Thanks @datvcompanionweeks for hosting 🫶 everyone’s doing letters this week lol (graphics first and then there’s plain text versions underneath the cut) (a continuation of my Davrin week fics : this one and this one but you don’t need to read them to understand what’s going on)
Dear Davrin,
I know you’re gone but Evka said I should write to somebody before I take the joining. Just in case.
And the first person I thought of was you.
It might be just a little counter productive to write to somebody… well gone. But if these are the last words anyone read of mine, the last thoughts? I’d want them to go to you, to be about you.
You thought I’d be able to keep on living, you told me to hold on to your heart. But instead the only thing left of you I have is the blight running through my veins. And it’s slowly killing me.
I’ve thought about not taking the joining. Being stubborn and to just keep working until my body fails, until the blight blooms out of my skin like some horrible ink black petals. It can’t be much worse than becoming part of a tree, my skin turning to bark like the ones you always hated looking at in Arlathan.
But
You told me to keep on living, to do it for you.
Evka says the joining isn’t good. It’ll hurt and it’ll be scary. But lots of things hurt, it can’t be worse than being taken and having my mind ripped a thousand ways. Of every secret pouring out at the slightest demand. Of being part of a whole where you are nothing and you mean nothing as long as he, as long as Elgernan is getting the answers he wants.
And lots of things are scary. The boat ride to Tearstone was scary, everyone silent and holding our breath hoping nothing would blow us out of the water, unprotected as we were. Holding your hand then was scary, you didn’t look at me, eyes sweeping the area, doing what a good warden should do to try and keep us safe when all I wanted was for you to look at me and lie and say it would all be ok.
Watching you volunteer, watching Zalan choose you to lead the secondary team was scary
Cleaning out your room was scary too. All your things looking at me, your life scattered in blankets and books and carvings and letters. Everything smelled like you. Everything was cold to the touch without your fire there to keep it all warm.
Evka says to try and think grounding thoughts or to bring something that will help me endure. You kept me grounded, you held me when I cried after Cyrian’s funeral. You sung to me when my thoughts grew too full of static to think straight. You asked me slow questions about cooking to keep me focused. You became my new anchor.
I found a little nug carving in your bed. It’s chewed on, Assan must have gotten to it before you noticed. I’m bringing it with me. A part of you, not polished or perfect but sturdy and worn with love just like you.
Pairing: Bellara x Illario
Rating: G
Length: ~800
Summary: After exploring a ruin in Arlathan, Bellara has one more stop to make before she and Illario return to Treviso.
@datvcompanionweeks
Read it below, or over on ao3!
Bellara didn’t understand why she felt so nervous. She didn’t want to feel nervous, which of course she didn’t! No one wanted to feel nervous. And really, what was there to even be nervous about? She was in Arlathan, a place she considered home. She’d spent the last week exploring a ruin with Illario, which was quickly becoming her favorite thing to do. They were on their way back to Treviso, a place that she had fallen in love with. They just had this one, itty-bitty stop to make first.
And Bellara was very nervous about that.
Of course, she knew that he knew she was nervous. He always knew what she was feeling, sometimes even before she’d sorted it out for herself. Sometimes that was frustrating, as if he’d robbed her of the process of sifting through the jumble of her thoughts and emotions merely by being observant.
It helped to remember that Illario was only so observant because he loved her.
“Where are we going?” He asked after they’d walked along in silence for too long.
That would be his first clue that something was wrong. Bellara was never quiet for long.
“Just a little further,” she said. There’s something I need to do.”
“All right,” he said. He was clearly curious, but didn’t press for more, which she appreciated. She was fractious enough without trying to explain why they were going here, now.
So, they walked on, and Illario took her hand, his touch loose but comforting. Less an anchor and more a life raft. Buoyed, Bellara led him through a grove of trees, leaves bright with spring, and then through a half-crumbled arch and into the ruin.
To her immense relief, the magic had held. Cyrian’s lamp still glowed, the light of the Veilfire soft but strong.
