#bikedenver

[bikiegirl]

New bike portrait time! Rode through this cemetery to get to the High Line Canal path. #bikeportrait #bikedenver #newbikeday #biketravel #bikeadventure #biketravelweekend (at Fairmount Cemetery)

[bikiegirl]

A little slideshow of my #bikecommute into downtown Denver this morning, from the geese in City Park to pretty architecture to taking the lane in morning rush hour traffic to finally getting a #bikelane in downtown to the hidden bike dock I had to find. A fun little adventure by #bikeshare #bikedenver #urbanbikeadventures #biketravel (at Denver, Colorado)

[bikiegirl]

Nice #bikeparking in this office building. #bikedenver #bikeinfrastructure #bikenerd (at Denver, Colorado)

[dbestor]

I could eat off this weather. #denver #denvercolorado #bikedenver #denverco #coloradodusk #latesummerdays #latesummersun (at Cherry Hills Village, Colorado)

[aohardwick]

The Fear = Thinking about Death and as a result this blog post

I ruminate upon the subject of death. I am uncertain why, it just kind of pops in there.  Like the Stay Puff Marshmallow man.  And then, I’ve really done it.  

I used to be a difficult sleeping partner back in the day.  I would lie next to my partner at the time and listen to the sound of her breathing.  I’d think about how happy I was, how the moment was just perfect and tranquil. Inevitably because I am human, I would promptly think about how the moment wouldn’t last, how we’d fall asleep, wake up, go to work, and one more day would be done.  Then I would think about how eventually I would run out of days. And then I would wrestle with The Fear.

I stole the concept of the fear from The Good Doctor.  He used it to describe highs I’ve never felt.  But I knew what he was describing was mind numbing idiot terror.  It seemed an appropriate name for what I wrestled with too.  

The Fear would take hold and like some idiot savant I would bolt upright with a slew of profanities raging from my mouth.  “Fuck,” I would say, then realizing that The Fear was full on me “FUCK! OH FUCK OH GOD Oh FUCK!”  Sometimes when it was really bad I would leap from the bed and snatch at the light switch flicking on the bedroom lights and panting furiously, as if the lights had just scared of the Angel of Death.  It was/is not an endearing habit and as such I sleep alone now a days.  Even as I write this I fight back that wellspring in the eyes and lumpy bump in the back of my throat.  I fear dying.  Not because of a lack of faith in God and an afterlife.  I do believe.  I fear it because, and there isn’t any other reason necessary.  It’s unknown, and I’m fine with unknown when it comes to new food items or roads I’ve never explored. But when it comes to unconsciousness and cessation of life function I am generally hostile to such things.  For me, for you, for everyone who isn’t a dick, and even then I’m okay with most dicks getting to live as long as they repent of their dickdom.    

As it were, I find myself still wrestling with The Fear at night, and contemplating ThE FeaR sometimes during the day.  ThE FeaR creeps in during bicycle rides mostly.  I think about eating shit and impaling myself on a piece of guard rail, or rounding a corner only to find that jackass teenager texting as he/she veers over the dividing line.  I know that it’s possible to bite the big one doing anything.  No one sees it coming when it’s the big one.  I think in a sick way that’s the way I’d like to go though. Doing what I love.  I love riding my bicycle.  I love feeling the burn of a great climb.  For me descending a mountain I just climbed and feeling that roller coaster sensation in my stomach as I round that unknown corner is almost as good as orgasm.  I said almost by the way… Ladies ;)

Today I got a great ride in. I climbed up to Evergreen, had some fantastic food, meet cool and fun people who shared a taste of moonshine with me. As I descended The Hill I saw that truck I mentioned earlier.  Leaning way over the yellow, a person behind the wheel who probably drove that road a hundred times.  They have driven that route so many times they thought they could fuck about.  It’s late right, who else is coming down the mountain at this time of night.  So they did whatever it is they do to kill the time behind the wheel.  A little texty poo to the wife letting her know that they’re almost home, or perhaps they were riffling around for that great Lynard Skynard CD for the home stretch, or hell who knows, they might have been jerking the gerkin.  All of these things are done in cars on a daily basis across this great land and who the hell am I to decry the good spousal communication, entertainment, or self pleasure that is at humanity’s fingertips thanks to the combustion engine.

Oh wait no, that’s right, I’m the guy who almost got hit head on by some distracted driver on a mountain backroad.  I swung out deep to the right, riding the shoulder, crunching gravel, feeling the woosh of wider exposure to the deep deep valley below where the Bear Creek gently lapped against its bank.  

If I had eaten it tonight, it would have been the second time in about a month that I had been hit. Given the fact that it was head on and I was cruising at the recommended speed limit of 30mph it would have more than likely been my last time getting hit by a car too.  As more transplants from other areas move to this great area of our nation, I find myself encountering more and more drivers who just aren’t sure how to handle a cyclist, or how to be a safe car driver for that matter.  Texans and Californians appear to be a horde of locust obsessed with consuming gas while driving the least fuel efficient vehicle they can find.  Fine, that’s their right as an American, or at least that’s what I gather from listening to all these presidential debates.  Just remember the next time you’re riding the ass of a guy on a self propelled two wheeled form of locomotion that he is my kindred and that the sin you commit against him you commit to me.  And really yourself too, since we are all part of this crazy human race.

 But I digress, I was baring my soul here.  So, I want you to know that because I think about this stuff quite a bit I have a few requests, that if you’re not too busy, I would love you to help come true in the event of my untimely demise.  I wrote a file in my Google Docs entitled this but it doesn’t do a damn bit of good if no one but me can access it.  So I’m going to lay it out here and hopefully some of you read it.  

First things first, if you’re reading this I want you there.  I haven’t found a way to express myself better than I can when I sit at a keyboard.  If you do me the honor in life of reading this shitty blog then I would love for you to be there at the sending off.  

Second, going the cremation route.  In a field, at dusk, bonfire style.  I want a pyre like Darth Vadar got from Luke.  I mean a real hum dinger fire.   If possible ashes spread in the mountains.  For ease of dispersal let’s say top of Mt. Evans?  Please and Thank you!

Third.  Drink the fuck out of some booze please.  I want you lit and laughing.  Remember some crazy and fun shit that I pulled, tell the story, take a shot. Do this until bottles are empty please.  

Fourth.  I have been working on an amazing playlist for the overall ceremony and if it was played that would be lovely for the overall festivities.  But as things die down I would love if you would play “Codex” by Radiohead followed by the next track on that album “Give up the Ghost”  I have loved these songs for this purpose since I first heard them.

Fifth.  Please think good things about me.  The Jews believe that your afterlife is what people remember about you.  Though I don’t quite feel that way about the afterlife, I would love to bring a smile to your face when I pop in your head.  I tried, I really did.  I was a dick here and there but honest to God I really was trying to be a good person and if you could remember that, it would make me super happy.  Thanks.

 Five points.  That’s all I have on my post life wish list.  Sorry if this blog post bums you out.  Rest assured I’m not planning on going anywhere anytime soon.  But fuck, you never know.  I’d like these things to happen and really who knows if I will know if they get done or not. You could feed me to ravenous dogs and I might not know.  But that would be a dick thing to do after I went to the trouble of making this blog post, so you know, don’t be a dick.  

Long story short, if I haven’t said it to you recently I love you.  I love my life, I love the people in it, and I love the things that I get to do.  I plan to keep these operations going for as long as I can.  There isn’t a really great way to end a post like this so I’ll wrap up by saying let’s hangout, let’s be friends while we have the time, because really, who knows what tomorrow holds.

 ~A

 Codex by Radiohead