» pairing: shigaraki tomura x fem!reader
» story summary: working as a waitress in a villain bar means you meet all sorts of shady people. But when a random encounter piques your interest in a nameless stranger, a casual hookup turns into a lot more than you bargained for.
» chapter word count: 4.0k
» chapter warnings: none.
» read the full chapter on ao3
[ Excerpt ]
Your balcony is, arguably, not the worst place you've ever slept. There's the threadbare futons and unwashed sheets so prominent among men in your age group, for starters—conditions that always seemed uniquely uncomfortable when shared with the near-strangers you hooked up with. You'd also, thanks to your mother and her own string of questionable romantic choices, spent more than one night on the dirty floor of some seedy apartment or warehouse squat site, trying to tune out the sounds of drunken louts and petty infighting. And that was if you were lucky—given thin walls and your mother's proclivities, the drunken posturing of low-level thugs wasn't the worst thing you risked overhearing.
In spite of all that, you're uniquely regretful when you wake exactly where you'd ended the night before, sitting propped against your balcony rail with Tomura beside you. The fact that you're the only person responsible for the painful crick in your neck—and that your very comfortable bed is all of twenty feet away—probably has something to do with it.
"Fuck," you mumble, blinking disorientedly against the bright morning sun. Even realizing where you are, it's hard at first to remember why you're camped outside instead of tucked comfortably in your bed.
When you shift to sit up and feel lingering stickiness between your thighs, however, it all comes rushing back: Tomura dragging you out of bed in the middle of the night, and the frantic coupling that followed. Your ill-advised acknowledgment that, despite trying so hard to avoid this exact situation, you couldn't bring yourself not to care about him, or to end things. You'd done the opposite of end things, in fact, and while you regret that far less than your choice of sleeping arrangements, you still find yourself saying, again:
"Fuck."
There's a snort, and you feel shifting beside you. "You're finally up."
"Barely." You rub at your face, finally turning to look at Tomura. The dark circles under his eyes are more prominent than usual, but his gaze is alert. You wonder, briefly, if he got any sleep, but it's a trace thought that doesn't linger—you're too preoccupied with the intensity of his stare, and your sudden awareness of the mere inches between you. It has your stomach twisting and fluttering in tandem, the odd combination of relief and resignation you'd felt last night resurfacing in a way it hadn't before you were literally face-to-face with your questionable choices.
You smile in spite of yourself as you lean in to kiss him.
For a moment, those half-spun anxieties fade away, nothing in your awareness except his lips against your own. The kiss is soft and restrained—abnormally so, though you're late to register that. It's only when you pull away that you realize just how tight his expression is, his face pinched and pensive enough to dampen your own budding enthusiasm at waking up beside him. You hadn't expected him to be in a good mood, exactly—given his current circumstances that seems like far too much hope for—but it's still a stark departure from the satisfaction he'd displayed mere hours ago.
"You good?" you ask. Your first worry is that he's having regrets, and what a twist of irony that would be—him getting cold feet as soon as you decide there's no point avoiding commitment. Commitment, he'd been the one pushing for, even, though you're painfully aware that doesn't always make a difference. God knows he wouldn't be the first man who wanted to stake his claim only to feel immediately suffocated by it.
That doubt vanishes before Tomura can even answer you, however. The door to your balcony slides open to reveal Kurogiri, and the way Tomura immediately bristles at the sight of him suggests this isn't the first time the other villain has attempted to disturb the two of you.
"Shigaraki Tomura—" Kurogiri starts, but he doesn't get a chance to finish.
"I know," Tomura growls impatiently, and you have to fight back a laugh. You can see the League beyond Kurogiri, clearly in the process of collecting their things, and that's enough for you to piece together what has Tomura so irritated.
"Time to go already, huh?"
Tomura's glower deepens, but Kurogiri nods. "We should depart shortly. As I have already told Shigaraki Tomura"—there's an artful balance of delicacy and impatience in his voice—"our broker will be waiting."
There's clear subtext there—not just that they need to hurry, but also that despite Kurogiri's best efforts, Tomura was reluctant to disturb you while you were sleeping. Or, was reluctant to separate himself from you, at least. Last night made it abundantly clear that he's not above interrupting your rest for more self-serving reasons.
As much as you would also like to linger, the seven villains in your apartment are a fairly compelling reason to send Tomura on his way. And, more than that, you imagine that leaping into the newfound uncertainty of your relationship will be a lot easier if you simply get it over with, like ripping a bandage off.
You reach over and carefully interlace your fingers with Tomura's. "C'mon then," you say, tugging him along with you as you rise to your feet.
The inside of your apartment is a jarring contrast to the relative peace of your balcony. Jin shoves past almost the moment you've stepped inside—"About time a guy can go out for a smoke. I've been dying in here," he barks as he passes—and the others are a whirl of motion. Compress is in the middle of your living room, diligently ironing his vest, and in your bedroom beyond you can see Magne folding up the blankets she'd been using as a makeshift bedroll. Meanwhile, Toga and Spinner are piling everyone's things onto your coffee table; for a group that arrived with so few belongings, they'd managed to spread their possessions around rather impressively.
When you look back to Tomura, he's eyeing his own collection of notebooks and duffels, still strewn across your kitchen table.
"You need help packing up?" you ask.
He shakes his head. "I can handle it." He doesn't move, though, and he still hasn't let go of your hand.
You share that reluctance to separate, and you'd be tempted to indulge in a private moment with him if you thought you could manage it. Given the state of things, however, you're not optimistic on that front. Tomura must understand that well enough, too, because when you finally wrest your hand from his, he casts his own glowering look around and then skulks off to deal with his things. Less than ten minutes later, the League is crowded around a swirling warp gate, and your stomach is twisting as you watch Tomura carefully zip up the last of his bags—the duffel he'd dragged into your bedroom the other day, the one that contains his too-literal-for-comfort family.
He slings it over his shoulder and then casts an unenthused look around. The League is clearly waiting for him to go through the warp gate first, and though he doesn't protest, he does look less than thrilled about it as he steps towards you.
"I don't know when you'll see me again," he mumbles, making an obvious effort to keep his voice low.
