Avoidance (belphegor x gn!reader)
Started: April 5, 2020 at 4:02pm
Ended: April 5, 2020 at 5:01pm
Word Count: 1,714
Ships: [Belphegor x gn!reader]
Trigger Warning: self harm (cutting), [social] anxiety, anxiety in general, possibly OOC belphegor
Author’s Note: this was a request!! Thank you for the request, I’m more than happy to write them.
Request: Okay,,,hey,, If it would be alright would you maybe write a Belphie x selfharm reader who is like shy and has social anxiety,,? If not that's alright!,, Hope ya have a good day/night.
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You hated that you always resorted back to this blade. The blade that you had for some reason been carrying on you when you entered the Devildom, so the only thing other than the clothes on your back that you had from the Human Realm.
You hadn’t even been planning on using it that day from your recollection, but your anxiety had been spiked for many reasons.
You didn’t have time to prepare to meet new people, and in result had a lot of issues adjusting to your new surroundings. You had grown used to them eventually, even becoming close friends with most of the people in the Devildom. You had your eyes set on one of the brothers for a while, and he eventually caught on and you went on a date, which included you both taking naps while watching a movie. The past few months have been amazing in your life.
So, why had you once again resorted to harming yourself? It was pretty simple. Your anxiety had piqued for no reason, or not any that you could come up with.
Maybe it was the stress of school, maybe it was your boyfriend showing you less attention? Wait, that was it.
Belphegor has been avoiding you for a few days now, which made you feel like you did something wrong. You knew that you should confront him about it, but your personality made it so that you avoided confrontation as much as you could.
So at nights you didn’t have Belphegor to comfort you when you got lost in your thoughts, so you ended up curled up in your bathroom, a blanket wrapped around you in the bathtub and crimson soaked blade in you hand as your other tried to catch the blood before it hit the tub.
You watched as the blood formed into droplets before being pulled down by gravity to the bottom of the tub. You had left the bathroom door opened but locked your actual bedroom door, to keep people out.
You watched as the few cuts you had on your wrist coagulated and you pushed yourself out of the tub, rinsing off and washing your wounds and hands before putting a few bandaids that you had pushed to the back of your cabinet on them. You noted that you needed to buy more gauze next time you could, and that opportunity presented itself quickly.
“[Y/N], I need to go to the store to restock the kitchen. Would you like to go with me?” You hear Satan’s voice call through the door after he knocked.
“Oh, uh, yeah! I’d like to go, hold on a second please,” you called back to him and quickly pulled on one of Belphegor’s hoodies that you had stolen when he slept in your room the last time.
You took in a deep breath and opened the door, greeted with a smiling Satan.
“Did Beel eat everything again, or..?” You asked, shoving your hands in the pocket and gazing down at the floor.
“No, surprisingly, I’d noticed that you had been acting a little off, so I decided that I would cook one of your favorite meals tonight. We didn’t have enough of a few things, so I figured I might at well go to the store. And it’s no fun going alone.”
You stopped and shook your head.
“Satan, you don’t need to make me a meal, I’m fine. It’s probably just hormonal changes,” you assure him, and he shakes his head.
“I want to, and even if it is hormones, now I’m craving [favorite meal], so I’m going to make it.”
You didn’t stop him but you sped up your pace a little bit to catch up to him.
“I also need to grab a few things if that’s alright.”
“I don’t see why it wouldn’t be.”
You felt a pair of eyes on you before you closed the gate to the House, but when you looked at the doorway and the windows you didn’t see anything.
On the way to the store you stayed close to Satan, but not close enough to make him uncomfortable, hopefully. He didn’t seem to mind at least, and it made you feel comforted knowing that if anything happened he wouldn’t let you get very hurt.
You went into the store with him and as he grabbed a few vegetables you thought you would try to show your disorder who’s boss and get your bandages without needing someone there with you.
As you were looking over the packages and seeing what the best deal was (was it the two rolls for 50 Grimm, one roll for 30 Grimm, or maybe the ten rolls for 200 Grimm?), you heard an unfamiliar voice next to you, asking you a question.
Your pulse quickened as you looked over, and there stood a demon, with an arrogant look on their face.
