shawn had to turn down the acceptance letters from his dream colleges so he could stay close to home and take care of evan
some explanation and crazy brain rambling under the cut (CHAPTER 4 SPOILER HEAVY)
hey anybody wanna talk about shawn and his sacrifice. how evan can’t ever understand because of a combination of him being so young, and shawn never telling him anything. yes, i think shawn shouldn't tell him the details because that's a great way of being a bitch and acting like someone owes you love back, but keeping a secret about his double life and never having proper communication is definitely what’s straining their relationship.
but that’s the thing: shawn cares about evan so much that he inherently becomes suffocating. he doesn’t want anything bad to happen to evan so he parents him way too hard, because he was too young to ever be the sole caretaker in the first place. he just tries to do what he thinks is best for raising evan and in his efforts, was stifling evan.
but that’s the thing AGAIN. evan's able to be annoyed by his lecturing and general overbearingness like a typical teen BECAUSE shawn did so well to let evan live a normal childhood even without parents.
you cant blame evan for blowing up like he did because his anger is justified, and built off the fact that shawn is so afraid of losing his only family left that he really is being irritating, all while demanding the truth from evan that he himself won't divulge.
the ending of chapter four is a long time coming from the way that the both of them refuse to communicate and don’t understand each other at all, because both of them don’t know what they do for each other. shawn only sees evan as a rebellious teen and evan only sees shawn as an annoying 'parent'.
but imagine being shawn in this situation. after everything you've done for the only person left in your life, being told that your best “isn't good enough”. and that despite all the love you poured into your brother, it might not matter in the end anyway because he's going to leave you, and you failed as a brother to give him the kind of love he needs.
evan saying he wishes xvoid was his brother hurts the most, because he doesn't know evan is EX, so all he knows is that he saved evan from falling once. he thinks that evan loves a version of shawn who did the bare minimum of making sure he doesn't die more than he loves shawn himself. and what's that if not a complete and utter failure for shawn?
yeah i've been fucked up about this for the past week how could you tell. haha.
