Apr 2, 2025
Green Day was so real for making the music video to When I Come Around just a video of them walking around cause when I come around is peak Just Walking Around music
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Green Day was so real for making the music video to When I Come Around just a video of them walking around cause when I come around is peak Just Walking Around music
It’s totally unethical but I think a staged Truman Show would be excellent. Like a 24/7 livestream where at anytime you could check in on an actor pretending that he doesn’t know he’s being filmed. I don’t know how it would end, maybe like welcome to Arcadia where he addresses the audience, maybe one day he just grabs the camera and the feed cuts. I just want to see how people would deal with it, I’m sure there’d be people who correctly guess that it’s staged, but the people who didnt know, how would they respond? I guess we’ll never know
Beginning transition and entering a serious relationship around the same time has really been a 1 2 punch of realizing how poorly I take care of myself
Like every trans makeup tutorial begins with a message about moisturizing which I know I should be doing but I honestly don’t even wash my face
And then I think about a future with my girlfriend and I’ll start to wonder how long I have with her given that I have an awful caffeine problem
As such I’ve invented a character to help me
A shit part about being a trans woman is nobody fucking believes you unless you’re performing full fem at all times. Like yeah of course you see some facial hair I was subjected to testosterone based puberty and I’m not wearing concealer currently but no now that you’ve seen me like that I’m suddenly not a woman I’m just some fucking confused drag queen cause isn’t that what I’ve always fucking been? “Oh you rarely dress feminine” yeah I’ve had a wardrobe built around hiding my body all my fucking life you don’t just suddenly get fem clothes especially given that I’m pretty fucking huge as a result of the testosterone and even if I fucking did have them I still couldn’t wear it as often as I’d like because they just show off even more that i have the body of a man and I’m trying to stay alive out here.
If I had to write a sci fi story it would be minimal plot and entirely focused on spaceships, mechs, and robots
In 4th grade I wrote a story about being turned into a girl. Late at night my parents asked me about it and asked if I thought I was trans. I broke down crying and began to try and explain to them that I did. The memory ends there. No one in my family has mentioned it since. A couple years ago I started to wonder if it was a dream.
I hope it was.
If it wasn’t a dream that means one of two things. I either failed to convey how I was feeling, or I didn’t and my feelings were dismissed. Either way I’d be mad, just a question of at who. 4th grade. The amount of issues in my life that could’ve never existed had I came out at that point.
But alas some things are never meant to be and lord knows trans women aren’t allowed to grieve alternate pathways. I’m now 18. I worry a lot about whether it’s too late for me which I know is tacky because on paper I believe that anyone can transition and be valid. But when it comes to me it’s a different story. I’m not a suicidal person, I don’t think I have the strength of will to be, but one time I considered it was when I wondered if I would have to live as the person they know me as for another 10 years. Furthermore I’ve had to stop myself from self harm lately as I stare down starting HRT. What if after all this suffering and all the work it would take to get such a harmless chemical I just end up looking like a man with tits? I’ve seen it. God fucking knows I’ve seen it. I feel like such a piece of shit everytime because those are my sisters no one should support them more than me but still I see a trans woman who doesn’t pass well and my stomach sinks. I think most trans women of my age or older have seen the GameStop “it’s maam” video, if you haven’t don’t watch it. When I first saw it I was filled with an existential sense of peril. “This is the monster I could be.” And yet for some reason I still do nothing because I think on some level that’s all I’m capable of. I talk about being an artist but what have I made? I sit and bitch just like I’m doing now instead of liek voice training or something. I came out nearly 6 months ago and nothings changed because I’m too fucking pussy to do anything. I want to start hrt because that finally would force me to do something but I’m 5’10 and too much of a fatass to fit in women’s clothing. I would just repress but I tried that and it didn’t work.
When I talked to my mom about hrt recently she said that for just a little while she’d like to focus on normal teen things. I don’t think she knows I agree with her. She certainly doesn’t know that for me it’s impossible. She wants her boyfriend to take me suit shopping for prom, a normal teen experience, but I know now it won’t end well because clothes shopping with me never does. I end up thinking about body and how in a just world I’d be dress shopping with my mom.
I just want to be normal. I just want to be okay. I just want you to know I’m trying.