wowee I finally actually wrote a nsfw story. I don't think it's something I'll continue to do regularly in the future, but I had an interesting plot hook that I just had to get out there.
This is a continuation of my old series In Space, No One Can Hear You Sneeze, which is currently only on AO3. I figure this probably takes place at least a couple years after the last chapter I wrote there, since the relationships hadn't gotten nearly to this point yet.
Female sneezes - Feathers, Pollen
cw: Drugs, Soft Dom/Sub stuff
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When Athena said she wanted to 'experiment,' this wasn't exactly what Kyase had in mind. The violet-hued Inor finds herself restrained to Athena's bed in only her underwear, and… That's it. Her so-called partner is nowhere to be found. A minute passes, and Kyase looks down at her hands in turn. Her wrists are tied to either side of the bed frame with sufficient slack to allow some movement, but not enough to bring them to her body, much less untie herself. She lifts her arms as high as she can and lets them flop back down to the mattress.
"Athena?" Kyase eventually mumbles, surely too quiet for anyone to hear. With no response forthcoming, she pouts and kicks her feet up and down.
"Hey! If you're pulling some kind of prank on me, you're dead!"
Kyase would have liked to think Athena was past the point of something so juvenile, but old habits die hard. Fortunately, before she can catastrophize further, a crash issues from the closet and the door slides open. Athena stumbles out, her sapphire ponytail swinging wildly, and she holds up a small, cloudy vial.
"Found it!"
Kyase rolls her eyes and resists the urge to keel over. She's not sure if she'll be able to sit up again if she does. Instead, she continues to pout and says nothing as Athena approaches. Clutching the vial between her lips, the Terran begins to shed her clothes on the floor, one article at a time. Kyase gives no reaction, at least until Athena begins to hop around on one foot in a clumsy attempt to remove her pants.
"You really know how to get a girl g-"
Kyase suddenly falls silent when Athena dives onto the bed and presses a finger over her lips.
"You're so whiny," smirks the Terran.
"Have you considered giving me less to whine about?" Kyase shoots back. Athena shakes her head.
"Nah. You're cute when you're whiny."
Even that blunt instrument of a line still manages to turn Kyase's cheeks a darker shade of purple. Athena begins to unscrew the vial's cap, but she stops short of opening it.
"Ready?"
Kyase's eyes narrow, and she glances back and forth between Athena and her illicit substance.
"This better be good."
"Only the best."
Athena straddles Kyase's thighs, causing her blush to deepen further. She tosses the cap over her shoulder, and at long last she holds the vial just below Kyase's nose.
At first, Kyase's thin, closed-up nostrils are hesitant to accept the vapor. But, after swallowing her bashfulness, she manages to flare them open slightly. The milky white fumes that lick at her septum are quickly drawn inside as she takes a tentative sniff. Then, her nostrils snap shut once more and she scrunches up her face, not sure what to expect. Kyase relaxes just slightly when she feels Athena stroke a hand down her cheek.
"How do you feel?"
"Smells like…"
Kyase lightly shakes her head and gives a tiny cough. Then, her eyes slowly flutter open, pupils dilating.
"…Chocolate ice cream."
"You like it?"
Kyase nods limply, her eyes starting to roll back. She hardly notices Athena placing a fingertip on her forehead, but she goes completely rigid when she feels that finger begin to slide down the slope of her long, prominent nose. A near-silent whimper catches in Kyase's throat when Athena's finger glides over the tip of her nose, and she squirms as it comes to rest in the center of her broad, flat septum.
"Oh, you definitely like that."
Kyase can barely bring herself to nod. Even the slight motion of Athena's finger against her nose is… She's never experienced something like this before. At least, not exactly. When Athena told her, naturally she was skeptical. But, taking wild gambles on that mad, foolish space pirate continues to pay dividends.
Athena starts to gently tickle the underside of Kyase's nose with her finger. The Inor's mind goes blank, only able to focus on the sensation of her nose jiggling side to side. She isn't sure whether she'd rather rub under her nose, or between her legs. Kyase tries to send one hand to each spot, but the ropes hold fast. She squirms, sucking in a small gasp.
"Athena, I…"
The Terran ceases her tickling. Kyase floats on the lingering sensation for a moment, but as it begins to fade, she finds herself feeling increasingly flustered.
"Why'd you stop?" she moans. Athena plays with a lock of Kyase's bobbed black hair.
"Do you want me to keep going?"
Kyase nods. Athena's smile takes on a smug tone, and the slides her hand down under Kyase's strong chin.
"Then be sure to ask nicely."
"Please, Athena."
"Please what?"
Kyase shrinks, her eyes darting away from Athena's. She takes a deep breath and tries to weather the wave of embarrassment.
"Please, um… The, uh… Please…"
Suddenly Kyase ducks her head down, trying to press her nose into Athena's wrist, but Athena deftly slides back and away. Batting her eyelashes, Athena slowly wags her finger side to side.
"That was very, very naughty, Kyase. Now I have to punish you…"
Kyase's puppy dog eyes stare pleadingly as Athena flops her way toward the head of the bed. After feeling around in her side table drawer, she straightens up and brandishes a long, sharp feather. Kyase's knees and shoulders reflexively scrunch in, but Athena isn't targeting any of her usual ticklish spots.
When the feather sweeps across the underside of Kyase's nose, her whole body shudders in ecstasy. Punishment? This is heaven. Her head lolls to one side, black hair cascading across her face. An involuntary moan escapes her throat as she clumsily props herself up on one elbow. The moan becomes a startled squeak when Athena grabs her by the jaw and gently guides her face upright, and then the tickle on her septum resumes.
Underneath Kyase's soft, supple nose, her nostrils tremble. The pair of thin slits slowly peek open to a pair of large ovals, allowing the tip of the feather to flick inside. Kyase's nasal passages were already quite sensitive at the best of times, but this is unlike anything she's ever experienced before. The feather dances along a few of her nose hairs and immediately she moans again. Athena's other hand shifting behind her shoulders is all that's keeping her from collapsing.
Kyase never liked sneezing. It was loud, distracting, often messy, and always embarrassing. But, as a tickle blossoms inside her nose, so too does another between her thighs. Again her hands struggle in vain to reach for either spot, but it soon becomes apparent that she won't need any extra push.
"ah… haah…"
Her breath hitches, each one sending a jolt of pleasure coursing through her. The feather continues to slip in and out of her nostrils, the soft bristles leaving nothing untouched. Kyase fully gives herself over to the urge, her hips twisting in anticipation of the inevitable release.
But, just as Kyase is about to bellow out a most divine sneeze, the feather vanishes. The building pleasure comes to such a sudden halt that she physically lurches forward. After a frustrated gasp, Kyase forces one teary eye open and finds Athena firmly holding an outstretched finger against the underside of her nose.
"Athena… Let me… Sneeze…!" she begs, helplessly rubbing her thighs together. Athena lifts her finger higher, creasing Kyase's nose on top of it. Whatever satisfaction should be coming from having her nose squished is completely smothered by the denied sneeze bouncing around inside her nostrils. Athena leans in close, a mischievous smile curling her lips.
"You can sneeze when you've learned to be a good girl."
Athena removes her finger, but by now the sneeze has been lost. With an inelegant snort, Kyase wriggles her nose around in a circle. It doesn't feel nearly as good without Athena's touch. But, just as the thought crosses her mind, she feels Athena's lips press around the wide tip of her nose. Kyase freezes, hoping for Athena to take a step further. Her nostrils begin to flare eagerly, at which point Athena blows a teasing puff of air directly into them.
With a pathetic, throaty wheeze, Kyase finally flops onto her back. Her hands flail against her restraints, desperate to take care of herself should Athena still refuse to. Then, for better or worse, she feels the feather return to the underside of her nose. Kyase immediately does her best to flare her nostrils open, hoping to build up a sufficient tickle before Athena can stop her.
"Mmm, that's it," she breathes, her nose giving an involuntary scrunch.
"Are you ready to behave?"
"Y-yes…"
"You promise?"
"I promise, A-Athena… aah… hh-!"
Athena slowly traces the feather around the edges of Kyase's nostrils. They close and flare open erratically, occasionally trapping the tip of the feather inside. Eventually the feather comes back with a coating of sticky blue Inor mucus, and Athena decides to go in for the kill.
"Yes… Y-yhhh… Yes…!" Kyase hitches, her back arching as high as it can with Athena still on top of her. But much to her dismay, the tickling stops once again, just as she's about to pass the point of no return. Feeling Athena's finger press across her nostrils, Kyase rocks back and forth and kicks her feet in the air.
"Athena! I… Can't take it anymore!"
Keeping her finger in place, Athena lays flat on top of Kyase.
"Aw, but I thought you didn't like to sneeze."
Kyase stills just slightly. Though her face is already flushed, her cheeks take on a notably shy shade of purple.
"But it feels… So… So…"
"I know," Athena murmurs with an evil chuckle. "It's gonna feel so good. So why won't I let you?"
"Because… You're… The worst!" Kyase pants, on the verge of tears. Athena shrugs, and again she reaches for her bedside table. This time she returns with a pristine red rose, and Kyase remains unaware of its presence until its soft petals brush against the underside of her nose. Athena simultaneously slides her free hand down Kyase's belly and tucks her fingers under her partner's panties.
"Ah… Athena…" Kyase jolts. Athena turns the rose's stem back and forth, and at the same time she gently circles a fingertip around Kyase's clitoris. Kyase twitches, her knees squeezing together.
"You're still a naughty girl, Kyase," Athena says, resting her chin between her partner's breasts. "But, you're cute when you're whiny."
As Athena works her fingers between her thighs, Kyase takes a long-suffering sniff of the rose. Its heavy, fragrant pollen fills her nostrils, and in her current state she can immediately begin to feel it have its way with her. Terran flowers always made her sneeze, and while part of her knows she's going to be disastrously stuffed up later, the rest of her doesn't care. Kyase sniffs and sniffs again, the exhales in between quickly being replaced by moans of pleasure.
The oncoming sneeze and orgasm swell within her. In fact, the two urges may as well be one and the same. Kyase flares and squirms, every touch and tickle fanning the flames. She aches for that ultimate catharsis, silently begging for Athena's permission.
"There, you can do it," Athena prods. She pushes the rose higher, its petals enveloping the base of Kyase's nose. After one more snort of pollen, Kyase goes limp. She lays still for a second, and then her chest begins to heave, harder and higher with each successive gasp.
"hh… hih… hhh-haahh…"
Athena's fingers dampen, and she finally allows Kyase to continue.
"ah… ahhh… ahAhhAHH'SCHHT!!!"
A harsh sneeze lifts Kyase's head up from the mattress, her knees simultaneously bucking under Athena. Her flaring nostrils cover the rose in blue slime, and Athena drops it off the edge of the bed with a chuckle. Just as she'd expected, Kyase isn't finished yet.
"HAAEESCHHOOH!!"
An almost immediate second sneeze rocks her body. Less messy this time, but without the rose in the way, she still manages to spatter two small streaks down her breasts. Kyase snorts desperately, her nostrils closing for an instant before flaring wide open again. And then…
"ah… aahh… HAAASSSCHHHT!!!"
With one more great sneeze, Kyase drenches both Athena's face and her hand. Athena can only laugh, rolling over to lay beside her partner. Deep, labored breaths follow the sneezing fit, slowly relaxing little by little as Kyase begins to wind down.
"Wh… What… Is that stuff?" she wheezes once she's finally able to speak again.
"Terrans call it Jack Frost."
"Jack- Athena, I swear, if this is another non sequitur Terran pop culture reference…"
"Oh, you know it is."
"Fuck…" Kyase groans. She takes one more deep breath and sighs heavily.
A weird one that combined a lot of stuff that I tended to enjoy. Stephanie is also another name I ended up reusing a lot for no particular reason other than I like it lol. And I guess still from before I started italicizing spelled out sneezes.
CW for some peril and horror themes, and mentions of death.
Originally published December 18th, 2013.
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"I'm hungry," Steph groaned to herself as she sat alone in her living room. She placed a hand on her belly and glanced at the clock on the far wall as it slowly ticked the seconds away. Her pizza was due to arrive at any minute, but that wasn't about to stop her from complaining. After taking a deep breath, Steph held it for a second and then let it out as a tired sigh. Then, her nose twitched sharply to the left and she scrunched up her face.
"Ugh! Why don't you ever stop?" Steph mumbled as she began to massage the sides of her nose. The sharp prickling died down to a feathery tickle, but Steph knew she was still about to sneeze.
"Aaahhhh..." Steph took a deep breath, her head tipping back slightly. At this point, she gave up on massaging the tickle out of her nose. She knew better than to try holding back.
"Aaaaaaahhhhhh..." After another hitched breath, Steph's head was tipped back as far as it would go, and her nose pointed straight up at the ceiling. Her friends used to make fun of her for sneezing so theatrically, but Steph didn't care. She'd always enjoyed being overdramatic.
"HA-KNSS!!!"
Keeping her mouth closed, Steph sneezed powerfully through her nostrils. The pressure building in her sinuses immediately disappeared, and at the same time she felt something light and fluffy rocketing through her nasal passages. A pair of black clouds oozed out of Steph's nostrils, melding into a singular blob just a few inches away from her face. Once the last of the substance left her nose, Steph opened her eyes to see a small, black orb floating in front of her face. A pair of tiny white eyes stared back at her for a second, and then the orb quickly darted away, leaving a trail of black mist in its wake. Steph rolled her eyes, and then she pressed her palm to her nostrils and mashed them upward, her nose creasing sharply just above the tip.
"Finally, thank god!" Steph blurted as she heard a knock on her front door. She gave her tickly nose another upward rub with her palm as she stood and headed for the entryway. Having long since gotten used to them, she paid no attention to the dozens of tiny eyes watching her from the shadows. In the three years since Steph started sneezing the little things out of her nose, she'd grown accustomed to them. Their eerie stares used to unnerve her to no end, but eventually she realized that they never did anything harmful. Before too long, she even started to think of them as her only companions, especially since she decided to lock herself away in her inherited estate.
Steph flung the front door open as soon as she reached it, and she smiled when she saw her usual delivery boy standing outside. He smiled back, bowing his head for a second and handing a pizza box to the solitary customer.
"Hey, Stephanie," he said, giving a little wave with his free hand. "Enjoy."
"Please, call me Steph," she responded with a laugh, accepting the box.
"Sorry, I always forget," the delivery boy said, beginning to blush slightly as he laughed at himself. Steph had already paid with her credit card over the internet, but she decided to give the young man a tip anyway. After setting her pizza box down inside, she fished around in her wallet and handed the delivery boy a few bills.
"Oh, you really don't have to..."
