Friday would have been Alice’s 15th birthday. This is going to get a little cat mommy-ish, but I’ve tried to cut it down to the basics. . Things have been hard without her. I didn’t realize how entwined she was in my feelings of love, security, and home. She was a huge support for anxiety and a respite from self-destructiveness. We had a telepathic connection, and a tenderness, care and intimacy that was something I never felt like I had growing up. . I’d talk to her and she’d talk back. I’d call her name out the back door and she’d come running. Or she’d stay put and meow at me like, “but mom…” or “in a minute!” When I came home I’d hear a familiar thump from the floor above, her jumping off the bed, and she’d be running down the stairs talkin to me. She’d meow at me to try to get me to go upstairs at bedtime, especially when I was dilly-dallying. And all the ways she’d try to get me up in the morning, messing with books and papers, kicking things off tables, she was my best alarm clock. Perched on my shoulder or laying on my chest at night, she’d ease my anxiety and help me sleep. With her gone, it sometimes feels like I’ve lost my life raft. . All pets are special and unique. They all speak to us without words. And I have a voice in my head that reminds me that I didn’t lose a human, so what do I have to complain about? I think its because we have a difficult relationship with grief in our culture that I think those things. The truth is that in her I discovered a part of myself that could care for another and be cared for, that could love and be loved, maybe a part of myself that was there but hiding. Its somehow connected to myself as a kid and whatever pure joy looks like. She’s the little jewel in my eye. 💠✨ . . Morris St, Portland, November 2015 Holga 120S, Kodak Portra 400 . . . #holga #holga120 #mediumformat #120film #filmphotographic #photofilmy #onfilm #analoguelove #analoguepeople #filmisalive #istillshootfilm #sheshootsfilm #womenphotographers #thefemaleframe #onfilmdiary #back2thebase #kodakfilm #kodakportra400 #catsofpdx #catsonfilm #catsofinstagram #porchcat #birdsbesafe (at Cat Lovers)