#beverly wagner

[druidcore]

Social Media Aesthetics:

Connelly Patton & Beverly Wagner

@badlandswrites

[druidcore]

“I’ve had a rough day and honestly all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with.” (connelly & bev)

              My fingers in my mouth, I graze my teeth at my nails, but don’t bite down. Connelly’s reply stares me in the face, as though bolded, italicized and underlined all at once –– it’s more intimidating than any sentence has the right to be. I don’t remember being this nervous when I was applying to college, or even on my first day of public high-school. Actually, no, that’s a gross exaggeration. But this is a different kind of nervousness. One that isn’t borne out of fear and anxiety, but rather, the kind of butterflies some people only ever get to read about. 

My free hand hovers above the keyboard. I reach and retract like I’m playing a game of cat and mouse with it, only in this case, I’m pretty sure I’m the mouse, cornered by the things I want to say and what I worry I shouldn’t. 

Connelly is typing… 

I. Want. To. Scream. I should reply faster, in case he thinks he’s weirded me out, but I can’t formulate any kind of response with this feeling in my chest. That’s what no one ever tells you about having a crush. It’s like a constant heart-attack. Shortness of breath? Check. Dizziness? Check. Nausea? Check, check, and triple check. 

There’s a buzzing my head that won’t go away, an insistant presence that presses up against me with red-hot hands against my cheeks. I cannot physically stop blushing. I haven’t stopped blushing since last week when we finally exchanged snapchats and I realized for real how truly attractive he is. As in could be cast as teen Jason Todd attractive. All he’d need was the streak of white through his hair and I’d be just about ready for my head to explode. 

He isn’t typing anymore. Jesus. Alright, I just need to reply casually. I can be casual. I’ve played calm and collected characters before… Haven’t I?

I press my lips together, take my fingers back out of my mouth and start to respond. 

what happened? did someone recognize you on the streets and have you sign fifteen copies of your book? :)

just kidding everything ok? 

I bite down so hard on my lip I’m surprised it stays in tact. I can’t stop staring at the second half of his message. Someone to cuddle with. Someone to cuddle with. Someone to cuddle with. I try to stop imagining myself up against him, my head cradled against his chest, but my mind’s having too much fun running away with the thought. It stirs a storm up in my stomach I like to call: hurricane the fear of rejection. 

make some hot chocolate, pop in a few marshmallows to honor me and tell me all about it 

i can’t offer cuddles but I can offer support

I blow out a breath and lean back against my armchair. It’s not what I really wanted to say, but it would have to do.