Ways to be “the difference” to someone
I’m gonna be honest, I am not a professional or a well-educated person when it comes to this kind of stuff, but I am a friend who is gaining experience so here we go, story time:
I have a few friends who struggle with depression and anxiety, some more than others, and it’s terribly difficult to watch. I see my best friends being torn apart from the inside out and that eats me up inside too. A lot of people don’t really know how to deal with people with these mental illnesses, and that is completely understandable; if you don’t yourself struggle with them then how are you to know how to help and respond to them? I’m glad I asked.
All of my friends that have been willing to open up to me about what they are going through have only done so because I’ve shown they can trust me and that I won’t come down hard on them for what/how they’re feeling. Now, I’m not going to act all high and mighty about myself because that’s not what my intention is at all, but I do want to share some of the things I do to help my friends (especially my best friend) so that anyone out there who doesn’t know how to help or is scared to try has some possible guidelines.
Listen: All the friends I’ve talked to about their depression or anxiety have said that the most helpful thing for them is someone who is willing to just listen. Not giving advice (unless they ask for it), not telling them how to feel or what to do to get better. Just Listen. (and sometimes that’s all you can do)
Give them time: Not only does it make a difference when you give the person time to open up to you, but it really impacts them if you literally give them your time. Go out of your way to just spend time with them. Sometimes that means to do it over text or via email if need be- just give them time.
Prayer/Encouragement: Sometimes all anyone needs to hear is “I’m praying for you” or if you aren’t religious (even if you are) you can always say something like “Hang in there” or “Keep on” or “I’m here for you”. Little notes of consistent encouragement reinforce your care for that friend, and sometimes that’s just what they need to hear.
Be Gentle: Mental illness... it’s hard man. For everyone involved. But if you are being there for a loved one who’s struggling with it, you have to be gentle. Don’t force your opinions on them. Kindly and gently ask if you can try to help them in any way. It differs for each person, but everyone (mental illness or not) deserves to be treated kindly and gently and with respect. Some subjects are touchy, so if you don’t know how to respond to something specific, let them know that. Just please please be gentle.
Don’t walk away: If at all in your power, do not desert them. If you get uncomfortable with something they are talking about, you can gently let them know that but for the love of God don’t walk away from them because of it... it’ll probably just make things worse...
Love them for who they are: That friend/that loved one, is a broken, hurting person. You cannot fix them. All you can do is be there for them, sit with them in their storms and support them. Don’t get angry with them for how they feel because they cannot control it. Love on them as much as you possibly can because they are worth it. (and so are you..)
Like I said, I’m not an expert, and everyone is different. These are just the things that I do for my best friend and a few others and they seem to help. Don’t be afraid to reach out to those who struggle with a mental illness, because they need love and support as much as, and sometimes even more than, anyone else. You never know, just by being kind and being a friend you can end up being the difference for someone struggling with anxiety, suffering from depression, or someone on the verge of suicide. Be that difference.
Along with all of this though, please please please take care of yourself as well. You can’t give of yourself if you have nothing to give, you can reach out too. No one deserves to be forgotten.
