It always surprises me when I meet a person, or have known a person for a little while, and they react to the person I am in such a positive way. I feel liked. I feel good. I feel as if I might have had something to do with this other person feeling good too. I didn’t always realize it, but I am definitely a people person. People intrigue me, as I’m sure it does for most. I just think it’s unnecessary for people to constantly say how much they hate people too, like when working in customer service. Okay yes working in customer service can push a person to the edge easily because also, yes, people are fucking idiots and assholes. But overall, people are people. We are that. I am that. And when you meet someone you can totally vibe with, someone fucking awesome--- now that is one of the best feelings. What really makes my head spin, is that idea that every single person has experienced a completely different life from you, despite the typical common grounds. So that means everyone has their own personality, even if it’s similar to someone’s. Man, sorry. I decided to get super baked right after work. Hence that^ Anyway, I wrote something a little on the darker side right before this. I was touching on what happened after I graduated high school in 2009. I fell into some sort of hole. It’s weird. I was definitely diving into the deepest of my depression. I gave up on myself. I didn’t like myself. Sometimes I still don’t. It’s weird. At times I look at myself from a third person perspective, and I see all of the great qualities. The sincere love I have- for anything and everyone. But then the other side of me gets in the way. Why am I such a sad person? No one really knows that, I’m sure. Now you do. I’m hard on myself. I don’t think I’ve been able to confide in people the way I’ve wanted to at the full extent. It’s sad because, for the reason why I started writing this, I have so many people in my life currently, that I feel so comfortable with. I feel so myself, and I can feel the reciprocation. Potentially good friends. It makes me so aware of the good feelings it gives me. It makes me so aware of how I just want to make as many friends as I can, haha. But... I think I put up a wall, these days especially. I hate to think people think I’m flaky, because I probably am. There are just things that keep me from fully putting myself out there. I want to branch out. I want to fully be who I was meant to be in this fucked world. I know I can be happier than this. Hm