Bellara clutched Illario’s hand as he peered around the ruin. She didn’t know why. It wasn’t like he’d complain about the place. But she was still anxious that maybe he wouldn’t like Cyrian’s memorial site. That, maybe, it was lacking somehow, in some way she hadn’t considered.
“It feels different than the other ruins,” he said after a moment.
“Really?”
Illario nodded. “The other ones are dusty. Old and empty.” He ran a hand along one of the railings separating the balcony from the waterfalls. “This place feels alive.”
“Oh,” she breathed.
He raised a brow at her. “Is it safe?”
That made her smile–which, knowing Illario, was exactly why he’d asked it. “Yes! Or, at least, mostly.” She shrugged. “As safe as any place in Arlathan can be.”
He sighed, but accepted her answer without further complaint. “Why are we here?”
“Right.” She sighed, then nodded once. She just needed to focus on the task at hand. She could do this. “I need to replenish the lamps,” she said.
Illario frowned, his dark eyes shining with Veilfire. “How can I help?”
Bellara smiled at him, bit her cheek when her chin wobbled. “Just… keep me company?”
He blinked at her, his lips pressed into a stern line. “Of course.”
And so, Bellara retraced her steps, dousing and relighting the braziers. She whispered the words in Elvhen while Illario followed, watching in curious silence. She was proud of herself when she made it to the final brazier without crying.
She cleared her throat before turning her attention back to her Crow, prepared to explain–or, at least try to explain. But the soft look in his eyes and his gentle frown left a fresh lump in her throat.
She should have known he would understand.
“This is for your brother?”
Bellara took his hand, nodding. “I shouldn’t have put it off for so long,” she said. “But, well… I guess I didn’t want to do it alone.”
For a few heartbeats, Illario just looked at her, his eyes a little wet and shining with the blue-green glow of Veilfire. It was special, to see him like this–borrowed Arlathan leathers dusty with a week’s worth of ruin, his hair up, but with a couple of unruly strands kissing his cheekbones.
He looked soft. Open in away he would have never allowed only a year ago.
Then he lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles.
Bellara cleared her throat again. “Thank you. For coming with me,” she said. But, what she meant was, thank you for understanding, for holding my hand. Thank you for being here, still.
Illario pulled her close and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I will go anywhere you ask, Colibrí.”
And though she ought know he meant it, that it was always so, today Bellara was grateful for the reminder. That, despite all that she’d lost in the last year, she didn’t have to feel alone.
This is one of the most intense pieces of writing I think I've ever completed. I do promise a happy ending, though!
Two weeks after Tearstone, Neve is having night terrors about the events that transpired. She has regrets of her own, and the others help her work through what happened with Bellara. However, it seems that Emmrich might have a solution…
AO3
“The patterns are familiar,” Bellara stated as Neve’s heart pounded in her chest at the familiar words.
She was standing in the middle of the temple area of Tearstone Island again near the mirror and blight as Bellara was looking around. Everything was like it was. Isabella was cursing in Antivan as she was doing more often those days while Lucanis tried to ease her through the stress.
Neve found her mouth moving on its own as she warned them that they couldn’t touch the door as it was warded with blood magic.
It was happening again.
Tears gathered in her eyes as she shook her head, trying to break out of the cycle.
“If I can fracture the harmonics, we could get through,” Bellara mentioned before looking a little uncertain. Neve’s eyes widened. “Maybe.”
“No!” Neve shouted, her mouth moving. “You can’t! Please!”
“It’s okay, Neve. I don’t want to risk losing you,” Bellara replied with a smile, turning to the mage. Neve shook her head as Bellara started to go towards the wards.
Neve went to move forward as blight sprang forth to hold her back as she cried out for Bellara to stop. Isabella looked uncertain as well, but she told Bellara she trusted her. She just needed to go slow and to be safe.
But there was no way to be safe. The gods were watching! They were always watching! They were lying in wait until this moment to strike!
