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Dating While Bisexual (Part 1)

Love is in the air!

Valentines’ day has passed and spring is almost upon us. You might have celebrated, cried, sat eating comfort food, or even been indifferent to the holiday. It’s no secret the 14th of February makes people hyper-aware of their relationship status. If only for a moment. Don’t worry though! This is not a post to call out those who celebrated single awareness day. Instead, this is the perfect occasion to discuss how dating has changed for the bisexual community within recent years.

Quick note: Bisexuality’s history and evolution is tied to gay, lesbian and Trans history. Thus, the information presented is addressing those communities as well.

1. Queer Lives in the 1980s

 The AIDS epidemic brought social stigma for LGBT members back into the spotlight. The disease spread among gay and bisexual men, and transwomen, killing thousands. Thus, the name gay-related immune deficiency (GRIDS), thought to only infect homosexuals, was created.  People felt justified in their bigotry and hatred, seeing it as divine retribution. Thankfully, we know this is not the case and have disproven the false claims from back then.

Timeline of the AIDS Epidemic.

The social stigma brought on because of AIDS effected the way members of the LGBT interacted with each other. Many people were forced to move out of their homes, whether being kicked out, or not wanting to shame their families. In turn many of the gay/bisexual men and transgender woman ended up living together, creating their own makeshift families. There were people like Ruth Coker Burks and many queer women who tended to those who had to go through the effects of the virus.

The real tragedy of the epidemic was how quickly people were diagnosed and then slowly became emaciated until their bodies gave out. Today the stigma it created still lingers with the issue of sexual partner’s being clean, or HIV positive/negative. Even the increased idealization of muscular people being ideal, esp. among queer men, stems from the idea of being able to see who’s healthy and who’s not.

  2. Dating in Today’s Landscape

 The past for LGBT issues is a tragic one, but it explains how society has evolved.

 Today many older members of the LGBT community find themselves in a second adolescence. During their formative years of being a teenager they were struggling and coming to terms with their identity. Then later in life these LGBT people demonstrate behavior akin to teenagers. As a society we expect teenagers to go out on dates, to prom etc. as a way of maturing. The problem lies in that those relationships, however superficial, or real they might be for teenagers, are key in teaching them about how relationships work. Teenagers can learn what traits to look for in a partner, heartbreak, and even toxicity. Essentially, the joyful and hazardous trials of puppy love play a part in forming realistic expectations of a working relationship.

 LGBT teenagers rarely get the luxury of experiencing romantic relationships. Quite often they are the ones left out of place among their heterosexual peers. Even if there happens to be another LGBT person, it doesn’t mean they’re attracted to each other. Some LGBT teenagers, are fortunate enough to experience their first relationship in high school.

 Institutionally, there still aren’t systems that support and fosters a healthy growth of those LGBT relationships. For example, there are proms, homecoming, and even Sadie Hawkins dances, that frown upon queer relationships. In some cities and states it’s actively discouraged, while other institutions  try to actively encourage boys to ask girls out. There’s something to be said here about society’s view on women and the expectations society places on young people to date, but I digress.

              Bisexuals have their own unique subset of issues when dealing with dating as a teenager. Their identity struggle tends to arise usually from doubting whether they’re gay, or straight, one that may never truly go away as they get older. Luckily, the wondrous truth is bisexuality is a spectrum, and sexuality can be fluid throughout one’s life.

             Knowing this doesn’t cause their problems to go away. Bisexuals don’t get a chance to explore all aspects of their identity, even if they do experience a relationship. Some might argue that at least they have the option to “pass as straight”, but who wants to live their lives just passing. Regardless, it’s difficult to live being shackled to society’s idea of “the perfect relationship”. Of course, this is considering they go to a co-ed school. If they go to an all-girls school or all boy’s school, then what? They’re no better off than their any of their LGBT peers.

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