14 June 2016
I went down .25mg clonazepam (33% of current dose) yesterday after a week at .75mg. Too fast I think, but I was frustrated, blistering with irritation over the four previous days spent nauseous, exhausted, bedridden, self-hating.
Last night I was productive. Project deadline. But it spiraled.
Pressure in my heart and muscles (internal pushing outward, to brace against the deadline’s concrete wall), social, munchies, handstands, cigarettes, insomnia in spite of 200mg trazodone 100mg gabapentin.
It was better than the helpless, pathetic lassitude of the rebound withdrawal from the last, what would you call it, down-step, but at 2:30am I took the missing .25.
Today I feel the same. Deadlines upon deadlines and when I feel productive I feel I have to seize it. But there is always a cost to pushing too hard.
I am trying again today for .25mg clonazepam 2x/day.
And I hate calling these drugs by their brand names, the cutesy memorable marketing words that stand for so much of what is wrong with the promulgation of prescriptions of these pills.