knowing that jason isaacs looked so much like lochlan when he was young... timothy having an older male "golden boy" role model he crushes on/lusts after as a boy and learning that he's wrong for it in church... his disdain for saxon stemming from this memory of jumping into lakes at church retreats with this saxon-type as a boy and wanting so badly for something he couldn't name... looking at his son and remembering being young and wild before he learned shame and making sure to instill that in saxon so he never ever strays the way timothy wanted so badly
you have permanently altered my brain chemistry with this headcanon and i will accept it as a fact now!
goooooooooood, just imagine? little timothy and his slightly older friend that he looks up to! sneaking glances while skinny dipping? feeling giddy when that boy laughs? and maybe the feelings are even reciprocated, but the boy disappears before anything can happen? and timothy hears through whispers and gossip that his friend got caught "doing something bad" and now they're setting him straight somewhere else?
and then when saxon grows older, timothy starts to see his long lost friend in saxon's bright laughter and that makes him feel things, things he's long repressed forgotten, things that make him want hate saxon in a way he can't say out loud. so maybe that's when he starts to go harder on him, keeping him at arm's length, always demanding more so that saxon never has a chance of actually reaching him.
also IMAGINE HIM FINDING OUT ABOUT THE INCEST SOMEHOW. the disgust??? the devastation??? the fucking fear that maybe he passed this onto his sons???