blah, sfblah, blah!?, he/him. Previously -san and a bunch of other things I don't care to recall.
snz kink blog. I write stuff but not as often as I'd like.
Really my only "before you follow" rule is be an adult and only make stuff about adults. Have some indication on your profile that you're an adult. Also nazi punks fuck off.
Also also don't so much as look at me if you use or support generative AI.
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Stories are tagged with "blah writes"
I also try to tag all my stories and other posts with the characters involved therein, but sometimes tumblr is weird about what it shows.
At the moment I don't really feel like linking every single OC tag I have, but I do have a refsheet with most of my favorites.
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Generally prefer allergies, but I occasionally get in the mood for illness.
Not really a fandom person, I almost exclusively write original stuff.
Also tend to prefer fantasy and sci-fi settings. And coming up with wacky snz scenarios that I usually don't end up doing anything with.
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Gonna attempt to link all my stories below lol. Hopefully all of these will work.
Unusual Contemporary
My general reality-ish setting. Not always modern fantasy, but usually always open to it. Definitely didn't just want to be able to call a setting "UC."
The Cleanup Crew - Tactical Maid Service
Maids with guns. They like to drink egg creams and they like to fight nazis, a lot.
Sci-fi stories. Again, different series typically don't actually share a setting unless specified.
Collecting Dust
A freelance mechanic discovers an old, abandoned administrative robot with a bit of a dust problem.
Link
Happy Haulidays
A space trucker comes down with a cold during the long journey between planets.
Link
In Space, No One Can Hear You Sneeze
Space pirate adventure and hijinks, late 90s anime style.
Read on Archive of our Own
In Space, No One Can Hear You Tease (nsfw)
Miscellaneous Old Stuff
Stories not connected to anything else, typically being placed here means they're also super old and/or not something I'm interested in continuing to work on.
Dug up another oldie. Not gonna do anything further with this but in retrospect it could totally fit into the Tactical Maids universe lol.
Originally published July 19, 2011
Female sneezes - perfume
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"Ah… AAISHIIEEEW!!!" Meredith sneezed herself into the elevator and pitifully rubbed the index finger of her free hand back and forth under her tickling nose. Inga, her partner, ran into the elevator after her and punched her hard in the shoulder.
"Ow! Stop that!" Meredith whined, rubbing her arm where Inga's fist had connected with her.
"I'll stop punching you when you stop with the bloody sneezing! You're going to get us caught!" Inga's fiery eyes tried as hard as they could to burn into Meredith's, but the sneezy young woman was feeling too out of it to notice. She simply continued to rub her nose and sniffle.
"But I can't help it! I just have to… Have to… AAAIIIEESHIIEEEEWWWW!"
"Jesus! Can't you at least make them a little less high-pitched? You're going to pop my eardrums!" Inga punched her partner again. Meredith whimpered and fell back into the corner of the elevator as it began its ascent to the top floor. She sniffed hard, pulling her long nostrils shut for a moment. "And stop giving me that look! Even with those big eyes I can tell you're not some lost puppy. I'm going to keep punching you anyway."
"What are you getting so mad at me for?" Meredith moaned, pushing herself up against the corner walls of the elevator. "I told you, it's not my fault." She sniffed again pitifully, but Inga was unfazed by her attempted helplessness.
"Oh, this is so totally completely your fault," she said, putting her hands on her hips and leaning toward her partner. "When offered a free sample at the perfume department in a mall, everyone knows that you are supposed to spray it either on your hand or in the air. Everyone except for you! You, on the other hand, you shoved the entire bottle straight up your nose! The whole thing! And you know what's worse? That was two days ago! And you have been sneezing non-stop since then! I have gotten no sleep! None at all! Because you are sneezing all day and all night!"
"Sorry," Meredith replied in a tiny voice, still rubbing her nose. "At least I still have the briefcase," she continued, holding up her other hand. Sure enough, a large metal briefcase was clutched in her fingers, her knuckles white around the handle. Inga stared at her partner with the most unimpressed expression any human being could ever hope to wear. "That is because I handcuffed it to you."