"That's okay. Just come by when you can." You force a smile that you hope is more carefree than you feel—his imminent departure makes it hard to ignore that you have no idea where things will go from here, and that you can't even be fully confident you will see him again. You're not foolish enough to think that the League will be any safer at their new hideout than they were at your apartment.
He nods, and casts an agitated look around, obviously still unhappy about the audience. A second later, though, he leans in to cover your mouth with his own, albeit far more perfunctorily than you suspect he'd prefer.
Chaste though the kiss is, it's apparently not chaste enough; Toga lets out a giggle, and from the corner of your eye, you see her and Jin elbowing each other like excited middle schoolers. Beside them, Spinner is rubbing at the back of his neck and awkwardly averting his gaze.
Tomura doesn't comment on any of that when he finally straightens up; he only fixes them with an unimpressed scowl and then, hitching his bag more firmly over his shoulder, marches through the warp gate without another word.
Until death brings us together (Ghost!Shinsouxreader) - Chapter 3: Ghost
Title: Until death brings us together
Tags/Warnings: Shinsou x reader, ghost!Shinshou, modern AU, Suicidal Thoughts, Implied/Referenced Character Death, depression, toxic friendship (not with Shinsou), sadness, pain, needles, perfusion, hospitals, mention of cancer, drugged drinks, ethylic coma, accidental death, suffering, disease, bullying
Summary: It starts slowly, insidiously; the sadness, the restless nights, the tears you silently cry at night alone in your empty apartment. That’s coincidently when you start seeing him: the man with the deep violet eyes, and he’s following you.Is he an evil spirit? Is he death? Or is he your depressed mind playing tricks on you?
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Shinsou Hitoshi.
His pale face and tired eyes are looking at you through the computer screen. The photo isn’t flattering; he doesn’t smile on it. Isn’t joyful like young people usually are; full of life and innocence. No, he looks bored… or maybe troubled; sad.
You scroll down the online article from your local newspaper, the blue light reflecting on your skin, making it look as sickly as his.
Your eyes scan over the important words. The heart-wrenching words.
Bullying.
With every sentence you read, your frown deepens.
Med school integration party.
You worry at your lower lip, your stomach icing.
Prank gone wrong… drugged drink….
A grown involuntarily escapes you. You’ve been witness to these practices when you were in training.
Coma.
The memory of these supposedly fun parties you attended make you feel guilty, even if you never took part in this particular type of stupid and dangerous ‘pranking’.
With blurry eyes you read the final words, even though you didn’t need them to understand. It was all too clear the second you clicked on the article.
Died in the hospital.
Now you have it confirmed. Hitoshi isn’t a produce of your sick mind. He truly is a ghost. He’s not death. He’s dead.
“Gosh Hitoshi… you’re real” You mutter to yourself, teary eyed.
You rub your tired eyes, leaning back against the back of your couch, and when you open them, there’s a ghostly face just beside yours, looking at the screen of your laptop over your shoulder.
“Holy shit!” You curse as you scramble away from Hitoshi who is now sitting beside you. You hug one of your rainbow cushions close to your chest in a reflexive attempt to somehow protect yourself. “Don’t appear beside me so suddenly!”
“I don’t really control whatever this is” He looks away, his lips turned down. “I though you called me” His big hand rubs the back of his neck, and it’s clear that he is a little embarrassed.
You try to calm your racing heart with a shaky breath. While you compose yourself, Hitoshi reads the article. He’s frowning so much his forehead is all wrinkled, his usually soft gaze stone hard when he finds your eyes again.
“I remember now” He sighs deeply, and there is a tremble to his voice when he repeats it. “I remember everything”
He closes his eyes as he draws of few shaky breaths, and you completely forget his supernatural nature when your hand drops onto his shoulder. A reflex, a gesture of empathy you use everyday with your patients. Yet under your palm, there is nothing. Your hand doesn’t go through him but there is no solidity to him either, no consistency. Your brain has difficulty wrapping itself around the fact that you are touching something that you see but isn’t here.
You don’t really touch him physically but the gesture still has him turn to you, his amethyst eyes wet with unshed tears he is trying to keep to himself. There’s a tingling warmth under your palm, so faint you’re not even sure it’s there. You’re probably just imagining it, but your mind whispers that it’s probably him.
“I understand now why it all felt familiar. The café, the hospital… I used to go there” He takes a long inhale to shake away the tremble in his voice. You listen to him, give him time, patience, and an empathic ear. There’s really nothing more you can do. It’s too late. You can’t save him from what’s already done.
“I suppose there’s a part of me that wanted to act like I did before I-” He swallows, forcibly, and clicks his tongue, frowning like he’s upset. “There was a part of me that pushed me to continue to live…. Or more like pretend I was still alive.”
He lingered in familiar places. A ghost haunting the spots he knew by heart, attached to this world from which he was taken too soon.
“And I understand now; that strong feeling I got when I saw how the one you called a friend treated you” His expression is revolted when he finds your eyes, looking straight into them.
His sorrow makes your heart sink in your chest and you can’t refrain the tears from coming to wet your lashes. Your hand, suspended over the warm place that is his shoulder, trembles.
“I experienced it. Friendship that wasn’t true. Jokes that weren’t funny. And I didn’t want-” He looks down, grits his teeth, the words he wants to convey painful to utter. At the café, he tried to protect you. To keep you from something that was fatal for him.
Your hand travels down his arm that is solely made of empty warm air until you reach his hand. Placing yours on top of his you hope that if he doesn’t feel the touch, he at least understands the gesture, the comfort you want to convey.
One eye dares glance at you, and you regret the way you treated this poor soul. How you once thought he could be bad. How you pushed him away. You remember how lost he sounded in every word he said, but too lost in your own problems, you were blind to his suffering.
“I’m sorry”
There’s nothing more you can say. Nothing you can do besides being there for him, you who can see him. Nothing to do but be there and listen to him.
One lonely tear travels down his pale cheek, but he still forces a smile your way.
“Thank you” He whispers.
You nod your head even if you’re convinced you didn’t do anything worthy of his gratitude. You think back to the pills that you put away in your bathroom’s cabinet.
