#benzoposting

[sweetspringof2016]

How the hat man is looking at me rn telling me it’s okay to have another snickers ice cream bar

[sweetspringof2016]

Broke down after breaking down for days and took my (prescription) Xanax and lunesta (as prescribed) and I’m relaxed for the first time in two days and I need to go to bed but I actually think it’s a good time for #benzoposting

[0dsmt]

really struggling with a certain person barely messaging me... i completely understand he's busy with work, has mental stuff nd "relationship" stuff that can make him isolate etc. but at the same time i can't help the paranoid thoughts of "he must've realised he finds me annoying and ugly" and similar thoughts.

he has many different partners so i'm guessing he's also busy talking to all of us everyday, and he's only known me for a few months while his other subs he's known for years, there's an actual history between them, romantic feelings even.

it makes sense i wouldn't be among his top priorities. and in the end every few days he does have the time to have longer, deep conversations with me and i always end up learning so much about myself (he's extremely good at reading people. he has yet to make a wrong assumption about me)

umm anyway, just infatuation right. hopefully i can keep it that way otherwise i will end up being hurt, which is totally on me bc he made it clear from the beginning he's not looking to date rn, especially online. which – excellent decision, i don't want that either

if the planned visit ends up not happening, i am leaving society and start a new life in a remote forest out of devastation LOL

[0dsmt]

i can't make myself happy so basically i'm dedicating my life to making others happy. of course it's not a completely altruistic thing, i do it in part because helping someone and seeing them happy as a result makes me happy