Imagine if… alternate history.
Imagine if, all those years ago, you woke up to find me in your tent, with your panties pulled down to your knees, with you laying on your back and me straddling your thighs.
My hand clamps over your mouth before you can say a word, so hard it almost hurts as you feel your head pushed into the ground beneath your pillow.
As your eyes begin to focus you stare at the head of my cock, as my hand slowly covers and uncovers it as I stroke myself.
Hold still and don’t make a sound.
If you yell I’ll have to shut you up, and if you move, I may miss your stomach and accidentally cum all over those moist inviting fucking lips of yours.
I have been watching you, you’ve SEEN me die a little every time you laugh with someone else, walk away with someone else, every time you touch someone’s arm and smile up at them, it makes me want to kill them or maybe just give up and die.
I’d never violate you the way I want, but I’ve been hard for 12 hours straight, because of you; it’s only fair you help me resolve this problem. You’ve heard the commercials, any longer than 4 hours and even a doctor would have to help Blackbird!
Just lay there. Look up at me, stay still, and this will be over soon.
I know I’m crossing a line. I know you’ll never see me the same way again, never trust me again… but it was either this or walk into the fucking lake and swim as far from shore as I can before I give up.
I know you’ve seen me. I know you’ll never are aware of how I feel. Watching you go off with that fucking guy tonight… I know you’ve seen just used your hands, it I swear you blocked eyes with me as you led him into the dark.
I don’t know why I’m not good enough, why you hate yourself so much that defiling yourself with a stranger is better letting yourself be with someone who wants you forever.
Maybe I’m too intense. Maybe I’m too ugly. All I know is this:
I follow you so I can see you more. I make myself watch you with others because it’s better than not seeing you. I close my eyes, and you dance through my dreams.
After tonight, after you wear the evidence of my obsession, I’ll disappear. It will destroy my soul, but it’s better than seeing fear or hatred in your eyes. Better than trying to see you and having to watch you run from me.
Remember that I love you. Remember that I needed you so badly I’m willing to hate myself forever as a price for this little piece of you.
would 19 year old you have let me finish?
Would you have reached down to help, reached up to wipe away my tears, or loosed your claws to TRY to drive me away?
Would THAT have been enough for you to accept how much you meant to me, to see the amazing truth of who you are rather than the scarred lonely little girl you still saw in the mirror then?