blah, sfblah, blah!?, he/him. Previously -san and a bunch of other things I don't care to recall.
snz kink blog. I write stuff but not as often as I'd like.
Really my only "before you follow" rule is be an adult and only make stuff about adults. Have some indication on your profile that you're an adult. Also nazi punks fuck off.
Also also don't so much as look at me if you use or support generative AI.
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Stories are tagged with "blah writes"
I also try to tag all my stories and other posts with the characters involved therein, but sometimes tumblr is weird about what it shows.
At the moment I don't really feel like linking every single OC tag I have, but I do have a refsheet with most of my favorites.
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Generally prefer allergies, but I occasionally get in the mood for illness.
Not really a fandom person, I almost exclusively write original stuff.
Also tend to prefer fantasy and sci-fi settings. And coming up with wacky snz scenarios that I usually don't end up doing anything with.
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Gonna attempt to link all my stories below lol. Hopefully all of these will work.
Unusual Contemporary
My general reality-ish setting. Not always modern fantasy, but usually always open to it. Definitely didn't just want to be able to call a setting "UC."
The Cleanup Crew - Tactical Maid Service
Maids with guns. They like to drink egg creams and they like to fight nazis, a lot.
Sci-fi stories. Again, different series typically don't actually share a setting unless specified.
Collecting Dust
A freelance mechanic discovers an old, abandoned administrative robot with a bit of a dust problem.
Link
Happy Haulidays
A space trucker comes down with a cold during the long journey between planets.
Link
In Space, No One Can Hear You Sneeze
Space pirate adventure and hijinks, late 90s anime style.
Read on Archive of our Own
In Space, No One Can Hear You Tease (nsfw)
Miscellaneous Old Stuff
Stories not connected to anything else, typically being placed here means they're also super old and/or not something I'm interested in continuing to work on.
Another random one off story of great shenaniganery. Sort of light destructive snz without the giant aspect.
Originally published January 17, 2014
Female sneezes - unspecified
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"What the heck are you doing, Layla?" Scarlette asked with a laugh as she watched her friend produce half a dozen decks of cards from her bag. Layla didn't respond, instead opting to remove each deck from its sleeve and set them all down on the table that separated her from Scarlette.
"You're not making another card house, are you?" Scarlette inquired, casually rubbing a finger under her freckled nose. Layla finally glanced up at her, raising an eyebrow.
"So what if I am?"
"Layla, we're on a train," Scarlette giggled.
"Scarlette," Layla began, putting two cards together to make a triangle with the center of the table, "there is a magazine article about me and my amazing houses of cards. I've mastered all I can when it comes to building them on solid ground. Making one on a train was the next logical step."
"Right, whatever you say, weirdo."
Layla gave Scarlette another displeased stare for a few seconds, but she quickly returned to her construction. Scarlette giggled a bit more, but eventually she began to watch intently. For the time being, Layla appeared to be building a simple, albeit large, house of cards, and Scarlette had to admit the process was at least a little interesting to observe. Then, after Layla had completed a few layers of the structure, Scarlette suddenly felt a tickle in her nose.
Scarlette sniffed, her oval-shaped nostrils narrowing to slits for half a second, but Layla didn't seem to notice. Reaching one outstretched finger up to her face, Scarlette began to rub her freckled nose back and forth slowly but firmly. Luckily, the tickle dulled to a hollow itch after a few seconds and Scarlette breathed a soft sigh of relief. This, however, did catch Layla's attention. She stared back at her friend and raised an eyebrow as if to say "do you mind?"
"Oh, don't worry about me," Scarlette laughed, waving a hand at Layla dismissively, "I'm just wahhhh... Hehhhh.... HEIISHHOOOOH!!!"
The tickle in Scarlette's nose returned in full force as she spoke, catching her off guard. She bent forward with a loud sneeze that was more than powerful enough to demolish Layla's house of cards. Layla stared irritably at her friend as the playing cards fluttered back down to the tabletop.
"Have you no shame?"
"Hey, don't look at me!" Scarlette protested, holding up her hands, "it's not my fault!"
"How is this not your fault?" Layla asked, gathering up the cards. Scarlette scrunched up her nose tightly, both out of annoyance and because she felt another itch. The two friends refrained from speaking to each other, Layla turning her attention back to her cards and Scarlette starting to rub her nose again.
"Look, that was just a practice run," Layla absolved, still not looking up from her cards, "just try not to do that again."
"Yeah, I know," Scarlette muttered, her voice sounding congested as her rubbing finger blocked her nostrils. "I have a bit of an itchy nose though."
Unable to sympathize with Scarlette's nose problems, Layla silently returned to her construction. This time, however, she skipped any pretenses of practice and began to build an extremely elaborate structure. Five lines of stacked cards formed a pentagon in the center of the table, and once again Scarlette found herself enamored with the beauty of it. She watched her friend's diligent work, but unfortunately she felt another tickle in her nose before long, this one coming on even faster than the first.
"Heh... Heh-Heh-HEH!"
Scarlette threw back her head, her shoulders tensing. She furiously rubbed a finger under her freckly nose, but no matter how much she pressed her nostrils from side to side, the tickling in her sinuses just wouldn't stop.
"Scarlette, no!" was all Layla had time to say before her house of cards was ruined once again.
"Heh-HEH! HEIIISHOOOH!!!"
The house's pentagonal foundation took to the air, cards flying to and fro. Layla let most of them fall on their own, but she scrambled to catch a few that were about to flutter out into the aisle in the center of the train car. Once Layla had her playing cards under control again, she glared up at her friend. Scarlette's watery eyes fluttered a few times, and then she scrunched up her face as tightly as she could. The smattering of freckles on her nose melded together into a big blob, but her pitiful face earned her no sympathy from Layla.
"Would you be careful?" Layla scolded as she organized her cards back into decks.
"Sorry," Scarlette whined, rubbing a finger under her nostrils. She sniffed a few times and frowned. The tickling in her nose refused to die down to anything less, but she knew better than to complain to Layla when she was in such a poor mood.
Instead of continuing to complain about Scarlette's sneezing, Layla simply shook her head and started to rebuild. Scarlette wrinkled and rubbed her nose, silently watching her friend's work. Her nose was still tickling like mad, but for some reason she didn't quite feel like she had to sneeze just yet. Turning to the window, Scarlette tried to look outside, but she simply found her reflection staring back at her. She'd been so wrapped up in Layla's card houses that she completely forgot they'd been in a tunnel for the past ten minutes.
"Whoa," Scarlette breathed as she glanced back at the table. Layla had already made an enormous amount of progress, rebuilding the pentagon base and adding several layers. Aside from the red and white patterns, it hardly looked like it was made from playing cards anymore.
After completing one more layer, Layla smiled at her work and reached into her bag. She drew out a camera and removed the lens cap, draping the strap around her neck just out of habit. Scarlette smiled at her friend, but she wrinkled her nose again as the tickling in her nostrils flared up a bit.
"Don't you want to finish it first?" Scarlette asked, tilting her head to the side. She rubbed her nose gently as Layla turned her camera on.
"I do, but I've kind of made a habit of documenting my progress," Layla explained, trying to line up a good shot. Scarlette nodded in understanding, but her eyes narrowed and her nostrils flared as she took in a little gasp.
"Hhheh...!"
"Scarlette?" Layla grumbled without even looking up from her camera, "don't even think about it."
"I'm trehhh... Trying... Heh-Heh!"
"Don't you know how to stifle, or something?"
"Nuh... No... Layla, I'm... I'm going to..."
"Just let me get a picture first!"
"I c-can't... S-stahhh... Heh-Heh-HEH!"
"No, Scarlette! Don't!"
"HHEEEHHH...!"
"Don't sneeze! Just a few more seconds!"
"HEEIIISHHOOOOOH!!!"
Layla snapped a picture just a split second after Scarlette let loose. Unfortunately, she didn't manage to photograph her partially-completed house of cards. She did, however, get a perfect image of Scarlette's destructive sneeze.