"O- A… Aah… AAIIISHIIIEEEEEW!" Inga clenched a fist again as Meredith sneezed one more time. "Meredith, I am going to be honest with you. If you sneeze one more time. Just one more measly time. I am going to punch you in the nose. It will hurt. You will probably cry. But I won't, because maybe it will finally make you stop sneezing. Do I make myself clear?" Meredith nodded, but at the same time her nostrils flared and her eyes fluttered shut.
"Aa… Ah… Aahhah… Haaa…" Somehow she managed to hold back her sneeze, saving herself from another punch. Inga sighed in relief, as did Meredith when she realized she wasn't going to be punched.
"Are you ready?" Inga asked, watching the floor numbers on the elevator wall light up in sequence. They were almost at the roof. Meredith sniffed, rubbed her nose and nodded. "Yep, everything's all set. All I have to do is put it together and I'll be ready." She shook the briefcase again as if Inga didn't already know it was there. Both of them took deep, relaxed breaths again as the elevator approached the final few floors. However, just as everything seemed peaceful for a moment, Meredith built up to another sneeze.
"Haah… Ahhhh… AISHIIIEEEEEEEEW!"
Inga's fist flattened Meredith's squishy nose just as the elevator doors parted.
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"I can't believe you punched me in the nose," Meredith whined as she peered through the scope of her recently assembled rifle. She sniffed and then winced, tensing up slightly. "Now it hurts when I sneeze." Next to her, Inga groaned. "You've been hurting me when you sneeze for nearly three days. Deal with it."
"I'll traahhh… Ahhh… AISHIEEW! Ow…"
"Seriously, for the sake of the job, stop that! You're definitely going to get us caught out here!"
"I'm sorry…"
"You're like an air raid siren! I bet people can hear you a mile away."
"Sorry… Wait… Wait a minute. I think I see him."
"Our target? Awesome! Shoot him in the face!"
"Wait a second…" Meredith said, adjusting her aim slightly. Inga made a fist again, clearly getting impatient.
"What are you waiting for? Just do it! Then we can go home!"
"I have to aim," Meredith explained, snuffling roughly. "I have to account for wind and gravity too. I can't just push a 'blow up the target's face' button." She rubbed her nose vigorously with the index finger of her free hand and sniffed again. "Uh oh…"
"What? Did he move? Can you still see him?" Inga asked desperately. They needed to get this job done, no matter the cost. Meredith nodded and rubbed her nose again, a bit more frantically this time. "Is something in the way?" Meredith shook her head. Inga made a fist again as her partner rubbed her nose one more time. "Then what the hell is the matter?"
"I… I… Hafta…" Meredith tried to explain, but her sneeze had already taken control. Inga quickly caught on to what was happening, so she punched Meredith in the shoulder yet again and then shoved her finger under her partner's squishy nose. "Oh no you don't!" Meredith's sneeze calmed down, but she didn't.
"Inga! Move your hand! You're throwing off my aim!"
"No way! Don't you watch movies? The second I take my hand away you'll sneeze and ruin everything!"
For the first time that night, Meredith started to get serious. Her nose was still tickling like crazy, and she could tell she was going to sneeze eventually, with or without Inga's finger. She would have to line up her shot before that happened, even if Inga was pestering her. Without responding, Meredith went back to trying to aim. However, the tickling in her nose was only getting worse by the second.
"Ahh… Aaahhahh…" The hitching breaths made Meredith's aim wobble away from her target, but she quickly adjusted again. Even though only her finger was touching her, she could tell Inga was becoming frantic. "Hurry up, hurry up!"
"Ahh… Ahhh… Ahhhh…" Meredith had the target squarely in her sights, so just as the sneeze won over, she squeezed the trigger.
"AAAIIISHHHIIIIEEEEEEEEEW!!!!"