"Please, I insist," Steph interrupted, holding up a hand. They exchanged a smile again, but Steph suddenly clenched her eyes shut and wrinkled her nose. She wasn't about to sneeze, but the sudden tickle in her sinuses was too strong for her to ignore.
"Ugh, damn!" Steph whined as she mashed her nostrils upward with the palm of her hand. Her hand hovered under her nose for a second as she paused to sniff a few times, and then she pressed her nostrils up again.
"You okay?" the delivery boy laughed as he watched Steph struggle with her nose. After giving her nostrils a third vertical rub, Steph coughed once and nodded, putting on a strained smile.
"Yeah," she choked, coughing once more, "I must have allergies or something."
"Well, I hope you feel better soon," the young man said, smiling warmly. Steph nodded in thanks, and then she pressed her palm to her nostrils yet again and did her best to plug up her nose. Now she felt a sneeze coming on, and she wasn't about to let one loose in front of someone.
"Th-thanks for the pizza! Have a nice night!"
The delivery boy waved goodbye, and Steph quickly shut the door. She felt a little rude slamming the door on him, but she found that preferable to letting someone see what happened when she sneezed. Turning away from the door, Steph took a shrill breath and removed her hand from her nose.
"Aaahhhhh... KNSSS!"
Steph felt herself blow out another cloudy black orb, but this one had already darted away by the time she opened her eyes. Giving a quick shrug, Steph carried her pizza back into the living room and set it down on the table in front of her favorite chair. Flipping the box open, Steph grabbed the nearest slice and began to chow down. That delivery boy was probably the closest thing she had to a real friend anymore. Maybe someday she'd invite him inside, but she just didn't feel ready to show anyone her secret yet.
Four years ago, just as Steph was starting college, her parents were killed in a car accident. This left her almost completely alone, her only surviving relatives being her maternal grandparents. They were more than willing to finance the rest of Steph's time in college, but only one year later, they too passed away. Having no other descendants to care for, they left Steph everything they had, from their small fortune to both of their homes. Steph only knew about their first house, a small but cozy home in the suburbs. She'd visited it a dozen times as a child, but she never knew her grandparents owned the estate she currently lived in until they left it to her.
Steph's original plan was to live in the smaller house, but almost as soon as she moved into the mansion to explore it, she found herself unable to leave. Not because she physically couldn't exit, but because something happened to her. After the first time Steph slept in the mansion, she began to sneeze frequently, and every time she did, one of those little black clouds always came out of her nose. Fearing the worst, Steph sealed herself away and severed all ties with her former friends. At first she thought she was going insane, though nowadays she was certain the little watchful blobs were real. Even still, Steph knew no one would believe her if she tried to tell the truth, and as benign as the creatures appeared to be, she didn't trust them not to make a mess if they were brought into the public eye.
"Want some?" Steph asked with a full mouth as she reached for another slice of pizza. She glanced around at the dozens of eyes watching her, but as usual they didn't respond in any way. Shrugging to herself, Steph stuffed the next slice of pizza into her mouth and chewed unceremoniously.
"You guys are a great crowd, really," she grumbled, wiping at the corners of her mouth with a napkin. As she reached for a third slice, Steph suddenly stopped with her hand hovering over the pizza.
"Oh, not again..." she whined, wrinkling her nose up tightly. Already knowing this tickle would make her sneeze, Steph made no effort to hold it back. The less time she wasted, the sooner she could get back to her pizza.
"HAA-KNNSSSS!!!"
This sneeze was a little bigger than usual, but Steph wasn't terribly surprised. The little cloudy orbs already came in so many different sizes. Expecting to see another harmless ball of fluff floating away from her, she was completely unprepared for what she found when she opened her eyes. Steph's heart skipped a beat as she saw a large, dark cloud in the exact shape of a human body sitting in the chair across from her. It was like the first time all over again; Steph could only feel confused and terrified. She didn't even rub her nose, leaving the leftover tickle to grow until it made her sneeze again.
"KNS!"
This time, Steph immediately mashed her nostrils upward with her palm to make sure she wouldn't sneeze a third time. Sniffing twice, she slid the side of her index finger under her nose and flicked the tip up a few times; her solution for when ignoring the tickle wasn't enough but a full-on vertical rub was overkill.. Steph hoped the figure sitting across from her would simply be gone when she looked back at it, but she knew that was too much to ask for. It was still there, and it looked different somehow. The figure now looked more whole and less cloudy. Steph could only assume that the lack of another little creature meant her second sneeze somehow strengthened this humanoid entity. She had no reason to believe it was malicious, but that hardly brought her any comfort.
"Uh... Hi?" Steph said, waving one hand weakly at the figure. She couldn't make out any eyes, but at the same time she felt it was staring back at her. The only features Steph could discern were the vague outline of hair around its head, and a nose protruding from its face. After staring blankly for a few seconds, the figure simply stood up from its chair and walked away without a word. Steph felt a mixture of relief and paranoia as she watched her new guest leave the room. She was glad it was gone, but she knew it was still around somewhere.
After taking a moment to calm down, Steph went back to eating her pizza. She had never been much of a stress-eater, but the familiar taste of the food definitely made her feel better. By the time she had the last slice in her hand, she'd almost forgotten about the humanoid figure wandering around her house. However, once she finished, Steph looked up at the doorway leading to the hall to see the figure standing there once again. She was a little startled, but she tried to remain calm. The figure still didn't seem terribly threatening, but then Steph noticed a long, sharp feather clutched in its right hand.
"Can... Can I help you?" Steph asked as the figure began to approach. She intently watched the way it walked; it had long legs and it took delicate, feminine strides. Above all, it moved with a purpose. Steph forced herself to smile as the figure sat down in the chair across from her again, but then she suddenly found herself unable to move. Her smile immediately disappeared as she struggled to free her hands from whatever invisible bindings held them. Now, Steph was terrified again. She looked back up at the figure to see if it was somehow causing her distress, but all she could see was the feather creeping toward her face.
The shadowy figure delicately held the stalk of the feather between its thumb and forefinger. Steph's eyes crossed as she watched the sharp tip of the feather disappear underneath her nose, and then she scrunched up her face as she felt it brush teasingly along her septum. In that moment, she knew exactly what her guest was going to do.
"Please stop," was all Steph could manage to say, but the figure ignored her entirely. Steph twitched her nose sharply from side to side was the feather waved back and forth under it, but subconsciously she already knew there was nothing she could do to save herself. Then, the feather drew back slightly, allowing Steph some breathing room. Her long, curved nostrils flared in anticipation as the feather lingered underneath them. Deciding to show no mercy, the figure reached the feather in for the kill.
Steph tried to squirm as she felt the tip of the feather begin to trace the edges of her right nostril, but she was still stuck in place. Luckily, all this tickling made her do was scrunch up her nose; she didn't have to sneeze yet. However, it didn't take the shadowy figure long to arrive at the same conclusion. Before Steph could take another breath, she found the feather being slowly, torturously pushed up into her nostril. She cringed, feeling an agonizing tickle fill the right side of her nose. Just when she thought it couldn't get any worse, the figure began to lightly twirl the feather around, leaving nothing un-tickled.
"Aaahhhh..." Steph gasped, knowing she wouldn't be able to last much longer. She stared intently at the figure as her eyes began to close, managing one last pleading breath.
"Please! Stop!" she begged, her eyes squeezing shut. The unbearable tickling was making her eyes water, and a single tear fell from the corner of her right eye as she scrunched up her face. Suddenly, the figure removed the feather from Steph's nose. For a moment she thought it had heeded her request, but the soft bristles sliding through her nasal passages only made the tickling worse.
"Aaaaaahhhhhhh..."
Steph managed to open her eyes for a split second before snapping them shut again to sneeze. What she saw was more than a little unsettling: the shadowy figure had put the feather aside and leaned in even closer than before. Its head was tipped back, and despite the fact that its entire body was already dark, Steph could make out two black voids in the underside of its nose.
"HA-KNSSS!!!"
A thick, dark mist flowed out of Steph's nostrils as she sneezed, and with a sound more like a howling wind than a sniff, the shadowy figure inhaled the cloud into its own nose. As she opened her eyes, she saw that the figure's body had once again become more whole. She could now clearly differentiate its hair from its skin, though its nose was still the only visible facial feature. After staring at Steph for a second, the figure once again stood and left the room in silence.
In an attempt to make absolutely sure she wouldn't sneeze again, Steph desperately mashed her nostrils upward with the palm of her hand. The bridge of her nose creased so sharply it almost hurt, but the sensation was preferable to the agonizing tickle that still filled her nasal passages. After pausing to sniff a few times, Steph pressed the tip of her nose into her hand and began to vigorously rub it up and down. She didn't stop even as her nostrils began to make an audible squishing sound, and not even when she felt a bit of wetness smear on her palm. Steph only stopped rubbing once her nose was numb, immune to any more tickling.
After wiping her damp palm on her pants, Steph pulled her feet up onto the cushion of her chair and wrapped her arms around herself. She sniffled wetly, feeling like she was going to cry, but she told herself it was because her nose was stuffed up. Feeling a slight tickle crop up in her nostrils, Steph wiped the underside of her nose on her left knee. She snuffled, pressed her nose into her knee again, and then finally forced herself to stand up. Not sure what else to do, Steph headed upstairs to take a shower. That usually made her feel better when she was upset.
Steph didn't even bother washing herself. She simply stood under the column of hot water for what felt like hours, leaning against the smooth, tiled wall for support. Eventually, Steph felt herself getting pruney, and she decided enough was enough. She shut off the water and grabbed a towel, vigorously rubbing her hair dry as she stepped out of the shower. Even though she lived alone, she still took a moment to wrap the towel around her body to cover up before heading to her bedroom. However, when Steph looked up again, she found the shadowy figure standing right in front of her, the long feather in its hand again.
"I said stop!" Steph bellowed, drawing back her hands. She tried to shove the figure with all her might, but to her surprise, her hands simply passed through its body. Steph's momentum carried her forward, and even though she managed to stop herself from slamming into the wall, she fell into her bathtub. After rolling onto her back, Steph found herself unable to move, feeling the same invisible chains holding her arms and legs.
"Leave me alone!" Steph pleaded with all the courage she could muster, but the shadowy figure didn't seem to notice or care. It knelt down on the floor next to the tub, and then as it leaned in close, Steph almost thought it looked like it was smiling. With Steph powerless to resist, the figure gently stroked the tip of the feather up and down the young woman's septum, her long nostrils flaring as they began to tickle. Steph and the figure both knew this sort of tickling wouldn't make her sneeze; it was as if the figure was simply teasing her, getting her ready for what was to come.
Steph scrunched up her face as tightly as she could as the feather slid horizontally across the underside of her nose. A few of the soft bristles reached up into her nostrils, giving Steph the faintest feeling of a building sneeze. After drawing back for a second, the figure returned to its usual effective method of slipping the tip of the feather into one of Steph's nostrils.
"Aaahhhhh..." Steph heaved, feeling the feather waving around inside her nose. Her eyes had already begun to water, and she could tell her sneezes were coming on even more quickly than before.
"AH-KNS!"
As soon as the thought crossed her mind, Steph let out a small sneeze. She heard the shadowy figure inhale again, but this time it wasn't satisfied with only one. It kept tickling, pushing the feather deeper and deeper into Steph's nostril until it began to brush against areas never before touched by anything but air.
"Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh..." Steph took in a shrill gasp, unable to control herself. She frequently made her sneezes more dramatic on purpose, but this time her intense reaction was completely natural.
"HA-KNSS! HAAA-KNNNSSSS!!!"
She sneezed twice in a row, a rare occurrence for Steph. The howling sound of the shadowy figure inhaling once again filled her ears, and then the feather finally receded from her nostril. Feeling her motor skills return, Steph immediately pressed her palm to her nostrils and furiously mashed them up and down, side to side, until her whole nose was numb again; anything to stop the tickling. Then, she finally opened her eyes, what she saw chilled her to the core.
The shadowy figure had almost completely taken shape. Steph's three sneezes were enough to fully define its facial features, and what scared Steph was the fact that she recognized them. It was her. The figure's whole body was still covered by a dark shadow, but Steph clearly recognized her own eyes, nose and mouth. The figure had even assumed Steph's short, unkempt hairstyle. The last of the mist Steph had sneezed out disappeared into the figure's nostrils, now long, curved openings like Steph's own rather than the black voids they had been before. Giving Steph a mischievous smile, the figure briefly rubbed a finger back and forth under its nose, and then it stood and left the bathroom without a word.
Steph expected herself to be terrified, but after what just happened, she was more angry than scared. She wasn't sure if her doppelganger was actually evil, and perhaps she would never know, but now Steph knew she had to get rid of it regardless. How she was going to get rid of it remained a mystery, but Steph knew it had to be done. Putting on a bathrobe as quickly as she could, Steph headed to her bedroom, hoping some sleep would help her come up with a plan.
As usual, dozens of little white eyes watched Steph as she walked down the hall. They still never made a move, save for turning to follow Steph as she passed, but they seemed different somehow. Steph always knew they were watching her every move, but this time it seemed like they were actually interested to see what she would do next. She simply shook her head as she stepped into the master bedroom. A few of the little orbs were sitting on top of her bed, but they immediately fled as Steph sat down.
After swinging her legs up onto the bed, Steph looked over at her bedside table. The top was bare save for a clock, but she remembered what was in the drawer. She hadn't needed them since her first week in the mansion, but Steph was glad she still had a bottle of sleeping pills. They were long-expired by now, but they were the best Steph had to work with. She knew she needed sleep, but she was just too angry and wound-up to get any rest. Sighing to herself, Steph uncapped the bottle and deposited a pill into her hand.
"If I die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul to take," Steph said to herself as she stared down at the pill, thinking more of Metallica than the prayer. Tipping her head back, she popped the pill into her mouth and swallowed it dry. Finally, Steph laid down on her bed and closed her eyes. Seconds later, she sat bolt upright as she felt a gentle tickle on her septum, but to her relief she was still alone. Assuming there must have just been some dust in the air, Steph touched the side of her index finger to the underside of her nose and flicked it up a few times. After getting rid of the tickle, Steph laid down again and tried her best to clear her mind and sleep.
Even with the sleeping pill, Steph laid awake for what felt like an eternity before finally falling asleep. She wasn't sure how long it had been, but it was better than nothing. Unfortunately, what sleep she did get didn't last for long. Steph awoke sometime later to find her dark doppelganger sitting on her belly, keeping her pinned to the bed.
"Get out of my house!" Steph ordered. She struggled to raise her hands, but once again she found herself unable to move her limbs. The shadowy figure above her smiled, holding up the feather between its thumb and forefinger again.
"Oh, I will," the figure said in Steph's own voice, "I just need a little more from you first."