The freckle-faced young woman vigorously rubbed her nose, trying in vain to rid herself of the tickling. Eventually, she managed to get the irritation down to a bearable level and she looked back up at her friend. Layla had put her camera away and she was lying back in her seat, her eyes gently closed. Scarlette felt a bit guilty, but she knew it would be better to leave Layla alone for now. Rubbing her nose one more time, she decided a nap of her own wouldn't be such a bad idea.
Scarlette managed to sleep surprisingly soundly. The sunlight flooding into the train as it emerged from the tunnel failed to wake her, and she remained peacefully asleep until the station was only a few minutes away. Groggily opening her eyes, Scarlette was greeted by a magnificent house of cards on the table between her and her friend. Glancing up and down, she realized she couldn't even see Layla through it anymore, aside from her hands holding the last two cards at the very top.
"Hey! You did it!" Scarlette exclaimed, clapping lightly. Layla giggled triumphantly, and then she carefully lowered her hands to place the final cards. Then, as fate would have it, the train gave a light jolt as it came to a stop in the station. The house of cards collapsed, destroying the wall between the two friends. Scarlette cringed, wrinkling her freckly nose, but she was surprised to see Layla's expression was completely blank. After holding the last two cards for a few seconds, Layla simply dropped them on the table and began to gather everything up in defeated silence.
random idea: pokemon wav scripts that could be edited with pokemon cry sounds so it's like they're actually there lol. Like someone getting swarmed by a bunch of budew or something
wowee I finally actually wrote a nsfw story. I don't think it's something I'll continue to do regularly in the future, but I had an interesting plot hook that I just had to get out there.
This is a continuation of my old series In Space, No One Can Hear You Sneeze, which is currently only on AO3. I figure this probably takes place at least a couple years after the last chapter I wrote there, since the relationships hadn't gotten nearly to this point yet.
Female sneezes - Feathers, Pollen
cw: Drugs, Soft Dom/Sub stuff
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When Athena said she wanted to 'experiment,' this wasn't exactly what Kyase had in mind. The violet-hued Inor finds herself restrained to Athena's bed in only her underwear, and… That's it. Her so-called partner is nowhere to be found. A minute passes, and Kyase looks down at her hands in turn. Her wrists are tied to either side of the bed frame with sufficient slack to allow some movement, but not enough to bring them to her body, much less untie herself. She lifts her arms as high as she can and lets them flop back down to the mattress.
"Athena?" Kyase eventually mumbles, surely too quiet for anyone to hear. With no response forthcoming, she pouts and kicks her feet up and down.
"Hey! If you're pulling some kind of prank on me, you're dead!"
Kyase would have liked to think Athena was past the point of something so juvenile, but old habits die hard. Fortunately, before she can catastrophize further, a crash issues from the closet and the door slides open. Athena stumbles out, her sapphire ponytail swinging wildly, and she holds up a small, cloudy vial.
"Found it!"
Kyase rolls her eyes and resists the urge to keel over. She's not sure if she'll be able to sit up again if she does. Instead, she continues to pout and says nothing as Athena approaches. Clutching the vial between her lips, the Terran begins to shed her clothes on the floor, one article at a time. Kyase gives no reaction, at least until Athena begins to hop around on one foot in a clumsy attempt to remove her pants.
"You really know how to get a girl g-"
Kyase suddenly falls silent when Athena dives onto the bed and presses a finger over her lips.
"You're so whiny," smirks the Terran.
"Have you considered giving me less to whine about?" Kyase shoots back. Athena shakes her head.
"Nah. You're cute when you're whiny."
Even that blunt instrument of a line still manages to turn Kyase's cheeks a darker shade of purple. Athena begins to unscrew the vial's cap, but she stops short of opening it.
"Ready?"
Kyase's eyes narrow, and she glances back and forth between Athena and her illicit substance.
"This better be good."
"Only the best."
Athena straddles Kyase's thighs, causing her blush to deepen further. She tosses the cap over her shoulder, and at long last she holds the vial just below Kyase's nose.
At first, Kyase's thin, closed-up nostrils are hesitant to accept the vapor. But, after swallowing her bashfulness, she manages to flare them open slightly. The milky white fumes that lick at her septum are quickly drawn inside as she takes a tentative sniff. Then, her nostrils snap shut once more and she scrunches up her face, not sure what to expect. Kyase relaxes just slightly when she feels Athena stroke a hand down her cheek.
"How do you feel?"
"Smells like…"
Kyase lightly shakes her head and gives a tiny cough. Then, her eyes slowly flutter open, pupils dilating.
"…Chocolate ice cream."
"You like it?"
Kyase nods limply, her eyes starting to roll back. She hardly notices Athena placing a fingertip on her forehead, but she goes completely rigid when she feels that finger begin to slide down the slope of her long, prominent nose. A near-silent whimper catches in Kyase's throat when Athena's finger glides over the tip of her nose, and she squirms as it comes to rest in the center of her broad, flat septum.
"Oh, you definitely like that."
Kyase can barely bring herself to nod. Even the slight motion of Athena's finger against her nose is… She's never experienced something like this before. At least, not exactly. When Athena told her, naturally she was skeptical. But, taking wild gambles on that mad, foolish space pirate continues to pay dividends.
Athena starts to gently tickle the underside of Kyase's nose with her finger. The Inor's mind goes blank, only able to focus on the sensation of her nose jiggling side to side. She isn't sure whether she'd rather rub under her nose, or between her legs. Kyase tries to send one hand to each spot, but the ropes hold fast. She squirms, sucking in a small gasp.
"Athena, I…"
The Terran ceases her tickling. Kyase floats on the lingering sensation for a moment, but as it begins to fade, she finds herself feeling increasingly flustered.
"Why'd you stop?" she moans. Athena plays with a lock of Kyase's bobbed black hair.
"Do you want me to keep going?"
Kyase nods. Athena's smile takes on a smug tone, and the slides her hand down under Kyase's strong chin.
"Then be sure to ask nicely."
"Please, Athena."
"Please what?"
Kyase shrinks, her eyes darting away from Athena's. She takes a deep breath and tries to weather the wave of embarrassment.
"Please, um… The, uh… Please…"
Suddenly Kyase ducks her head down, trying to press her nose into Athena's wrist, but Athena deftly slides back and away. Batting her eyelashes, Athena slowly wags her finger side to side.
"That was very, very naughty, Kyase. Now I have to punish you…"
Kyase's puppy dog eyes stare pleadingly as Athena flops her way toward the head of the bed. After feeling around in her side table drawer, she straightens up and brandishes a long, sharp feather. Kyase's knees and shoulders reflexively scrunch in, but Athena isn't targeting any of her usual ticklish spots.
When the feather sweeps across the underside of Kyase's nose, her whole body shudders in ecstasy. Punishment? This is heaven. Her head lolls to one side, black hair cascading across her face. An involuntary moan escapes her throat as she clumsily props herself up on one elbow. The moan becomes a startled squeak when Athena grabs her by the jaw and gently guides her face upright, and then the tickle on her septum resumes.
Underneath Kyase's soft, supple nose, her nostrils tremble. The pair of thin slits slowly peek open to a pair of large ovals, allowing the tip of the feather to flick inside. Kyase's nasal passages were already quite sensitive at the best of times, but this is unlike anything she's ever experienced before. The feather dances along a few of her nose hairs and immediately she moans again. Athena's other hand shifting behind her shoulders is all that's keeping her from collapsing.
Kyase never liked sneezing. It was loud, distracting, often messy, and always embarrassing. But, as a tickle blossoms inside her nose, so too does another between her thighs. Again her hands struggle in vain to reach for either spot, but it soon becomes apparent that she won't need any extra push.