Neve shouted, but her voice produced nothing as she writhed in the tendrils on the blight. She was forced to watch as Bellara fiddled with the wards. Isabella went to the other side of the room to remind everyone what they were fighting for. It was a good speech, and it kept everyone going. She wanted everyone to make it.
But nearly half their team didn’t make it off that island, and Neve wanted to stop the madness there. They should have turned back at this point. There would have been another way around or something. There could have been something else.
Then there was the familiar sound of the wards being released, and Neve cried out as if she was in pain. Bellara beamed as Neve begged her to get away. To get far away from there. For everyone to turn back. For everyone to take several steps back so they could regroup. This was going to end in folly, as it always did.
“And there!” Bellara grinned as she bounced on her toes. How Neve missed the way that she bounced from place to place.
A sob sounded from Neve as the blight released her to the floor. No one noticed the mage crying on the floor in the middle of the room. Isabella cheered in Antivan as Davrin asked her to speak in Trade again, which earned a playful glare and a roll of her eyes.
Neve swallowed, missing her Crow as well, but nothing matched the regret of losing the woman she loved. Neve never even had a chance to tell Bellara how she felt before she was just gone.
The mage collapsed on the ground as she looked up to see that her voice had been taken over by someone else. Maybe it was Lace, maybe Isabella. Someone told Bellara to be careful. The gods were watching. They were waiting. They were ready to pounce on the proud, stupid mortals who thought they had the upper hand for once.
“The gods might know we’re in here now,” the voice sounded, and Neve screamed for Bel to move anywhere else. It was like she was a ghost, screaming at nothing.
Then the horrid god’s voice echoed, and Neve felt her heart break her spirit even more. She couldn’t keep doing this. She could keep watching this.
“Oh, that is a certainty,” Elgar’nan’s voice growled before a dark shadow appeared in the mirror behind Bellara.
Bellara turned towards Neve as she always did now as a blight tendril swirled around her waist and yanked her like a ragdoll through the mirror as she screamed for Neve’s help. Neve cried out in pain.
The mage watched as Isabella reached for Bellara only for the Veil Jumper to steal one of her gloves. Foreshadowing into their vulnerabilities soon to come, but they were here.
This was where everything changed. The gods met them here now to take what they came for.
Davrin pulled Isabella back from running after Bellara as Ghilan’nain appeared behind Harding to spear her through the chest. Taash let out a blood curdling scream at that as Neve sobbed on the floor, watching from there. She couldn’t do anything to help them. Isabella rushed towards Harding only for Solas to appear.
Solas stole the dagger from Isa and the pushed her into the Fade tear, and she vanished from sight.
Three gods. Three casualties. Three loved ones.
Neve screamed more as she tried to move from her spot on the floor before she realized that blight had started to crawl over her. She watched as Lucanis and Spite tried to fight against Davrin as Emmrich tried to get Taash back to the boat. They had failed, and they needed to get out now. They needed to survive. People needed to know.
Neve wailed as Davrin cut her out of the blight before shaking her violently, shouting at her. She cried, shaking her head. This was all her fault.
A part of her didn’t want to be saved. She should have stayed there since she couldn’t have taken Bellara’s spot like she was supposed to. She was supposed to remove the blood magic, and she should have been the one who was killed by Elgar’nan.
Bellara was the one who was quick on her feet and good with ideas. Neve got stuck on problems for weeks on end. Bellara should have been the one alive, being saved by Davrin, not her.
Tears streamed down her face as she felt a light tapping on her cheek.
“This is a bad one,” Lucanis whispered as he and Davrin crowded around Neve’s bed. The mage had been having a night terror, and her shrieking had woken up those who were left at the lighthouse. Even Emmrich was outside with Taash, waiting to hear if they needed help.
“They’re just getting worse,” Davrin muttered, tapping Neve’s tear-streaked cheek as she sobbed, doing his best to wake her up. He had tried to shake her, but that hadn’t worked. “We might need to take her to a doctor or a healer. Something.”
