But It’s Not Funny
4. But I Can’t Stop Laughing
You stood in the backroom, washing out a water bowl that one of the dogs had managed to tip the entire contents of their food bowl into. It had turned the dry kibble into a gross gravy-like mush. Plus, it didn’t exactly smell great either, so it needed to be dealt with now. Right now, because you were not ready to deal with smelling that rancid stink for another minute more.
“You’re like a Chihuahua,” Frisk said suddenly, causing your hands to still as your brow furrowed with confusion.
You blinked at them, your face growing warm. Your eyes were narrowed and indignant. You weren’t sure you liked being compared to a small, yappy dog.
“What?” you exclaimed, “I am not!”
“You’re just so small and angry. Like a Chihuahua! You even shake like one…” They were giggling, their face hidden behind their hands and you were trying your best not to look too offended.
“I’m not even that small! You’re the same size as me, punk!”
Frisk giggled again, “Yeah, but I’m, like, sixteen! And hoowww old are you?” They sang, wiggling their eyebrows at you with a smirk on their face.
“Okay, okay, like-sixteen, go put this bowl back in the kennel, please.” You were trying and failing to sound stern, and they made a face which had you laughing a second later. As they left, they turned to sign a quick apology for teasing you, but you shook your head, a small smile still stuck on your face.
The door rang and you turned, expecting… not… that.
You blanched at the sight but tried not to let your discomfort show as you mumbled out a weak “Hello! How can I help you?”
The mass in front of you shivered and wiggled—the skin on its face (well, you assumed that was its face) quivered slightly and a gaping hole appeared in the middle. The creature seemed to be panting heavily and their shaking increased as you stepped out from behind the counter.
It had… so many legs. The head was distinctly dog-like with large, pointed ears and something akin to a snout. There appeared to be a tail on the back of it, and between each leg looked to be the outline of a dog—but you weren’t sure. It was too hard to tell with how constantly the form seemed to shift and move and change.
You approached it slowly, trying to hide your queasiness by being friendly. You cooed at it, gesturing it to come closer.
It seemed to like that and bounded up to you within seconds, its odd, tail-like protrusion wagging sporadically, flicking specks of whatever substance made this creature up all over your store.
You laid your palm out flat in front of its face and…
The thing practically swallowed your hand whole. You were about to scream in terror when suddenly your hand reappeared from the mass with a wet pop… just covered in a thick layer of some sort of grey ooze. It was becoming harder and harder not to throw up.
As you tried to hold back your gags at the unpleasant presence of the creature, you noticed a familiar figure standing behind the shifting mass of goop that somewhat resembled a dog.
“Sans?” You squeaked, almost in disbelief.
“In the flesh… or should I say sans the flesh.” He winked cheekily and you furrowed your brows, “That’s your cue to uh, laugh, or, yanno, emote at all?” Then, seemingly more to himself he whispered, “Kid sure knows how to pick ‘em.”
You frowned, “I’m still here, and can definitely hear you.”
He shrugged, definitely not apologetic in the least, “Sorry, kiddo, just findin’ it hard to tickle your funny bone.”
Your mouth twitched and you fought the urge to laugh—He’d been rude to you! There was no way you were going to start giggling just because of a few dumb jokes. Instead, you chose to question the… creature… he’d brought with them.
“So, uh, do they have a name?”
At that moment though, Frisk popped their head out from the backroom and squealed with excitement.
“ENDOGENY!”
The quivering mass responded to Frisk’s voice by shaking even more violently than they were before, you swear you could see pieces of slime rolling off of them and splattering onto the floor. Each time it did though, it collected itself back into the creature’s—Endogeny’s form.
Sans, saved from answering your question, watched as you interacted with Frisk. It was interesting—you were interesting. But at least Frisk seemed to like you. He felt an ounce of regret; he’d reacted badly upon seeing you and he knew he hadn’t made the best impression on you, but it was too late to fix that. Fate would sort itself out anyway. That was what it always did.
It turned out that cleaning the amalgamation, Endogeny, wasn’t as hard as it seemed. Their skin was like wet clay, somewhat malleable and pliable, or maybe they were more like the silly putty you used to play with as a kid. The water tended to bounce right off of them, so you opted to use a dry shampoo on their fur—or lack thereof.
Sans watched the entire time and you tried not to feel too awkward as you and Frisk worked. He wasn’t necessarily doing anything wrong, but you could feel his eyes on you. It was wearing on your patience and eventually you turned around, an angry flush on your face, and snapped, “Take a picture, it lasts longer.”
He smirked. You resisted the urge to throw something at him.