"ah… haah…"
Her breath hitches, each one sending a jolt of pleasure coursing through her. The feather continues to slip in and out of her nostrils, the soft bristles leaving nothing untouched. Kyase fully gives herself over to the urge, her hips twisting in anticipation of the inevitable release.
But, just as Kyase is about to bellow out a most divine sneeze, the feather vanishes. The building pleasure comes to such a sudden halt that she physically lurches forward. After a frustrated gasp, Kyase forces one teary eye open and finds Athena firmly holding an outstretched finger against the underside of her nose.
"Athena… Let me… Sneeze…!" she begs, helplessly rubbing her thighs together. Athena lifts her finger higher, creasing Kyase's nose on top of it. Whatever satisfaction should be coming from having her nose squished is completely smothered by the denied sneeze bouncing around inside her nostrils. Athena leans in close, a mischievous smile curling her lips.
"You can sneeze when you've learned to be a good girl."
Athena removes her finger, but by now the sneeze has been lost. With an inelegant snort, Kyase wriggles her nose around in a circle. It doesn't feel nearly as good without Athena's touch. But, just as the thought crosses her mind, she feels Athena's lips press around the wide tip of her nose. Kyase freezes, hoping for Athena to take a step further. Her nostrils begin to flare eagerly, at which point Athena blows a teasing puff of air directly into them.
With a pathetic, throaty wheeze, Kyase finally flops onto her back. Her hands flail against her restraints, desperate to take care of herself should Athena still refuse to. Then, for better or worse, she feels the feather return to the underside of her nose. Kyase immediately does her best to flare her nostrils open, hoping to build up a sufficient tickle before Athena can stop her.
"Mmm, that's it," she breathes, her nose giving an involuntary scrunch.
"Are you ready to behave?"
"Y-yes…"
"You promise?"
"I promise, A-Athena… aah… hh-!"
Athena slowly traces the feather around the edges of Kyase's nostrils. They close and flare open erratically, occasionally trapping the tip of the feather inside. Eventually the feather comes back with a coating of sticky blue Inor mucus, and Athena decides to go in for the kill.
"Yes… Y-yhhh… Yes…!" Kyase hitches, her back arching as high as it can with Athena still on top of her. But much to her dismay, the tickling stops once again, just as she's about to pass the point of no return. Feeling Athena's finger press across her nostrils, Kyase rocks back and forth and kicks her feet in the air.
"Athena! I… Can't take it anymore!"
Keeping her finger in place, Athena lays flat on top of Kyase.
"Aw, but I thought you didn't like to sneeze."
Kyase stills just slightly. Though her face is already flushed, her cheeks take on a notably shy shade of purple.
"But it feels… So… So…"
"I know," Athena murmurs with an evil chuckle. "It's gonna feel so good. So why won't I let you?"
"Because… You're… The worst!" Kyase pants, on the verge of tears. Athena shrugs, and again she reaches for her bedside table. This time she returns with a pristine red rose, and Kyase remains unaware of its presence until its soft petals brush against the underside of her nose. Athena simultaneously slides her free hand down Kyase's belly and tucks her fingers under her partner's panties.
"Ah… Athena…" Kyase jolts. Athena turns the rose's stem back and forth, and at the same time she gently circles a fingertip around Kyase's clitoris. Kyase twitches, her knees squeezing together.
"You're still a naughty girl, Kyase," Athena says, resting her chin between her partner's breasts. "But, you're cute when you're whiny."
As Athena works her fingers between her thighs, Kyase takes a long-suffering sniff of the rose. Its heavy, fragrant pollen fills her nostrils, and in her current state she can immediately begin to feel it have its way with her. Terran flowers always made her sneeze, and while part of her knows she's going to be disastrously stuffed up later, the rest of her doesn't care. Kyase sniffs and sniffs again, the exhales in between quickly being replaced by moans of pleasure.
The oncoming sneeze and orgasm swell within her. In fact, the two urges may as well be one and the same. Kyase flares and squirms, every touch and tickle fanning the flames. She aches for that ultimate catharsis, silently begging for Athena's permission.
"There, you can do it," Athena prods. She pushes the rose higher, its petals enveloping the base of Kyase's nose. After one more snort of pollen, Kyase goes limp. She lays still for a second, and then her chest begins to heave, harder and higher with each successive gasp.
"hh… hih… hhh-haahh…"
Athena's fingers dampen, and she finally allows Kyase to continue.
"ah… ahhh… ahAhhAHH'SCHHT!!!"
A harsh sneeze lifts Kyase's head up from the mattress, her knees simultaneously bucking under Athena. Her flaring nostrils cover the rose in blue slime, and Athena drops it off the edge of the bed with a chuckle. Just as she'd expected, Kyase isn't finished yet.
"HAAEESCHHOOH!!"
An almost immediate second sneeze rocks her body. Less messy this time, but without the rose in the way, she still manages to spatter two small streaks down her breasts. Kyase snorts desperately, her nostrils closing for an instant before flaring wide open again. And then…
"ah… aahh… HAAASSSCHHHT!!!"
With one more great sneeze, Kyase drenches both Athena's face and her hand. Athena can only laugh, rolling over to lay beside her partner. Deep, labored breaths follow the sneezing fit, slowly relaxing little by little as Kyase begins to wind down.
"Wh… What… Is that stuff?" she wheezes once she's finally able to speak again.
"Terrans call it Jack Frost."
"Jack- Athena, I swear, if this is another non sequitur Terran pop culture reference…"
"Oh, you know it is."
"Fuck…" Kyase groans. She takes one more deep breath and sighs heavily.
Something like a seraphim or other monster character with like 4+ arms having to dedicate one of them to rubbing their nose and/or trying not to sneeze while they do a bunch of other stuff.
hiiii not strictly snz but keep this to snzblr anyway. this is the butch4butch prince/knight lesbians I've been dropping hints about :3 I have vague plans for fics but wanted to show them to y'all in the meantime. basically their deal is Mathilde (the prince) gets married off to a foreign prince for handwaved political reasons and her husband gives her Ingrid (the knight) as a wedding gift basically. Mathilde has the kink and Ingrid has terrible allergies and no clue. so Mathilde tries very hard to not like Ingrid but there's only so long she can resist the siren song of beautiful buff sneezy woman who is just so earnestly friendly it's embarrassing. meanwhile Ingrid is basically a golden retriever she wants to be Mathilde's bestie immediately and then when it gets sexy she's like okay <3 yay <3
A weird one that combined a lot of stuff that I tended to enjoy. Stephanie is also another name I ended up reusing a lot for no particular reason other than I like it lol. And I guess still from before I started italicizing spelled out sneezes.
CW for some peril and horror themes, and mentions of death.
Originally published December 18th, 2013.
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"I'm hungry," Steph groaned to herself as she sat alone in her living room. She placed a hand on her belly and glanced at the clock on the far wall as it slowly ticked the seconds away. Her pizza was due to arrive at any minute, but that wasn't about to stop her from complaining. After taking a deep breath, Steph held it for a second and then let it out as a tired sigh. Then, her nose twitched sharply to the left and she scrunched up her face.
"Ugh! Why don't you ever stop?" Steph mumbled as she began to massage the sides of her nose. The sharp prickling died down to a feathery tickle, but Steph knew she was still about to sneeze.
"Aaahhhh..." Steph took a deep breath, her head tipping back slightly. At this point, she gave up on massaging the tickle out of her nose. She knew better than to try holding back.
"Aaaaaaahhhhhh..." After another hitched breath, Steph's head was tipped back as far as it would go, and her nose pointed straight up at the ceiling. Her friends used to make fun of her for sneezing so theatrically, but Steph didn't care. She'd always enjoyed being overdramatic.
"HA-KNSS!!!"