“Where? Everywhere has seen the permanent eclipse and everywhere is in a panic. I doubt even the Crows are really functioning right now,” Lucanis murmured, shaking his head. “I’m going to try and make some tea and see if that helps her when she wakes up.”
“Alright,” Davrin replied, shaking his head.
The Warden stopped tapping her cheek with his hand before propping her limp body upright in her bed. Davrin knew that she was struggling with some of the most intense survivor’s guilt he had ever seen. They all were, but Neve had been hit the hardest due to the circumstances. She had been there since the beginning, and she knew what the gods were capable of.
Eventually, Neve’s sobs died down a little and she started to wake up a little. She tried to push him away, but he was afraid she would tumble out of bed like she had before and hurt herself. He stayed just close enough to make sure that he could support her if she needed it.
“Dav?” she whispered as her eyes opened in the darkness, and he smiled gently at her.
“Hey there,” he murmured, holding a hand out towards her. They had learned that physical touch had been the quickest way to ground her after an episode. Neve grabbed his hand and squeezed it, shutting her eyes as she took a shaky breath. “Are you alright?”
“I had the dream again,” Neve replied.
“We know. We could hear you,” Davrin admitted. Neve sighed, hanging her head. She was embarrassed that she had woken up nearly the entire Fade.
“How’s everyone else doing?” she asked softly.
“Luc’s getting you some tea to help you sleep. Taash and Emmrich are waiting outside if you want to see them,” Davrin offered as Neve grimaced, but she nodded. She needed to see that they were still here too. She needed to know that they had made it out as well.
Davrin patted her hand gently before standing up to open the door. Neve turned to look out the window into the dimmed, red light of the Fade. Her throat hurt from screaming and from the lump in it from her emotions. The other four had repeatedly told her what happened was not her fault. The gods were to blame, and one was already dead. Harding had been avenged, which was a small comfort to Taash at least.
Lucanis barely slept anymore either, but it wasn’t due to Spite. Spite wanted to find Isabella, but neither Crow nor demon knew where to start. However, Lucanis also experienced recent night terrors as well. He was just better at staying up than she was.
Neve and Lucanis would talk about them once in a while, and they were usually similar. They both had repeating dreams. He would watch as a bright light and a turbulent wind took Isa and replaced her with the Dread Wolf, who taunted him endlessly with horrible things. Things that sounded like Zara talking. Like how he would turn Isa into an Envy demon and so forth.
Neve also spoke with him about her feelings about Bellara, and he worked with her on that as well. He knew that they were flirting and kind of taking it slow, and Lucanis knew that was what they both needed. Neve had done nothing wrong in that department either as she followed Bellara’s lead on that, even if there hadn’t been a true confession. Lucanis was sure that Bellara knew before the end.
Bellara always went to see Neve first about everything before bringing it up to Isabella. She wanted Neve to be there if she could, and Neve always tried to make time for Bellara regardless of what it was. It was a difficult balance before Tearstone, but it was one that Neve was glad that she had taken the time in figuring out. She didn’t know that there was so little time left.
“How are you feeling, my dear?” Emmrich asked as he walked in with Taash and Davrin. Neve looked over with tired eyes and tilted her head to the side.
“As well as you can be after a night terror,” Neve answered truthfully. Emmrich pursed his lips and nodded, wishing there was something he could do about it.
“Can’t Spite eat nightmares?” Taash mentioned with a hopeful tone. Neve smiled at them and lifted her shoulders.
“I don’t know. Luca’s been having trouble too, so I’m not sure,” the mage replied as Taash frowned. “I’ll make do.”
“It’s been two weeks,” Taash mentioned as Neve nodded, turning away to look at her hands in her lap. “Is there anything I can do?”
“I don’t think so, but I appreciate the offer,” Neve answered. The only thing that would help would be if she could have Bellara back in her arms again. Just one more hug. One more ramble. One more tangent. Something.
“We need to figure something out. We can’t just stay here at the lighthouse forever,” Taash sighed as Davrin folded his arms. They were right.