Inga couldn't tell which was louder: the gunshot or Meredith's sneeze. The two of them simply sat on the rooftop for a moment, unsure of what had actually happened. After a second, Inga peered through her binoculars at the building they had been trying to shoot into. She saw no holes in the windows, and everything inside seemed to be fine. The binoculars fell out of her hands and landed on the roof with a clatter. "Meredith…"
Inga's partner sniffed helplessly and rubbed her nose back and forth with her finger. "Yes, Inga?" Meredith stared up at her spotter, surprised that she couldn't find any anger in her face. "What have you done?" Inga looked down over the edge of the roof to see that a fire hydrant on the side of the road below had exploded, showering the area around it. She took a deep breath and put the pieces together. Meredith opened her mouth to answer, but before a word could leave her throat, Inga punched her in the nose again.
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"I'm sorry!" Meredith wailed, tears streaming down her face. She and Inga ran frantically across the rooftops, a pair of helicopters chasing them. Spotlights danced back and forth around them, giving them no clear escape route. "I swear I'll never do it again!" Inga didn't have it in her to reply. They kept running as fast as they could, but one of the helicopters pulled ahead of them. A pair of soldiers dropped down and landed on top of them, knocking them to the ground and then tying them up. Meredith sneezed repeatedly as the two of them were roped up and lifted into the helicopter above them. "Hey! I think I'm finally all sneezed out!"
Inga finally snapped. "I swear, if we weren't going to die anyway I'd kill you! We have tried this 87 times! 87! Do you have any idea how many times that is?"
"Um…"
"7 more than 80! That's a lot! And do you have any idea how many times we've succeeded! None! Zip! Zero! Never! Because you always ruin it! And it's always for some stupid reason! Maybe if you ruined just one of our plans for a good reason, this wouldn't seem so bad! Do you have anything to say for yourself!?"
Some, but not all, of my audio scenario work from my YT days. Thanks for those who helped me pick/requested the ones to put up here for yall to enjoy on my silly lil account here. You can find more on my other websites (see my bio or the links below the wavs!)
🌟 - What illness symptom/torture tactic/snz trigger do you have the most fun portraying or reading?
This is tough to answer since I feel like my 'favorite' changes so often. I've come up with entire stories based entirely on wanting to write a specific kind of snz cause lol. If I had to choose though I think I might have to go with feathers. Just the classic snz aesthetic, and the multitude of ways you can describe them tickling and teasing.
💓 - What is your favorite thing about this community?
Despite the fact that the snz community at large is full of shitty people, my favorite part of it has been the friendships I've made. There's a lot of people I've talked to regularly for years, and some I've met in person.
🐑 - What scenario are you currently thinking about before bed?
I have such a hard time falling asleep most nights that I generally don't think about specific scenarios. Though I have been thinking about Aster a lot though, as well as the maids. Not sure what I want to do with Aster, I just like her a lot. I've been wanting to write some kind of wild west AU chapter with the maids for a while now. Plus they need to blow up a data center or something.
You've been walking in the rain for too long, but don't worry, you haven't caught cold. People with colds would be sneezing, now wouldn't they? And you most definitely aren't, so you're fine.
Okay, for the smash or pass, Se/cco from JJ//BA (slashes so it won't break containment haha)
I suppose I have to out myself as a fake anime fan and admit I haven't yet seen Joseph's Unusual Journey lol. I want to, it just feels like a big commitment and I haven't found the right time for it.
But to answer the actual question, on the one hand everyone from that series is fine as hell, but on the other I feel like his suit would give me all kinds of sensory issues lmao. So I'm gonna have to say pass but with no hard feelings.
Welcome to FM.SNZ, the late night talk show that's snz and wmp. Listeners, call in for advice, observation, idle chat, etc. Where might the wind take us tonight?
Thanks to everyone who submitted prompts, and for your patience while I worked to make this a Thing! If you like the finished product and want it to be a ...continuous...thing? Please please support me so I can focus on doing more of THIS! ^_^
*this is a work of fiction meant to be enjoyed and relatable, not inspired by anything but prompts and my own feelings and brain soup! thanks for listening!
Another random one off story of great shenaniganery. Sort of light destructive snz without the giant aspect.
Originally published January 17, 2014
Female sneezes - unspecified
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"What the heck are you doing, Layla?" Scarlette asked with a laugh as she watched her friend produce half a dozen decks of cards from her bag. Layla didn't respond, instead opting to remove each deck from its sleeve and set them all down on the table that separated her from Scarlette.
"You're not making another card house, are you?" Scarlette inquired, casually rubbing a finger under her freckled nose. Layla finally glanced up at her, raising an eyebrow.
"So what if I am?"
"Layla, we're on a train," Scarlette giggled.
"Scarlette," Layla began, putting two cards together to make a triangle with the center of the table, "there is a magazine article about me and my amazing houses of cards. I've mastered all I can when it comes to building them on solid ground. Making one on a train was the next logical step."
"Right, whatever you say, weirdo."
Layla gave Scarlette another displeased stare for a few seconds, but she quickly returned to her construction. Scarlette giggled a bit more, but eventually she began to watch intently. For the time being, Layla appeared to be building a simple, albeit large, house of cards, and Scarlette had to admit the process was at least a little interesting to observe. Then, after Layla had completed a few layers of the structure, Scarlette suddenly felt a tickle in her nose.
Scarlette sniffed, her oval-shaped nostrils narrowing to slits for half a second, but Layla didn't seem to notice. Reaching one outstretched finger up to her face, Scarlette began to rub her freckled nose back and forth slowly but firmly. Luckily, the tickle dulled to a hollow itch after a few seconds and Scarlette breathed a soft sigh of relief. This, however, did catch Layla's attention. She stared back at her friend and raised an eyebrow as if to say "do you mind?"
"Oh, don't worry about me," Scarlette laughed, waving a hand at Layla dismissively, "I'm just wahhhh... Hehhhh.... HEIISHHOOOOH!!!"
The tickle in Scarlette's nose returned in full force as she spoke, catching her off guard. She bent forward with a loud sneeze that was more than powerful enough to demolish Layla's house of cards. Layla stared irritably at her friend as the playing cards fluttered back down to the tabletop.
"Have you no shame?"
"Hey, don't look at me!" Scarlette protested, holding up her hands, "it's not my fault!"
"How is this not your fault?" Layla asked, gathering up the cards. Scarlette scrunched up her nose tightly, both out of annoyance and because she felt another itch. The two friends refrained from speaking to each other, Layla turning her attention back to her cards and Scarlette starting to rub her nose again.
"Look, that was just a practice run," Layla absolved, still not looking up from her cards, "just try not to do that again."
"Yeah, I know," Scarlette muttered, her voice sounding congested as her rubbing finger blocked her nostrils. "I have a bit of an itchy nose though."
Unable to sympathize with Scarlette's nose problems, Layla silently returned to her construction. This time, however, she skipped any pretenses of practice and began to build an extremely elaborate structure. Five lines of stacked cards formed a pentagon in the center of the table, and once again Scarlette found herself enamored with the beauty of it. She watched her friend's diligent work, but unfortunately she felt another tickle in her nose before long, this one coming on even faster than the first.
"Heh... Heh-Heh-HEH!"
Scarlette threw back her head, her shoulders tensing. She furiously rubbed a finger under her freckly nose, but no matter how much she pressed her nostrils from side to side, the tickling in her sinuses just wouldn't stop.
"Scarlette, no!" was all Layla had time to say before her house of cards was ruined once again.
"Heh-HEH! HEIIISHOOOH!!!"