Keeping her mouth closed, Steph sneezed powerfully through her nostrils. The pressure building in her sinuses immediately disappeared, and at the same time she felt something light and fluffy rocketing through her nasal passages. A pair of black clouds oozed out of Steph's nostrils, melding into a singular blob just a few inches away from her face. Once the last of the substance left her nose, Steph opened her eyes to see a small, black orb floating in front of her face. A pair of tiny white eyes stared back at her for a second, and then the orb quickly darted away, leaving a trail of black mist in its wake. Steph rolled her eyes, and then she pressed her palm to her nostrils and mashed them upward, her nose creasing sharply just above the tip.
"Finally, thank god!" Steph blurted as she heard a knock on her front door. She gave her tickly nose another upward rub with her palm as she stood and headed for the entryway. Having long since gotten used to them, she paid no attention to the dozens of tiny eyes watching her from the shadows. In the three years since Steph started sneezing the little things out of her nose, she'd grown accustomed to them. Their eerie stares used to unnerve her to no end, but eventually she realized that they never did anything harmful. Before too long, she even started to think of them as her only companions, especially since she decided to lock herself away in her inherited estate.
Steph flung the front door open as soon as she reached it, and she smiled when she saw her usual delivery boy standing outside. He smiled back, bowing his head for a second and handing a pizza box to the solitary customer.
"Hey, Stephanie," he said, giving a little wave with his free hand. "Enjoy."
"Please, call me Steph," she responded with a laugh, accepting the box.
"Sorry, I always forget," the delivery boy said, beginning to blush slightly as he laughed at himself. Steph had already paid with her credit card over the internet, but she decided to give the young man a tip anyway. After setting her pizza box down inside, she fished around in her wallet and handed the delivery boy a few bills.
"Oh, you really don't have to..."
"Please, I insist," Steph interrupted, holding up a hand. They exchanged a smile again, but Steph suddenly clenched her eyes shut and wrinkled her nose. She wasn't about to sneeze, but the sudden tickle in her sinuses was too strong for her to ignore.
"Ugh, damn!" Steph whined as she mashed her nostrils upward with the palm of her hand. Her hand hovered under her nose for a second as she paused to sniff a few times, and then she pressed her nostrils up again.
"You okay?" the delivery boy laughed as he watched Steph struggle with her nose. After giving her nostrils a third vertical rub, Steph coughed once and nodded, putting on a strained smile.
"Yeah," she choked, coughing once more, "I must have allergies or something."
"Well, I hope you feel better soon," the young man said, smiling warmly. Steph nodded in thanks, and then she pressed her palm to her nostrils yet again and did her best to plug up her nose. Now she felt a sneeze coming on, and she wasn't about to let one loose in front of someone.
"Th-thanks for the pizza! Have a nice night!"
The delivery boy waved goodbye, and Steph quickly shut the door. She felt a little rude slamming the door on him, but she found that preferable to letting someone see what happened when she sneezed. Turning away from the door, Steph took a shrill breath and removed her hand from her nose.
"Aaahhhhh... KNSSS!"
Steph felt herself blow out another cloudy black orb, but this one had already darted away by the time she opened her eyes. Giving a quick shrug, Steph carried her pizza back into the living room and set it down on the table in front of her favorite chair. Flipping the box open, Steph grabbed the nearest slice and began to chow down. That delivery boy was probably the closest thing she had to a real friend anymore. Maybe someday she'd invite him inside, but she just didn't feel ready to show anyone her secret yet.
Four years ago, just as Steph was starting college, her parents were killed in a car accident. This left her almost completely alone, her only surviving relatives being her maternal grandparents. They were more than willing to finance the rest of Steph's time in college, but only one year later, they too passed away. Having no other descendants to care for, they left Steph everything they had, from their small fortune to both of their homes. Steph only knew about their first house, a small but cozy home in the suburbs. She'd visited it a dozen times as a child, but she never knew her grandparents owned the estate she currently lived in until they left it to her.
Steph's original plan was to live in the smaller house, but almost as soon as she moved into the mansion to explore it, she found herself unable to leave. Not because she physically couldn't exit, but because something happened to her. After the first time Steph slept in the mansion, she began to sneeze frequently, and every time she did, one of those little black clouds always came out of her nose. Fearing the worst, Steph sealed herself away and severed all ties with her former friends. At first she thought she was going insane, though nowadays she was certain the little watchful blobs were real. Even still, Steph knew no one would believe her if she tried to tell the truth, and as benign as the creatures appeared to be, she didn't trust them not to make a mess if they were brought into the public eye.
"Want some?" Steph asked with a full mouth as she reached for another slice of pizza. She glanced around at the dozens of eyes watching her, but as usual they didn't respond in any way. Shrugging to herself, Steph stuffed the next slice of pizza into her mouth and chewed unceremoniously.
"You guys are a great crowd, really," she grumbled, wiping at the corners of her mouth with a napkin. As she reached for a third slice, Steph suddenly stopped with her hand hovering over the pizza.
"Oh, not again..." she whined, wrinkling her nose up tightly. Already knowing this tickle would make her sneeze, Steph made no effort to hold it back. The less time she wasted, the sooner she could get back to her pizza.
"HAA-KNNSSSS!!!"
This sneeze was a little bigger than usual, but Steph wasn't terribly surprised. The little cloudy orbs already came in so many different sizes. Expecting to see another harmless ball of fluff floating away from her, she was completely unprepared for what she found when she opened her eyes. Steph's heart skipped a beat as she saw a large, dark cloud in the exact shape of a human body sitting in the chair across from her. It was like the first time all over again; Steph could only feel confused and terrified. She didn't even rub her nose, leaving the leftover tickle to grow until it made her sneeze again.
"KNS!"
This time, Steph immediately mashed her nostrils upward with her palm to make sure she wouldn't sneeze a third time. Sniffing twice, she slid the side of her index finger under her nose and flicked the tip up a few times; her solution for when ignoring the tickle wasn't enough but a full-on vertical rub was overkill.. Steph hoped the figure sitting across from her would simply be gone when she looked back at it, but she knew that was too much to ask for. It was still there, and it looked different somehow. The figure now looked more whole and less cloudy. Steph could only assume that the lack of another little creature meant her second sneeze somehow strengthened this humanoid entity. She had no reason to believe it was malicious, but that hardly brought her any comfort.
"Uh... Hi?" Steph said, waving one hand weakly at the figure. She couldn't make out any eyes, but at the same time she felt it was staring back at her. The only features Steph could discern were the vague outline of hair around its head, and a nose protruding from its face. After staring blankly for a few seconds, the figure simply stood up from its chair and walked away without a word. Steph felt a mixture of relief and paranoia as she watched her new guest leave the room. She was glad it was gone, but she knew it was still around somewhere.
After taking a moment to calm down, Steph went back to eating her pizza. She had never been much of a stress-eater, but the familiar taste of the food definitely made her feel better. By the time she had the last slice in her hand, she'd almost forgotten about the humanoid figure wandering around her house. However, once she finished, Steph looked up at the doorway leading to the hall to see the figure standing there once again. She was a little startled, but she tried to remain calm. The figure still didn't seem terribly threatening, but then Steph noticed a long, sharp feather clutched in its right hand.
"Can... Can I help you?" Steph asked as the figure began to approach. She intently watched the way it walked; it had long legs and it took delicate, feminine strides. Above all, it moved with a purpose. Steph forced herself to smile as the figure sat down in the chair across from her again, but then she suddenly found herself unable to move. Her smile immediately disappeared as she struggled to free her hands from whatever invisible bindings held them. Now, Steph was terrified again. She looked back up at the figure to see if it was somehow causing her distress, but all she could see was the feather creeping toward her face.
The shadowy figure delicately held the stalk of the feather between its thumb and forefinger. Steph's eyes crossed as she watched the sharp tip of the feather disappear underneath her nose, and then she scrunched up her face as she felt it brush teasingly along her septum. In that moment, she knew exactly what her guest was going to do.
