#bestkidquotes

[kristinwritesmuch]

Best kid quotes of the week

"Does France and Paris serve Ramen Noodles?" - Beatrice

“I wasn’t saying the bad kind of ass. I was saying the donkey kind of ass.” - Dustin

“I’ve done bankruptcy!” - Dustin

“Dustin, do you know what bankruptcy means?” - Dylan^ 

“Yeah.” - Dustin^

“You can’t do bankruptcy.” - Dylan^

“What does bankruptcy mean?” - Dustin^

“It means when you have no money.” - Dylan^

“I’ve done robbery.” - Dustin^

There were a lot more funny things they said this week, but some weeks I have a hard time keeping up with them and writing them all down! LOL

[kristinwritesmuch]

Best kid quotes of the week

"I like food better than I like boys." - Beatrice

"If one of us were green, you would have named us Shrek right?" - Dustin

"If you had two penises you would have four balls." - Dustin

"What if you only had half a ball?" - Duncan

"What were the elves thinking?" - Beatrice talking about Dustin's hamster that repeats everything 😂

"A whole bottle of wine your ass off!" - Beatrice

“Aftermarket white? What kind of store name is that?” - Beatrice as I was looking up iPad 2 screen replacement cost... 

[kristinwritesmuch]

Best kid quotes of the week

“Beatrice has blown in my face a MILLION times! That’s hyperbole.” - Dylan

“Hey mom, did you know that Frankenstein wasn’t the name of the monster?!” - Dylan

“Hey mom, did you know that Ratatouille wasn’t the name of the rat? It was Ratatouille’s monster.” - Duncan

"We played Battleship in gym class. Spelled b-a-t-t-l-e-s-h-i-P not battleshit." - Beatrice

“You need to get your Christmas balls in bed.” - Beatrice to Dustin

"Clara said 'This bottle of wine is MINE!'" - Beatrice

[kristinwritesmuch]

Best kid quotes of the week

"Sometimes when you walk out of your bedroom, your thought stays there." - Dylan

“Mom, do you know anyone who is immortal?” - Dustin

“I think Sally is immortal.” - Dustin

"Mom, can you play some music? But not boring music. You know what happens when you play Bob Marley...I flip shit." - Beatrice. Accurate.

“Humpster. That’s how you say hamster in British.” - Dustin

“Why do I feel so light in these underwear? They aren’t limiting!” - Dylan

[kristinwritesmuch]

Best kid quotes of the week

"If you give Dylan pizza rolls, he'll want a cookie..." - Dylan

"There always has to be a Satan in the house. And Dustin is ours." - Dylan

“the only thing you should cut testicles off of is a dog.” - Dylan

"Mom! Dylan's trying to touch me with his penis towel!" - Dustin

"I'm capable of saving the world by farts!" - Beatrice

"I'm capable of saving the world by destroying the world!" - Dustin

"I'll fart away clouds." - Beatrice

"Teachers aren't all that bad. Unless they have had problems." - Beatrice

[kristinwritesmuch]

Best kid quotes of the week

"Can anyone learn the laws of physics?" - Dustin ("Yes" - me) "Can anyone defy the laws of physics?" - Dustin ("Not sure about that one." - me)

"Everyone has a special gift. Your special gift is being annoying." - Beatrice (talking to Dustin).

"Dustin! Don't run on the ice!" - me

"Why?" - Dustin^

"You'll break your ass!" - Beatrice^

"Get a taste of my foot fury!" - Beatrice (to Dustin while wrestling)

"Pugs are a species of their own. They are not dogs!" - Dustin

"I used to read all the time!" - me "I used to throw shoes all the time!" - Beatrice

[kristinwritesmuch]

Best kid quotes of the week

“Melted diarrhea is diarrhea. Melted poop is diarrhea. They both end in diarrhea.” - Dustin   

“Mom, Dustin used his toothbrush on his nipples and armpits.” - Beatrice

“I guess it must not be illegal for a dog to eat a human. Because they don’t know any better.” - Duncan

“If I get a boyfriend, I will keep him at my house and make him my slave.” - Beatrice

“Feel the wrath of my farting whoopie cushion!” - Beatrice

“Hey mom, you know the stuff that’s made with chex mix? What’s it called?” - Duncan

“They’re your pinkie toes!” - Dylan

“They’re your penis toes!” - Dustin^

[kristinwritesmuch]

Best kid quotes of the week!

“Get Snoopy’s penis and balls off me!!!” - Dustin

“It would be cool if humans were trustable.” - Duncan

“If you get sick at school, it’s best to barf in the middle of the day. If you barf at the beginning of the day, you will only miss the rest of the day. If you barf at the end of the day, there’s really no point. But, in the middle of the day, you get to miss a day and a half of school.” - Duncan

“It smells like someone just shat in my nose.” - Dylan

“You’re actually a better cook than most people. Because most people are completely terrible at cooking.” - Duncan ... i’m just going to go ahead and take that as a complement 😂

“It might be just natural diarrhea.” - Dustin

“It’s amazing how Dustin can go from being nice to being horrifying!” - Duncan

“Where in the Indiana Jones is my iPad?” - Beatrice

“When you’re done sleeping with your boyfriend, break up with him!” - Dustin 😳