#billykaplanwrites

[brookepenelopedavisarchive]

[text]:When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bartender pretty much ordered us to get you out. / salvabrams

[text] You were the one that told me to let loose and have some fun.

[text] As far as I’m concerned, anything stupid I did last night is on you.

[brookepenelopedavisarchive]

[text] At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." / marix

[text] I know I shouldn’t yell at service workers and shit, but an M&M McFlurry?

[text] Oreo is the only way to go and people who think otherwise are wrong.

[brookepenelopedavisarchive]

[text] I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart / marix

[text] It’s not my fault you suck at mario kart babe.

[text] Just because I love you doesn’t mean I’m letting you win.

[brookepenelopedavisarchive]

[text] He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait. / salvabrams

[text] I’m really happy for you, but if you could save these texts for someone that actually cares I’d really appreciate it.

[brookepenelopedavisarchive]

[text] I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. / marix

[text] Is this the organization you plan to bring to your political career one day?

[text] I don’t know, babe, I might have to think about voting for someone else.

[elizasshamilton]

text: one more sticker and i'm blocking you / dankol

[text] that’s rude

[text] stickers are an art form, daniel

[elizasshamilton]

[text] I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas. / david + coven boys

[text] if i have to tell you ONE MORE TIME not to drink the potions i leave on the table

[text] that was supposed to broaden my ability so i could communicate with animals other than birds. glad to see it’s working.

[text] unless you’re just prone to hallucinations

[elizasshamilton]

[text] If u ever apologize to me for “too-rough” sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my ass indefinitely / luca + oberon

[text] I’m sorry, sometimes vampires are delicate compared to us fae. Very diva, if you will.