"Please stop," was all Steph could manage to say, but the figure ignored her entirely. Steph twitched her nose sharply from side to side was the feather waved back and forth under it, but subconsciously she already knew there was nothing she could do to save herself. Then, the feather drew back slightly, allowing Steph some breathing room. Her long, curved nostrils flared in anticipation as the feather lingered underneath them. Deciding to show no mercy, the figure reached the feather in for the kill.
Steph tried to squirm as she felt the tip of the feather begin to trace the edges of her right nostril, but she was still stuck in place. Luckily, all this tickling made her do was scrunch up her nose; she didn't have to sneeze yet. However, it didn't take the shadowy figure long to arrive at the same conclusion. Before Steph could take another breath, she found the feather being slowly, torturously pushed up into her nostril. She cringed, feeling an agonizing tickle fill the right side of her nose. Just when she thought it couldn't get any worse, the figure began to lightly twirl the feather around, leaving nothing un-tickled.
"Aaahhhh..." Steph gasped, knowing she wouldn't be able to last much longer. She stared intently at the figure as her eyes began to close, managing one last pleading breath.
"Please! Stop!" she begged, her eyes squeezing shut. The unbearable tickling was making her eyes water, and a single tear fell from the corner of her right eye as she scrunched up her face. Suddenly, the figure removed the feather from Steph's nose. For a moment she thought it had heeded her request, but the soft bristles sliding through her nasal passages only made the tickling worse.
"Aaaaaahhhhhhh..."
Steph managed to open her eyes for a split second before snapping them shut again to sneeze. What she saw was more than a little unsettling: the shadowy figure had put the feather aside and leaned in even closer than before. Its head was tipped back, and despite the fact that its entire body was already dark, Steph could make out two black voids in the underside of its nose.
"HA-KNSSS!!!"
A thick, dark mist flowed out of Steph's nostrils as she sneezed, and with a sound more like a howling wind than a sniff, the shadowy figure inhaled the cloud into its own nose. As she opened her eyes, she saw that the figure's body had once again become more whole. She could now clearly differentiate its hair from its skin, though its nose was still the only visible facial feature. After staring at Steph for a second, the figure once again stood and left the room in silence.
In an attempt to make absolutely sure she wouldn't sneeze again, Steph desperately mashed her nostrils upward with the palm of her hand. The bridge of her nose creased so sharply it almost hurt, but the sensation was preferable to the agonizing tickle that still filled her nasal passages. After pausing to sniff a few times, Steph pressed the tip of her nose into her hand and began to vigorously rub it up and down. She didn't stop even as her nostrils began to make an audible squishing sound, and not even when she felt a bit of wetness smear on her palm. Steph only stopped rubbing once her nose was numb, immune to any more tickling.
After wiping her damp palm on her pants, Steph pulled her feet up onto the cushion of her chair and wrapped her arms around herself. She sniffled wetly, feeling like she was going to cry, but she told herself it was because her nose was stuffed up. Feeling a slight tickle crop up in her nostrils, Steph wiped the underside of her nose on her left knee. She snuffled, pressed her nose into her knee again, and then finally forced herself to stand up. Not sure what else to do, Steph headed upstairs to take a shower. That usually made her feel better when she was upset.
Steph didn't even bother washing herself. She simply stood under the column of hot water for what felt like hours, leaning against the smooth, tiled wall for support. Eventually, Steph felt herself getting pruney, and she decided enough was enough. She shut off the water and grabbed a towel, vigorously rubbing her hair dry as she stepped out of the shower. Even though she lived alone, she still took a moment to wrap the towel around her body to cover up before heading to her bedroom. However, when Steph looked up again, she found the shadowy figure standing right in front of her, the long feather in its hand again.
"I said stop!" Steph bellowed, drawing back her hands. She tried to shove the figure with all her might, but to her surprise, her hands simply passed through its body. Steph's momentum carried her forward, and even though she managed to stop herself from slamming into the wall, she fell into her bathtub. After rolling onto her back, Steph found herself unable to move, feeling the same invisible chains holding her arms and legs.
"Leave me alone!" Steph pleaded with all the courage she could muster, but the shadowy figure didn't seem to notice or care. It knelt down on the floor next to the tub, and then as it leaned in close, Steph almost thought it looked like it was smiling. With Steph powerless to resist, the figure gently stroked the tip of the feather up and down the young woman's septum, her long nostrils flaring as they began to tickle. Steph and the figure both knew this sort of tickling wouldn't make her sneeze; it was as if the figure was simply teasing her, getting her ready for what was to come.
Steph scrunched up her face as tightly as she could as the feather slid horizontally across the underside of her nose. A few of the soft bristles reached up into her nostrils, giving Steph the faintest feeling of a building sneeze. After drawing back for a second, the figure returned to its usual effective method of slipping the tip of the feather into one of Steph's nostrils.
"Aaahhhhh..." Steph heaved, feeling the feather waving around inside her nose. Her eyes had already begun to water, and she could tell her sneezes were coming on even more quickly than before.
"AH-KNS!"
As soon as the thought crossed her mind, Steph let out a small sneeze. She heard the shadowy figure inhale again, but this time it wasn't satisfied with only one. It kept tickling, pushing the feather deeper and deeper into Steph's nostril until it began to brush against areas never before touched by anything but air.
"Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh..." Steph took in a shrill gasp, unable to control herself. She frequently made her sneezes more dramatic on purpose, but this time her intense reaction was completely natural.
"HA-KNSS! HAAA-KNNNSSSS!!!"
She sneezed twice in a row, a rare occurrence for Steph. The howling sound of the shadowy figure inhaling once again filled her ears, and then the feather finally receded from her nostril. Feeling her motor skills return, Steph immediately pressed her palm to her nostrils and furiously mashed them up and down, side to side, until her whole nose was numb again; anything to stop the tickling. Then, she finally opened her eyes, what she saw chilled her to the core.
The shadowy figure had almost completely taken shape. Steph's three sneezes were enough to fully define its facial features, and what scared Steph was the fact that she recognized them. It was her. The figure's whole body was still covered by a dark shadow, but Steph clearly recognized her own eyes, nose and mouth. The figure had even assumed Steph's short, unkempt hairstyle. The last of the mist Steph had sneezed out disappeared into the figure's nostrils, now long, curved openings like Steph's own rather than the black voids they had been before. Giving Steph a mischievous smile, the figure briefly rubbed a finger back and forth under its nose, and then it stood and left the bathroom without a word.
Steph expected herself to be terrified, but after what just happened, she was more angry than scared. She wasn't sure if her doppelganger was actually evil, and perhaps she would never know, but now Steph knew she had to get rid of it regardless. How she was going to get rid of it remained a mystery, but Steph knew it had to be done. Putting on a bathrobe as quickly as she could, Steph headed to her bedroom, hoping some sleep would help her come up with a plan.
As usual, dozens of little white eyes watched Steph as she walked down the hall. They still never made a move, save for turning to follow Steph as she passed, but they seemed different somehow. Steph always knew they were watching her every move, but this time it seemed like they were actually interested to see what she would do next. She simply shook her head as she stepped into the master bedroom. A few of the little orbs were sitting on top of her bed, but they immediately fled as Steph sat down.
After swinging her legs up onto the bed, Steph looked over at her bedside table. The top was bare save for a clock, but she remembered what was in the drawer. She hadn't needed them since her first week in the mansion, but Steph was glad she still had a bottle of sleeping pills. They were long-expired by now, but they were the best Steph had to work with. She knew she needed sleep, but she was just too angry and wound-up to get any rest. Sighing to herself, Steph uncapped the bottle and deposited a pill into her hand.
"If I die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul to take," Steph said to herself as she stared down at the pill, thinking more of Metallica than the prayer. Tipping her head back, she popped the pill into her mouth and swallowed it dry. Finally, Steph laid down on her bed and closed her eyes. Seconds later, she sat bolt upright as she felt a gentle tickle on her septum, but to her relief she was still alone. Assuming there must have just been some dust in the air, Steph touched the side of her index finger to the underside of her nose and flicked it up a few times. After getting rid of the tickle, Steph laid down again and tried her best to clear her mind and sleep.