“I should be the one to thank you”
He snorts, unamused. “For what? Helping you question your sanity?”
“For being there when I needed help” You answer lowly, seriously.
You’re sure you don’t imagine the red colour rising to his cheeks. “Maybe….” He starts, rubbing his eyes with the palm of the hand you’re not trying to hold. “Maybe that’s why I’m still here. To help”
You contemplate his statement, the mysteries of afterlife and its immensity making you dizzy. Could one chose to stay, even unconsciously, to guide others where one had failed? What awaited after life was over? Surely not everyone returned as ghost like Hitoshi. You shake away those vertiginous thoughts about things far greater than you and concentrate back on the ghost who needs you right now. He looks pensive, contemplating his paranormal nature, trying to wrap his mind around concepts so complex you can’t begin to imagine them.
“If you need time to figure things out, you can stay here as long as you want” You offer after turning the sentence several times in your head. “If you need to talk I’ll be there for you”
Afterall, it is in your nature to be empathic, that is part of why you became a nurse. And in truth, you have to admit you enjoy his company. The memories of the time you spent with him during these last weeks, even if you thought he was some projection of your mind, filled your heart with a fondness you suspected was what one should feel towards true friends.
Hitoshi looks up, surprised, flustered almost. “I didn’t mean to intrude into your space. I didn’t think it possible for me to appear in a place I didn’t know… That’s why I said I thought you somehow called me, or summoned me”
He runs a nervous hand through his messy hair. It looks really fluffy, soft. A shame you will never feel it under your fingers.
“Summon you? What are you now, a demon?” You joke to lighten the mood. “Are you going to offer me a cornucopia of ice-cream in exchange for my soul?”
His eyes are still teary but his perfectly white smile is in place when he answers “Buying your soul comes at a cheap price”
You laugh with him, regretting that you can’t shove him playfully after his clever retort. He’s closer to an angel than a demon you think. Because he came to watch over you when you were in a really bad place.
- - -
“Are you sure you want to go? You’ll be okay?” You ask as you bury your neck into your scarf to protect your runny nose from the cold morning air.
Hitoshi had insisted to go with you to work. You had accepted, but you still doubted it was a good idea to put him in an environment that would bring back memories as well as glimpses of what his life could have been.
“I think so” He answers, more determined than hesitant.
“If you find it’s too difficult to cope, just say so, don’t endure in silence” You insist, warning him to not push himself too far, protecting him like you do with students you sometimes supervise. Students who collapse in the operating room because they thought they could handle their dizziness, when you told them to get out of the OR if they felt the slightest tinge of unease.
After this remark, you’re surprised to find Hitoshi smiling at you, almost wickedly. “Are you perhaps worried about me?” He asks, his voice so low it sends a shiver down your spine. A pleasant one.
“I’m a nurse, caring about people is my job!” You reply, your cheeks admittedly feeling warm, and not because of the cold morning breeze.
“Indeed, I’m sure you are great at your job” His smiles falters with his next words. “People who put others first often do good in health professions. At least until they burn out.”
His opinion on the matter is gloomy, yet you can’t argue you’re not like the people he described, so you remain silent, burying your face deeper into your scarf. You much prefer when he teases you than when he reads right through you. It makes you feel exposed, like an opened book coded in a language he easily speaks.
Maybe you’re too kind, maybe you’re a pushover; selfless in a way that is almost dangerous for your health. But something tells you he probably used to be a bit like that too.
- - -
“You work in the ICU?” Hitoshi asks with an unusually high pitch. He sounds strangled, a slight tremble in his voice that you don’t notice right away, too busy getting ready for work as not to be late.
You nod absentmindedly. “Yeah, why?”
Hitoshi doesn’t reply immediately. He stands before the glass doors of the ward, pensive.
“The week after the party, I was supposed to start as a resident here” His voice is a barely audible whisper but you can see how shocked he is to find out where you work.
You would have met, at work. You would have interacted, at first formally, professionally, and then your interactions could have become friendlier, given you were almost the same age. Maybe you would have seen each other outside of work. You treacherous mind suggests you could even have dated. He did say you were pretty, and you couldn’t lie to yourself about how attractive you found him.
He’s clearly upset about this revelation.
“Do you want to go home?” You ask him softly, concerned.
The words escaped you before you could think about them. Truth is, he has no home. He sometimes appears in yours because you allowed him to, because you want him to, when you need someone to talk to. But he has nowhere to go.
You click your tongue at your own stupidity, and you’re about to correct your mistake but he speaks before you do.
“I’m fine. I just need a minute to process things” His eyes are still glued to the glass doors where the large “ICU” letters are painted in pure white, but his gaze is lost much farther away. “Don’t let me make you late, I’ll join you later.”
You nod in acknowledgment and reluctantly leave him there to take your shift.
- - -
After short transmissions with your colleagues, you start your round. You have many patients to take care of because one of your colleagues is ill and can’t be replaced today. The transmissions are scarce because you were forced to reduce them, because it costs too much to pay for extra hours. So you’re left with barely no information about patients you don’t know. You lose time browsing their files to gather up the most important details about them, and it’s late that you start handing the treatments, preparing the infusions, and all the other care you have to provide in the limited time of your shift.
When comes the last patient, you still find time to linger in her room. You know her well, she’s been here the longest. Her name is Maru, and she suffers from a severe septicemia. Her body is weakened by a breast cancer and the chemotherapy left her so immunocompromised that she can’t fight off the infection that’s spreading into her blood. You perfuse her to give her a new antibiotic treatment the doctor prescribed. He said it’s the last one he can try. The germs are killing her faster than the cancer. She suffers a great deal, and you also refill the syringe with her painkillers so she can sleep better. The cancer is everywhere; in her lungs, her bones, her liver, even in her brain. She has difficulty speaking, but she gives you a soft smile when you take a minute to squeeze her hand once you’re finished with your work. She’s not older than your mom. It pains you to see her in this state, bald from the chemotherapy, wrinkled like she’s much older than she actually is.
You can’t cry for her, it’s not professional. But you still feel sad. It’s unfair, she’s so nice. You give her one last forced smile before exiting the room.
