#adoptee

[macsen-y-ceffyl]

One of the emotional labours of being adopted is that you can never stop coming out as adopted and mentioning it to people who don't know you are. You can't remain a "closet" adoptee because circumstances demand you discuss your parents sometimes and it's often unavoidable.

It's one of the most little-known oppressions out there imo. You're never allowed to be normal. You always have to enter conversations about family scared you're going to bring the mood down or weird people out by saying you're adopted.

I can't tell you how I feel the atmosphere shift when I mention my adoptee status. It's like a thick wet blanket hangs in the air between myself and others in the conversation.

Some are benignly curious, sure. Others follow it up with discriminatory language, like "real mum and dad" or demanding to know your literal life story. Most of the time, I preemptively put all my cards on the table, so no-one asks the inevitable.

It plays out just like my oppression for being queer. Or disabled/neurodivergent. Yet it receives little to no attention in the public sphere. There isn't even a name for it.

[aromantic-afamilial]

No way did I just read the intro to a book about adoption and see parents uncritically called the "owners" of their adopted child.

[mouseimp]

If I ever re-write "Rock Star", I will definitely go more into depth about being motherless for a majority period of your life. I feel like I could relate to Marceline a lot in that sense, even though she never has really said much about it in-canon, herself. From my perspective, it feels like a void that will never get filled. The only thing you can do is, essentially, become your own mother. But, you can't help but wonder, what would it be like? To actually have a Mom??? And not just... a memory of what that's supposed to feel like. And you don't even know what it's supposed to feel like. All you ever have is what everyone else tells you.

[777sanele]

An adoptee: I know getting adopted to a middle-class or upper middle-class family has opened doors for me which most likely would've been shut if I stayed with my biological family. But I'm still angry and sad because I was adopted, I hate being adopted so much I wish I was aborted. When I was religious as a child I cried to God(s) why He/they punished me by separating me from my mother and what I can do to get her back. Every year when my birthday is coming, it fills me with sadness because I don't have a real family, and I wish in the future there won't be kids who have to go through the same stuff I grew up with.

A person who isn't adopted: But I want to adopt kids because I don't like men and I'm infertile so I'll adopt a kid. I know all the problems it causes but I'll be so much better

Why you people have to comment on this shit? When adoptees are telling they're suicidal, they wish they were never born or feel worthless, have self-image or self-esteem problems why people who are not adopted feel the urge to talk on it? If you're not adopted you do not know how it feels to feel lost, abandoned and unwanted from early childhood, you don't know how it feels to feel like a back-up plan, a second chance, last option. So why would you bring up your own want for adoption especially right after reading again another adopted person telling how they've felt inferior compared to their siblings all their lives because their siblings are biologically related to the parents? Can you people read the room?

[macsen-y-ceffyl]

Friendly reminder that adoptees are one of the least-recognised marginalised people in the world. Even though adoption is commonplace. There is unfathomable trauma to being adopted that shakes your world from day one. As an adoptee, please take the time to listen to us when we say that certain things are harmful.

"You're adopted" jokes are harmful. Insisting adoption is always a good thing/nice and rosy is harmful. Using words like "fake" and "real" family is harmful. We are people with complex lives and most, if not all of us, develop some kind of trauma due to being adopted (whether it worked out for us or not).

Don't forget to include adoptee voices and the various intersections we inhabit.

[red-envelopes]

a lot of things a lot of the time really are quite a lot and a lot to deal with. there's only so much weight one can carry. but not many places to set it down. until then one has to keep getting stronger so they can carry the weight. but that's a lot too.

[pinkypoodle]

I’m not trying to disrespect adoptees who want to meet or reconnect with their biological family, because people naturally want answers about their identity, origins, resemblance, medical history, abandonment, or unresolved emotions. Honestly, if I were adopted, I’d probably feel curious too. I can’t fully say for sure though, because I’ve never experienced that situation myself.

But that’s also why I’m hesitant about adopting babies, toddlers, younger kids, or doing interracial and international adoption. Younger kids naturally grow up wondering about their biological family, and I already know that dynamic would be difficult for me emotionally. If I ever adopted, I’d rather adopt an older child, like 11 and up, where they already understand their family situation and actively want adoption themselves.

Even then, I still might not adopt at all, regardless of age, because yeah, part of me knows I’d feel bothered sacrificing so much for a child only for them to strongly prioritize biological ties in the end. That’s why fostering honestly feels more realistic for me. I’d rather foster older teens and ask if adoption is something they genuinely want instead of forcing that role onto them.

[dreamnewdreams]

I think it’s important to note that I have never been “happy/content” wherever I have lived. Your biggest mistake was trying to pin me down. The unfortunate part of this story is the fact that it isn’t directed to a specific person in my life because it seems to fit for everyone I’ve ever been with. Talk about a common denominator. Turns out it was never them - surprise, surprise. But everyone knows that - if you ask me about them, they always have a five star review. Maybe that should have been a tell tale. Why am I reviewing everyone with 5 stars. If everyone is so wonderful why would I leave? Because it isn’t them. It’s me. It’s always been me. Do you know what it feels like to watch your own life collapse before it happens? I do. And it’s about to. I love him. But he’s going to leave me. And I can’t do anything to keep him. There isn’t anything that I contribute to make his life or time worth it. I’ll be back to square one and it’s nothing but my fault. I was never equip for this. I want it more than anything else in my entire life - yet it is so impossible for me to keep. It’s like I’m poison. D is so smart. I’m so silly to think he’d choose this for his forever. I wish I didn’t have to live in this limbo. It feels like purgatory.