It was almost a relief to see him go.
The rest of the day went pretty smoothly and soon you found yourself packing up to leave.
“So, Frisk, shall I take you home?”
They nodded, a smile on their tanned face, “Actually, we’re gonna go to Paps’ house, I’m staying the night over there!”
“Ah, okay, kiddo. Then, let’s go, yeah?” You grabbed Luna’s leash in one hand and Frisk’s hand in the other. In your short time of knowing the kid, you felt oddly protective of them. You were pretty sure you’d fight a bitch for this kid if the need ever arose. Though, you weren’t even that much older than them, you shouldn’t really be considering them a kid anymore.
As if echoing your thoughts, they spoke up indignantly, “I’m not a kid! I’m nearly an ADULT!”
You laughed as the two of you left the shop, “That’s what a KID would say!” It took all of your willpower not to smirk at them and their flushed face. They were too fun to tease. It was like being with the little sibling you’d never had.
Frisk chatted with you about their family the entire walk to Papyrus’ place, even mentioning a sibling of theirs that… apparently, wasn’t even a sibling. They weren’t even really a human—nor a monster. You’d never really questioned Frisk’s family, nor their mother that by all means could not possibly be their biological mother.
There would never be a more perfect time to ask than now, “Hmm, so, uh, how’d you meet… er, I mean, like, Toriel is your adoptive parent, right?”
They shrugged, “Yeah, I guess so, they’re more like my real momma than… my mother was…” Their voice trailed off and when you looked over at them, they seemed to be deep in thought. Gently, you reached out and tapped their shoulder.
“It’s okay, I’m glad you have Toriel. Found family can be better than the biological. So, uh, tell me about your brother… Asriel, right?”
They nodded, the haunted look in their eyes replaced with a much more affectionate expression, “Yeah! My brother Asriel is really great… Though, uh, he likes to be called Flowey now… And I mean, he’s also a flower, but like, it’s not a big deal!”
You’d have to keep that in mind—Flowey, not Asriel. Also, what? He wasn’t a human? And he wasn’t a goat monster? He was a fucking flower? Was he conscious? Sentient? You weren’t sure… “I’ll have to meet him sometime. Maybe we can have a little picnic with your mother and your brother next week!”
Frisk agreed enthusiastically, their smile wider than ever. ‘I want to do that soon!’ They signed quickly.
You’d begun to notice in the two weeks that you’d been working with them that Frisk tended to switch to sign language when they got overly excited.
“I’d love to meet more of your family and spend some time with them!”
A comfortable silence fell between the two of you as you continued to walk. Frisk led you into a short alleyway and out onto a different street… a very familiar street… it took you a second to realize this was in the same neighbourhood as your apartment complex.
You got a sinking feeling in your gut as Frisk led you directly toward your building, but you were relieved—probably a little too relieved when you realized they didn’t actually live in your building, but rather just a block or so to the right of where you stayed.
You liked to have your space, even if you liked Papyrus a lot.
“Do you have family?” Frisk’s voice knocked you from your thoughts and you took a moment to blink at them confusedly.
“Uhhh, y-yeah… I… uh do.” You weren’t really keen on talking about them… There wasn’t much to say other than the fact that you didn’t exactly ‘get along’ with your family. You were, for all intents and purposes, completely estranged from them. Your father was neglectful, drowning his sorrows in alcohol, and your stepmother was hateful. She blamed you for a lot of things—she even blamed you for your own trauma.
You sighed, “They’re fine, I guess… I have a dad, a stepmom, and a stepbrother. My… my mother died when I was younger.”
Frisk nodded solemnly, seeming to consider your words carefully before asking, “Can I meet them someday? They can’t be that bad if they made you.”
You were saved from having to answer when Papyrus burst through the front door of his house, “OH WOWIE! I knew we had the TINY HUMAN coming over! But I didn’t think that they were going to bring the OTHER TINY HUMAN over TOO!”
He lunged toward you, arms outstretched, and you instinctively took a step back, fear swirling in your stomach. He seemed to take the cue, though, because he suddenly seemed a lot more subdued as he mumbled out a quick apology, “Sorry SMALL human, I forgot that you do not wish to be TOUCHED!”
You nodded meekly, and awkwardly patted his shoulder—or rather, his forearm, you couldn’t reach his shoulder. “It’s nice to see you again, Paps, maybe you, Undyne, and I could hang out again sometime.”
Frisk whined petulantly and you smiled affectionately, “Well of course Frisk is coming too, that’s just a given! It’s no party without little boss, here.”