There’s still no sign of Hitoshi when you take a small break to eat a cereal bar for diner. You sigh to yourself. You though his presence would at least make work easier.
The night is mostly calm, until Maru’s chamber rings in the nurse office.
You rush to her side, and you find her in great pain, her face contorted in an ugly grimace. From the corner of your eyes you spot a silhouette before her bed. You’ve gotten used to Hitoshi appearing out of nowhere so you’re not startled when you find him reading the patient’s file.
You’re glad he’s here but you ignore him for now and check the infusions as well as the patient controlled analgesia syringe. The data show you the painkillers prescribed are obviously not enough, so after taking Maru’s vitals, you call the on call doctor for a new prescription.
However he doesn’t answer. You try several times but it’s no use. He’s probably occupied elsewhere with a more urgent matter. Now that you think about it you overheard a colleague talk about a code blue on the first floor.
You try your best to find ways to alleviate Maru’s pain, but it just won’t leave her alone. She’s sweating and tense from discomfort and you have to watch her moan and struggle against it, powerless.
Hitoshi comes to sit on the edge of her bed. He turns to you, eyes focused, almost professionally so.
“She needs a higher dose of morphine” He states.
Maru is so engrossed in her pain that she probably won’t hear you whisper back. “I know that. But I need a prescription, or else if there’s a problem, I’ll be at fault and disbarred!”
You can’t risk losing the job that means so much to you, especially not because of the advice of someone you’re still not 100% sure isn’t a production of your imagination.
Hitoshi frowns, he doesn’t look convinced. “Don’t you have defined procedures for these kind of situations?”
“We should, but the protocol is still on the director’s desk for validation” You mutter through clenched teeth, trying to soothe Maru with a cold cloth. She’s delirious from the pain, eyes closed, firsts clenched by her sides.
Hitoshi clicks his tongue, obviously annoyed by the reality of your everyday practice. It’s probably very far away from the idea he had of the job, he who died still an idealist student.
“We can’t let her suffer like this”
Of course you agree with him, but you really don’t know what to do. You’re conflicted, because helping Maru without a doctor’s supervision is at high risk of you getting in trouble.
You’re still standing helpless by the hospital bed when Hitoshi moves closer to Maru. Still sitting on her bed, he places a hand over hers. Maru doesn’t react to his ghost touch, yet Hitoshi doesn’t retract his hand. He exhales slowly through his nose and starts soothingly rubbing his thumb over Maru’s wrist.
“Maru you have to hold on until the doctor arrives. I’ll try to help you, so focus on my voice”
You watch Hitoshi, puzzled. No-one can supposedly hear or see him beside you. Yet Maru stops thrashing around, her face is still contorted with pain, but she endures it and stops moving around. Her eyes are still closed, and beads of sweat roll down her temples.
“That’s it, listen to me. Follow my instructions” Hitoshi’s voice is steady, calm and low. “Good. Now imagine for me that you stand in a field full of flowers” The words roll off his tongue like the tide laps at the sand on the seaside. “The flowers are all around you, you watch their many colours. Imagine their colours”
He marks small pauses between each sentence, to let his words sink in and to give Maru time to produce the images in her head so her attention can be diverted from the pain. It’s a technique you’ve heart of, some sort of hypnoses that is sometimes used in operating rooms too.
Maru’s clenched first relax a little as Hitoshi continues to talk to her.
“You feel the grass under your feet. You can touch the soft petals of the flower around you. Feel their velvety texture. Maybe you pluck one from the ground”
You’re mesmerized by the miracle unfolding before your eyes. She can’t hear him; yet it’s working. Even if she’s doesn’t really hear him, he has an influence on her. It’s supernatural, the scene you are witnessing, and if not for the soothing effect of Hitoshi’s pleasant voice, you would feel a bit panicked.
“You smell the fragrance of fresh grass, and the scent of your favourite flowers. You feel calm in this field.” Listening to Hitoshi’s voice makes your hammering heart calm down in your chest. You feel like you could just listen to him talk for the whole night, until you’d fall asleep, maybe next to him, his voice impossibly close to you hear, his breath in your neck.
Your cheeks heat up, ashamed. You can’t think like that while at work, while he’s only trying to help a patient who’s suffering. But you can’t help it. His voice fills your head, makes it go blank, and you can’t focus on anything else.
Maru’s features have relaxed, the winkles of pain erased from her forehead.
“You feel at peace” Hitoshi stops after that last sentence, and you want to chase after his words. Their so pleasant; you wish he would keep talking.
Gradually, you start hearing the noises of the monitors again, forgetting Hitoshi’s voice, you also can hear the soft snoring of your patient. You let out a deep relieved breath.
Your eyes meet Hitoshi’s tired purple ones and he gives you a small secretive smile before he leaves Maru’s side.
When you exit Maru’s room, the on call doctor finally calls you back. He apologizes for not answering you calls. He was indeed busy with a code blue. He tells you he’ll be there soon to prescribe a higher dose of morphine.
Once you hang up, you turn to Hitoshi, who’s watching his patient through the glass window of her room.
“Thank you” You whisper only for him to hear.
His hand grips the back of his neck, bashful. “It wasn’t much and I wasn’t sure it would work. I’m glad it did. I’m glad I could help”
There’s sadness in his eyes, in his voice. He would have made a great doctor you’re sure. A kind and dedicated doctor.
Hitoshi steps back when the real doctor arrives.
“You could have given her more morphine” He sighs grumpily once he’s done prescribing the new treatment.
“I’m sorry but I couldn’t, the protocol isn’t validated and isn’t in my possession. I could have gotten the dosage wrong and done more good than harm “You reply.
“You nurses have it easy, you take no responsibility” He groans and anger starts rising from the pit of your stomach.
How dare he talk to you like this? Can’t he imagine how hard it was to watch her suffer? To be so powerless? You were supposed to be a team, not denigrate each other’s work.
Before you can give him a piece of your mind, Hitoshi appears beside him.