Steph cringed as she felt the tip of the feather touch the base of her nose, and she squirmed as she felt it slide teasingly up her septum. That already tickled horribly, but this time, Steph was defiant. She concentrated as hard as she could on holding back her sneeze, if only to waste her doppelganger's time. However, she knew she'd have to hold out for quite a long time if she wanted to break the shadowy figure's resolve.
"Come on, sneeze," it teased, gently wiggling the feather up and down Steph's septum. "You know you want to."
"N-no!" Steph stammered, squeezing her eyes shut. She twitched her nose sharply to the left, allowing her nostrils to escape the feather if only for a second. When the figure moved to tickle her again, she twitched her nose to the right, and then back and forth as it continued to follow her. Steph kept wiggling her nose for as long as she could, until her facial muscles began to tire. Still, the figure seemed unfazed. It inserted the sharp tip of the feather into Steph's left nostril and gently waved it up and down.
"This is going to tickle so much," the doppelganger said, an almost seductive tone to its voice. Steph couldn't remember the last time she'd spoken to someone like that. Continuing to wave the feather up and down, the shadowy figure began to slowly push the tickly object deep into Steph's nose. The young woman gasped, both of her eyes watering.
"Aaaaaahhhhh..." A pleasured smile spread across the figure's face as Steph's chest heaved. Realizing her resolve was slipping, Steph concentrated even harder on keeping herself under control.
"Don't deny it, you've got a sneeze coming on."
"I won't!"
"But I can see it in your face. Just a few more seconds, and then... Ah... Ah-Choo!"
The doppelganger faked a sneeze as it pushed the feather even farther into Steph's nostril. By now she could almost feel it reaching back into her throat; only the hard stalk of the feather was still visible outside her nose. Steph coughed once as she felt the very tip of the feather tickle her throat. Then, to Steph's great relief, the feather suddenly stopped moving. Slowly opening her eyes, Steph looked up at the shadowy figure to see it smiling evilly.
"Say 'gesundheit.'"
Before Steph could protest, the shadowy figure slowly, torturously twisted the feather out of Steph's nose, tickling every inch of the nasal passages running through her left nostril. Tickly tears streamed from Steph's eyes, and as much as she wanted to stop herself, she knew she just couldn't. She began to gasp and wheeze with deep inhalations as her will to not sneeze finally broke.
The doppelganger closed its eyes and tipped its head back in anticipation. As hard as Steph fought to hold in her sneeze, the shadowy figure didn't have to wait for long.
"HAAAAA-KNNNNNNSHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
A dark cloud surged out of Steph's nostrils, filling the air between her and the doppelganger. The figure began to inhale deeply, steadily filling itself with more of its essence as Steph's nose pumped it into the air. Even after her sneeze was over, Steph felt too weak to open her eyes. She heard the sounds of sniffing and snuffling continue for a few seconds as the dark figure inhaled every last bit of the black cloud, and without so much as a closing taunt, it leapt from the bed and quickly left the room. Steph began to cough as her strength returned, and after a few more seconds she finally opened her eyes.
To her surprise, Steph found a tissue box sitting on the foot of her bed. It certainly hadn't been there before, and she doubted her doppelganger had left it for her. Looking up toward the ceiling, she saw a few pairs of little eyes looking down at her.
"Thanks," Steph said with a smile as she reached for a tissue. Folding it over once, Steph placed the soft paper square under her nose and took a deep breath. Holding nothing back, Steph gave a huge, honking blow into the tissue. It wasn't wet, and when Steph inspected the tissue afterward, the only signs she had used the tissue at all were a pair of black lines in the shape of her nostrils. The one advantage to Steph's inexplicable nasal condition was that she almost never had to blow her nose. On the rare occasion she did, the only products were the same nostril-shaped spots on the paper.
Holding the tissue in one hand, Steph gently wiped it back and forth under her nose. Then, shifting the paper between her fingertips, she mashed her nostrils upward with the heel of her palm. She let out a sigh, looking back up at the ceiling, and to her surprise one of the little black orbs was making its way toward her. It made no sound, and it barely seemed to do anything at all, but its presence made Steph happy somehow. She smiled at the small creature, and then it suddenly disappeared under her nose. Before Steph could stop herself, she inhaled.
Steph felt as if someone had shoved a pair of cotton balls up her nostrils and then pulled them all the way through her nasal passages. She coughed, but the feeling disappeared before it could reach her throat. Placing a hand on her chest, she coughed again before realizing what she'd done.
"Oh god, I'm so sorry!" she blurted, shoving two fingers horizontally under her nose. However, when she looked up at the other little orbs, they were still watching her. None of them appeared to be terribly bothered by what she'd done; if anything they still looked friendlier than usual. Steph pondered this for a moment, and then she suddenly had an idea. Lowering her fingers slightly, Steph sniffed. She felt a bit of suction on her hand, and a smile spread across her face. Now she knew what she had to do.
As soon as she regained her full strength, Steph shot out of bed. She pulled a T-shirt on and then tore out of her bedroom, intent on finding the dark figure. She searched every room on the second floor to no avail, and then she headed for the grand staircase. Jumping from the top step, Steph slid down the banister and jogged to a stop when she reached the ground floor. From there, all she had to do was look out one of the entryway windows. The doppelganger was outside, making its way down the road leading away from the mansion.
"Stop right there!" Steph bellowed as she flung the front door open. For the first time in three years, she stepped out of the mansion. She began to sprint down her driveway, her bare feet pounding on the pavement. Although it appeared to ignore her at first, the doppelganger eventually turned back to Steph as she ran down the road. It didn't bother quickening its pace.
As Steph ran, a strong wind began to blow through the trees around the mansion. Dandelion seeds took to the air, floating across the road in clumps. A few of them tickled Steph's nose, but she quickly swatted them away and mashed her nostrils upward to put a stop to the tingling sensation. The dark figure, on the other hand, finally began to show weakness.
"AH-KNSS!"
To Steph's surprise, the doppelganger sneezed as the dandelion seeds tickled its nose. It made the same sound and the same motions as Steph did when she sneezed, but the dark figure's mimicry was nothing surprising to her anymore. As the doppelganger sneezed, a bit of its essence was blown out through its nostrils. It immediately inhaled the substance to reabsorb it, but Steph had seen enough to know what she had to do.
While the doppelganger was busy sneezing, Steph managed to catch up with it. She lunged forward, tackling the figure to the ground. Now that it was fully corporeal, it was also finally solid. Without giving the figure time to react, Steph grabbed a fully-bloomed dandelion from the edge of the road and shoved it up the doppelganger's right nostril. The figure began to squirm on the ground, making the same pre-sneeze face that Steph would. Smiling triumphantly, Steph tore another dandelion from the ground and forced it into the figure's left nostril. Grabbing both exposed dandelion stalks, Steph twisted them and then pulled them free of the figure's nose, pleased to see that each and every seed had been left behind inside.
"How does that feel!?" she shouted, hurling the bare flowers to the ground.
"Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh..." A hitched breath was the only response the doppelganger could give. Its chest heaved and its face contorted, but both it and Steph knew it was only a matter of time now.
Steph exhaled, preparing to breathe in every last drop of the doppelganger's essence. If she let any of it go, the process would simply continue. Finally, she closed her eyes just as the figure drew its last breath.
The doppelganger burst into a black cloud, and Steph immediately began to inhale as much of it as she could, returning it to wherever it had come from within her nose. She had to pause to catch her breath a few times, exhaling through her mouth just to be safe, but she didn't stop until all of it was gone. Finally, Steph collapsed on her back just as the last of the dark substance disappeared into her nostrils. She coughed a few times, and then she finally started to relax. Steph smiled to herself, but then she suddenly sat upright again as a frightening thought occurred to her.
Snatching a floating dandelion seed out of the air, Steph began to tickle her own nose. She had to be sure that the doppelganger wouldn't just come back again the next time she sneezed. Her nose was still sensitive in the wake of the last few hours' worth of sneezes, and it didn't take long before Steph managed to let out a small one
"AH-KNS!"
Much to her relief, Steph watched as a little black orb floated out from under her nose. She collapsed on her back again and began to laugh, watching the little creature float up into the sky. Then, Steph suddenly sat upright again as another frightening thought crossed her mind.
"I'm hungry."
Steph's stomach rumbled as she waited just inside her front door. Earlier she had been mad about only getting three hours of sleep, but on the plus side that meant her favorite late-night Chinese restaurant was still open. She'd placed her order about forty minutes ago, and that meant her food would be arriving soon. Steph smiled to herself as she saw a pair of headlights appear through the window, but she felt a tickle in her nose before the car arrived at her door.
"AH-KNSS!"
Another little orb burst from Steph's nose as she sneezed. She smiled after it for a second, and then a knock came at the door before she could even rub her nose. Reaching one hand toward the doorknob and the other toward her nostrils, Steph prepared to receive her second meal for the evening.
"Thanks for coming by so late," Steph said, squeezing her eyes shut as she mashed her nostrils upward with her palm.
"Don't worry about it," a familiar voice said.
Steph opened her eyes, peering over the side of her hand. It was the same delivery boy from before, only this time wearing a different uniform and giving her a bag of Chinese food rather than a pizza. The fact that it was the very same person startled Steph so much that she let out a little half-second scream. The delivery boy took a step back and began to laugh.
"Sorry! Didn't mean to scare you," he said, holding up a hand defensively.
"No, it's okay," Steph responded, gently flicking the tip of her nose up with her finger. "I thought you worked at the pizza place."
"I do, from six to ten. Then I work the Chinese place from eleven to two."
They smiled at each other for a second, and then Steph burst into hysterical laughter. It might have just been because she was so tired, but somehow that was the funniest thing she'd heard in years. The delivery boy began to laugh too, and they kept it up for a few minutes until Steph was out of breath. She let out a deep sigh, leaning against the door frame, and then she gave the young man a shy smile.
"Hey, um, do you want to come inside?"
The delivery boy smiled, shook his head, and then looked right into Steph's eyes.
"That sounds great, but I have a better idea. Do you want to go out?"
Had some folks ask after this one, so I went to go dig it up. Almost couldn't find it. This story also just barely makes the cut of me actually being an adult when I wrote it, so this will almost certainly be the absolute oldest thing I ever repost here lol.
Basically an Osm/osis Jon/es ripoff in which I made the protagonist a noir detective for some reason.
Originally published May 4th, 2010.
-----
"The nose, huh? This is where cops go to live out the remainders of their lives doing absolutely nothing. Don't get me wrong, Melody's a great place to be, but still, the nose? I always figured my skills would be needed somewhere more important, ya' know?"
A young detective pulled the brim of her brown fedora low over her eyes. Sure, dressing like an old fashioned gumshoe was no way to be sneaky, but it was stylish. On top of that, Melody's nose was never an eventful place. Given its nature as a part of the body, the detective hesitated to call it clean, but there was next to no criminal activity that took place in such a location. It simply wasn't a good outlet for smugglers and thieves. However, as if to spite her statement about the lack of excitement, the detective's radio started to crackle with static.
"Hey, Violet? You there?" said a voice on the other end of the line. The young detective would have recognized the dispatcher any day. However, the two of them typically didn't speak to each other much over the radio. This must be about something specific.
"Yeah, what can I do ya' for?" Violet replied, holding the radio up to her face at an angle.
"We've been getting reports of whipped cream, in places where it shouldn't be."
"Whipped cream? That's all? Whadaya need me for then?"
"It's in the nose, right around where you are. We already spoke with the mayor, and she assures us Melody hasn't taken up eating nasally, so something's fishy."
"Still. So what?"
"Well, in case you forgot, Melody's asleep. We sure didn't put it there. Could you just check it out?"
"Yeah, yeah, fine. But ya' owe me some cherry lemon ice, capisce?"
---
By falling asleep on the couch Melody had walked right into a trap. Even worse, one arm was sticking off to the side, over the side of the couch. She was just begging to be pranked in some way or another. Naturally, her friend Nora caught on to this in a jiffy, and she was off to the kitchen to retrieve the proper materials. She returned with a bottle of whipped cream and a long, fluffy feather.
"Sleep tight, Mel," Nora whispered with a giggle as she knelt down in front of her sleeping friend. She filled Melody's outstretched hand with the soft, white cream and headed around to the back of the couch. From there, Nora leaned out over her friend's body and reached the feather down toward her face. Pausing to giggle once more, Nora started to gently tickle the underside of Melody's freckled nose.
The turned-up tip of Melody's nose twitched once as the feather brushed across it, but she produced no other reaction. Nora frowned, not wanting her already-primed prank to go to waste. She started tickling more vigorously, gently inserting the tip of the feather into Melody's long nostrils, alternating between the left and the right. Melody snuffled and moved her head as if she was about to roll over. In a last-ditch effort to get the proper result, Nora gave the underside of her friend's nose one last flick with the tip of the feather. Without knowing what she was doing, Melody swung her hand up to her face, splattering whipped cream all over it. Nora yipped with delight and ran away, not knowing that her friend was somehow still asleep.
---
Violet pulled her brown trench coat tight around her body as she approached the entrance to the nostrils. It could get quite windy inside, and by extension quite chilly. However, that was only half the reason nobody ever went into the nostrils. Something about the long, dark hairs protruding all over the place just didn't appeal to most people. On top of that, in the event of a sneeze, anyone inside would almost surely be catapulted out into open air. Back in the sinuses, such a force would be nothing more than an earthquake. Potentially dangerous, yes, but nowhere near fatal.
At first, there was no sign of irregularity. As far as Violet could see, Melody's right nostril was full of nothing but her nose hair. When she neared the opening to the outside world, however, the extent of the damage became obvious. Damage wasn't really the right word, but there wasn't a good way to describe what Violet was seeing. The edges of the nostril were completely caked with fluffy cream, and a few spots dotted the sides, floor and ceiling here and there. Violet sighed and raised her radio back up to her face.
"Dispatch, you there? It's a joke, capisce? Nothing fancy."
"Oh, I see. How much is there?"
"More of it than I have hairs on my head, but nothing serious. Just have Melody wash her face and blow her nose when she wakes up."
"Alright, sounds like a plan. Should be waking up any second now, it looks like her whole face is covered with the stuff. Any ideas on how it got there?"
Violet tossed her radio up slightly, spinning it around before catching it again. She thought the dispatcher would have been able to figure this out for herself, but that didn't make much difference.
"It's a prank. Melody clocks out for a wink, her friend fills her hand with whipped cream, and then she-"
Violet froze, realizing what must have happened. She started to sprint back up the nostril as fast as she could. Something less than desirable was about to happen. Unfortunately, Violet feared that it would be more than just a quick, one-time incident. Her radio crackled as she ran, the dispatcher still trying to speak with her.