“What?” You asked them, palming the ten rolls of gauze.
“Aren’t you that human exchange student? Man you’re a little thing.”
You nodded, not looking then in the face before turning away. You felt their hand grip your wrist, and you winced, feeling the bandaids tear at your healing cuts, and you were horrified when you felt a warm liquid drip down onto your hand.
They seemed to notice the blood and sink their claws in more, ripping the sleeve of the hoodie to show the bleeding cuts and the fresh ones made from the claws.
“P-please don’t touch me,” you tried to order them, trying to get your wrist out of their grip, but they pulled you toward them, making you land on their chest.
Tears sprang to your eyes as you tried to push off of them. Why was no one helping you? Where was Satan, you had been gone for a while now, and he knows about your issues, so where was he? Where was anyone?
“No, little dove, I think I’ll keep you for a tasty treat tonight. It’s been so long since I had a human, and one as succulent as you should last me awhile.”
No one was showing up, Satan probably left you. It’s probably for the best, with how needy and clingy you were, that was probably his plan all along. All of the brothers probably agreed, then that means Diavolo had agreed because if not Lucifer would have told them not to and would have punished them for even bringing up that idea.
“N-no! Please, someone help! Please,” you called out, and suddenly the demon was thrown off of you and you were cradled into a chest, your eyes adjusting to the navy blue and cow print and you took a deep breath in, breathing the scent of your lover.
“Belphie,” you whimpered out, cringing to him, and he put his hand on the back of your head, stroking lightly on your hair.
“Let’s go home,” he spoke, and started leading you out of the store, placing another hand on the small of your back.
“B-but the gauze-”
“I have some in my bathroom, Cub,” he soothed. “Satan can deal with the poor excuse for a demon in there.”
The walk home was silent other than your shaky breath, trying to calm yourself down. The blood hadn’t stopped running down your hand, attracting attention but the attention was immediately turned away when Belphie sent them a glare that could probably scare Lucifer.
Belphie led you up to his room, making you sit on the desk on his side of his and Beel’s room before leaving to your room, coming back minutes later and going to his bathroom. He came back with ointment and gauze, placing both those things down and also placing another object down. It gleamed in the light, and you let out a sharp breath.
“Belphie, I’m s-”
“Cub, I don’t want to hear your apologies. You didn’t do anything wrong,” he soothed as he dressed your cuts, both older and fresh, and pulled you to be standing. “Come with me, please.”
He picked up the blade and took your other hand, leading you to his bathroom.
“This is the only blade I found, is this the only one you have?” You nodded. “Use your words, Cub.”
“Yes, that’s the only one I have.”
“Okay,” he handed you the blade. “Flush it down the toilet.”
“What?”
“Flush it down the toilet, I don’t want it to be in any place to tempt you. Please, Cub. I don’t want you to hurt yourself anymore.”
You looked back and forth between him and the toilet, before dropping the blade in the toilet and flushing it.
“That’s going to ruin the pipes,” you try to joke, but Belphie shrugged.
“That’s Lucifer’s problem.”
“I don’t think it’s only his problem.”
Belphie dragged you to his bed, laying down and bringing you to rest beside his chest.
“I don’t expect you to tell me if you don’t feel comfortable, but I’m here to talk anytime you want to, you know that, right Cub?”
“Yeah, I guess. I just felt like you were avoiding me, and it made me anxious.”
He let out a shaky breath and brought you closer to him.
“I’m sorry, Cub. Lucifer had been making me mad, and I just needed a little space from people.”
You giggle a little at that and look up at him with tired eyes.
“I love you,” you told him, and he smiled and brought you up to his face, connecting his lips with yours, and you laid your hands on his chest before separating.
“I love you too, Cub.”
You two laid in bed for a little while longer, both your breathing eventually becoming one as you both fell asleep holding each other.
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This was written by me in no way trying to romanticize mental illnesses. I try to write what I feel would help me in the moment. I completely understand that mental illnesses don’t just ‘disappear’ when you’ve figured out that someone loves you or someone helps you once- that’s why I don’t write what happens after in most cases. If you are struggling, please reach out to anyone you trust, or call a hotline.