“She did her best, and she’s here everyday despite the arduousness of her work, despite being under staffed, despite the low pay.” You watch Hitoshi talk near the doctor’s hear, puzzled, but touched by his words. You wish the doctor could hear him. “You should apologize” He then says. “You work as a team. Tell her she did good”
The doctor seems to freeze in place for a second, and you’re flabbergasted when he opens his mouth to tell apologize. You watch him tell you you did good, and thank you for being here, with wide incredulous eyes. He then excuses himself and leaves.
You’re still in shock from what happened. He said exactly what Hitoshi told him to say. It’s just impossible. Does he have some sort of supernatural powers? No, it must be a coincidence. You try to convince yourself it was one while you prepare the new painkiller infusion. Maru stays asleep, her features smooth, painless.
When you exit her room again, Hitoshi approaches you.
“You should take a small break. And eat something. One cereal bar isn’t enough a diner.”
So he was watching you this whole time, even if you didn’t see him. You scoff at how he’s babying you, but still head to the break-room, after wondering if you obey him from your free will or not. It’s stupid to think he has some kind of influence over you, over the living, yet you can’t prevent your thoughts from musing over it.
You pour yourself some coffee, to help you stay awake until morning. Hitoshi sits across from you at the small round table in the center of the room, and you almost offer him a drink. For one second you forgot what he was.
It feels too real to have him here. Especially when he could have been here. Could have been the doctor on call during your shift. Could have taken a break with you if the night was slow. You would have chatted about anything and everything like you do now.
For once during a night shift, you don’t feel lonely.
“Can I come back with you tomorrow? I…. I’d like to see her get better” He asks, almost pleads, and you nod your head. The smile you give him is the empathic one you give patients, you know it but you can’t help it. You feel sad that he isn’t there for real. You wish he could be. For him, but also for you. You’re not that selfless in the end.
“Sure. Work is easier when you’re around” You confess, trying to hide the tremble in your voice.
Maybe that’s why he’s still here; why he still exists, why he’s not completely gone. To help. Tonight, Maru wasn’t the only one he helped.
💥Summary: Katsuki is unable to come to terms with his feelings for Reader-chan and ultimately, his jealousy consumes him at the possibility that he lost his chance with her.
💥Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou/Reader
💥Word Count: 3,862 words 20,633 characters
You were a popular individual. Your parents were top heroes and you were now in the spotlight to become a top hero. Therefore, you got into U.A. with a plethora of recommendations. You were often compared to Shouto Todoroki because of your raw power and ability. By being opposite gender, it was natural to get “shipped” with him by the class.
It was also rumored that his father, Flame Hero Endeavor, approved of you. It wasn’t said explicitly but in events during the Sports Festival, he implied that you and his son would do great things together.
Your quirk was called “Aura”. You can channel your emotions and aura (along with others’ emotion and aura) to create armor and super powered punches, kicks, etc. You were definitely a fighter. You were the only girl that had gone through training before attending school.
Just like Shouto, your father had trained you in mastering your quirk but he was a lot nicer than Enji. You really did come from a good home. In class 1-A, you made tons of friends with the exception of Mineta. The little guy made you feel really uneasy and it didn’t help that he was always trying to look up your skirt.
Your best friend was, of course, Shouto. You both shared the same burden of being put on a pedestal for greatness. Bonding came naturally. During some of your conversations during any sort of recess such as lunch or to dorms, Shouto would tell you that your classmate, Katsuki Bakugo, would stare at you a lot and would try to show off and be fancy with his quirk.
You had thought it was a coincidence because you knew Bakugo-kun to always show off. It was just apart of him to act like he’s better than everyone else. How could someone like him be attracted to you?
Katsuki liking you back gave you a glimmer of hope on the inside. Your crush liking you back was something you felt only happened in movies and cheesy romance novels. You had only exchanged a few words with him but you observed a lot of his personality from being in the 1-A friends circle.
His quirk seemed generic at first but you saw the way he handled himself. He was definitely pro material. Not only was he talented, his raging always made you giggle and laugh. You didn’t know why but what’s funny is funny.
He was kinda cute as well. His spiked hair and red eyes were to die for. It was so easy to imagine yourself with him while you were in private. Sometimes, you would daydream, looking out the window, thinking about Bakugo. Your imagination ran wild. Having him confess to you when you were alone. It was blissful.
The reality was that your father and Shouto’s father would compromise on an arranged marriage if you couldn’t find a boyfriend your father approved of. You hoped that maybe things could change. Shouto didn’t mind though, of course, he would never tell you. He had an attraction to you of his own right but he knew that you could never truly return his feelings.
On the other side, Bakugo was plotting. He had been for a long time. He had to tell you how he really felt. You were too close to “icy-hot” and the “Shouto-(y/n)” ship didn’t fly with him. He tried his best not to show his anger for Mina’s teasing because he’d indirectly confess before he felt ready.
Kirishima gave Bakugo some tips on how he could confess. His first idea was to visit her dorm at night and leave a letter. Bakugo declined.
Second idea was to tell you in person after classes had finished. He declined.
Third idea was to take you out on the weekend and do it then. He also said no.
So, how was he supposed to do it? That was just the tip of the iceberg. He was out of luck on what to do. No idea suited his style. Until one night in the dorms.
Mina and Momo put together plans for a game night. It was an off-day and you guys spent the day doing indoor activities. At the end of the night, everyone was tired and talking amongst themselves. Bakugo wasn’t talking to anyone. He was just watching you.
Icy-hot was trying so hard to flirt with you and from what it looked like, you were going for it. The way you laughed at what he was saying, the whispering, the casual arm touching and contact. Not to mention, you didn’t have some ordinary pajamas on. After game night, you were going to poke around for a little, so instead of skimpy pajamas, you were wearing a beautiful cherry blossom kimono. It ended at your thighs so you were able to show off your thigh-highs. You took inspiration from Kimetsu No Yaiba. The female Hashiras were so pretty to you.
The two of you were dating. You had to be. Even the class thought you were dating. Why were the two of you so close? Why did you have to touch him? Your thighs were touching. Was he not impressive enough? Was Bakugo not good enough for you? Why were you giggling so hard? Surely, Shouto wasn’t that funny.
