#biscuitext

[thisisbiscuit2]

Bedman is a great character because every time I think about his story long enough I explode into a million pieces

[thisisbiscuit2]

I think Bedman would use the computer but not the internet. He would “blog” in the sense that he would open the notepad application and put down the current date and type out what was on his mind at the time. It could be one of his normal tangents or one sentence long like “I do not like jello.” He would make a tier list of soups. Does this make sense. Do you see my vision

[thisisbiscuit2]

Honestly speaking, if we were to get a “Romeo comes back scenario”, I would not want it to be a clean thing. I want it to be messy!

Give me a Romeo whose revival is as traumatizing as his death. Give me a Romeo who didn’t know he was coming back, didn’t expect to come back, thought he had done all he could and wasn’t ready to come back. Give me a Romeo who has a reunion with Delilah is dramatic and emotional and carries the weight of everything he did for both of them. Give me a Romeo who doesn’t want to go out of his room, who is afraid of people knowing who he is and what he once was, who is ashamed of looking at his loved ones as if he deserves to live. Give me a Romeo who struggles to understand people because he’s been disconnected from them for so long, who feels he’s too broken to ever make a connection again.

Give me a Romeo who’s lost most of his power, and what’s left has left his body broken, and he needs some kind of assistance that he keeps stubbornly refusing because he feels he’s too broken doesn’t deserve that. Give me a Romeo that struggles without his full powers, that has to live among people he looked down on for so long. Give me a Romeo who despite trying to get better, sometimes relapses into his old ways of using violence and lashing out at others because it’s one of the few times he feels in control, and then he regrets it afterwards because he keeps hurting the ones he loves.

Give me a Romeo who is kept up at night by the nightmares of the lives he’s taken, the blood on his hands. Give me a Romeo that tosses and turns, wishing he was never brought back because he’s such a burden on everyone, on himself. Give me a Romeo who realizes his existence is unbearable, that he can’t keep going like this.

And then, after all that, give me a Romeo that one day is just resting up against a tree, having a rare moment of silence aside from the laughter of his sister playing with the bed he has long since been separated from in the distance. And as he sits there, he realizes he didn’t really do anything today. He wasn’t asked of anything, asked to give or take, no assignments, no targets, nothing. Today, for the first time in a long time, he is not fighting for his life or struggling to survive. Today, he is just existing, almost like a normal human being. Like he himself is human. And he realizes, just for moment, that being alive might not be as unbearable as he thought it was.

Give me a Romeo who decides to keep living a little longer to see if he gets another day like this.

[biscuitmango]

I finally have an appointment to see my therapist again. it's been months without insurance coverage

I just have to get through the next 6 days. i'm so tired.