Top Bexley Restaurants for Time Travelers
The post sent Opinion Writer Jane Lewish out to review some of Bexley's most popular restaurants that either existed in the past or don't yet exist.
#1: The Bexley Monk
You set your time machine to the early 2000s. You put on your radiation-resistant cyber glasses and press a series of command functions on the mother board. You plug in the correct latitude and longitude coordinates. Within minutes of travel through intraspace, you have reached the Bexley Monk. You step out, but unfortunately a car slams into the machine and destroys it. You hurriedly stride into the glamorous eatery, as the time-vortex has made you very The first thing you would notice if I went to the Bexley Monk would be that there's a smoking and non-smoking section. Choose smoking if you're cool. You sit down in a booth and not order anything to drink because Verve has not yet been invented. You stuff the buttery bread into your face. You run back into the kitchen and start tossing food into your cyber-pack. A man comes out and starts shouting at you. It's time to go.
The Monk receives 3/5 stars for good bread and good plates, but no Verve.
#2: Moe's Southwest Grill
You are running down Main Street, avoiding being hit by cars mostly produced in the late 90s. You run into Moe's Southwest Grill. You see a man working in the back of the restaurant. He bears the blue mark of a time-traveler. You hop over the glass counter, landing on a vat of black beans.
You take out your gamma-gun and blast the traveler's head off. Grabbing the man's keys and a quesadilla to go, you run out behind the building. The deliciously sweet salsa mixes well with the spicy ground beef, and it all comes together when the tangy cheese hits your palate.
You find the man's cobalt car. But this is no car, in reality. You hop inside, and press the transformation button. "Aha, success!" you say as the car changes into a late 2660's time-Gallandrax, perfect for high speed travel.
You set the time for 2013, but accidentally press another 0 as you hit the vortex dial, sending you to 20130.
Moe's receives 5/5 stars for good black beans and great Gallandrexes.
#3: BxlyPzza20genX+
It has been more than 20,000 years since the birth of Christ. The smoggy earth still stands, but is guarded by vicious insectian warlords known as Krogs. The Krogs love two things: human flesh and Pizza. Fortunately, this meant that Bexley Pizza Plus survived the firey takeover of 3000 and became BxlyPzza20genX+, or Krakorashaganowak in the Krogs' native tongue.
You step outside of the Cobalt Gallandrax, taking off your cyber glasses. Krogs begin to swarm around you, but fortunately the Gallandrax has a changeling device. You place your hand over the transformix, and you have become a Krog. The swarm dissapears, and you walk into BxlyPizza20genX+ and order a meat lovers.
Finally you can enjoy some peace and quiet. You sit outside on the electra-patio, stuffing your exoskeleton with meaty pizza. The texture of the pizza is simply exquisite, and blends well with the tart sauce. You ask the waiter-bot, "what's in this stuff?" He replies, "Preserved flesh from the Battle of 17776." You are disgusted. What terrible service.
BxlyPzza20genX+ receives 2/5 stars for good atmosphere but unsettling service.