These questions just ate at him. He didn’t even realize how much time had been passing. It was about 2am. Normally, Bakugo would have went to bed around 8pm. This was very unlike him. Was he really ruining his perfect sleep schedule over you? Luckily, Shouto informed you that he was getting sleepy and would take it in before you. You were sleepy as well but had decided to stay in the living space. You wanted to take some snacks to your room before bed.
When one does it, the rest are soon to follow. One by one, everyone had scattered until it was just you and Bakugo. He was too attractive, you could never look him in the face while alone.
You yawned. “Ara~ Baku-chan. I’m extremely tired. I’ll be off to bed, now.” You stood up, adjusting the length of your skirt. Bakugo had only grunted in response until you turned away.
“Why Icy-hot?” He was also standing now. You didn’t quite catch what he said. “Hm?” You tilted your head, smiling warmly at him. He hated that. He hated how smug you were sometimes.
“You heard me. Why Icy-hot?” He questioned harshly. From watching you, he noticed all of the smallest things. He suspect that you do, indeed, have feelings for Shouto and he’s doing no good job of covering it up either.
“Why? Like, what? Is Icy-hot supposed to be Shouto?” You asked. “Well, that’s clever, I suppose. Are you asking why I chose him to be my best friend? Its a bit...personal.” You giggled at your own rambling.
“No-” Katsuki blurted out, cutting himself off at the sound of his uneven voice volume. “I know you’re dating icy-hot, okay. I don’t know what you see in him but...” his mouth was dry. Was he really going to confess to you right now?
“Me and Shouto?” You repeated, wondering what else would come out of his mouth. “We aren’t dating. That’s absurd, Baku-”
“Cut the crap, (y/n)! You can stop lying to me now. I don’t know if you wanna fucking protect my feelings or what. I never asked you to do that shit. All this time, I would do so much for you and you never even gave me a thought. At the sports festival, I made sure to beat that Icy-hot freak so that I could give you a chance. I took that stupid internship with Best Jeanist so that I could impress you. Anytime you wanted extras at lunch, I gave them to you. On the train, I would give up my seat for you.” Katsuki put a hand on his head to silence himself.
What the fuck was he saying?
You did notice that Katsuki would have your back, but you just felt like he was being nice. I mean, you were THE (y/n) (l/n), Aura Guardian and daughter of two notable heroes. Who wouldn’t do nice things for you? But you failed to notice that random nice gestures wasn’t Katsuki Bakugo’s style.
“Bakugo-kun, what are you trying to say? I don’t understand.” You frowned at the ruined atmosphere. Why was he so angry? You always thanked him.
“I....I FUCKING LIKE YOU, OKAY?” Bakugo shouted, surely the others heard. Who wouldn’t have? His raise in octaves pierced your sensitive ears. No ones ever yelled at you like that, nor anything that nice.
“Y-You like me?” A dusted pink tint covered your cheeks. Maybe crushes liking you back wasn’t something that just happened in movies?
“Yeah, I fucking said it. I like you and all you do is ogle over a dumb ass like half and half! What the fuck does he do for you that I haven’t done ten times over?”
You took in this information, piece by piece. His emotions, the words he was saying. It was just...a lot.
“I-I like you too.” You said, nervously. Your voice was significantly quieter than this. “Everyone does nice things for me, so when you were doing favors for me, I just thought it was you having my ba-”
“Shut up!”
You were stood there, startled like a deer in headlights. “You think I believe that crap? I’m not good enough for you. I’m not good enough for anybody. I got captured by villains, fucking, twice, I failed the licensing exam and needed to do it over, I put an end to All Might. I just fuck everything up!”
“No, Katsuki, you don’t..fuck...everything up.” You cringed at yourself for using such foul language. “You don’t have to blame yourself for All Might, he knew what he was getting into. You don’t even have to blame yourself for being captured. Nothing is your fault.” You reassured him, moving closer. “I’m deeply sorry for ignoring you. It was just hard for me to believe that you would like someone like me. Legitimately. I don’t have a boyfriend because I’ve always run into partners who just see me as an asset.” You explained.
You really didn’t expect to open up to him.
“Well, you’re fucking not. You’re a lot more but that doesn’t explain why you been all over that freak. What the fuck does he have that I don’t? HUH?”
He raised his voice again, causing you to back off a bit. Now, he was realizing that he was pushing you away. You returned his feelings but why was he still angry?
Was he upset that you were clueless? You had a good reason but he was still angry.
“Shouto isn’t a freak! We’re just friends and he knows that. We just share similar history and when I came here, he was familiar to me. No one can understand what it’s like having everything you want and still being unhappy. My father is friends with his father. They have the same way of thinking. I was kept away from my siblings, my mother and any friends I made to just train and master my skill. I felt so e-empty.” You whispered, your eyes were glossy from holding back tears.
Shouto was the only one who understood.
“You can trust me, idiot!”
Now it was your turn to get angry. “And how was I supposed to know? You do all of these nice things but you barely say anything to me. You could just be another person trying to get close and use my name for leverage.” You spat, but your voice was still quiet. You could never ruin your vocal cords with meaningless screaming. Not now, anyway.
“I-” Now Katsuki was out of things to say. You had good reason to not associate with him. You had every right to be with Shouto instead of him. You guys were just... made for each other, ya know? Quirk marriage babies seem to get along just swell.
Was that just their thing? If they’re made right then they get all the sympathy points? Attractive, untouchable, powerful, tragic backstory and are able to just be better than everyone. It fucking sucked that he couldn’t relate to you or comfort you in any way. He just fucked things up and a possible relationship with you was beginning to be one of them.
“Don’t say anything.” You used the long sleeves of your kimono to dry the tears before they could spill out of your eyes. You told yourself that would never soil your perfect skin with salt angel tears.
“I’m sorry for getting emotional. This isn’t about me. You were just upset that I didn’t acknowledge you the way you did me. I did appreciate you very much. I can say that now that I know how you truly feel, I can make a decision.” You informed him.
“What? What the hell are you talking about?” Katsuki asked. By this time, you could hear birds chirping and the sun beginning to rise with the black of night turning dark blue.
