"I didn't make you a monster. I just brought out what was already there."
Nene HEHEHEHEHEHEH hi :3
here is some more stuff from Project Arahabaki >:3 these prompts... i love so much, so so much, they are so good for this whole fic and they fit so well in so many places. but i will just leave this here for now 🥰
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
"What happened?"
"I—" The voice was young, so young, and broke on the one syllable. "I think I had a nightmare."
"A nightmare?" N asked the young boy—a much younger Chuuya, long before the night Verlaine and Rimbaud had tried to get him out of there. Six years old. Too young for what he must have already been subjected to.
"Mhm," the boy nodded, wiping furiously at the tears in his eyes. "I don't—I don't remember it. But I know it was scary…"
They were sat on a couch, the room looking almost like a doctor's office. Therapy, perhaps, or more likely some twisted version of it.
"You can remember," N said, a hand on Chuuya's head in something similar to comfort.
The young Chuuya shook his head. "It was too scary."
"Try."
Crackling static, the sound of him taking a deep, shaky breath. "Okay. Um. It was scary."
"Good," N purred, the hand on Chuuya's head stroking it affectionately, encouragingly. It was clear how Chuuya responded to the praise and the touch: leaning in to it, his breathing a little easier.
"Go on," N encouraged after a few minutes where the only sound was the low droning.
"Uh," Chuuya hesitated, though he was clearly trying to figure out how to say what he was thinking. He probably didn't even have the vocabulary to describe his nightmares at that age. "I remember it being dark… and I was big."
"Big how?"
"Scarily big? I think I was a monster."
"What kind of monster?"
Here, Chuuya hesitated. You could see it in the tension in his frame; he knew what he wanted to say this time, he knew how to say it. There was another reason he was keeping his mouth shut.
"A-258, tell me."
"……Arahabaki."
"You ARE Arahabaki," N said.
"No," the younger Chuuya shook his head frantically. "No I'm not, I'm—"
"Who?"
"I—I'm—I'm…"
"See? You can't even tell me. Because you aren't anything else, A-258."
"Arahabaki is a MONSTER!" Chuuya screamed. "I'm not a—a monster, I'm just…"
"You are Arahabaki, no matter what else you say. Your words will not change the truth." N shifted, turning to look at where Chuuya had moved away from him on the couch. "Come here, young one."
It didn't take long before Chuuya was back by his side, legs pulled up on the couch, curled as small as he could make himself. Small sniffles could still be heard through the static.
"But it's a monster," Chuuya cried. "I don't want to be a monster."
"Arahabaki is a part of you. A very powerful part that will help a lot of people."
Heartbroken: "Why did you make me like this?"
"I didn't make you anything, A-258. All I did was help you bring out what was always there."
"A monster?"
"If that's what you want to call it."
Sobs filtered through, followed by the occasional gentle sushing.
“Dazai-san, you've got to try this mackerel!” Atsushi-kun finds him in the corner, ears straight up, tail quivering with excitement.
"Oh look, it's you," a mocking voice lilts through his head.
He nibbles on the fish shoved into his face. To human senses, it isn't special; all Dazai notes is the lack of spices that betrays the poverty of this settlement. He can barely bring himself to swallow - the fish is not even fully cooked through, the feast hastily thrown together upon their arrival.
The slimy texture fights him all the way down to his already-upset stomach.
Only three more days of this charade.
Dazai stares at the party, at the heroes' smiling faces. Tries in vain not to imagine what betrayal will look like on them.
“Eat up. You'll need your strength,” he says, and ruffles Atsushi-kun's hair.
They took him in.
They were supposed to be his home.
It was going so well.
But there's just no way he can stand idly by and let them kill Arahabaki.
Hi Ene! Thanks for the ask (and the tag in that other game!)
32. Name three of your favorite fanfic writers.
Ahh so this is quite hard because I'm friends with so many very talented people, but in terms of strictly most read/people I reread or drop everything to read from it's got to be @feralrookie(Ao3), @dgalerab(Ao3), and @macavitykitsune/@valoniel (Ao3)
39. Share a snippet from a WIP
Her things fall into their designated places and simplicity itself to settle in, insomuch as she can settle alone.The drawers on Dazai’s side are empty, there’s not even a left behind note in the desk or any such sign of life. Concern curls in her gut, furling inward like a storm approaching over water; Dazai wouldn’t be so foolish as to try anything drastic, not without speaking to her, hopefully. That doesn’t mean she’s in a good place. Hell, it’s not like Chuuya’s in the best place either, head still swimming with a lifetime’s overlap of this day, a reverberating cacophony of first words echoing off her skull.
47. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?
Depends what it is! But usually I revise as I go, often doing full edits mid way if I feel stuck, and I always do at least two final reads before posting, and at least one of those will be read out loud!
51. What’s your total AO3 word count?
At the moment, 238,640 but that's going to go up again soon, I have a one shot nearly done, and once it is I'll get back to Tattoo and the probable 10k chapter this is sure to turn into lol
Hiii, I'm starving and craving something sweet (or maybe sour?)... TRICK OR TREAT!
HEHEHEH HI ENE (ㅅ´ ˘ `)
hmmmm let's see, what do i have in my bowl of candy (the real answer is kitkats. exclusively.)
the wonderful wheel of torture i mean Halloween says headcanon so let's go!! i shall be nice and give you treats for this instead of tricks, you're welcome 🙂↕️
Very very soft and domestic SKK Headcanons
Stealing each others clothes!! I can see it, in very subtle ways and perhaps only around their homes. Chuuya especially never goes out wearing Dazai's clothes since he has an image to uphold, but he loves to swipe Dazai's hoodies because he tends to run cold and he claims Dazai's has the good hoodies (they're cheap/worn in, so he kinda does, but they also just smell like Dazai and Chuuya likes it)
This ofc bleeds into Chuuya wearing Dazai's shirts around his apartment. This also is how he slowly forces Dazai to move in with him (Dazai can't find any of his damn clothes anymore cus they're all at Chuuya's place)
Speaking of Chuuya's place, he keeps moving the spare key to new locations because Dazai is a little shit and if he decides that grabbing the key is too boring, he'll instead just choose to pick the lock. So Chuuya moves the key around sometimes to keep in interesting.
(he also slipped a key into Dazai's pocket, but Dazai still wants to play dumb games so they both refuse to acknowledge the show of trust)
When Dazai can't sleep, he will usually stay in the bed with Chuuya and read. Sometimes if Chuuya wakes in the middle of the night (by his body just waking or a nightmare) Dazai will read aloud to him to help him fall back asleep.
Similarly, if Chuuya can't sleep, Dazai will try his best to stay awake with him. It doesn't always work, but he tries to keep talking with him so that Chuuya won't feel so alone. (he doesn't listen to him when Chuuya says that having Dazai beside him, awake or not, is more than enough for him)
okay that's enough for now 🥰🧡 see, i can do soft and sweet, i swear!!
BRAM BRAM HIII, sorry, but it's beyond me not to pick “pipe dream.”
love u!
ENEEEE HI HI of course you would choose that >:33 love you too, i hope you enjoy some calm, quiet yearning <3
This was a pipe dream. A false hope. Something that could never happen, never be.
But…
But Dazai's arm was numb where Chuuya's head rested against it, legs were thrown over his lap, soft breaths being puffed against the bare skin of his neck.
They had been talking. Nothing serious, not really anything at all. Empty words that were meant to fill the silence and to hear each other's voices more than they were meant to say anything at all.
It had been nice. Calm. Dazai's heart beat harder in his chest as Chuuya shifted in his sleep—not away, like Dazai would expect, but closer. Nose pressing in, a content sigh slipping from parted lips.
This wasn't something that Dazai was supposed to have—his arm curled protectively around Chuuya's middle, pulled him in tighter, buried his nose in the crown of his head—but it wasn't something he was capable of letting go of, either.
[ word drabble game! ]
yes im still accepting these, im just getting to them slowly <3
eheheh, deity dazai—or, the fic formerly known as deity dazai, as i have dubbed it now—is an idea i had a while ago while brainstorming pitches for a zine i applied for! (and didn't get into. rip.) but i still LOVED this idea, and so it grew a little bit from the initial silly oneshot it was originally planned as into something a little bigger :3
the idea was essentially that Chuuya would spot one of his exes at the store while he was at his lowest in life—and would, very reasonably, run up to the most attractive person he could immediately see and beg them to pretend to be dating him to make it at least seem like he had a little bit of his shit together.
except that the person he ran up to—and, very importantly and stupidly made a deal with—would be Dazai. Dazai who, unbeknownst to Chuuya, is a kitsune and a god with his own plans and agendas.
theres more to it after that but thats for later i think (≖⩊≖) for now, you can have this little bit from what i wrote of the opening scene <3:
The situation was absolutely dire.
Chuuya eyed the enemy from around the mango stand in front of him. Shirase, completely oblivious, asking some worker for directions probably to the beer or something, and ruining Chuuya's entire week.
Why today? Why here, of all places? There are so many other stores! Why did he have to come to the one store Chuuya liked to frequent when he was at his lowest?!