The three of you chatted amiably for a moment before the two of them waved goodbye and headed into the house. You carefully picked your way down the stairs, hands in your pockets, Luna’s leash dragging on the ground beside you.
You were feeling weird—almost jealous? You wanted to head in and join them, maybe sit down for a cup of tea and talk for a while. You wanted to share stories of family and friends, gossip about nightmare costumers at the groomer’s shop, or complain about noisy neighbours. It’d been such a long time since you’d just hung out with someone for the fun of it—not counting the unplanned hangout with Undyne and Papyrus earlier this week.
You’d lost contact with most of your friends, either because they had given up on you, or because you’d isolated yourself; it was hard to tell who was at fault for your solitude. But that wasn’t right, because no, blame couldn’t be ladled out at your discretion. Everything that had happened was a matter of choice—you’d chosen the path your life was on… even if you hadn’t meant for it to turn out this way…
You hadn’t known the consequences. You hadn’t been prepared for them.
Luna pushed her wet nose into your limp hand, and you blinked, suddenly realizing you were still standing by the front steps of Papyrus’ house. Your face flushed with embarrassment. You hurriedly reached down to scoop up Luna’s leash.
Some days it just like your head got away from you and you found yourself staring into space as you thought and thought and thought and the thoughts kept getting thought and it was nonstop. Half the time it wasn’t until someone called your name, or Luna noticed and got your attention that you would snap out of it.
Time flew by when you were like that. It was so hard for you to get out of your own head when you started to overthink.
“Hey, kid!” A deep drawling voice rang out and you flinched, “Sorry, heh, I just saw you out here… I just got off work and was headin’ home. Were you droppin’ the little kiddo off?”
It was Sans, he was in his typical faded blue jacket with its fluffy white fur hood, the black athletic shorts he wore contrasting hugely with the bright white of his bones. It connected, at that moment, that you were just standing in front of his house. You knew Papyrus had a sibling, although you hadn’t realised it was Sans.
You nodded in answer, still feeling odd from your lapse in attention earlier.
He seemed to sense something was wrong, “Hey, it’s gettin’ kind of late, how about I walk ya home?”
You shrugged, "I can manage, it’s fine..." you trailed off, noticing the look of worry on his face.
“Look, to patella ya the truth, I think we got off on the wrong foot… So uh, throw me a bone here and I’ll take ya home?” He looked so awkward there as he sheepishly scratched the back of his neck, that you couldn’t help but take pity on him.
“Yeah… uh, sure… I’d, uh, be bonely on my own,” you giggled helplessly at the end of your own joke.
The expression on his face made it all the better as his eyes widened and he let out a most unattractive snort.
“That’s good, that’s real’ good,” he chuckled.
“Well, I mean…” you chewed your lower lip, thinking for a moment, “if you like puns so much, I happen to know a skele-ton of skele-puns.”
He laughed and gestured for you to start walking. The two of you made your way down the sidewalk giggling all the while as you swapped jokes back and forth.
All too soon you ended up at the front of your apartment building.
You were just about to head inside before Sans stopped you, “Hey uhm, I made kind of a shitty first impression… sorry ‘bout that, kid… Yeah, like, really sorry for being kind of rude…”
You waved a hand dismissively, “No, sorry, yeah, you’re totally fine… uh, don’t worry about it at all. Besides, I could have been nicer, right? Sorry… Er, I mean, I’m sorry as well…”
He chuckled softly, the smile on his face much softer than you’d seen it before, “No bones about it, I was a real numbskull.”
“Nah, don’t be sorry! I’m sorry, just, uh, let’s start over, how about?”
He nodded, looking slightly relieved.
You were just about to head inside once again when he stopped you once more. If anything, he looked even more nervous than he did when he’d asked to walk you home. “So uh, I was wondering… as, heh, a way to ‘start over’…”
He took a deep breath, like he was mentally preparing himself for something big; you waited with bated breath.
“Look, I lost my number, can I have yours?”
You snorted before you could stop yourself and clapped a hand over your mouth as you giggled, “That is the worst come on I’ve ever heard.”
You could have sworn there was a light blue dusting on his cheeks, but when you took a closer look, it was gone, and his mildly embarrassed expression was replaced with the typical easy grin. You held out your hand, gesturing for his phone and he handed it to you.
You settled for the name “NOT Tiny Human” and typed your contact information in, “There you have it… Just don’t, uh, text me at like three in the morning and we should be good—or do, I mean, I’m not your boss.”
He snickered and for the third time that night you said your goodbyes, this time actually making it inside. When you turned around to wave one last time, he was gone.