“My father told me that he would marry me off to Shouto if I couldn’t find a partner he approved of. I was hoping that maybe I could give us a try.” You muttered with a smile, playing with loose strands of your hair. You never asked anyone out but this felt good. It gave you a rush of excitement.
Katsuki’s eyes widened. Were you really...?
“Ah, shit, I really gotta get some sleep. I’m not thinking straight.” He told you before swiftly walking by. He even made sure not to brush you when you went by. He hasn’t been up this late before. Surely, he was dreaming. He had to be.
“Baku-chan.” You called, reaching out for him but your arm fell short. It was better to let him sleep off the anger. You forgot about your snacks and went to bed. That was so emotionally exhausting. You had so many mixed feelings.
Bakugo confessed to you but also kinda rejected you? Well, he didn’t say no but there was no ‘yes’ as well.
You just decided to get to your room and sleep for the night. Maybe you both were just tired.
In the morning, Mina came to wake you up as usual while Momo made breakfast with Ochaco and Toru. You were asked to help but you weren’t too experienced in things such as cooking and cleaning. It was usually done for you, but you gave it a try.
The boys were doing morning stretches so you didn’t see Katsuki at all. Honestly, it made you nervous. You had been cutting fruit when the boys came back to eat before class. No one showed you how to but you were kinda figuring it out. You cut enough for everyone when you came to the conclusion you wanted more so when breakfast was being served, you went to cut yourself some more when someone had entered the kitchen.
It was Katsuki. He was returning his dishes to the sink. At the sight of you, he was visibly moved and didn’t speak first. You figured that you should be nice until the awkwardness went away.
“Good Morning!” You greeted his cheerfully, raising the knife instinctively. “Would you like some more fruit? It’s fresh and seems to be quite alright.” You said, referring to the sweetness.
“Shut up.” Was all he said. “Oh-” You raised your eyebrows and cut yourself off when you had processed what he had said. “You’re cutting it wrong.” He added. “Who the fuck holds a knife like that? You’re gonna cut your damn fingers off.”
He put his dish in the sink and went over to your side of the table, taking the knife from you and swiftly dicing the pineapple you were dicing before.
“Oh, thank you.” You said quietly, blushing from the embarrassment of needing him for such a simple task. You took some ate in silence while he stood there, a bit dumbfounded.
Why the fuck were you blushing? And why did you look so cute? He fucking hated it.
“About last night...” You swallow what you were eating and looked down. “I’m sorry for pushing my feelings onto you like that. You were pouring your heart out to me and I was being insensitive.” You sighed.
Why were you the one apologizing? To him, you asked him out and he was too emotionally immature to realize what he was really getting angry about. Katsuki dropped the knife on the table. As you spoke to him about how sorry you were, his eyes traveled from yours to your lips.
This was it. He could fix his mistake. Why do you have to apologize for how he acted? Your voice was like white noise when he moved in to roughly press his lips to yours. Your lips were sweet just like the pineapple you had. He loved it so much. He grabbed your face by your chin and squeezed lightly as he went deeper.
Wait? Was Katsuki Bakugo really kissing you right now? How did this happen? Why?
You placed your hands on his chest, pushing lightly and signaling him to stop. He moved away and was surprised by what happened next.
“Katsuki!” You cried out, signaling for the others to come investigate your scream. “Shit!” Katsuki yelled, jumping away from you with a huge blush on his face.
‘the fuck did he just do?
Toru revealed herself and Mina had also come out of the woodwork. “Wow! He actually did it!” she cheered. Kiri came into the kitchen too, giving Katsuki a thumbs up. “I knew you had it in you, man.”
“You guys knew Katsuki would kiss me?” You cried, trying to hide the red in your face. “Well, no. We didn’t think he would kiss you, but I’ve never seen Bakugo eat so fast after you went into the kitchen. Clearly, it was to get some alone time with you.” Mina explained. You glanced at Katsuki, his face turning a deeper shade of red when your eyes fell on him.
“GODDAMIT!!” He yelled out. “STAY OUT OF MY DAMN BUSINESS!!” He yelled at the others.
Shoto was in the other room, enjoying his breakfast with a smirk on his face. He knew acting close to you would get under his skin.
After a bit of teasing from your friends and yelling from Katsuki, everyone cleared out and did their own thing. That left you alone with Katsuki again. You felt so disconnected from him. The kiss said he liked you but the pulling away signified otherwise.
“Why did you kiss me, Katsuki?” You asked, eating the left over fruit from the cutting board. There was a brief moment of silence between you two before he answered.
“I fucking like you, okay?”
This made you gasp. It was making sense now.
“I....I FUCKING LIKE YOU, OKAY?”
He was just bad at returning the feelings. You smiled at him and gave him a big hug. You could his men’s body wash through his shirt mixed with a tiny bit of sweat from morning exercise. Or maybe the sweat was from being so nervous around you. Who knows.
Katsuki just grunted in response, thinking of how he could replicate without seeming desperate. The boy was a bit touched starved. The only contact he got from a girl was when his mom would smack him.
“If you wanted to get to know me, you could have just asked. I told you last night. I like you too, Katsuki. It was just hard for me to tell that you felt the same. I was being dumb.” You admitted, snuggling into his chest a bit more.
This made Katsuki frown. “You weren’t being dumb, idiot. It’s not like I made it easy for you. I just didn’t want to tell you how I felt when you and icy-hot were all buddy-buddy. Then I would’ve been the idiot.”
You giggled. “Maybe you are the idiot for worrying so much about him.” You could hear a quiet ‘tck’ come from Katsuki at irony of you calling him the idiot.
After that, the school day was normal. You were tired from staying up so late, so Katsuki insisted that you spend the evening in his dorm to ‘make sure you don’t go late night snacking’ and ruin your sleep schedule with your bad eating habits.
His room was neat and cooler than you thought it was be. Knowing him, you thought it would be messy, hot and bothering but it seems like he was brought up in a good household. It made him attractive. He was skilled in cooking and keeping up a basic room. Definitely husband material, but maybe it was a little too early to be thinking about that?
“Did you bring something to sleep in?” He asked, firmly but politer than usual. You nodded. “Yeah, I did.”