“I have been communing with the spirits in the Fade,” Emmrich mentioned as he glanced around the room. Neve turned to him with a furrowed brow. “I hesitated to mention it because we couldn’t confirm it until about an hour ago, but I believe I do have some good news.”
“Oh, good news? That would be a nice change,” Lucanis huffed as he squeezed by with a cup of warm tea with honey for Neve. The mage quietly thanked the Crow as she accepted the mug.
“Yes, I hope it is at least,” Emmrich mentioned as he exhaled. “There are three changes affecting our world and in the Fade. There’s only one that we can deal with right now, but if we are successful, I think we can achieve the other two.”
“It would be nice to know what you’re talking about,” Davrin sighed, rubbing the side of his face to stay awake. Emmrich nodded.
“The Fade Prison that Solas occupied is not empty,” Emmrich informed as Lucanis stepped towards him. “That is the most pressing one. The second being is that with Ghilan’nain gone, there shouldn’t be anything controlling the blight. However, there is a magic signature still controlling it.”
“What does that mean?” Davrin wondered as Emmrich turned to Neve, who went wide eyed in realization. She nearly dropped her tea on the bed covers as she realized what Elgar’nan had done with Bellara.
“And the third thing?” Taash pressed as Emmrich started to talk about something about a red lyrium similarity, but Neve couldn’t focus on that.
There was a good chance that Bellara was alive and well. Bellara was alive, and she was in the clutches of the fucking god this entire time. Neve shook her head, and she started to chug down the hot tea. It burned her throat, but it made her feel more alive than ever. Lucanis protested when he saw that, but she brushed him off.
“We need to get Isa out of there,” Neve informed with a newfound determination. Not only was the woman she loved alive, but her best friend, too. Now Emmrich was saying that her best friend was the key to saving Bellara, so that meant that there was only one thing left to do.
“Yes, well, it’s a lot easier said than done,” Emmrich reminded, glad for enthusiasm, but he needed to temper her expectations. She waved her hand at him as she moved out of bed to start looking through her mage books.
“Then we need to get started. We’re not getting any younger, and I don’t want to waste a single moment than we need to,” Neve insisted, grabbing a few tomes before turning towards them. Lucanis was the only one wearing a positive expression. The other three looked a little shell-shocked by her sudden turn around.
“Are you sure you don’t want to get some rest first?” Davrin wondered before Neve rolled her eyes.
“I don’t need rest! I need to find Bellara before Elgar’nan accidentally kills her!” the mage practically shouted as Lucanis nodded. The Crow understood the feeling, and he was more than willing to help since it meant getting his lover out of the Fade prison as well.
“I will be preparing what I need in my office. We will meet in Isa’s room when we’re ready,” Emmrich suggested before taking his leave.
Taash floundered for a moment before leaving, unsure what they could to do to help. Davrin sighed, thinking that he would get a few extra hours of sleep before asking what he could do. Lucanis stayed for a moment before turning to her.
“Do you need anything from me for at the moment?” Lucanis wondered as Neve gave him a weak smile.
“Spite doesn’t happen to eat night terrors, does he?” she wondered, earning a laugh from the Crow.
Weeks passed and Neve’s plans progressed as they made their way to Minrathous. Isabella was back with them, and Neve was able to convince Isabella to take her with her group to search for Bellara. Isabella just needed Neve to take out the Venatori mage first, and then they could work together on finding Bellara once they were in.
The Venatori mage was a handful, but Neve and Teia were able to take the bitch down without too much trouble. Isabella thanked her colleague before Neve ushered her, Lucanis, and Davrin along.
Neve had been waiting too long for this already. It had been nearly two months since Tearstone now, and she needed to find Bellara. She needed to find the Veil Jumper, and she needed to save her.
Isabella dealt with Solas’s bullshit as Neve focused on the blight mass that she was there for. It was clear that was her target, and she just needed to reach it. However, Elgar’nan’s archdemon came out of thin air, and while the others were dealing with that, Neve ran forward to get to Bellara.