Even with the sleeping pill, Steph laid awake for what felt like an eternity before finally falling asleep. She wasn't sure how long it had been, but it was better than nothing. Unfortunately, what sleep she did get didn't last for long. Steph awoke sometime later to find her dark doppelganger sitting on her belly, keeping her pinned to the bed.
"Get out of my house!" Steph ordered. She struggled to raise her hands, but once again she found herself unable to move her limbs. The shadowy figure above her smiled, holding up the feather between its thumb and forefinger again.
"Oh, I will," the figure said in Steph's own voice, "I just need a little more from you first."
Steph cringed as she felt the tip of the feather touch the base of her nose, and she squirmed as she felt it slide teasingly up her septum. That already tickled horribly, but this time, Steph was defiant. She concentrated as hard as she could on holding back her sneeze, if only to waste her doppelganger's time. However, she knew she'd have to hold out for quite a long time if she wanted to break the shadowy figure's resolve.
"Come on, sneeze," it teased, gently wiggling the feather up and down Steph's septum. "You know you want to."
"N-no!" Steph stammered, squeezing her eyes shut. She twitched her nose sharply to the left, allowing her nostrils to escape the feather if only for a second. When the figure moved to tickle her again, she twitched her nose to the right, and then back and forth as it continued to follow her. Steph kept wiggling her nose for as long as she could, until her facial muscles began to tire. Still, the figure seemed unfazed. It inserted the sharp tip of the feather into Steph's left nostril and gently waved it up and down.
"This is going to tickle so much," the doppelganger said, an almost seductive tone to its voice. Steph couldn't remember the last time she'd spoken to someone like that. Continuing to wave the feather up and down, the shadowy figure began to slowly push the tickly object deep into Steph's nose. The young woman gasped, both of her eyes watering.
"Aaaaaahhhhh..." A pleasured smile spread across the figure's face as Steph's chest heaved. Realizing her resolve was slipping, Steph concentrated even harder on keeping herself under control.
"Don't deny it, you've got a sneeze coming on."
"I won't!"
"But I can see it in your face. Just a few more seconds, and then... Ah... Ah-Choo!"
The doppelganger faked a sneeze as it pushed the feather even farther into Steph's nostril. By now she could almost feel it reaching back into her throat; only the hard stalk of the feather was still visible outside her nose. Steph coughed once as she felt the very tip of the feather tickle her throat. Then, to Steph's great relief, the feather suddenly stopped moving. Slowly opening her eyes, Steph looked up at the shadowy figure to see it smiling evilly.
"Say 'gesundheit.'"
Before Steph could protest, the shadowy figure slowly, torturously twisted the feather out of Steph's nose, tickling every inch of the nasal passages running through her left nostril. Tickly tears streamed from Steph's eyes, and as much as she wanted to stop herself, she knew she just couldn't. She began to gasp and wheeze with deep inhalations as her will to not sneeze finally broke.
The doppelganger closed its eyes and tipped its head back in anticipation. As hard as Steph fought to hold in her sneeze, the shadowy figure didn't have to wait for long.
"HAAAAA-KNNNNNNSHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
A dark cloud surged out of Steph's nostrils, filling the air between her and the doppelganger. The figure began to inhale deeply, steadily filling itself with more of its essence as Steph's nose pumped it into the air. Even after her sneeze was over, Steph felt too weak to open her eyes. She heard the sounds of sniffing and snuffling continue for a few seconds as the dark figure inhaled every last bit of the black cloud, and without so much as a closing taunt, it leapt from the bed and quickly left the room. Steph began to cough as her strength returned, and after a few more seconds she finally opened her eyes.
To her surprise, Steph found a tissue box sitting on the foot of her bed. It certainly hadn't been there before, and she doubted her doppelganger had left it for her. Looking up toward the ceiling, she saw a few pairs of little eyes looking down at her.
"Thanks," Steph said with a smile as she reached for a tissue. Folding it over once, Steph placed the soft paper square under her nose and took a deep breath. Holding nothing back, Steph gave a huge, honking blow into the tissue. It wasn't wet, and when Steph inspected the tissue afterward, the only signs she had used the tissue at all were a pair of black lines in the shape of her nostrils. The one advantage to Steph's inexplicable nasal condition was that she almost never had to blow her nose. On the rare occasion she did, the only products were the same nostril-shaped spots on the paper.
Holding the tissue in one hand, Steph gently wiped it back and forth under her nose. Then, shifting the paper between her fingertips, she mashed her nostrils upward with the heel of her palm. She let out a sigh, looking back up at the ceiling, and to her surprise one of the little black orbs was making its way toward her. It made no sound, and it barely seemed to do anything at all, but its presence made Steph happy somehow. She smiled at the small creature, and then it suddenly disappeared under her nose. Before Steph could stop herself, she inhaled.
Steph felt as if someone had shoved a pair of cotton balls up her nostrils and then pulled them all the way through her nasal passages. She coughed, but the feeling disappeared before it could reach her throat. Placing a hand on her chest, she coughed again before realizing what she'd done.
"Oh god, I'm so sorry!" she blurted, shoving two fingers horizontally under her nose. However, when she looked up at the other little orbs, they were still watching her. None of them appeared to be terribly bothered by what she'd done; if anything they still looked friendlier than usual. Steph pondered this for a moment, and then she suddenly had an idea. Lowering her fingers slightly, Steph sniffed. She felt a bit of suction on her hand, and a smile spread across her face. Now she knew what she had to do.
As soon as she regained her full strength, Steph shot out of bed. She pulled a T-shirt on and then tore out of her bedroom, intent on finding the dark figure. She searched every room on the second floor to no avail, and then she headed for the grand staircase. Jumping from the top step, Steph slid down the banister and jogged to a stop when she reached the ground floor. From there, all she had to do was look out one of the entryway windows. The doppelganger was outside, making its way down the road leading away from the mansion.
"Stop right there!" Steph bellowed as she flung the front door open. For the first time in three years, she stepped out of the mansion. She began to sprint down her driveway, her bare feet pounding on the pavement. Although it appeared to ignore her at first, the doppelganger eventually turned back to Steph as she ran down the road. It didn't bother quickening its pace.
As Steph ran, a strong wind began to blow through the trees around the mansion. Dandelion seeds took to the air, floating across the road in clumps. A few of them tickled Steph's nose, but she quickly swatted them away and mashed her nostrils upward to put a stop to the tingling sensation. The dark figure, on the other hand, finally began to show weakness.
"AH-KNSS!"
To Steph's surprise, the doppelganger sneezed as the dandelion seeds tickled its nose. It made the same sound and the same motions as Steph did when she sneezed, but the dark figure's mimicry was nothing surprising to her anymore. As the doppelganger sneezed, a bit of its essence was blown out through its nostrils. It immediately inhaled the substance to reabsorb it, but Steph had seen enough to know what she had to do.
While the doppelganger was busy sneezing, Steph managed to catch up with it. She lunged forward, tackling the figure to the ground. Now that it was fully corporeal, it was also finally solid. Without giving the figure time to react, Steph grabbed a fully-bloomed dandelion from the edge of the road and shoved it up the doppelganger's right nostril. The figure began to squirm on the ground, making the same pre-sneeze face that Steph would. Smiling triumphantly, Steph tore another dandelion from the ground and forced it into the figure's left nostril. Grabbing both exposed dandelion stalks, Steph twisted them and then pulled them free of the figure's nose, pleased to see that each and every seed had been left behind inside.
"How does that feel!?" she shouted, hurling the bare flowers to the ground.
"Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh..." A hitched breath was the only response the doppelganger could give. Its chest heaved and its face contorted, but both it and Steph knew it was only a matter of time now.
Steph exhaled, preparing to breathe in every last drop of the doppelganger's essence. If she let any of it go, the process would simply continue. Finally, she closed her eyes just as the figure drew its last breath.
The doppelganger burst into a black cloud, and Steph immediately began to inhale as much of it as she could, returning it to wherever it had come from within her nose. She had to pause to catch her breath a few times, exhaling through her mouth just to be safe, but she didn't stop until all of it was gone. Finally, Steph collapsed on her back just as the last of the dark substance disappeared into her nostrils. She coughed a few times, and then she finally started to relax. Steph smiled to herself, but then she suddenly sat upright again as a frightening thought occurred to her.
Snatching a floating dandelion seed out of the air, Steph began to tickle her own nose. She had to be sure that the doppelganger wouldn't just come back again the next time she sneezed. Her nose was still sensitive in the wake of the last few hours' worth of sneezes, and it didn't take long before Steph managed to let out a small one
"AH-KNS!"
Much to her relief, Steph watched as a little black orb floated out from under her nose. She collapsed on her back again and began to laugh, watching the little creature float up into the sky. Then, Steph suddenly sat upright again as another frightening thought crossed her mind.
"I'm hungry."
Steph's stomach rumbled as she waited just inside her front door. Earlier she had been mad about only getting three hours of sleep, but on the plus side that meant her favorite late-night Chinese restaurant was still open. She'd placed her order about forty minutes ago, and that meant her food would be arriving soon. Steph smiled to herself as she saw a pair of headlights appear through the window, but she felt a tickle in her nose before the car arrived at her door.
"AH-KNSS!"
Another little orb burst from Steph's nose as she sneezed. She smiled after it for a second, and then a knock came at the door before she could even rub her nose. Reaching one hand toward the doorknob and the other toward her nostrils, Steph prepared to receive her second meal for the evening.
"Thanks for coming by so late," Steph said, squeezing her eyes shut as she mashed her nostrils upward with her palm.
"Don't worry about it," a familiar voice said.
Steph opened her eyes, peering over the side of her hand. It was the same delivery boy from before, only this time wearing a different uniform and giving her a bag of Chinese food rather than a pizza. The fact that it was the very same person startled Steph so much that she let out a little half-second scream. The delivery boy took a step back and began to laugh.
"Sorry! Didn't mean to scare you," he said, holding up a hand defensively.
"No, it's okay," Steph responded, gently flicking the tip of her nose up with her finger. "I thought you worked at the pizza place."
"I do, from six to ten. Then I work the Chinese place from eleven to two."
They smiled at each other for a second, and then Steph burst into hysterical laughter. It might have just been because she was so tired, but somehow that was the funniest thing she'd heard in years. The delivery boy began to laugh too, and they kept it up for a few minutes until Steph was out of breath. She let out a deep sigh, leaning against the door frame, and then she gave the young man a shy smile.
"Hey, um, do you want to come inside?"
The delivery boy smiled, shook his head, and then looked right into Steph's eyes.
"That sounds great, but I have a better idea. Do you want to go out?"
lol I'm not entirely sure how I feel about the fact that the old stories I've been reposting have gotten more of a response than stuff I actually wrote this decade.
Another oldie dug up from the word mines. Why have I written at least three completely unrelated characters all named Clover? Dunno, it's just a cute name I guess.
Originally published October 30th, 2015.
-----
Janet wasn't sure if she really had a dream job, but working at a bookstore was certainly a top pick. It was always calm and quiet even on the busiest days, and Janet loved to read. Helping customers find what they were looking for made her feel happy and fulfilled, and luckily rude patrons were few and far between. But best of all, the relaxed environment helped Janet hide her true identity as a mage.
Magic had been illegal for nearly fifty years, and Janet had been keeping her abilities secret her whole life. She had met plenty of other mages in the past, but they always parted ways before too long for fear of being caught. Janet never fully understood why magic was illegal, but she didn't feel it was something worth dying for. She simply wanted to live a peaceful life, and working at the bookstore seemed just the way to do it. Unfortunately, even the quietest little towns were still visited by inquisitors on occasion.
Hearing the bell over the door jingle usually made Janet happy, but this time it sent a chill up her spine. She could tell something was wrong, and her fears were confirmed as she turned to look toward the front of the shop. A woman in a dark red inquisitor's coat stood in the entryway, commanding attention without so much as a word. Janet watched with a tinge of sadness as the customers silently made their way to the door, each one hoping the inquisitor wouldn't stop them. Once the last patron departed, Clover, the shop's owner, locked the door and hung the "closed" sign in the window.
"May I help you?" asked Clover, her tone more demanding than most would dare to be toward an inquisitor. Janet always thought her employer was a bit young to own a bookstore, but Clover rarely did anything she didn't want to. She was a strong, stout woman, and nothing ever seemed to scare her, and this inquisitor was no exception.
"Is that one your only employee?" the inquisitor asked, gesturing to Janet. Putting her hands on her hips, Clover nodded. The inquisitor beckoned Janet over, and she timidly approached to stand beside the shopkeeper.
"Good afternoon, ladies," greeted the visitor, clasping her hands behind her back. "I am Inquisitor Minerva, and I've heard rumors of magic coming from this little town of yours. Would either of you know anything about that?"
"I'm afraid not," grumbled Clover, folding her arms. The inquisitor smiled at her, and then she turned to Janet as if to ask her the same question. Keeping quiet, Janet nervously shook her head.
"I hope you'll understand that I can't simply take your word for it," said Minerva, reaching into her coat. She produced a large vial from her inside pocket, and after removing the cork, the inquisitor gently pulled a long, white feather out of the glass tube. Clover immediately wrinkled her broad, freckled nose at the sight of it.
"Feathers make me sneeze," she complained, as if she expected the inquisitor to stop. Minerva chuckled, holding up the feather to look it over.
"Are you refusing my inspection?" she asked, looking at the shopkeeper over the feather. Clover sighed and reluctantly shook her head. The inquisitor immediately smiled and took a step forward.
"Wonderful. After all, that's what I have a feather for in the first place. No mage can sneeze without casting a spell. I simply need to tickle your noses, and if you both sneeze with no traces of magic, I'll leave you in peace."
"Very well," Clover groaned, her eyes following the inquisitor's feather as she calmly waved it around. Janet couldn't have been more terrified, but she tried her hardest not to show it. Inquisitors were known to be ruthless in their inspections, and Janet knew the more nervous she seemed, the harder Minerva would press her.
"Let's begin with you," said the inquisitor, leaning toward Clover. Minerva gently tucked a lock of the shopkeeper's dirty-blonde hair behind her ear, and then she raised the feather up until the tip nearly touched the underside of Clover's nose. Janet swallowed as she saw a sliver of distress flash across her employer's face. It didn't last long, and soon Clover's triangular nostrils flared wide open as she breathed in a wave of feather particles, her allergies starting to awaken.
Clover's eyes fluttered even before the inquisitor started tickling. Janet frowned as she noticed a look of enjoyment on Minerva's face; she was clearly taking pleasure in her victim's helplessness. Clenching her eyes shut, Clover scrunched her nose to the side. The inquisitor moved the feather to follow, and then she began to gently stroke the shopkeeper's septum. Clover's shoulders tensed and her breathing shuddered, her willpower already failing. It wasn't long before she gasped for breath and let out a sneeze.
"Hhh-! Eh-hHNNnt!"
For all Clover's bluster, her sneezes had always been some of the tiniest Janet had ever seen. Somehow she had learned to stifle her sneezes without squeezing her nostrils, perhaps from years of stacking books with both hands. Clover only needed to close her mouth and wrinkle her nose, and then her sneezes were nearly silent.
"Oh dear, that's no good," said Minerva as Clover weakly opened her eyes. "You mustn't hold it in. Let's have a proper sneeze, shall we?"
Barely giving Clover a chance to recover, the inquisitor lifted her feather again and resumed tickling the shopkeeper's nose. The feather stroked up and down Clover's septum again, but only for a moment before it began to trace the edges of her nostrils. Minerva smiled again as Clover gasped helplessly, wrinkling her freckled nose as tightly as she could. Janet watched her employer's nostrils flare wide open as they prepared for another sneeze, but again Clover stifled it reflexively.