He replied with a grunt. “I need to shower so just wait here or whatever.” He instructed before disappearing into his bathroom. You used this as a time to get changed, being too awkward to change in front of him.
While the shower was going on, you let your eyes wonder around the room. He had a few All Might things, it was very minimal. He was clearly a fan. This only made excitement grow inside of you. You would really be cuddling with Katsuki! At least, you hoped it would get that far.
When some time passed, Katsuki came out of the bathroom, dry and dressed with the exception of warm water droplets around his neck. All he wore was solid black joggers and he looked good.
“‘The hell you lookin’ at?” He commented, using his towel to get remaining water. “You.” You answered, teasing him. “You look good!” You added, giggling as well.
A light pink dust covered his cheeks. “Shut up...” He replied but it wasn’t as harsh as he would usually say it. You patted the empty spot in bed next to you, telling him that it was okay to sleep together. He complied and you immediately scooted closer to him and laid down.
“You’re very kind for letting me sleep here. But there is no need to regulate my late night eating habits. I think you just want me here.” You squinted your eyes at him, letting him know you were onto his ideas.
The two of you were so close...you could kiss him. When he laid next to you, he was ever closer. He faced you as well. You tried to be smooth and steal a kiss, inching closer and closer...
Were you really doing it? Were you really going to kiss Katsuki first?
This is all Katsuki had dreamed of in the past 4 months.
You peppered his face with kisses, but it was clear you wee in a sleepy state. Your body was giving out on you.
“Fucking sleep, idiot.” Katsuki spat with a huge blush on his face. He was still trying to be a tough guy. You said nothing and giggled, drifting off to sleep.
Disclaimer: The reader and Shoto are both of legal age (18+) in this work.
You were the horniest person Todoroki ever knew and you were open about it too, but just to him. In high school when he finally gained the courage to ask you out and pursue a relationship, you were very timid but loving. He would make the first move for almost everything but you always returned the favor and made him feel good like he was someone important.
Things changed when more physical things came into the relationship. Every hug was a long hug and you were the last to let go. Every kiss was hungry and his lips began chapped every day. Every moment of hand-holding never seemed to end and when it ended you would pout until you got your way again.
This went on for years and Shoto had quickly accepted the behavior because he figured that most relationships were like this.
But once Shoto and you engaged in sexual activities, things became a little more intense.
After your first time having sex, you never wanted to stop. At the end of every night, you would beg Todo-kun to fuck your brains out before you slept. If he missed a night, you would wake him up and beg him some more.
He made the mistake of feeding into your sexy whispers and cute little moans that you did for him.
“Come on, Shoto~” “Just one more time.” “Again! Again, Shoto~”
Those words clouded his mind anytime he was with you. You were like a succubus eating away at his life force. The constant sex left him tired. He still couldn’t understand if every guy had to work as hard as he did.
Every night had easily become twice a day, Morning and Night.
Then it was followed by the middle of the day sex.
Now, the two of you were at the stage where the two of you would fuck if you were able to get a moment alone with him.
The best part is that he satisfied you every fucking time.
“Be a good boy for me, Shoto.” “This feels so nice...” “Beg for me!”
When he got tired, you happily took over and rode him like no other. You loved creaming all over his hard dick. Your eyes were always so clouded with lust.
After a while of typical sex, you wanted to spice things up wit his temperature quirk. You would ask him to cool or heat his fingers whenever he fingered you and played with your ass and breasts.
There would be times when he would think that he had put your to bed for the night, but you would be back again, blessing him with your body by bouncing on his lap until you felt his big cock rise up and tighten his pants. Then when you felt like he was hard enough for you, you’d take it out and move your panties to the side while he used the energy he had left to pound into you.
“(y/n) please, you have to rest for the night.” He told you.
“Is someone tired?” You kissed him and pressed your body against his. “One more time, at least.” You begged in your cutest voice. “If you don’t then I’ll just have to go solo.”
He hated it when you said that. He wanted to make you cum again but...
“We do it all the time. Just give it a rest for now.” He said, firmly.
From being with Shoto, you were able to be read his emotions easily. The small things he would show in his body language did the talking.
You narrowed your eyes at him.
“You want me.”
“No, (y/n), my sleeping is off and I can’t work well if I’m always tired.” He explained.
“Then I can just take over again.” You bargained, running your fingers over his chest.
“No, you can last until the weekend.”
For the last 5 days you went sexless. Shoto wouldn’t satisfy you nor would he let you masturbate, even if it were in his presence.
After getting back from your hero job, it was hard seeing Shoto and how sexy he was. When he was in the shower or changing, but the waiting became worth it once Saturday rolled around.
You had off so you prepared for your husband to come in and when he did, you weren’t able to express the happiness you felt. When he came in with half of his hero costume burned off portions of his body, his amazing body being exposed, it made you feel tingles. Naughty tingles.
You hugged him and you snuggled into his exposed chest. It felt nice to him, having someone to come home back to.
“Shoto, I made dinner.” You told him. “And you know what today is.” You looked up at him and gave him a wink. His face a slightly bruised and scratched from work. It only added to his ‘hot’ factor.
Shoto smiled down at you. “I didn’t forget. Let's get cleaned up and then we can eat.”
“But I didn’t work today.”
“I know.”
Shoto took you to the bathroom, the two fo you undressed and began making out, touching bodies and moaning different things into each other's ears. He had energy today.
Your tongues danced with one another. His hard cock rubbed your inner thigh and pussy lips. The two of you parted for a brief moment to get into the heated water.
Once your body was covered and moist with water, he put you up against the wall and began fucking you without warning. You loved it. You moaned his name like a slut while he grunted yours with every thrust. “Who does your body belong to?”
“It’s yours, Shoto-kun! It’s yours.”
“And who’s the only person that will ever make you feel this way?”
You! Only you!”
You could feel the core inside of you heating, making you feel more and more like the sex goddess you were. You dug your nails into his back as you bared the mix of pleasure and pain.
“I love you, Shoto.”
Those words made him feel something. Your voice was so alluring and libidinous. It gave him the little push he needed to release.
You felt his hot, steamy juices, coat your walls as he grunted a strong:
