reevaluate
Saying good bye to your expectation of someone is difficult. It means mourning the way you thought your life was going to be. It means admitting that you may have misjudged someone, given them too much credit, allowed hope to overcome. One time I trusted someone. And then the next day, I realized that I really just didn’t know that person, and I had false expectations of our life. And that was hard. I’d spent months building on an idea based on some experiences. I was unaware of the devil lurking inside who I thought was my friend. It turned out that experience would show me what hope hadn’t allowed me to see. That isn’t to say that every day with Andy was horrible. That’s part of what made our decomposition so hard. I knew that there were some wonderful days in my past. I knew that there was a time when Andy wanted me, and presented himself as someone who valued me. And then once upon a time he broke my shiny day dream. I had to mourn. I had to be sad. I had to say good bye. For my own good. And not considering for a minute what that would or might mean to him. Because he had proven to me that I was nothing to him. I was a piece of body. I was to be overpowered. To him, my no meant resist. He did not care. I cried. I remembered. I foreshadowed and then erased all that shit.