The house's pentagonal foundation took to the air, cards flying to and fro. Layla let most of them fall on their own, but she scrambled to catch a few that were about to flutter out into the aisle in the center of the train car. Once Layla had her playing cards under control again, she glared up at her friend. Scarlette's watery eyes fluttered a few times, and then she scrunched up her face as tightly as she could. The smattering of freckles on her nose melded together into a big blob, but her pitiful face earned her no sympathy from Layla.
"Would you be careful?" Layla scolded as she organized her cards back into decks.
"Sorry," Scarlette whined, rubbing a finger under her nostrils. She sniffed a few times and frowned. The tickling in her nose refused to die down to anything less, but she knew better than to complain to Layla when she was in such a poor mood.
Instead of continuing to complain about Scarlette's sneezing, Layla simply shook her head and started to rebuild. Scarlette wrinkled and rubbed her nose, silently watching her friend's work. Her nose was still tickling like mad, but for some reason she didn't quite feel like she had to sneeze just yet. Turning to the window, Scarlette tried to look outside, but she simply found her reflection staring back at her. She'd been so wrapped up in Layla's card houses that she completely forgot they'd been in a tunnel for the past ten minutes.
"Whoa," Scarlette breathed as she glanced back at the table. Layla had already made an enormous amount of progress, rebuilding the pentagon base and adding several layers. Aside from the red and white patterns, it hardly looked like it was made from playing cards anymore.
After completing one more layer, Layla smiled at her work and reached into her bag. She drew out a camera and removed the lens cap, draping the strap around her neck just out of habit. Scarlette smiled at her friend, but she wrinkled her nose again as the tickling in her nostrils flared up a bit.
"Don't you want to finish it first?" Scarlette asked, tilting her head to the side. She rubbed her nose gently as Layla turned her camera on.
"I do, but I've kind of made a habit of documenting my progress," Layla explained, trying to line up a good shot. Scarlette nodded in understanding, but her eyes narrowed and her nostrils flared as she took in a little gasp.
"Hhheh...!"
"Scarlette?" Layla grumbled without even looking up from her camera, "don't even think about it."
"I'm trehhh... Trying... Heh-Heh!"
"Don't you know how to stifle, or something?"
"Nuh... No... Layla, I'm... I'm going to..."
"Just let me get a picture first!"
"I c-can't... S-stahhh... Heh-Heh-HEH!"
"No, Scarlette! Don't!"
"HHEEEHHH...!"
"Don't sneeze! Just a few more seconds!"
"HEEIIISHHOOOOOH!!!"
Layla snapped a picture just a split second after Scarlette let loose. Unfortunately, she didn't manage to photograph her partially-completed house of cards. She did, however, get a perfect image of Scarlette's destructive sneeze.
The freckle-faced young woman vigorously rubbed her nose, trying in vain to rid herself of the tickling. Eventually, she managed to get the irritation down to a bearable level and she looked back up at her friend. Layla had put her camera away and she was lying back in her seat, her eyes gently closed. Scarlette felt a bit guilty, but she knew it would be better to leave Layla alone for now. Rubbing her nose one more time, she decided a nap of her own wouldn't be such a bad idea.
Scarlette managed to sleep surprisingly soundly. The sunlight flooding into the train as it emerged from the tunnel failed to wake her, and she remained peacefully asleep until the station was only a few minutes away. Groggily opening her eyes, Scarlette was greeted by a magnificent house of cards on the table between her and her friend. Glancing up and down, she realized she couldn't even see Layla through it anymore, aside from her hands holding the last two cards at the very top.
"Hey! You did it!" Scarlette exclaimed, clapping lightly. Layla giggled triumphantly, and then she carefully lowered her hands to place the final cards. Then, as fate would have it, the train gave a light jolt as it came to a stop in the station. The house of cards collapsed, destroying the wall between the two friends. Scarlette cringed, wrinkling her freckly nose, but she was surprised to see Layla's expression was completely blank. After holding the last two cards for a few seconds, Layla simply dropped them on the table and began to gather everything up in defeated silence.