Freshly broken up with, just trying to get a little bit of food before he holes himself up in his dorm for the rest of the weekend, Chuuya had no energy to deal with an ex from years ago. He hadn't even updated his stupid status to single again! There was no way that Shirase didn't think Chuuya was with someone right now—and he wasn't, but there was no way he could tell Shirase that he just got dumped.
It would ruin everything.
So, as panic set in and Shirase was directed in Chuuya's general direction, a plan formed instantly in his mind. It was a terrible plan that would surely backfire but, well, there was nothing to lose, right?
this whole song UGHHHH MAN it's about being lost and unsure and finding yourself through someone else and im. ENE. ENE I AM SHAKING YOU BY THE SHOULDERS. IF I SAY DAZAI ABOUT CHUUYA DO YOU HEAR ME???
I was one in a hundred billion
A burned out star in a galaxy
Just lost in the sky, wonderin' why
Everyone else shines out but me
ITS SKK ITS A WHOLE SKK SONG ENE IM AAAA.
ok ok hold on lemme breathe i gotta think sorry.
all i am picking up is just introspective of Dazai considering his life. but. perhaps we can lean into that with some domestic SKK as Dazai thinks about how his life has changed since letting Chuuya into it again. maybe even going as far back as their first meeting with this line:
Wanderin' the city street
Another face in the crowd
Head looking down
Lost in the sound of a lonely melody
like. this WAS how they met, in a way, right? Dazai being lonely and wandering Suribachi City when Chuuya crashed into him. and yeah, maybe they weren't together then, but then we lead up into that, into the present with Dazai watching Chuuya around the apartment they both live in, considering how comfortable he is, how safe he feels with Chuuya there beside him. UGH.
I came to life when I first kissed you
The best me has his arms around you
You make me better than I was before
Thank God I'm yours
and. and. and. if i said Dazai realizing he wants Chuuya to come to the light with him? if i said it ends with Dazai realizing how much better he is because of Chuuya and how Chuuya is still alone in the dark despite this? him wanting to get Chuuya out and have him by his side where everyone can see him, can see that Dazai is his? what then. WHAT THEN.
It was in the way that Chuuya danced across the apartment, without a care or thought of the way that Dazai's eyes followed his every move, earbuds playing some rock song that Dazai could hear from his place on the couch as Chuuya picked up stray blankets and swept the floors.
It was in the way that Chuuya would smile when their eyes met, would swoop down and place a kiss on Dazai's head whenever he got close enough, would tug playfully at his hair before he went back to what he was doing.
It was in the way that Chuuya dropped down to lay on the couch once he finished, laying his head on Dazai's lap as he pulled his earbuds out, looking up at Dazai and panting and smiling and so, so bright.
How could Dazai have ever wanted anything more than he wanted this?
I’m here for the ask game hehe, maybe 💞, 🤯 and 🥰???
ENENENE HII
💞 Who's your comfort character?
babe do you even need to ask? 😭 the loml who i love to put through hell and then spoil the fuck out of. the center of my attention every second he is on screen. the one, the only, Chuuya Nakahara.
(there is also Neil from AFTG though <3 i can never forget the OG)
🤯 What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?
:') NSFW. and also action. describing people doing things and being places always makes sense in my head when writing, and then i look back at it like 2 months later and go "this makes 0 sense whatsoever. he put his arm WHERE? he bent HOW? he is sitting in WHAT WAY??" and i feel like i've never tried to write a real action scene, i'm scared atp 😭
🥰 How do you feel about reader interaction? Are you open to receiving questions about your fics?
I LOVE IT
*ahem*
i mean. more calmly. I love reader interaction!! i love when people tell me their thoughts on a story, what they think will happen, pulling together threads or ideas from the fic and going "hey!! this is a thing i noticed!! is it on purpose??"
and i LOVEEE asks!! i'm really. ahem. bad at interacting myself or responding to comments. curse you anxiety. but i will always smile and be giddy over an ask about my fics, and i always do my BEST to respond to them!! because you took the effort of not only reading my fic, but following me to tumblr and sending an ask here!!! that's huge to me and i appreciate it so so much that people care enough to do that.
also i love. i LOVE to yap about my fics. if you get me talking about a fic and i trust you won't get annoyed, i won't shut up. (just ask Momo, who i send random and unprompted PA thoughts to all the time 😭 i sent her a song just this morning)
shamelessly promoting this link which will take you to a doc where you can see synopses of my WIPs (it is a work in progress itself, but a lot of the ideas have their synopsis already - and i would be happy to talk about anything here!)