"And then she what? What happens after that?"
"Fuggedaboudit. I have a theory to test."
---
Melody slowly opened her eyes to find her face caked with whipped cream. She screamed and shot up on the couch, still a little dazed and confused from her nap. Wiping off her face, Melody stood up and started to run around frantically in search of a mirror. She sprinted into the bathroom and flicked on the lights. As annoying as the feeling of a whipped cream-covered face was, Melody had to chuckle at her absurd appearance. She turned on the sink and bent down toward the water, splashing some onto her face.
When Melody stood up straight again, her face was mostly clean. She saw Nora's reflection laughing maniacally behind her. Grabbing a tissue, Melody spun around and faced her friend.
"Oh, thanks so much, Nora. I really needed that," Melody said, holding the tissue up to her long nostrils.
"No problem, Mel," Nora replied, still laughing but starting to regain her composure. "Hey, you okay?" she asked, noticing her friend's tissue. Melody nodded and wiped her nose gently.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I think I got some up my nose, though."
Nora once again roared with laughter, clutching her side and nearly keeling over. Melody smiled, then frowned slightly as she blew her nose. Having whipped cream filled nostrils was hardly a pleasant feeling. She wiped her nose once more and threw the tissue away. However, something inside Melody's nose tickled a little. She brought her outstretched pointer finger up to her nostrils and rubbed gently, sniffing quietly as she did.
"You… You sure you're okay?" Nora asked, still trying to get her laughter under control. Melody frowned and flicked the tip of her nose up with her finger after rubbing some more.
"It's weird," she said, her nostrils flaring wide, "I feel like something else went up my nose, too."
---
Violet emerged from the nostril to find the rest of the nose just as she had left it. Nothing was out of the ordinary, or so it seemed. The detective began to wander around, pulling the brim of her hat low over her eyes again. She felt a subtle rumbling as Melody blew her nose, but that was to be expected and it was completely without consequence. However, as Violet rounded a corner, her suspicions were confirmed.
A completely normal woman walked along not more than twenty paces in front of Violet. Most people wouldn't suspect a thing, and it was likely that the woman herself didn't know how much trouble she was causing. She was wearing an obnoxiously complicated hat, but Violet didn't care about most of it. The detail that caught her eye was a long, fluffy feather sticking up from the hat's brim. Pushing her own hat up slightly, Violet swiftly approached the woman and confronted her.
"Hey, skinny! Hayadooin?" Violet greeted, reaching a hand toward the woman. She hesitated to make contact, as that always led to more trouble. The woman turned around and was visibly frightened by the young detective's appearance, but she made no move to flee.
"Y-yes? Can I help you?"
"Cool off, missus. This is serious business," Violet continued, digging her badge out of her coat. When she showed it to the woman, she seemed to calm down.
"I just gotta axeya' something. Ya' know possession of feathers is illegal in Melody, don'tya'?"
The woman looked up at the feather in her hat. After a second she turned her gaze back to Violet, looking a little bit panicked. She grabbed the feather from the hat and handed it to the detective.
"I'm so sorry, I completely forgot. I just picked it up from a vendor down the street, I wasn't thinking."
With that, the woman ran off, leaving Violet standing around with the feather. She wanted to question the woman further, especially about that vendor of hers, but now she would have to investigate that on her own.
"What kind'a weasel deal's she going for? Bo-nasty really thinks who she is…"
Violet once again drew her radio and contacted the dispatcher.
"Dig this. Got a lead on some feathers. I've got my mits on one right now," she declared, waiting for the inevitable overreaction from the other end of the line. Right on cue, the dispatcher gasped.
"You've got one? Be careful with it! Melody's so allergic…"
"Yeah, tell me something I don't know. Anyway, one of the local vendors is supposedly selling the things, so I'm gonna check it out."
Just as Violet was about to set off toward the nearest shop, she felt the ground shake. Naturally, she also knew exactly what was about to happen.
"Madone…"
---
After cleaning some stray whipped cream off of the couch, Melody and Nora sat down to watch some random television and gossip. Everything was perfectly normal until Melody felt that peculiar tickle return. She rubbed her nose slowly with her index finger, but the irritation continued. Next, Melody tried wrinkling her nose and sniffing in hard, but all that did was attract Nora's attention.
"Hey, what's up Mel? You're kind of wigging out there," Nora said, leaning over toward her friend. Melody tried to smile as she rubbed her nose again. Whatever was tickling her nose was really getting to her now, and she knew a sneeze was inevitable.
"Nothing," she tried to say, "I think I have to… Have… Ihh… Hihh… Hehhh…"
Melody's head reared back and she held her wrist up in front of her face to contain her upcoming sneeze.
"HEYECHHOO!"
Some of Melody's blond hair fell onto her face as she sneezed hard, squishing her nose into the back of her wrist. She straightened up and rubbed her nose again, still feeling tickly.
"Bless you," Nora chirped, putting her head playfully on Melody's shoulder. Melody flicked the tip of her nose up with her outstretched finger and tried hard to smile, but her nose was tickling too much.
"Ugh, thanks." Melody's frown intensified. She kept rubbing and flicking her nose with her finger, but none of it helped in the least. All she could manage was to helplessly flare her long nostrils and hope whatever was bothering her would stop soon.
---
"Your mother's ass…" Violet grumbled to herself as she stood up. She picked up her hat and set it back on her head, tilted slightly to the left like always. Once she was properly situated, the detective broke into a brisk walk toward the nearest clothing outlet. If Melody was already sneezing, she would have to act quickly to find the supposed source of these feathers.
Progress was slow, but Violet was steadily whittling down her suspects. Most of the shopkeepers were more shocked by the recent sneeze than anything else, and even more were ignorant to the presence of even one feather. In all of her years as a detective, Violet always saw the culprit panic in some way or another. Finally, there was only one place left to check. As Violet stepped into the shop, a miniature earthquake once again warned of impending danger.
Melody's petite body was overwhelmed by her forceful sneezes. She held up her wrist again to block whatever she may have expelled, but each consecutive sneeze squished her nose harder and harder against her hand until it couldn't be compressed any further. Melody shook her head, then pressed her index finger back under her long, slender nostrils. She rubbed slowly but vigorously as Nora watched her with a worried expression.
"You sure are sneezy, Mel. Could you be coming down with something?"
Melody sniffed in hard, flaring her nostrils wildly. Her nose was nearly tickling too much to allow her to respond. All she could do was rub it hopelessly, afraid that she'd have another sneezing fit if she stopped.
---
During the sneezing fit, Violet grabbed onto a pole by the store's entrance to steady herself. A few of the hats on display fell to the floor, as did the shopkeeper himself. Violet adjusted her own hat again and approached the man.
"Well, given what just went down, I bet dollars to doughnuts you know what I'm here for," she declared, looming over him like the empowered figure she believed herself to be. The stocky man stood and shrugged.
"Oh, um, that? Well, I know it's a big problem and all, but I promise I don't know anything about it."
"Is that so? Look, pal, I've had this same discussion with every other illiewhacker in the nose, and not so luckily for ya' they all snitched on this joint here." Violet pulled the brim of her fedora down and smirked as she saw the shopkeeper start to panic.
"I… I've got nothing to do with this!"
Violet raised an eyebrow. That was exactly the response she was expecting. What she didn't expect, however, was another voice to say exactly the same thing.
"Shakespeare, kick in the rear," she mumbled, looking around for the second speaker. Her gaze snapped to the door leading into the backroom as the voice sounded again.
"I knew you'd say that, detective. Let's just say I've been informed of your… Idiosyncrasies."
A sharply dressed man stepped into the front room of the shop. He had one hand in his jacket pocket while the other stroked his thin mustache.
"You're not from around here, are ya', face fins?" Violet sneered, crossing her arms.
"No, no I'm not. I thought that was obvious enough. Now, as someone of your sort might say, 'what can I do ya' for?'"
"Yeah, ya' can give me the skinny on why feathers are suddenly rearin' their ugly heads around here."
"And what makes you think I have anything to do with that?"
"Intuition, ya' gavoon. Now, don't go nowhere. I've got some snoopin' around to do."
Violet pushed past the man and stepped into the shop's back room. Just as the display room disappeared from view, she heard the front door open, accompanied by the sound of rapid footsteps. Violet was a bit surprised that the man had fallen for this trick. Somehow, she just figured him to be smarter than that. The young detective whirled around and sprinted back into the front room to see the mustached man sprinting away. However, the shopkeeper was standing right in front of the door.
"Hey! Was your father a glacier!?" Violet shouted, running up to him and motioning for him to move. The most important part of this trick was speed, so she couldn't afford to waste time. The man was too panicked to do much of anything, so Violet had no choice but to move him herself.
"Go see where ya' gotta go!"
She shoved him out of the way and ran through the door, doing her best to keep up with the running man. He appeared to have grabbed a large suitcase on his way out, and it was rather obvious what was inside.
Melody tried to recover from her sneezes by giving the underside of her nose a vigorous rub, but once again it did nothing to help. Massive tickles pulsated up and down both of her nostrils, making her gasp and splutter. Her entire nose felt like one massive itch that she wanted to rub right off of her face, but still nothing happened each time her index finger slid across her nostrils.
Nora watched worriedly as her friend sneezed herself silly, unsure of what to do. Finally thinking of something to do, she shot up from the couch and ran off to the bathroom. She returned with a box of tissues and sat down next to Melody again. Setting the box in her lap, Nora grabbed two tissues, laid them on top of each other, and handed them to her friend. Melody accepted them with a shaky hand and shoved them under her tickled nostrils. The tissues helped to muffle her sneezes, but they still didn't stop.
---
Both Violet and the feather smuggler somehow managed to stay on their feet as Melody sneezed helplessly. The detective smiled as she started to gain on the man. That meant her plan was working, at least for now. 'Hang in there, old girl. This is almost over,' Violet thought to herself, smiling slightly. If she kept up her current pace, she would have easily been able to catch the man, but she didn't want to do that just yet, especially since he was heading exactly where she wanted him to go.
Before long, Violet found herself dodging nose hairs instead of pedestrians to keep up with the running man. For all of his suave attitude, he wasn't very bright. This meant he would be cornered in no time, and from there, Violet could make sure his allergen trafficking was put on hold indefinitely. Almost as soon as that thought entered the detective's mind, the two found themselves at the edge of Melody's left nostril. The young lady could have sneezed them out into open air at any time, but miraculously she didn't.
"Gates are closed, chief. The gig's up. Fork over the suitcase and this'll all be over nice and peachy."
"Hey, listen up, you! It's just good business! Do you have any idea how much these go for around here?"
"Good business? That's what they all say, weisenheimer. Do you have any idea why they fetch so much 'round here?"
"Because they're illegal…"
"Because Melody's allergic, bub. They're a threat to the whole system, and nobody's gonna stand for it. Now, suitcase, if ya'd be so kind."
Violet hadn't expected this to be so easy, but she wasn't about to complain. Once the suitcase was in her hands, the popped open the locks and looked inside. Of course, it was filled to the bursting point with fluffy white feathers. This was quite the motherload, and anyone selling them underground could easily make a killing. Still, allergens weren't items that could be confiscated. They had to be disposed of, much like a certain something else. Leaving the suitcase unlocked, Violet turned back to the mustached man, grinning smugly.
"Hey, ya' got any idea what the punishment is for willing importation of allergens?"
"What? Prison for… How many years?"
"Immediate expulsion."
The man blanched while Violet's smirk widened. She tossed the suitcase into the air, giving it a firm kick. It burst open, spilling hundreds of feathers all around the nostril. Violet wrapped her arms around a nearby nose hair and held on for dear life.
"Not for nothin', but ya' better hold on to your knickers. This one's goin' yard."
---
Just as the irritation in Melody's nose was beginning to die down, she was overwhelmed by a massive tickle in her left nostril. She brought her pointer finger up to her nose to rub it again, but before she could even start, her pre-sneeze spasms took full control. Melody's long, slender nostrils flared as widely as they could as her head reared back. Her usual breathy intakes were replaced by a single high-pitched behemoth of a gasp. Melody found herself stuck in this position for an instant, unable to feel anything but the massive tickle that dominated her nose. Then, just as quickly as it had started, it all came to an end. Melody's head shot forward as a gale-force gust of wind blasted through her nostrils.
"HEEYEEECHHHHHOOOOO!!!"
---
Violet's hat was torn from her head, but the detective wasn't paying any attention to it. Instead, she simply watched in awe as the hundreds of feathers were catapulted from Melody's nose with the force of her enormous sneeze. Once the wind storm had died down, Violet released her grip on the nose hair and brushed herself off. Well, that was that. The dealer was gone, and the majority of his stash along with it. Hunting down the rest of the allergens would be child's play, and they wouldn't require such a display of force to get rid of. Finally realizing that she had lost her fedora, Violet frowned and kicked the hair.
"I should'a stood in bed today…"
The young detective looked back out of the opening to the nostril to see Melody's pointer finger rising up toward her. She didn't think anything of this at first, but as the finger drew closer, Violet saw something sitting on top of it. It appeared to be her hat of all things. She jogged up to the edge of the nostril and grabbed the brown fedora as Melody started to rub her nose for the umpteenth time. Placing the hat back on her head, Violet smiled. She removed her radio from her coat pocket and flicked it on.
"Now, about that cherry lemon ice ya' owe me…"
---
Melody rubbed her nose slowly but firmly, sniffing every few seconds. She expected to start sneezing again any second, but beyond all belief that impossible tickle in her nose was finally dissipating. Punctuating her nose rubbing with a flick of the tip, she smiled and turned to Nora. Her friend raised an eyebrow and giggled, bemused by Melody's incredible final sneeze.
"Okay, I'll ask you one more time. You alright, Mel?" Nora inquired, tilting her head to one side. Melody flicked the tip of her nose up again and broadened her smile.
Dug up another oldie. Not gonna do anything further with this but in retrospect it could totally fit into the Tactical Maids universe lol.
Originally published July 19, 2011
Female sneezes - perfume
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"Ah… AAISHIIEEEW!!!" Meredith sneezed herself into the elevator and pitifully rubbed the index finger of her free hand back and forth under her tickling nose. Inga, her partner, ran into the elevator after her and punched her hard in the shoulder.
"Ow! Stop that!" Meredith whined, rubbing her arm where Inga's fist had connected with her.
"I'll stop punching you when you stop with the bloody sneezing! You're going to get us caught!" Inga's fiery eyes tried as hard as they could to burn into Meredith's, but the sneezy young woman was feeling too out of it to notice. She simply continued to rub her nose and sniffle.
"But I can't help it! I just have to… Have to… AAAIIIEESHIIEEEEWWWW!"
