#bitter adoptee

[valengory1234]

Ok adopter (deragatory) 🙄

[dangercupcakemurdericing]

Did you know?

Not every Black child adopted by yts ends up in a rich home. Shocking, I know, but the idea that we shouldn’t complain, becuase we “have it made” is both untrue and silencing.

[dangercupcakemurdericing]

just a question from a white person who's family has recently adopted some babies who aren't white: do u get along with ur family? sorry this is rly personal

that is a complicated question to answer.

I do, but I’m also constantly dealing with racist micro-aggressions  from my family  which is very stressful and impacts my self-worth to this day. I guess the clearest way to try and put it that most people who aren’t adopted would get it, is imagine if you were gay and you knew you were gay from the earliest as did everyone around you and they were all low-key homophobic although of course they would never characterize themselves as a homophobe. And whenever you bring up that they’re being homophobic you get accused of being divisive and ruining the day so you bottle it all inside and it’s on you to uphold your parents image of themselves as good people who would of course never be  homophobic.

It’s a lot like that. And honestly what I’m dealing with is mild compared to the adoptees that I know who were adopted by people with extreme white savior complexes.

I guess the best advice I can give you, I’m assuming you wanted advice and not just useless reassurance that of course things will be fine, is that it’s on the people who aren’t adoptees to ensure that transracial adoptees feel othered as little as possible and feel that we’re able to express ourselves without needing to self censor for the emotional benefit of adults.

[dangercupcakemurdericing]

I think one thing I do want to do is learn to cook some dishes from arkansas. I think it might make me feel more in touch with my heritage, or maybe I’m just fooling myself, I don’t know.

[dangercupcakemurdericing]

Honestly non transracial adoptee opinions on transracial adoption don’t matter.

#stayinyourlane

[dangercupcakemurdericing]

Most of the messages I’ve gotten on here taking me to task for being “anti-adoption”* have been from white queer people, who are ever so eager to explain to me how their participation in neo-colonial child trafficking would be okay, because queerness.

*And to be clear, I’m not actually anti adoption, I have issues with adoption as an industry and how it reinforces issues due to the never ending quest on the part of white westerners for wet from the womb babies and very young children due to anti-adoptee myths that pervade society and leave the children most in need of homes without families. I also have a number of separate but related issues with transracial adoption, simply due to the fact that we live under white supremacy and most whites aren’t willing to put in the work so that they aren’t enacting racist bullshit on their children.

[dangercupcakemurdericing]

Sometimes I feel so guilty about searching for my bio family, despite the the fact that my parents have always encouraged it. Hell, my brother’s other mom flew up for his high school graduation, and they were nothing but welcoming. 

And yet, I feel like I’m being unappreciative for wanting to know the people who share my blood, who might be able to tell me what my bio mother was like. Like there is this whole cultural narrative that adoptees, esp, transracial adoptees should just be eternally grateful to have been “rescued” from their communities of origin and thrust into a better life.

It is not that I don’t appreciate my adoptive parents, as far as parents go they’re quite wonderful but for the clueless whiteness, but my life didn’t start when they signed the adoption papers. I feel quite adrift having only blankness as heritage and I’d like to find more stable mooring. Still, I can’t help but worry that my parents resent me for this.

[dangercupcakemurdericing]

I would really like to know how non transracially adopted Black people feel qualified to talk over Black adoptees when we express concern about the racially incompetent (and often abusive) parenting of white people with adopted Black children. Like why are you riding so hard for whiteness, do you deep down really believe that white people are better parents by virtue of being white?