Asian Flavors Welcomes First Customer
WASHINGTON, DC – American University history was made this past Wednesday when unfortunately misguided freshman Mark Lincoln walked into Asian Flavors, the “restaurant” in the Bender tunnel, and purchased food from the establishment. Asian Flavors opened on February 25th, 1893, exactly one day after the university was founded by Act of Congress. Its existence defied the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1892, though experts speculate that the establishment may have played a role in the anti-Chinese sentiment of the early 20th century causing the previously temporary law to be made permanent in 1902. Since its opening over one century ago, it has mysteriously kept afloat despite the fact that not a single customer has ever walked through its smudgy glass doors.
Lincoln’s general lack of friends is suspected to be the cause of his patronage of the campus eatery. Lincoln’s floor-mates believe the fact that he has always been a loner contributed to the fact that he “never got the memo that no-one fucking goes there.” Reports indicate that Lincoln walked in “with reckless abandon” and that, “[he] didn’t even seem phased to enter into the abyss.” Sources later confirmed that Lincoln was last seen entering his Letts Hall restroom later that evening and has not been seen since.
UPDATE: An anonymous Beagle-exclusive eyewitness saw the whole episode transpire from outside: “It was crazy, he walked in, ordered, paid, ate, and walked out of there like it was a normal thing to do!”
Editors Note: The Beagle was unable to get in touch with the staff of Asian Flavors due to our own personal fears of entering the peculiar establishment.
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