August 2nd: my shadow and me. Introducing my taboo alter ego…Foxy Roxi…for so long I have hidden my sensual sexual side because I had a hard time saying no. Most people would not attempt to proposition me when I loudly professed I was a “Jesus Freak” or had a boyfriend, who I usually was with when not at home or in some type of structure environment where males had to behave. The idea of being desirable scared me. You see I am a survivor of sexual abuse. And the fucked up thing is it create this kink in my relating to potential partners where I am attracted to those who are unavailable in some way. In spite of my expressed desires to connect deeply and intimately with a partner, I seemed to always need an escape hatch. …And tended to be with men who were only interested in relating through sex, though they would begrudgingly give me what I wanted, which was usual intimate conversations and emotional connection to get what they wanted. I found myself constantly disappointed because something generally felt off and I would discover lies and half truths partners were keeping under wraps. But my sly fox self could unearth any truth if self preservation was on the line. It made for a lot of icky relating. Games. This month I have been challenged to be “visible” so this little fox is coming out of hiding. I’ll be sharing as I messily explore dating and relating in a new for me way that is fluid, authentic, experimental, and open to the possibilities. I’d love to also hear about your journeys navigating relationships, finding your no, and feeling your F$&! Yesss!! #wealthalchemy #foxyroxi #sexualabusesurvivor #datingandrelating #beyondthebox (at Santa Barbara, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CSE0dvrHP0e/?utm_medium=tumblr