"Ah-hhhTT!"
"I do hope you're not doing this on purpose," the inquisitor groaned, rolling her eyes. "Let me help you."
Clover already looked like she was about to sneeze again, but that did nothing to stop Minerva. The inquisitor swirled the tip of the feather into the shopkeeper's right nostril, causing her to gasp and rear back her head. Minerva pulled the feather back, but then she quickly plunged it into Clover's left nostril instead. Janet winced and took a step back; the feather rapidly alternating between Clover's nostrils was clearly too much for her to bear. Mere seconds later, she lost herself to a prolonged sneezing fit.
Putting her hands on her hips, Minerva began to giggle. She produced a handkerchief from her pocket and held it out to Clover, who immediately snatched it away and sneezed into it once more before starting to blow her nose. The inquisitor continued to chuckle as the shopkeeper reigned in her allergy attack. At the very least, Clover seemed to have passed. Janet always supposed her employer hadn't been a mage herself, but now she knew for sure.
"Are you alright, Miss Clover?" she asked, taking a step forward and clasping her hands over her chest. Clover furiously rubbed her nose with the handkerchief, but she paused for a moment to give her assistant a nod. Janet smiled, but her relief was short-lived as Minerva turned to her.
"I'll need a sneeze from you too, dear," said the inquisitor, holding up the feather. Janet reflexively backed away, but she stopped herself before she could take more than a few steps. She stole a glance over Minerva's shoulder at her employer, but Clover was still too busy rubbing her tickly nose to be of any help.
"Don't be scared," the inquisitor teased, gently touching the tip of her finger between Janet's eyes. "You'll be all finished soon." Minerva slowly slid her finger down the slope of Janet's nose, and the mage crossed her eyes to follow it. Janet blushed as she felt the inquisitor start to push the tip of her nose around in a small circle, but Minerva soon stopped and held up her feather once more. Swallowing nervously, Janet held her breath as she felt the tip of the feather touch her septum. Her nose was rather large, but in spite of that her nostrils were actually quite small. If nothing else, she hoped that would give the inquisitor's feather less to work with.
Janet scrunched up her nose as the feather stroked her septum, but it didn't have nearly the same effect on her as it had on Clover. She was still worried, but the young mage was starting to feel a tiny glimmer of hope. Janet had a lot of practice with holding in her magic when she sneezed, despite Minerva's claims that it was impossible. If she only had to sneeze once or twice, she was confident she would be able to keep her magic at bay.
The inquisitor stopped tickling Janet's septum and began to trace the mage's nostrils, just as she had with Clover. Janet wrinkled her nose and reflexively raised an outstretched finger to rub underneath it, but Minerva gently held her wrist to keep her hand away. After a moment of thought, Janet decided there was no use in holding back. The sooner she sneezed, the easier it would be to hide her magic. She flared her small nostrils as wide as she could, allowing the tip of the feather to slip inside. It slid teasingly over a few of Janet's nose hairs, and she quickly started to feel a sneeze coming on.
"Ahh..."
Janet drew a shaky breath, her mouth hanging open. She fought to keep one eye from closing, sure she would see Minerva smiling at her. Before she could take notice, her vision became hazy and she quickly abandoned the thought. Allowing the tickle in her nose to win over, Janet devoted all of her concentration into making sure she kept her magic at bay.
"Hah... Aaahhhh... Ha-CHHHhhh!"
With a breathy but gentle sneeze, Janet's head bobbed downward. Some of her black hair fell in front of her eyes, but no other misfortune befell her. She resisted the urge to breathe a sigh of relief, but she remained delighted that she managed to keep from casting any spells. Without bothering to fix her hair, Janet raised her outstretched finger once more and rubbed back and forth under her nose, causing the tip to squish from side to side. Before she could finish rubbing the tickle out of her nostrils, however, Minerva suddenly grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand away.
"Aren't we finished?" asked Clover, still pressing the handkerchief to her nostrils. The inquisitor shrugged, glancing at the shopkeeper before turning back to Janet.
"I believe it would be best to have one more sneeze for good measure, no?" she said, giving the young mage a smile. "After all, my inspection must be thorough."
Before Janet could protest, she felt the inquisitor's feather twirling its way up her left nostril. She gasped for breath, and she tried as hard as she could to hold back her magic once more. Minerva was tickling her nose much more fiercely, and even if she only sneezed one more time, Janet wasn't sure if she could control herself again.
"Are you trying to resist?" asked Minerva, raising an eyebrow in amusement. She twirled the feather back and forth inside her victim's nostril, causing her to gasp and shudder. Janet shakily raised a finger up to her nose again, but the inquisitor slapped it away just as before.
"I-I..." Janet stuttered, struggling to open her eyes. Amused with the young mage's distress, Minerva removed the feather and allowed Janet to rub her nose for a second. Before Janet could rub enough for any real relief, the inquisitor slapped her hand once again and resumed tickling. Her small nostrils twitched as the tip of the feather skittered around their edges, and then they flared helplessly when Minerva began to tickle inside.
"Surely you have nothing to hide," the inquisitor teased, grinning to herself. Janet shook her head, both to answer Minerva and to escape the feather for a second. Once she stopped, the inquisitor resumed tickling twice as fiercely as before. Minerva plunged the feather up into Janet's left nostril, swirling it around as vigorously as she could.
"Oh, stop wasting my time!" she commanded, giving the feather a sharp twist. Janet took a deep breath and threw back her head, her willpower finally depleted. Her nostrils had already endured more tickling than she could handle, and now they were no longer under her control. The mage felt her magic starting to collect inside her nose, and she knew it would all be over soon.
"Ahhh... Haaahhh... Haaa'CHHHHHH!!!"
Janet sneezed harshly, blowing a powerful whirlwind out her nostrils. The wave of air hit the inquisitor with enough force to send her flying backward. Minerva slammed into the far wall and hit her head against a bookshelf, knocking her unconscious. Janet's sneeze had been so powerful that even she stumbled and fell down, leaving Clover the only one standing.
"Janet?" exclaimed the shopkeeper, sliding to her knees next to the mage. "Janet, are you alright? What happened?"
Unable to control herself, Janet prepared to unleash another sneeze. Clover noticed her employee's nostrils flaring, and she quickly pressed a finger under Janet's nose in an attempt to stop her.
"Haah... Ihhhh-!"
"Janet, no! Don't sneeze again!"
"AHH-CHHH!!!"
Despite her best efforts, Janet sneezed. Another whirlwind was blown out of her nostrils, but luckily this one was smaller. Clover was knocked on her back, but she quickly recovered and sat up. She stared at Janet with a blank expression, watching the young mage rub a finger under her large nose, her bangs fallen over her eyes.
"Sorry..." Janet whimpered, unable to bring herself to make eye contact with Clover. She knew that not only would she be wanted as a mage, but now Clover would be wanted for harboring a fugitive as well. Pulling her knees up to her chest, Janet wrapped her arms around her legs and sighed, pondering what she should do next. Her thought process was suddenly broken, however, when she felt something warm and heavy drape around her shoulders.
Looking up to see Clover standing above her, Janet found herself wearing Minerva's inquisition coat. Clover helped the mage to her feet and smiled. Feeling confused, Janet gently rubbed her tickly nose and looked herself over.
"Miss Clover? I-"
"Don't worry," Clover interrupted, touching a finger to Janet's lips. "Just wear this coat and everyone will leave you alone. It'll give you enough time to get out of town, and you can start over someplace else."
"But what about you?" asked Janet, flicking the tip of her nose up with her finger and then pulling the coat tight around her body. Clover shrugged and rubbed a finger under her own nose with a smile.
"I'm sure I'll figure something out. I was getting tired of selling books anyway."