"Jesus! Can't you at least make them a little less high-pitched? You're going to pop my eardrums!" Inga punched her partner again. Meredith whimpered and fell back into the corner of the elevator as it began its ascent to the top floor. She sniffed hard, pulling her long nostrils shut for a moment. "And stop giving me that look! Even with those big eyes I can tell you're not some lost puppy. I'm going to keep punching you anyway."
"What are you getting so mad at me for?" Meredith moaned, pushing herself up against the corner walls of the elevator. "I told you, it's not my fault." She sniffed again pitifully, but Inga was unfazed by her attempted helplessness.
"Oh, this is so totally completely your fault," she said, putting her hands on her hips and leaning toward her partner. "When offered a free sample at the perfume department in a mall, everyone knows that you are supposed to spray it either on your hand or in the air. Everyone except for you! You, on the other hand, you shoved the entire bottle straight up your nose! The whole thing! And you know what's worse? That was two days ago! And you have been sneezing non-stop since then! I have gotten no sleep! None at all! Because you are sneezing all day and all night!"
"Sorry," Meredith replied in a tiny voice, still rubbing her nose. "At least I still have the briefcase," she continued, holding up her other hand. Sure enough, a large metal briefcase was clutched in her fingers, her knuckles white around the handle. Inga stared at her partner with the most unimpressed expression any human being could ever hope to wear. "That is because I handcuffed it to you."
"O- A… Aah… AAIIISHIIIEEEEEW!" Inga clenched a fist again as Meredith sneezed one more time. "Meredith, I am going to be honest with you. If you sneeze one more time. Just one more measly time. I am going to punch you in the nose. It will hurt. You will probably cry. But I won't, because maybe it will finally make you stop sneezing. Do I make myself clear?" Meredith nodded, but at the same time her nostrils flared and her eyes fluttered shut.
"Aa… Ah… Aahhah… Haaa…" Somehow she managed to hold back her sneeze, saving herself from another punch. Inga sighed in relief, as did Meredith when she realized she wasn't going to be punched.
"Are you ready?" Inga asked, watching the floor numbers on the elevator wall light up in sequence. They were almost at the roof. Meredith sniffed, rubbed her nose and nodded. "Yep, everything's all set. All I have to do is put it together and I'll be ready." She shook the briefcase again as if Inga didn't already know it was there. Both of them took deep, relaxed breaths again as the elevator approached the final few floors. However, just as everything seemed peaceful for a moment, Meredith built up to another sneeze.
"Haah… Ahhhh… AISHIIIEEEEEEEEW!"
Inga's fist flattened Meredith's squishy nose just as the elevator doors parted.
---
"I can't believe you punched me in the nose," Meredith whined as she peered through the scope of her recently assembled rifle. She sniffed and then winced, tensing up slightly. "Now it hurts when I sneeze." Next to her, Inga groaned. "You've been hurting me when you sneeze for nearly three days. Deal with it."
"I'll traahhh… Ahhh… AISHIEEW! Ow…"
"Seriously, for the sake of the job, stop that! You're definitely going to get us caught out here!"
"I'm sorry…"
"You're like an air raid siren! I bet people can hear you a mile away."
"Sorry… Wait… Wait a minute. I think I see him."
"Our target? Awesome! Shoot him in the face!"
"Wait a second…" Meredith said, adjusting her aim slightly. Inga made a fist again, clearly getting impatient.
"What are you waiting for? Just do it! Then we can go home!"
"I have to aim," Meredith explained, snuffling roughly. "I have to account for wind and gravity too. I can't just push a 'blow up the target's face' button." She rubbed her nose vigorously with the index finger of her free hand and sniffed again. "Uh oh…"
"What? Did he move? Can you still see him?" Inga asked desperately. They needed to get this job done, no matter the cost. Meredith nodded and rubbed her nose again, a bit more frantically this time. "Is something in the way?" Meredith shook her head. Inga made a fist again as her partner rubbed her nose one more time. "Then what the hell is the matter?"
"I… I… Hafta…" Meredith tried to explain, but her sneeze had already taken control. Inga quickly caught on to what was happening, so she punched Meredith in the shoulder yet again and then shoved her finger under her partner's squishy nose. "Oh no you don't!" Meredith's sneeze calmed down, but she didn't.
"Inga! Move your hand! You're throwing off my aim!"
"No way! Don't you watch movies? The second I take my hand away you'll sneeze and ruin everything!"
For the first time that night, Meredith started to get serious. Her nose was still tickling like crazy, and she could tell she was going to sneeze eventually, with or without Inga's finger. She would have to line up her shot before that happened, even if Inga was pestering her. Without responding, Meredith went back to trying to aim. However, the tickling in her nose was only getting worse by the second.
"Ahh… Aaahhahh…" The hitching breaths made Meredith's aim wobble away from her target, but she quickly adjusted again. Even though only her finger was touching her, she could tell Inga was becoming frantic. "Hurry up, hurry up!"
"Ahh… Ahhh… Ahhhh…" Meredith had the target squarely in her sights, so just as the sneeze won over, she squeezed the trigger.
"AAAIIISHHHIIIIEEEEEEEEEW!!!!"
Inga couldn't tell which was louder: the gunshot or Meredith's sneeze. The two of them simply sat on the rooftop for a moment, unsure of what had actually happened. After a second, Inga peered through her binoculars at the building they had been trying to shoot into. She saw no holes in the windows, and everything inside seemed to be fine. The binoculars fell out of her hands and landed on the roof with a clatter. "Meredith…"
Inga's partner sniffed helplessly and rubbed her nose back and forth with her finger. "Yes, Inga?" Meredith stared up at her spotter, surprised that she couldn't find any anger in her face. "What have you done?" Inga looked down over the edge of the roof to see that a fire hydrant on the side of the road below had exploded, showering the area around it. She took a deep breath and put the pieces together. Meredith opened her mouth to answer, but before a word could leave her throat, Inga punched her in the nose again.
---
"I'm sorry!" Meredith wailed, tears streaming down her face. She and Inga ran frantically across the rooftops, a pair of helicopters chasing them. Spotlights danced back and forth around them, giving them no clear escape route. "I swear I'll never do it again!" Inga didn't have it in her to reply. They kept running as fast as they could, but one of the helicopters pulled ahead of them. A pair of soldiers dropped down and landed on top of them, knocking them to the ground and then tying them up. Meredith sneezed repeatedly as the two of them were roped up and lifted into the helicopter above them. "Hey! I think I'm finally all sneezed out!"
Inga finally snapped. "I swear, if we weren't going to die anyway I'd kill you! We have tried this 87 times! 87! Do you have any idea how many times that is?"
"Um…"
"7 more than 80! That's a lot! And do you have any idea how many times we've succeeded! None! Zip! Zero! Never! Because you always ruin it! And it's always for some stupid reason! Maybe if you ruined just one of our plans for a good reason, this wouldn't seem so bad! Do you have anything to say for yourself!?"
Another oldie dug up from the word mines. Why have I written at least three completely unrelated characters all named Clover? Dunno, it's just a cute name I guess.
Originally published October 30th, 2015.
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Janet wasn't sure if she really had a dream job, but working at a bookstore was certainly a top pick. It was always calm and quiet even on the busiest days, and Janet loved to read. Helping customers find what they were looking for made her feel happy and fulfilled, and luckily rude patrons were few and far between. But best of all, the relaxed environment helped Janet hide her true identity as a mage.
Magic had been illegal for nearly fifty years, and Janet had been keeping her abilities secret her whole life. She had met plenty of other mages in the past, but they always parted ways before too long for fear of being caught. Janet never fully understood why magic was illegal, but she didn't feel it was something worth dying for. She simply wanted to live a peaceful life, and working at the bookstore seemed just the way to do it. Unfortunately, even the quietest little towns were still visited by inquisitors on occasion.
Hearing the bell over the door jingle usually made Janet happy, but this time it sent a chill up her spine. She could tell something was wrong, and her fears were confirmed as she turned to look toward the front of the shop. A woman in a dark red inquisitor's coat stood in the entryway, commanding attention without so much as a word. Janet watched with a tinge of sadness as the customers silently made their way to the door, each one hoping the inquisitor wouldn't stop them. Once the last patron departed, Clover, the shop's owner, locked the door and hung the "closed" sign in the window.
"May I help you?" asked Clover, her tone more demanding than most would dare to be toward an inquisitor. Janet always thought her employer was a bit young to own a bookstore, but Clover rarely did anything she didn't want to. She was a strong, stout woman, and nothing ever seemed to scare her, and this inquisitor was no exception.
"Is that one your only employee?" the inquisitor asked, gesturing to Janet. Putting her hands on her hips, Clover nodded. The inquisitor beckoned Janet over, and she timidly approached to stand beside the shopkeeper.
"Good afternoon, ladies," greeted the visitor, clasping her hands behind her back. "I am Inquisitor Minerva, and I've heard rumors of magic coming from this little town of yours. Would either of you know anything about that?"
"I'm afraid not," grumbled Clover, folding her arms. The inquisitor smiled at her, and then she turned to Janet as if to ask her the same question. Keeping quiet, Janet nervously shook her head.
"I hope you'll understand that I can't simply take your word for it," said Minerva, reaching into her coat. She produced a large vial from her inside pocket, and after removing the cork, the inquisitor gently pulled a long, white feather out of the glass tube. Clover immediately wrinkled her broad, freckled nose at the sight of it.
"Feathers make me sneeze," she complained, as if she expected the inquisitor to stop. Minerva chuckled, holding up the feather to look it over.
"Are you refusing my inspection?" she asked, looking at the shopkeeper over the feather. Clover sighed and reluctantly shook her head. The inquisitor immediately smiled and took a step forward.
"Wonderful. After all, that's what I have a feather for in the first place. No mage can sneeze without casting a spell. I simply need to tickle your noses, and if you both sneeze with no traces of magic, I'll leave you in peace."
"Very well," Clover groaned, her eyes following the inquisitor's feather as she calmly waved it around. Janet couldn't have been more terrified, but she tried her hardest not to show it. Inquisitors were known to be ruthless in their inspections, and Janet knew the more nervous she seemed, the harder Minerva would press her.
"Let's begin with you," said the inquisitor, leaning toward Clover. Minerva gently tucked a lock of the shopkeeper's dirty-blonde hair behind her ear, and then she raised the feather up until the tip nearly touched the underside of Clover's nose. Janet swallowed as she saw a sliver of distress flash across her employer's face. It didn't last long, and soon Clover's triangular nostrils flared wide open as she breathed in a wave of feather particles, her allergies starting to awaken.
Clover's eyes fluttered even before the inquisitor started tickling. Janet frowned as she noticed a look of enjoyment on Minerva's face; she was clearly taking pleasure in her victim's helplessness. Clenching her eyes shut, Clover scrunched her nose to the side. The inquisitor moved the feather to follow, and then she began to gently stroke the shopkeeper's septum. Clover's shoulders tensed and her breathing shuddered, her willpower already failing. It wasn't long before she gasped for breath and let out a sneeze.
"Hhh-! Eh-hHNNnt!"
For all Clover's bluster, her sneezes had always been some of the tiniest Janet had ever seen. Somehow she had learned to stifle her sneezes without squeezing her nostrils, perhaps from years of stacking books with both hands. Clover only needed to close her mouth and wrinkle her nose, and then her sneezes were nearly silent.
"Oh dear, that's no good," said Minerva as Clover weakly opened her eyes. "You mustn't hold it in. Let's have a proper sneeze, shall we?"
Barely giving Clover a chance to recover, the inquisitor lifted her feather again and resumed tickling the shopkeeper's nose. The feather stroked up and down Clover's septum again, but only for a moment before it began to trace the edges of her nostrils. Minerva smiled again as Clover gasped helplessly, wrinkling her freckled nose as tightly as she could. Janet watched her employer's nostrils flare wide open as they prepared for another sneeze, but again Clover stifled it reflexively.
"Ah-hhhTT!"
"I do hope you're not doing this on purpose," the inquisitor groaned, rolling her eyes. "Let me help you."
Clover already looked like she was about to sneeze again, but that did nothing to stop Minerva. The inquisitor swirled the tip of the feather into the shopkeeper's right nostril, causing her to gasp and rear back her head. Minerva pulled the feather back, but then she quickly plunged it into Clover's left nostril instead. Janet winced and took a step back; the feather rapidly alternating between Clover's nostrils was clearly too much for her to bear. Mere seconds later, she lost herself to a prolonged sneezing fit.
Putting her hands on her hips, Minerva began to giggle. She produced a handkerchief from her pocket and held it out to Clover, who immediately snatched it away and sneezed into it once more before starting to blow her nose. The inquisitor continued to chuckle as the shopkeeper reigned in her allergy attack. At the very least, Clover seemed to have passed. Janet always supposed her employer hadn't been a mage herself, but now she knew for sure.
"Are you alright, Miss Clover?" she asked, taking a step forward and clasping her hands over her chest. Clover furiously rubbed her nose with the handkerchief, but she paused for a moment to give her assistant a nod. Janet smiled, but her relief was short-lived as Minerva turned to her.
"I'll need a sneeze from you too, dear," said the inquisitor, holding up the feather. Janet reflexively backed away, but she stopped herself before she could take more than a few steps. She stole a glance over Minerva's shoulder at her employer, but Clover was still too busy rubbing her tickly nose to be of any help.
"Don't be scared," the inquisitor teased, gently touching the tip of her finger between Janet's eyes. "You'll be all finished soon." Minerva slowly slid her finger down the slope of Janet's nose, and the mage crossed her eyes to follow it. Janet blushed as she felt the inquisitor start to push the tip of her nose around in a small circle, but Minerva soon stopped and held up her feather once more. Swallowing nervously, Janet held her breath as she felt the tip of the feather touch her septum. Her nose was rather large, but in spite of that her nostrils were actually quite small. If nothing else, she hoped that would give the inquisitor's feather less to work with.
Janet scrunched up her nose as the feather stroked her septum, but it didn't have nearly the same effect on her as it had on Clover. She was still worried, but the young mage was starting to feel a tiny glimmer of hope. Janet had a lot of practice with holding in her magic when she sneezed, despite Minerva's claims that it was impossible. If she only had to sneeze once or twice, she was confident she would be able to keep her magic at bay.
The inquisitor stopped tickling Janet's septum and began to trace the mage's nostrils, just as she had with Clover. Janet wrinkled her nose and reflexively raised an outstretched finger to rub underneath it, but Minerva gently held her wrist to keep her hand away. After a moment of thought, Janet decided there was no use in holding back. The sooner she sneezed, the easier it would be to hide her magic. She flared her small nostrils as wide as she could, allowing the tip of the feather to slip inside. It slid teasingly over a few of Janet's nose hairs, and she quickly started to feel a sneeze coming on.
