off my talons and clipped off my wings and beat me to dust for ridiculous things I sucked up my blood and spat in their face I blew out their eardrums with my screams just in case. I dug my heels deep I ran till I wept I ran cause man gives a torture I wouldn’t accept. I lept like a hero who was lacking a cape, I flew into space as my last great escape. — “Don’t Need Wings to Fly” | r.l

[imnotalltheremyselfdear]

When they ripped off my talons and clipped off my wings and beat me to dust for ridiculous things I sucked up my blood and spat in their face I blew out their eardrums  with my screams just in case. I dug my heels deep I ran till I wept I ran cause man gives a torture I wouldn't accept. I lept like a hero who was lacking a cape, I flew into space as my last great escape.

“Don’t Need Wings to Fly” | r.l

[awwyoumademeink]

I started screaming at my feet because they wanted to keep me grounded but my wings were forming gusts of wind trying to pry me from the floor. My claws sunk into the soil in hopes to glue me where I’ll die, but all my wings were begging for was one measly chance to fly. My consciousness, less patient than I, has already left me far behind, and I’m sinking in a quicksand that is nothing more than pure destruction. Trailing behind me are roots and remnants of an earth I’ve already forgotten— with the wind scraping at my cheeks, I finally feel a craved euphoria. Man stares at me, jaws dropped, calling me bird or plane, calling me down before I become an outrage. They do not know that I’ve unleashed the very being of me that felt unwhole. The clouds kiss me softer than any man I have ever known, and for once I want to breathe the fresh air and break addiction from my routine. I look down to see man as ant, and wonder if god also sees an expendable species wrapped in false understanding of a world he, himself took so much time to create. I’m soaring in the midst of space and the earth is no larger than my thumb— the air is dense and the moon is flirting with me; I simply lose all sense of gravity. No longer does the weight on my heart feel like it’s crushing my very being. The reds and blues are radiant and I understand that love is not for humans. Love is for the souls who dare to collide— for those who see something worthy in another, and have no fear in their own skin. I kiss Pluto on the lips to let him know he hasn’t been forgotten; he smiles at me and I think we both finally feel something. I fall so deeply in love; I plummet through the galaxies. Thankfully gravity has the audacity to spit me out and finally, I become a star.

“I Didn’t Forget You Pluto” | beccamakalapua 3.15.16

[awwyoumademeink]

I need you to understand how special you are. You deserve to know that the crescent moon is jealous of the shape of your smile. That the galaxy is amazed by the mere depths of you; that the earth rotates just so your face can always feel the sun. When a breeze creeps through our window, your whispers keep my neck warm; my whole body warm; as you tell me over, and over again, that I’m beautiful. I need you to know that you’re the only person that has said this that has ever made me believe I am special. You need to know that when you hold me in your arms I get a monsoon of butterflies wreaking havoc in my tummy. My cheeks burn as the sun, and your never ending smile is glued to my face. I need you to understand how special you are, to me. You need to know you’re the only one on my mind. I think of you when I am sober, bright and early in the morning— when I am tired and frustrated in the middle of the day— when I’m happy hanging out with my friends— when I’m drunk and flirty. It’s you, engulfing my mind. You need to know that I don’t drink because I’m alone anymore. I am trying to be better— I am trying to learn how to dance with you, how to laugh and sing and be with you. I stare at the earth in my dreams watching it spin round and round and I think how lovely it would be if it were you and I— universe and planet, doing the Lindy Hop of life, as you shine like a star while I spin round and round. I am getting back into poetry because I’m finally starting to feel again. And I need you to know, you’ve changed a woman who never believed that love was in the cards for her, into a woman who is falling harder and harder without the fear she’ll crash.

He’s Special | beccamakalapua 8.6.16

[awwyoumademeink]

The stars are falling out of the sky crashing in my yard. I inject them into my veins to feel a magic within me. Since you've left, it seems wrong that the world continues to spin-- because, like the stars, I fell out of my own galaxy and crashed right into yours. Clumsily, foolishly, unregrettably. I long for your lips; nobody knows alone like I feel right now. To know that we did nothing wrong; that we did everything just right; and I still can't be in your arms tonight is driving me insane. Driving me in reverse-- Driving me in pain; Steering me till I'm in bliss-- Then slowly driving me off a cliff. Your laugh is like my favorite song-- and my only craving--to sing along--  but you're too far for me to hear it; so far I can't come near it. If I could just see your face the stars would tickle my insides-- lighting me up for the world to see that you have brought out this light in me. I'd embrace you close saying I'd never let go-- then kiss you hard so the world would know. Till then I will collect the stars, hell, if you'd come back I'd collect you mars, but here I wait and hope and dream and swear out loud and maybe scream-- that hopefully you will feel this sore, and I'll hear you knocking at my door-- that hopefully I can see you soon, and maybe you'd help me steal the moon.

Gathering Galaxies | beccamakalapua 7/22/16

[awwyoumademeink]

The way he kisses is engulfed in patience; gentle, and passionate, as if to say, “I want to know you right this second, but I can wait if you want me to, I just love the way you taste, One day I hope you can trust me enough to let me consume your soul.” I get shivers down my spine every time his hands graze my lower back, and for the first time in a lover, I am able to look him in the eyes and smile. For the first time I feel a flame inside me that isn’t doused in pure destruction— it is warm, and calm, and for the first time in all my years, I feel my darkness turning into light.

beccamakalapua, 7.14.16

[awwyoumademeink]

I feel like I'm suffocating in the middle of the street and no one can see me dying. I stand in front of car after car and they seemingly drive around me. I jump onto a crimson hood to see if I can make a dent, but the car just drives it can't subdue me-- The eyes I catch just look right through me. The glass has cut my forearms up, my blood leaves a trail to pave-- though they don't know that if they follow they will find me at my grave. I feel like I'm on the ledge of a building, and no one can see me crying. But just like in the middle of the street, no one can see me dying. One more step is all it takes to keep this soul from flying. But I step back because the last thing they'll get is satisfaction in my lack of trying. I feel like I am losing sight of a reason for tomorrow. How yesterday should have warned us all that it's intention was harsh sorrow. Because getting yourself up is like getting pushed right back down and even music isn't a pleasant sound. The ocean can't give silence, when there's constant screaming in my mind; I am a fucked up headphone set too stubborn to unwind. I feel like I'm suffocating in the middle of the street, Which is a feeling I get often. But the part that breaks me is knowing my only solice can be found within a coffin.

Beyond the Lights | beccamakalapua