Neve ripped at the blight tendrils covering Bellara, and Neve had to clear her mind unless she wanted to be reminded of her night terrors.
“Bellara? Can you hear me?” Neve pleaded as the others came in fighting, protecting Neve and the Veil Jumper. Darkspawn and constructs had moved in to protect the new intelligence that controlled the blight.
Neve hissed as she pulled and tore, using her ice magic to freeze the tendrils where they were most vulnerable. It wasn’t long before the blight weakened enough for Bellara to slip out of its grip, and she started to wake up. Neve cradled her in her arms as Bellara started to stand on her own.
“You are not my god! Get out of my head!” Bellara screamed to the sky, hoping Elgar’nan could hear her defiance. The blight started to grow stiff and dry as Bellara glanced around, getting her bearings on where she was. “Neve? Neve, is that you?”
“Oh, Bels, yes, it’s me,” Neve answered with tears in her eyes before she embraced the Veil Jumper.
Bellara had been infected with the blight as her skin was paler than she had ever seen with blackened blood and crimson eyes, but it was still Bellara. Bellara was alive, or at least she was for now. Neve would see her saved if she could manage it. She couldn’t lose Bellara again. She wouldn’t.
“He was…” Bellara whispered, turning to Neve. She had to focus as she stared at the mage. “He was all I could hear. It was my mind, but he made me want to help him.”
“It’s alright, you’re free now. You’re safe,” Neve reassured with a smile, stepping closer to her. Bellara had a pained expression as she shook her head. “We’ll get you somewhere safe.”
“None of us are safe,” Bellara stressed. Neve clenched her jaw, unsure what she meant, but they weren’t done yet.
“Once Elgar’nan is dead-” the mage continued before Bellara shook her head, cutting her off suddenly.
“No! You can’t kill Elgar’nan. Not yet. If you do-” Bellara started to warn before the archdemon roared above them. Neve grimaced as Isabella, Davrin, and Lucanis went to investigate it.
Neve cupped Bellara’s face with her hands, getting her to look at her. Bellara stared at Neve as the mage gave a relieved smile.
“Let us get you safe, alright? And then you can tell us everything. And then I am going to tell you everything I should have told you weeks ago,” Neve whispered with misty eyes. Bellara blinked at her in confusion.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Bellara replied, thinking back to something she might have missed. Neve brushed back a piece of Bellara’s hair before exhaling.
“Bellara, I should have told you so long ago that I love you. Before everything went to shit, I should have told you,” Neve informed as Bellara’s eyes lit up.
“You... love me?” Bellara whispered as Neve nodded firmly.
“I’ve loved you for a while now, but I thought we had more time. I was wrong, and I thought I lost you forever. I might not have tomorrow, but we have today. I wanted you to know,” Neve explained as she started to drop her hands in case Bellara didn’t feel the same way. They had never talked about it, after all.
Bellara immediately grabbed Neve’s hands in surprise and grinned. Neve blinked, getting her hopes up.
“I thought it might have been just me,” Bellara replied as Neve chuckled, a sob getting stuck in her chest. “I love you, too, Neve Gallus.”
“Then we better survive through the night because I think we should celebrate our confession once this is all over,” Neve suggested as another crash sounded. Bellara glanced around the buildings surrounding them and nodded.
“It’s a date,” Bellara smirked, grabbing one of Neve’s hands before dashing towards an alcove into the nearest building. There was a door, and they might just make it before the Dread Wolf and the archdemon came crashing down on them.
I am making post-Veilguard Bellara so tortured fr. Just added a whole plot point where she kind of had a thing with Davrin, but he died, and she was blighted, and now she looks around at her Veilguard friends and it’s like: Taash/Harding are happy, Rookanis is happy, Strife/Emmerich is happy, even Irelin has found someone new, and she’s like alone and blighted and can’t even sleep through the night anymore 😭 Bellara baby I’m so sorry 😣 it’s all for the angst!