"Ahh..."
Janet drew a shaky breath, her mouth hanging open. She fought to keep one eye from closing, sure she would see Minerva smiling at her. Before she could take notice, her vision became hazy and she quickly abandoned the thought. Allowing the tickle in her nose to win over, Janet devoted all of her concentration into making sure she kept her magic at bay.
"Hah... Aaahhhh... Ha-CHHHhhh!"
With a breathy but gentle sneeze, Janet's head bobbed downward. Some of her black hair fell in front of her eyes, but no other misfortune befell her. She resisted the urge to breathe a sigh of relief, but she remained delighted that she managed to keep from casting any spells. Without bothering to fix her hair, Janet raised her outstretched finger once more and rubbed back and forth under her nose, causing the tip to squish from side to side. Before she could finish rubbing the tickle out of her nostrils, however, Minerva suddenly grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand away.
"Aren't we finished?" asked Clover, still pressing the handkerchief to her nostrils. The inquisitor shrugged, glancing at the shopkeeper before turning back to Janet.
"I believe it would be best to have one more sneeze for good measure, no?" she said, giving the young mage a smile. "After all, my inspection must be thorough."
Before Janet could protest, she felt the inquisitor's feather twirling its way up her left nostril. She gasped for breath, and she tried as hard as she could to hold back her magic once more. Minerva was tickling her nose much more fiercely, and even if she only sneezed one more time, Janet wasn't sure if she could control herself again.
"Are you trying to resist?" asked Minerva, raising an eyebrow in amusement. She twirled the feather back and forth inside her victim's nostril, causing her to gasp and shudder. Janet shakily raised a finger up to her nose again, but the inquisitor slapped it away just as before.
"I-I..." Janet stuttered, struggling to open her eyes. Amused with the young mage's distress, Minerva removed the feather and allowed Janet to rub her nose for a second. Before Janet could rub enough for any real relief, the inquisitor slapped her hand once again and resumed tickling. Her small nostrils twitched as the tip of the feather skittered around their edges, and then they flared helplessly when Minerva began to tickle inside.
"Surely you have nothing to hide," the inquisitor teased, grinning to herself. Janet shook her head, both to answer Minerva and to escape the feather for a second. Once she stopped, the inquisitor resumed tickling twice as fiercely as before. Minerva plunged the feather up into Janet's left nostril, swirling it around as vigorously as she could.
"Oh, stop wasting my time!" she commanded, giving the feather a sharp twist. Janet took a deep breath and threw back her head, her willpower finally depleted. Her nostrils had already endured more tickling than she could handle, and now they were no longer under her control. The mage felt her magic starting to collect inside her nose, and she knew it would all be over soon.
"Ahhh... Haaahhh... Haaa'CHHHHHH!!!"
Janet sneezed harshly, blowing a powerful whirlwind out her nostrils. The wave of air hit the inquisitor with enough force to send her flying backward. Minerva slammed into the far wall and hit her head against a bookshelf, knocking her unconscious. Janet's sneeze had been so powerful that even she stumbled and fell down, leaving Clover the only one standing.
"Janet?" exclaimed the shopkeeper, sliding to her knees next to the mage. "Janet, are you alright? What happened?"
Unable to control herself, Janet prepared to unleash another sneeze. Clover noticed her employee's nostrils flaring, and she quickly pressed a finger under Janet's nose in an attempt to stop her.
"Haah... Ihhhh-!"
"Janet, no! Don't sneeze again!"
"AHH-CHHH!!!"
Despite her best efforts, Janet sneezed. Another whirlwind was blown out of her nostrils, but luckily this one was smaller. Clover was knocked on her back, but she quickly recovered and sat up. She stared at Janet with a blank expression, watching the young mage rub a finger under her large nose, her bangs fallen over her eyes.
"Sorry..." Janet whimpered, unable to bring herself to make eye contact with Clover. She knew that not only would she be wanted as a mage, but now Clover would be wanted for harboring a fugitive as well. Pulling her knees up to her chest, Janet wrapped her arms around her legs and sighed, pondering what she should do next. Her thought process was suddenly broken, however, when she felt something warm and heavy drape around her shoulders.
Looking up to see Clover standing above her, Janet found herself wearing Minerva's inquisition coat. Clover helped the mage to her feet and smiled. Feeling confused, Janet gently rubbed her tickly nose and looked herself over.
"Miss Clover? I-"
"Don't worry," Clover interrupted, touching a finger to Janet's lips. "Just wear this coat and everyone will leave you alone. It'll give you enough time to get out of town, and you can start over someplace else."
"But what about you?" asked Janet, flicking the tip of her nose up with her finger and then pulling the coat tight around her body. Clover shrugged and rubbed a finger under her own nose with a smile.
"I'm sure I'll figure something out. I was getting tired of selling books anyway."
I had some more writing juice left in me so I did some more of the thing. Also I'm so attached to Aster that I just had to have @debachoory do a portrait of her. Love how it turned out, friggin huge nose dragon gf.
Female sneezes, nose play, micro/macro, various causes
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Aster has gotten herself into a bit of trouble. She’d been tasked with keeping track of the university’s alchemy supplies, and she had the misfortune of sneezing into a jar of pixie dust. Not wanting to call attention to her little accident, she instead chose to replenish the reagent herself. And with the next alchemy lab session happening tomorrow, she doesn’t have much time.
Pixies live in the woods, right? Aster can only hope that at least one does as she pushes her way through the trees. Normally her long strides would enable her to cover a lot of ground quickly, but in a forest where she’s almost as tall as many of the trees, she’s not quite so lucky. Her short wolf cut hair has picked up a few sticks and leaves after only a few minutes, and despite her rough exterior she flinches away from every branch that swings too close to her face. It seems her only stroke of luck is that hay fever season hasn’t rolled around just yet.
A sudden wave of dizziness washes over the draconata. Aster stops in her tracks, closing her eyes and lightly pinching the high bridge of her big nose. An aroma she can’t describe tickles her nostrils, and when she opens her eyes, the scenery around her feels the same as it had been a moment ago, but also just slightly different. The inconsistencies become more unsettling the longer she looks around, and she can only hope this means a fae creature of some kind is nearby.
“Hello?” Aster calls out, slowly spinning in place. She knows she could easily handle any physical danger, but fae are not to be trifled with. Or so she’s heard. Aster’s never actually met one before.
Ugh, this is a stupid idea. Just fess up to sneezing in the jar, surely the alchemy professors will understand. Even if they don’t, whatever punishment they mete out is guaranteed to be more reasonable than a deal with the fair folk. Aster shakes her head and turns around, hoping to simply go back the way she came. But, just as she takes a single step, she feels something perch on the wide, upturned tip of her nose. She crosses her eyes to look, and she’s hit with a surge of fear and excitement when she finds herself face to face with a pixie.
“Golly, you sure are a pretty gal.”
Aster’s mouth opens wordlessly, and eventually she manages a dumbfounded “you really think so?” Her cheeks flush once her brain catches up. The pixie lifts off from her nose after giving it a reassuring pat on the bridge.
“Why, of course I do! Just look at your cool hair, those beautiful eyes, and this lovely big nose.”
Words escape her. Aster’s blush deepens, and she can’t hold back a bashful smile. The pixie gives a twirl and a giggle, speaking up once more when Aster is clearly too flustered to.
“Now, what can a humble pixie do for you this fine evening? Is everything alright, sugar?”
Eyes widening for a split second, Aster finally recalls her task. She digs an empty jar out of her bag and fidgets with it, not wanting to thrust it at the pixie too abruptly.
“Oh, I, um.”
The draconata clears her throat and gathers herself, earning a silent chuckle from her host.
“I was hoping to obtain a jar of pixie dust,” Aster announces plainly. It’s an ordeal to resist a long-winded explanation, but she knows it’s best not to give a fae any unnecessary details. Plus, she doesn’t want to bore the little thing. Or embarrass herself by speaking the tale aloud. The pixie flutters around the jar, taking a closer look.
“Hmm, I see, I see,” she says, a hand on her chin. “And what would you offer in exchange? A pixie’s dust is not something to be given away freely.”
“I am prepared to offer some of my scales,” Aster replies. She lifts her shirt, partially exposing her midriff. Shiny purple scales cover her body from her belly to her hips, and the pixie swiftly moves to inspect them.
“Ah, draconata scales. Not as large or as hard as a true dragon’s, but almost as magical, and perhaps better suited to one of my stature. A tempting proposition indeed.”
An unexpectedly long silence passes. Just as Aster is about to ask the pixie if she’s willing to make a deal, she suddenly feels… Upside down. To be clear, she hasn’t moved, and her feet are still planted on the forest floor, but even though she isn’t falling into the sky, gravity seems to be pulling her in the opposite direction.
“But, I think I’m craving something more immaterial today,” says the pixie. Aster feels a little pitter-patter on the underside of her nose, and what she’s unable to see is the tiny fae taking a stroll up and down her wide, spacious septum. She scrunches her face in response to the tickle, and then the world returns upright. Aster wavers slightly as she regains her balance, and then she slowly rubs an outstretched finger back and forth under her nostrils. The pixie flutters up before her once more, smiling brightly.
“Dragonkin, if you would allow me to play with your nose, I will gladly fill your jar with pixie dust.”
“Play with my nose?” Aster queries. The pixie nods enthusiastically.
“You won’t turn it into a snout or anything like that, will you?”
“Would you like me to?”
Aster wordlessly shakes her head.
The pixie giggles until she snorts, rolling head over heels in midair.
“You’re wise to be exacting, but don’t you worry your pretty little head. Cross my heart, I have no desire to alter your state of being. Simply, that nose of yours has charmed me. I wish to become acquainted with it.”
Somehow the pixie’s choice of words makes Aster blush all over again. She rubs her nose, not even to stop a tickle this time, more to cover it up and preserve its decency. But, all things considered, this seems more favorable than any deal she’d expected to get from a fae. Provided the pixie is being truthful, that is. And if not, then Aster supposes she’s already beyond saving.
“Alright,” she says, holding off a sigh. “How long is fair for a jar of pixie dust? An hour?” Not about to let this little thing live in her nose for the rest of her life. The pixie gives her a pitiful, exaggerated frown before straightening and holding up a finger in revelation.
“I, Bixu of the Summer Court, will spend the remainder of this evening with your nose in exchange for two jars of pixie dust,” she proposes, holding out a hand to shake.
Aster hesitates, though not for long. The alchemy professors would likely notice that a second jar had appeared from thin air, but Aster is Aster, not Aster the Wise. Bixu’s entire body is smaller than her little finger, but she too extends her hand. She feels a tiny pinch on her skin, and then the pixie disappears beneath her nose before she can blink.
“My, such elegant nostrils,” sighs Bixu, staring up at the underside of Aster’s nose. She delicately traces a fingertip along the edge of Aster’s left nostril, then her right, leaving them both encircled in a golden glitter. The nostrils flare outward and then gently suck in as Aster unconsciously sniffs up the pixie dust. Her lips part and she emits a low “hheh…”, but any urge to sneeze passes as quickly as it arrives.
“Such power in your breath,” the pixie continues. Aster isn’t sure how to respond to any of this. All she can do is focus on keeping her hands at her sides, not wanting to interfere with the pact.
“Would you be a dear and sniff again, please?”
Aster stammers incoherently for a second before obliging Bixu’s request. She inhales sharply, the suction again thinning her nostrils for a brief instant.
“Good girl. Sniff, sniff!”
Unsure if that was meant to be another command or just a casual remark, Aster sniffs twice rapidly. Bixu gives another giggle snort, and then she climbs over the tip of the draconata’s nose to sit atop it. She straddles across the bridge, splaying her arms, legs, and wings.
“You truly do have a lovely nose, darling,” Bixu moans, nuzzling her face into the soft gray skin.
“Thanks?” Aster replies, one eyebrow raised. If she had a nickel…
A moment passes while Bixu continues to hug Aster’s big nose. At least an hour, but no more than a few seconds. Aster isn’t sure if the sun is beginning to set, or if it’s simply circling around the same point in the sky. Eventually the pixie relaxes her grip and slowly slides down the long nose, coming to rest on the upturned tip. Then, she rolls over the end and disappears beneath it once more. From the light fluttering on her skin, Aster surmises that Bixu is drifting back and forth between her nostrils.
“Which of your nostrils do you prefer? Left or right?” the pixie asks, her tone completely earnest. Aster frowns.
“...I have no idea,” she states flatly. Bixu again traces the outline of her left nostril, then the right, prompting Aster to sharply wriggle her nose.
“Well, the left is slightly narrower,” Bixu observes. “I suspect it becomes stuffed more easily, though it may be less susceptible to irritants.”
Aster can’t begin to guess as to the veracity of such a hypothesis. Probably best not to say anything. Before she can decide what not to say, she feels something, presumably Bixu, shoving its way into her left nostril. Aster snorts, scrunching her nose to the side.
“Well? Is it stuffed?” the pixie asks, her voice echoing inside Aster’s head. Aster tentatively opens one eye.
“It’s a little blocked up, yeah,” she answers, fighting the urge to stick a finger in there and dig the pixie out.
“Only a little, that’s good. I must say it’s quite spacious in here. Your right nostril must be even more so.”
“I guess,” says Aster with an irritated sniff.
Bixu shifts around, taking in the sights. The draconata’s nostril is protected by a dense forest of hairs, and every surface is coated in a soft, powdery soot. Grains of pollen and specks of dust dot the landscape, trapped in the layer of ash. Bixu turns her attention to the closest hair, reaching up into the distance like a mighty tree. Unable to help herself, she gives it a push.
A tickle shoots up Aster’s left nostril, making her scrunch her face yet again. She ponders asking Bixu to get out, but before she can…
“Ah-CHOO!!”
The pixie sneezes shrilly, blasting a puff of soot from Aster’s nostril. She coughs once, then manages a choked “gesundheit.” Bixu crawls back out of the draconata’s nose and pats herself off, leaving a little dark cloud in the air.
“Goodness, excuse me. It’s awfully dusty in there. Doesn’t it make you want to sneeze?”
“Not really,” Aster says, casually rubbing a finger under her nose. Bixu grins as curiosity takes hold of her.
“What happens when you do sneeze? Does it get blown out?” she interrogates, fists clenched with excitement. Aster glances off to the side and scratches behind one ear.
“Uh… Some of it, yeah.”
Bixu clasps her hands together and twirls.
“Oh, that I must see!”
Uh oh.
The pixie disappears under Aster’s nose once again, this time gathering a mound of pixie dust in her palm. She takes aim right between those big, long nostrils, draws a deep breath, and then lets the glittering powder fly free. Moving like a creature all of its own, the stream of dust splits in two before surging up both nostrils. Aster’s face immediately goes slack as the pixie dust reaches deep into her sinuses, tickling everything along the way like a thousand tiny feathers.
