#blogsaboutyou

[revisedbellacode]

Longing..... Longing....

It's 11:39 PM on my clock, I'm listening to the sound of the vehicles here. They're really quite loud, really. We're on the 5th floor and damn I could still hear the honking of the jeepneys and those ravishing tires of the drag racers. Setting aside, Here I am typing some sort of entry because its been a while since I last updated my site. 

So what am I going to talk about tonight.. Hmmmmm. Nothing is particular well, I'm busy with my sidelines, trying to find a way to earn money so that I can buy the things I want and the food I want to eat. Speaking of something I want to buy-- a new phone? I just lost my phone today and it sucks. But nah, maybe I can just save instead of buying things that doesn't really matter.

I'm guessing that you're getting bored with what I'm saying. Well, this is the main thing that I'd like to share Have you ever have this longing that you also want something to last. Longing for something to be ideal in your perception. Longing for someone to hug or kiss, to exchange text messages, to date, to be with in short someone to love. Longing to be overjoyed without worrying that something tragic would happen. Longing for someone to understand. Longing for the perfect life you want to have and just say "lalalala" (of course you don't say that, you know what I mean.) We all have that. 

Isn't it a great thing to believe that someday your longings would happen? Isn't it a treacherous thing to believe that these things are more that just longings? How I wish things in life were easy to achieve. How I wish life was less complicated. At some point you just realize that having that kind of life is next to impossible. It's just so hard to achieve, it's too much. But I'm telling you, DON'T GIVE UP! Just reach up. It's worth it. The things you want in life is always worth the wait and good things happen to those who patiently wait for it. 

One day, you'll just wake up and things are okay. It will be okay soon so, cheer up!

I'm blessed that there's this person who I ignored because of fear and trust issues. He's not much of a person, I don't even know if he's serious about his studies but He prays for me every night and I admire him for that. It's been ages since I encountered a Christ-centered person. It's just so rare and amazing. 

Anyway, that's all for now. ciao.

[revisedbellacode]

Dear John

This is me, Jane. You used to call me that because that's our discriminated-under rated and never before used names. Anyway, I'm not gonna talk about how I regret meeting you or how much hate my body has for you at this moment, instead, I'm gonna talk about sparks

I don't make fire works and I'm not fond of electrical things but I do notice that sparks are produced when two HARD surfaces strike each other. I wont take it literally but we both know that deep inside, there's something that's so hard in us. That's why we met. And Gosh, the first time I saw you, I have to admit you didn't strike me at all. In fact you were just like another person introduced to me and then the next day I forgot your name.

And I was surprised when we met for the second time. Damn, I wasn't expecting too much but things never happened the way I imagined them. Can you believe that we talked for 5 hours without even realizing that it's already late. I really felt that there was something about you worth my time and pakialam. 

Gosh, that was my best yosi break ever, it feels like my lighter will eternally spark for the infinite time and I don't even get the connection of what I said about the lighter but I said it anyway. (What?)

As I sucked the metholish-bitter smoke into my moribund lungs and you kept on telling stories as you were teasing me that I don't really smoke and I'm not a bad ass at all. Damn I hate you for doing that. You even said that my way of being a bad ass is not daring, instead it's "Ahhhhh, sooooo cute". Damn it! I can't express how happy I am that day. I'll never forget the lips that kissed me as the cold wind of Christmas blew. (Though it tasted like cigarettes and milo shake, I don't care)

Remember when you said that you had the best because you had me and you were waiting for my answer. I promised you that on the next day, I'll give you the answer and I won't take it back.

That day came, I waited at the usual spot, you never show yourself. Not even a strand from your goddam hair. You just left me in the air like that with the question "What are we?"

I haven't got any news from you eversince. You just disappeared. Now I heard that you're seeing someone. and yeah, as promised, I'm not gonna talk about how much I hate you.

So this is me, Jane. The low-profile, not-as-beautiful-as-your-type-of-girl, the "hugot ng hugot" person, the one who made you laugh and the one who truly cared for you. PAST TENSE.