“hh… heh…”
Aster’s chest rises and falls as she feels her soot and ash begin to roil in the depths of her nose. For better or worse, Bixu is certainly going to get an up close and personal example of a draconata’s sneeze.
“I… Ohgods… hh-heh!”
One hand still clutching the empty jar, the other raises to hang limply in the air. Hitching breaths turn to gasps, and then gasps turn to intermittent snorts that release preliminary tendrils of smoke. This is going to be a big one.
“heh-hhh-! G-get bahh… ahh… haahh…!”
Bixu ignores Aster’s wispy warning, continuing to hover in place barely more than a foot away. With one final shrieking gasp, the draconata throws back her head, and…
“HRAAHHSHHHOOOOO!!!!!”
Aster unleashes a monstrous sneeze, bending fully at the waist. Thick, dark smoke blasts from both of her nostrils, engulfing not just Bixu, but the entire little clearing around them. At a glance the whole incident must have looked like a small explosion. Aster sits up as the haze dissipates, having stumbled and fallen on her butt in the chaos. She rests against one arm on the ground, while her jar hand firmly scrubs an outstretched finger back and forth under her nose, a bit of smoke still puffing from her nostrils.
“Oh bless you!” chimes Bixu, seemingly no worse for wear after the deluge. “What a big sneeze!”
“Yeah, that was a doozy,” grumbles Aster. She sets the jar down on the dirt beside her and gives her nose a slow, upward wipe with her palm. Her nostrils stretch against her hand as she presses on her nose, but the tickling continues.
“I hope it didn’t hurt your poor nose,” Bixu continues, giving Aster a gentle pat on the bridge. She shakes her head, still scrubbing at her nostrils.
“Nah, just tiih… T-tickles! hhRAHSHHUH!!!”
The draconata suddenly sneezes again. Smaller this time, and with a smaller cloud of soot to match, but it’s still a loud and messy affair.
“Bless you twice!”
“Thanks,” snorts Aster, wiping her nose down the length of her forearm. Later she’ll look back and wonder why she handled this whole fiasco so calmly, but at the moment, what else is she going to do? Well, for one, keep rubbing.
“Ugh, itchy nose…” Aster complains, swiping her fingers back and forth under her nose with gradually increasing speed. Eventually she lets her hand fall away, and she tips her head back to stare up at the sky. The sun is nowhere to be seen, though the forest is still bright and colorful as ever. Aster gives a start when she feels Bixu touch down on her philtrum, best let the pixie do as she pleases. Mercifully her host provides only a cathartic scratching under her nose.
“Scritch, scritch!” Bixu chirps as she kneads the soft skin of Aster’s septum with both hands. Such tiny fingers, but they work wonders on Aster’s big nose. After just a few seconds, the draconata’s nostrils are good as new. She takes a deep breath and sighs, tipping her head back down to gaze at her strange companion.
“That… Actually felt really good,” Aster admits with a shy smile. She slides an outstretched finger across the underside of her nose to chase off any lingering tickles, and Bixu curtseys in mid air.
“Much obliged, dragonkin,” she says, clasping her hands behind her back. “But alas, I believe time is near for us to go our separate ways.” Aster is almost disappointed. Well, she’s not fond of sneezing or having her nose invaded, but this has been… Fun? Maybe? Almost.
“Well, I, uh…” Aster mumbles, avoiding eye contact. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Bixu.”
“The pleasure was all mine,” replies the pixie, extending a hand. “One last thing.”
Bixu does her best to cradle Aster’s vast nose with her tiny palm, and she gives it a long, tender kiss right on the tip. A fleeting tickle swirls into both of Aster’s nostrils, making her scrunch up her face, and when she opens her eyes again, Bixu is nowhere to be seen. After giving her nose an upward flick with the side of a finger, she turns to find two jars of pixie dust on the ground beside her, as promised. Aster picks them up and returns one to her bag before spying a small note attached to the second.
My Dearest Dragonkin,
I was in such a rush to make a dramatic exit that I forgot to give you a final warning. Some of my friends can be quite jealous, and they may wish to take you for themselves now that we’ve parted. Hurry on home quick as you can, silent as a very quiet pixie.
Nasally yours, Bixu of the Summer Court
p.s.: Don’t sneeze! Now that you’ve sneezed for me, I might be the one to get jealous if you should happen to sneeze for them…
Aster blinks.
“That’s the scariest thing I’ve ever read in my entire life,” she mutters to herself, staring into the distance. The forest feels darker already. Aster yanks the note off of the second jar and drops it to the ground, and once she’s secured her bag, she begins to retrace her steps. Or at least, she thinks she’s retracing her steps.
Despite the distressing note, Aster soon forgets her worries. Just a brisk walk in the woods back to the university. No problem. No…
Aster stops in her tracks, a chill running up her spine. It wasn’t a noise that startled her so, but rather the complete lack of any. The forest has gone utterly silent, as if the animals and even the wind itself have fled. With no time to think, Aster quietly jogs toward the biggest bush she can see. Hopefully it’ll be enough to obscure her tall form. Aster dives into the foliage with a deafening rustle of leaves, and then stillness sets in once more.
The only sound Aster can detect is the thump of her own heart, but something is passing by. She can’t hear it, see it, or smell it, but she feels it all the same. Has it noticed her? As long as she’s still coherent and in one piece, she can only assume that it hasn’t. The imperceptible presence continues on its way, and Aster remains motionless for what seems like hours compressed into minutes. Eventually the invisible weight lifts from her soul, and a bit of ambient noise returns to the forest.
Aster allows herself a quiet sigh and she peeks her head out of the greenery. But, when she tries to take a breath of fresh air, the air is anything but refreshing. Unlike the fierce, feathery tickle of the pixie dust, the aroma of the undergrowth leaves her feeling sluggish and stuffy.
Oh no.
“Really? Now!?” Aster grumbles under her breath, giving her nostrils a slow, firm rub with her fingers. She glares daggers down at her big nose, and already she can see a few flecks of yellow on her gray skin. Of course she hadn’t brought any allergy potions. Just water, a few snacks, and the jar for the pixie dust. Not even any tissues. Normally she wouldn’t need them for another month, but it seems spring has come for her early.
Still haphazardly rubbing her nose, Aster takes off through the trees. Eventually she wipes her nostrils across her forearm and turns to a full on sprint, trusting that she’s headed in the right direction. Unfortunately she doesn’t get far before her foot snags on a thick root and she stumbles. Aster throws out her arms to steady herself, but still she crashes to the ground. She props herself up on her elbows, ready to leap to her feet…
A colorful flowering shrub bars Aster’s path. That hadn’t been there before she fell. It couldn’t have. Why would she run toward it? Whatever, no time to worry about that now. Aster holds her breath as she tries to back away, already feeling the pollen tickling its way into her nostrils.
“heeh-!”
A minuscule hitched wheeze is enough to halt the draconata in place. Eyelids fluttering, she clumsily maneuvers one hand to rub her fingers back and forth under her nose. The pollen continues its onslaught, and Aster can only slow its advance.
“hh… ghih…”
She snorts softly, her flaring nostrils releasing a small puff of smoke. A gentle breeze clears it away, but the gust is suddenly cut short.
‘Don’t sneeze,’ Aster pleads with herself. She gives one last swipe left and right across her nostrils, slow and firm, and then she presses her fingers up as hard as she can. The aching tickle recedes ever so slightly as her nose compresses on top of her hand. Not enough. Still need to…
“Don’t…! Sneeze!”
She’s too far gone to realize that she’d said the words out loud. The silence zeroes in on her, and if it needs any more help…
“heh-! hHRAAHSHOOO!!!”
Smoke and pollen spew from Aster’s nostrils as she sneezes. Small by her standards, but by no means quiet. She pushes through her disorientation and surges up to resume her sprint.
Nothing.
No shrub, no forest, no ground, no sky. She is nowhere. But not alone.
“Dragonkin!”
A discordant symphony of tiny voices calls out to Aster. Too terrified even to scream, all she can do is wait. Cacophonous fluttering fills her ears, and after a single blink she finds herself surrounded by what must be a hundred pixies, all swirling around her in a mad vortex.
“Hello!” “What’s your name?” “Play with me!” “Where are you from?” “Tell me your name!”
Aster can only recognize an occasional word among the chaos. She keeps her lips tightly sealed. No matter what she says, she knows she’ll regret it. Whatever rational part of her mind remains desperately wants to find a way out, but where can she even escape to?
The air soon grows thick with pixie dust, and more than a little finds its way into Aster’s long nostrils. They begin to flare and wriggle almost immediately, giving her little time to react. She unconsciously lifts one hand toward her face, but she’s unable to make any use of it.
“ha-haa-haaa-! RAAAHCHOOO!!!”
Aster doubles over with a sharp, loud sneeze. The smoke expelled by her nostrils is immediately swept up in the tornado of pixies and carried away, though some of the tiny creatures still take notice.
“A sneeze!” “She sneezes!” “How cute!” “I want to try!” “Do it again!” “She sneezed!” “Sneeze!”
Now she understands Bixu’s warning. Sort of. This is still beyond what Aster could have imagined. She barely has time to straighten before she feels at least a dozen pixies trying to scramble into her nostrils. As vast as they are, they’re not quite big enough for all the pixies to fit at once. Her nose is completely plugged before any of them can get fully inside, but that doesn’t stop them from raising all kinds of havoc.
The pixies fill Aster’s head with glittering dust. They kick up a storm of ash and soot in her sinuses. They play with her nose hairs, tugging on them and tying some together. It’s unlike anything Aster has ever experienced before. All this to say, she really, really needs to sneeze.
“hah… hh-hih…!”
Smoke begins to seep out of the draconata’s nostrils, blocked as they are. None of the fae seem to care, and they continue with their mischief. Swirling soot, quivering nose hairs, it’s all too much.
“ghhah… hih… nnheh!”
Aster’s knees buckle. She would have fallen to the ground if there was any beneath her feet. One pixie finally manages to shove its way past the rest and it soars deep into Aster’s nose, leaving a trail of dust in its wake. The little intruder gives a happy twirl, sending the surrounding nose hairs all aflutter. Aster has reached her limit.
“haahh… Hhaaahhhh…!”
The pixies don’t let up. Soot pours from Aster’s nose, nearly as much as if she’d already sneezed. Plenty of pixie dust is mixed in with the ash, seemingly more than should be able to fit inside the poor draconata. Her besieged nostrils give one last great flare, and her final gasp for breath is more akin to an inward scream.
“HHRAAAAHHHSHHHHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”
An enormous cloud of smoke rises above the treetops. Every inch of the clearing below is blanketed in soot, including Aster herself. She lays flat on her back, somewhere between unable and unwilling to move. Some of the dryer plants around her have been singed. She snorts out a pair of smoke rings in the shape of her nostrils and finally sits up with a weak cough.
“hih… hehh… hHREHSHHUH!!”
Another sneeze, another cloud. It’s a wonder she has any smoke left in her. With an exhausted whine, Aster slowly rubs her outstretched fingers back and forth under her nose. She scrubs away until her tickly nostrils are sufficiently numbed, and finally she opens her eyes. The devastation all around her doesn’t surprise her half as much as the fact that there’s anything to see at all. Aster shakily stands, checks her bag and jars, and gives her nose another much needed rub.
“Uh… Excuse me,” she mumbles, her voice tired and congested. She lazily turns her head from side to side, and the pixies are nowhere to be seen. Her big sneeze must have scared them off, or blown them away. Aster frowns, her cheeks warming. Not sure which possibility is more embarrassing.
With no energy left to sprint, she slowly trudges forward. The trees begin to thin, and the university buildings gradually come into view. The campus clocktower reads just after 4:00 in the morning, hopefully the same night and plane of existence from which Aster had set out. She drags herself to the alchemy building, deposits both jars of pixie dust in the store room, and promptly collapses into a chair in the atrium.
“Next time I’ll just tell them I… I… hih… hRAHCHUHH! Ugh…”
Aster lets her head fall back over the top of the chair. She drifts in and out of sleep, exhausted but still too wound up to fully doze off. Eventually a long, pointy nose comes into view from behind, followed by a familiar face staring down at her.
“Aster?”
The draconata blinks slowly.
“Hey, Milly. What’re you doing up?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” the elf counters, resting a hand on her hip. “I was prepping for my lab later today, then I heard you sneeze. I swear, you’re so loud.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m amazed it’s just me. You probably woke up half the campus with-”
“Yeah. I got it.”
Milly pouts, her slitted nostrils flaring in frustration.
“What happened to you?”
Aster sighs, snorting out two thin wisps of smoke.
“Allergy season came early.”
Milly gawks.
“You expect me to believe this is all because of hay fever? I…”
She trails off, her expression softening almost imperceptibly.
“Do you want a massage?”
Aster grins, slowly rubbing an outstretched finger under the tip of her nose.
“Yes please.”
Milly slaps Aster’s hand away, then she delicately places her fingertips on the draconata’s forehead and nose. A classic Milly sinus massage. Aster’s nose lets off a long, gentle puff of smoke, easing her congestion. Milly frowns at the messy display, but she continues unabated. At least, until…
I did the thing. Tapped into my hidden power. Tranced for a couple hours and banged out something pointlessly self-indulgent. I hope you also find some enjoyment in it.
Female sneezes, nose play, f/unspecified
-----
Having a draconata girlfriend is pretty awesome.
Having any kind of girlfriend is already great, but then imagine your girlfriend is also literally a dragon. Or at least a dragon in a human body. Kind of. A dragon in a human body that’s almost eight feet tall. Plus there’s the slightly pointed ears, and the fingernails that kinda taper a little bit. Maybe she just trims them that way, I dunno, I guess I haven’t asked. Look, I’m not gonna sit here and salaciously describe every last detail of her body. Only some of them.
Sometimes I wonder why she, you know, chose me. I don’t have time to get into the minutiae of my own self esteem issues, so I’ll just say I’m glad she did. Point is, underneath all the muscles and the resting scary face and all that, she’s actually really sweet. I run tutoring sessions as part of my work study, and one day she just came up to me and very earnestly asked for my help.
Her name’s Aster, by the way. Don’t wanna leave that out.
Anyway, tutoring turned into study dates, and somehow study dates turned into drinking one milkshake with two straws. Now we’re cuddling on her big ol’ draconata-sized bed. We tried it on mine once, but her legs hang off the end and she constantly has to hunch over everywhere in my place. Not ideal. I really don’t mind the size difference though, and not even in a ‘step on me mommy’ kind of way. Not saying that doesn’t factor into it at all, just we don’t have many compatibility issues except for it’s a bit tricky for her to be the little spoon.
Words cannot fully express how cute Aster is, but I’m gonna try anyway. Her chest is right in front of me, right now. That’s just where I naturally fit when we snuggle like this, I swear I really am that lucky. Her skin’s kind of a carbon gray, and it’s like… Surprisingly soft, except for the bands of scales around her belly. Those and her hair are this really pretty, shiny purple. No lie it actually looks kinda glittery almost. Right, right, salacious. But now you get the picture, I hope.
Okay. This is where I may start to lose some of you. If I tip my head back and look up at her, past that strong jawline… I don’t know how else to describe this, so, uh. Aster has a really big nose. Like honestly it’s huge. Hear me out. I don’t know if it’s big by draconata standards, but proportionally for a human, it’s just… Wow. But that’s a good thing! To me it is, anyway. We’re not a very kissy couple, but whenever we do, feeling it press against my cheek… It’s like her face is hugging my face.
I’m rambling. Moving on. Looking up at Aster’s nose from below, she has these really long, big nostrils. The kind that sorta curve and angle toward each other as they extend away from her lips. I could probably fit two whole fingers in just one of them with room to spare. Not that I’ve tried it, but I can admit the thought has crossed my mind.
I reach a hand up to Aster’s face. Whether she notices or not, she remains tranquil. Then I tap the wide tip of her nose with one finger. Boop. The soft skin gives way just a little. A tiny moan escapes her throat, as if she’d been asleep until just then. I give her another boop, but this time I don’t draw my finger back, keeping it touched to her nose. I push the tip up, her long nostrils stretching farther, and then they wobble back into place when I finally remove my hand. I do it again. A couple times, until Aster finally acknowledges it.
“What are you doing?” she mumbles. Her voice is naturally deep and serious, but I can hear her smiling.
“Nothing,” I mutter back, pushing her nose up once more. This time she recoils a bit, scrunching her face. She sniffs, the power of her breath causing her nostrils to suck in for a brief moment.
“Well, nothing is tickling my nose,” Aster complains, bringing her own hand to her face. She gives that great big nose of hers an upward wipe with her palm before finishing with another strong sniff.
“Do you want me to stop?” I ask, withdrawing my hand slightly. Aster looks down at me, her sharp eyes meeting mine. Her face is placid, but with a slight shyness to her expression. She does this a lot when we’re alone, and it destroys me every time.
“Do you… Like it?”
I nod, feeling my face heating up. I can see a faint blush on Aster’s cheeks too. The corners of her lips curl just a little, and then she pulls me up a bit higher on the bed, bringing my face closer to hers. She tips her head back to a neutral angle, and her hot breath washes over me as she exhales.
“Go ahead, then.”
I may not survive this.
I return my fingertip to Aster’s nose, this time pushing it around in little circles. She’s bashful at first, but after a moment her smile begins to widen. Suddenly she interrupts me with another harsh sniff and a vertical wipe of her nose.
“Sorry,” I offer, but she continues to smile. Aster shakes her head, calmly rubbing her fingers back and forth under her nostrils. Her nose crinkles and bends just above the tip, the base following her hand as she swipes.
“It’s okay,” she says, her voice a little blocked as her fingers obstruct her nostrils. My voice catches in my throat. I want to ask her to keep rubbing. She just looks so adorable. Somehow vulnerable and self-assured at the same time. Her nose tickles, but she can handle it herself. I’m so caught up trying to think of something to say that I don’t notice her scooting closer until I feel the tip of her nose touch me. Aster wipes her nose down my cheek, her nostrils stretching and contorting across my skin. For a moment her whole nose is mushed against my face. I’m seeing stars.
“I love your nose,” I blurt. Well, no going back now. But it’s the truth. So there’s that.
“Yes, I can tell,” says Aster, rolling her eyes. Sure enough though, she keeps smiling. I stare into her eyes, and I can feel myself smiling too. I think she even let out a little giggle. Hearing Aster laugh, even when it’s small and quiet… It’s just the best.
Suddenly, Aster’s gaze becomes distant. Her lips part, and her big, long nostrils bow outward, widening her broad nose even further. Unable to suppress a giggle of my own, I extend one finger and hold it horizontally under Aster’s nostrils, pushing upward gently. The slope of her nose creases just above the tip, and then the whole bridge scrunches up tightly, pulling her nostrils away from my finger. Even when she’s literally about to sneeze all over me, her face is so freaking-
“hhHHRAAHSHHHHUHH!!!”
A thunderous sneeze shakes the bed, but that’s not what startles me most. Aster’s nostrils erupt with two columns of smoke, my puny finger doing nothing to impede them. My vision goes dark, but even amidst the confusion I can hear and feel Aster getting up from the bed and plodding away. My heart sinks, though I get a bit of relief when she opens a window, allowing the smoke to dissipate. I wave away as much of the soot as I can, and I find Aster standing against the wall, her outstretched fingers sliding back and forth underneath that nose of hers.
“I’ve… Never seen you sneeze before.”
Aster rolls her eyes at me again.
“I think you mean ‘gesundheit.’”
“Right, uh. Sorry. Bless you. I didn’t mean to, uh…”
“I know,” says Aster, her smile returning. “Besides, I think you learned your lesson.”
I look down at myself as she points at me, and I’m predictably covered in ash. Before I can stop myself, my stupid mouth opens.
“I learned that I love it when you sneeze, too.”
Aster grabs the quilt and yanks it off the bed, sending me tumbling to the floor. When I sit up, she throws the crumpled blanket into my face.
This came to me in a fever dream and I couldn't very well leave it unwritten. Despite my continued yearning for unbridled nazi-killing, this one is pure shenaniganery.
Female sneezes - Pollen
cw: Drugs
Operation "Drowsy"
Another quiet day at the Cleanup Cafe. Well, quiet except for the…
"ah-ahh-ahhh-CHOOOO!!!"
A screamed sneeze shatters the calm, followed by a deafening blow that seems to shake the whole building. A few customers glance toward the back of the dining room, but none seem especially bothered. They're getting used to it by now.
Bucket slouches, dejectedly wiping a damp tissue back and forth under her tickly nose. So far she's spent her shift loitering in the corner. Surely no self-respecting master wants the snotty, sneezy maid. On the one hand she's fine with it, just means there's less she needs to do. But on the other, being so stuffed up that she can hardly breathe isn't exactly fun.
"Bucket-" mutters Mop, approaching from the nearest occupied table.
"ah-CHOOO!!"
"Bucket-"
"ah-CHHHOOOOO!!"
Mop promptly shoves a finger underneath her coworker's big, clumsy nose.
"Stop."
"I cah… Can't…" Bucket stammers, practically hanging from Mop's finger by her nose. Suddenly the staff room door cracks open and a hand wordlessly beckons both maids inside. Bucket is too far gone to notice, so Mop has no choice but to raise her finger even higher and drag her along. Once safely out of the public eye, Kerchief steals an almost worried glance over her shoulder. She turns back to her subordinates and gathers herself.
"Miss Bucket, would you happen to have brought any allergy medication with you today?"
Mop lowers her finger so that her compatriot can respond. Bucket immediately gasps for breath and unloads an enormous "AAH-CHOOOO!!!" directly at Kerchief's face.
"Doe, why?" she mumbles, scrunching her nose to one side with a snort. The mist from Bucket's sneeze and the reflected light from the ceiling combine to make Kerchief's glasses appear opaque. After a heavy sigh, Kerchief removes her spectacles and meticulously wipes them down. Meanwhile, Mop lays a hand across Bucket's forehead.
"Mop, I have hay fever, not a, uh… Fever fever."
"It's not that. I think your head's hollow."
"Well it definitely doesn't feel hollow."
Bucket snorts and snuffles, repeatedly giving her nose an upward rub with her palm. Kerchief replaces her glasses, briefly looks back at the staff entrance again, then she straightens up and clears her throat.
"Alright, I have an assignment for you. I need you to go and bring back some allergy medication, whatever you can get your hands on. Can you do that?"
Bucket begins to nod, but the motion is soon overtaken by a building "ah… ahh… ahhh…" Mop takes her by the shoulders and swiftly brings her to the other side of the room.
"Good luck out there," Mop says flatly. Kerchief opens the door, Mop pushes Bucket across the threshold, and then Kerchief pulls the door shut once more, as if they'd just tossed a grenade through the opening. Both wince in response to the muffled "aahh-CHOOOO!!!" from outside. They share a passively guilty shrug and get back to work.
Bucket finds herself in the corner store across the street. She sniffs and rubs back and forth under her stuffy nose nonstop, it's all she can do to keep from sneezing the roof off the place. Despite each aisle being clearly labeled, it takes her a moment to find the medicine. She's a bit surprised to find the allergy and sinus shelf almost completely empty, but at least that makes her choice easier.
There's a short line for the store's only self checkout counter. By the time Bucket reaches the end of it, she's managed to forget that she hasn't actually paid yet and walks right out the door. As she shuffles across the street, she finally takes a good look down at the box: printed entirely in black and white, with a large "EX" taking up a solid third of the front face. 'Adults: take three tablets by mouth every-'
"ah-ahh-CHOOO!!"
Whatever. Three. Sounds like a lot, but she's not a pharmacist. Bucket extracts the specified number of tabs from the plastic bubbles inside and pounds them back dry. She doesn't feel any different. Pollen continues to drift on the breeze and swirl up her nose, tickling away as she approaches the cafe. Bucket clumsily slows to a stop, one hand extended toward the door handle.
"ah… ah-ahh… aahh…"
The maid's head inclines, her teardrop-shaped nostrils flaring with every shaky inhale. But, just as she's about to let loose… Nothing? Bucket breathes a sigh of relief, though she pauses and gives a long, hard rub back and forth under her still tickly nose. Really tickly, in fact, but nevertheless no sneeze.
"heh… heh! HREHSCHUHH!!"
Or, no sneeze of her own at least. Bucket blinks, momentarily startled out of her stupor by the thunderous sound. She places a hand on the door, and the instant the handle twitches, it flings wide open and she finds herself yanked inside by the wrist.
Bucket is flanked by Kerchief and Mop once more, the former releasing her arm and instead grabbing the box from her other hand. Mop is busy tending to the newly arrived Duster, holding a finger firmly underneath her long, upturned nose. In spite of it all, Duster still doubles over with an enormous "raaAAAHHSHHHOOO!!!" that threatens to launch Bucket back through the door.
"How many?" Kerchief asks with a flat urgency. Bucket doesn't respond for a second, unaware that she's being addressed.
"Huh? Oh, uh. Three," she answers, absently sliding a finger across the underside of her own nose. Kerchief pops out the tablets, tosses the box onto the table, and promptly forces the medicine down Duster's gullet. The tall maid briefly struggles reflexively, but eventually she relaxes and swallows.
Silence takes the cafe once more. Kerchief and Mop watch Duster intently, searching for any sort of reaction. Bucket's pretty over it.
Duster sniffs. Her lips part unevenly, one flared nostril hiking up above the other.
"hhh… hehh…"
Duster's face freezes in a tickly snarl. Kerchief and Mop tense as though preparing to flee. Bucket yawns. Finally Duster sighs and slumps forward, though she too feels compelled to scrub a finger back and forth under her nose.
"Talk about fast-acting," mutters Mop. She fully steps away, then Kerchief approaches with a tissue box and an awkward smile.
"Mission accomplished, Miss Bucket."
Bucket and Duster each take a tissue, and Kerchief absconds. The remaining maids loudly blow their noses, and then they shuffle out to the cafe floor as if all this made sense.
"So, you get hay fever too?" asks Duster.
"Yeah," Bucket replies. "All the leaves blowing around make me feel like I have feathers up my nose."
Duster scrunches her face and saws a finger back and forth under her nostrils.
"Bucket, don't talk to me about feh… hhh… heh…! …Whew…"
"Alright, fine, jeez."
Bucket yawns. A few seconds pass, Duster yawns back at her. A second more, both yawn in unison. After another handful of almost-sneezes, the maids bid farewell to the cafe's customers. The front door remains open, probably for longer than it should have. As it finally begins to swing shut, an unusual silhouette appears. A tall figure in a long dark coat and a wide brimmed hat stands in the entryway. Bucket and Duster saunter over, neither maintaining awareness of the other.
"Hey there, master," greets Duster, leaning against the wall. "Glad you could join us this afternoon."
Bucket bows with a sleepy grace that she usually reserves for, well, never.
"Right this way, please. I'll show you to your table."
The maids bring their new best friend to the middle of the cafe floor, sliding into the chairs on either side of him. Bucket and Duster lean toward him over the table, both emitting a soft giggle. The man regards them each in turn, silent as ever.
"Shall I show you the menu, master?" offers Bucket. Duster quickly snatches it out of her hands.
"Bucket, I'm the senpai. I'll show him the menu."
"Ugh, fine," Bucket pouts, folding her arms. "The pie is pretty good, though."
"Alright, let's have a looky-loo. First, we have a… ah… haahh…"
Duster trails off, her face assuming that tickly snarl once more. Her chest heaves with a deep breath, but before she can rear up too far, her guest lifts a hand and firmly places a finger under her nose. Duster freezes in place, and after a moment she exhales and relaxes.
"Whoo, that was a close one. Thanks, master."
"Aww, Ben…" coos Bucket, batting her eyelashes. "Could you do that for me, too? My allergies are so bad today…"
He's Ben now.
She slowly rubs her nose in a manner that surely someone somewhere might describe as 'seductive.' Once she stops, Ben obliges. Bucket's jaw goes slack and her eyes roll back in ecstasy as her nose creases up on top of his finger. She feels as though she might never need to sneeze again.
Kerchief watches in consternation through the kitchen window. Bucket and Duster simultaneously sip from the same moe moe milkshake, a third straw dribbling onto the table. Mop emerges from the staff room and slides in beside her manager.
"Damn, they're still at it?"
"They are indeed."
Mop gazes blankly at her comrades for a moment before holding up the box of allergy tablets and reading from the back.
"Terms of service prohibit the consumption of more than two tablets in a period of twenty four hours. Whatever, whatever… Side effects may include: dry mouth, drowsiness, hallucinations. If hallucination does not contain a paid promotion, contact customer support at… What the fuck?"
"ah-ahh-CHOOO!!!"
"hh… heh! HRESHHUH!!!"
Kerchief and Mop stare as Bucket and Duster violently sneeze milkshake in each other's faces and promptly collapse out of their chairs.
"It's a goddamn miracle we don't have hay fever," grumbles Mop. Kerchief closes her eyes and begins to nod, but…
"hh… hih… HADT!-choo…"
Mop takes a step back.
Kerchief sighs, delicately placing a finger underneath her nose.
