I'm insecure about this, and I don't like how it turned out, but I spent most of the time I had for drawing with gushing about Sleep Token to my mum's partner. He started to listen to their discography just for me? 🥹
Anyway, this one is for the Vessel people in my phone.
That's the problem with people. If you make them feel Precious, they start acting Pricey .... - @ashwani_x baba 😂😂.. P. S - #BlurBlurBlur #Faded 🎵🎧🎉✌ #peace (at Somewhere Out There)
Hello!! Sorry we haven’t updated for forever, we haven’t been able to see eachother much because of school, but hopefully we’ll be able to get back on track and not leave you hanging for over 3 months ^_^ This chapter was a bit longer because of the big absence AND WE HAVE A VERY SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT THAT WILL BE RELEASED ON OCTOBER 31(Halloween) AND WE HOPE YOU LIKE IIITTT!!! Thank you for reading!!
Landon’s POV:
I made sure to order five tickets to ValleyFair before leaving for Bristi’s house. She had giant bags under her eyes and yawned every so often, it looked like she hadn’t gotten a second of sleep. I didn’t try talking to her too much since she probably would’ve punched me if I made any annoying comments like how she usually did when sleep deprived. We got onto our bikes and pedalled to the stores in silence, Bristi yelling threats at the occasional bird we passed by. I’m pretty sure she’s going crazy, but I didn’t want to get punched so I stayed quiet.
We went to Target. They literally have everything. But after looking through the shelves we noticed that we know nothing about Dan and therefore have nothing to give him.
“We really should’ve asked him what he wanted,” I said to Bristi. She didn’t respond.
“Bristi?”
“Hmmm?”
Her head poked out of a giant pile of pillows for a second before going back in. I could hear snoring coming from the pile.
“Bristi, we only have five minutes left, we have to find something quick.”
“Wake me up at tomorrow aftereveningmorningnight...”
“I have a black sharpie.”
At that she burst out of her improvised pillow bed and quickly ran down the aisle, into a few things here and there, towards the birthday cards while yelling, “Don’t you dare draw a mustache on my face! I’ll go get the present!” making many store employees turn their heads. She grabbed a random card off the closest shelf and a gift card and went towards a checkout line.
“How much this thing cost?” she announced to the empty cash register. I stood back, still in the aisle pretending I didn’t know her, but I still watched her to make sure she didn’t do anything too reckless. A sort of scared looking employee ran towards the empty checkout lane and said something too quiet for me to hear, but it made Bristi say to a unicorn plushie to the right of her, “WELL THEN I GUESS I’LL JUST HAVE TO STEAL THE CARD. ONWARDS UNICORN SERVANT!”
I had to stop her then. Before she could attack the employee or innocent unicorn, I stepped between them and calmly said, “Sorry, my sister--”
“I AM NOT--”
“My sister has been acting a bit crazy. You know puberty and stuff. I’ll pay for the card.”
After I paid, I could’ve sworn that the worker picked up the phone and dialed 911.
“Ok let’s go now sister,” I urged, pulling her behind me.
As soon as we got out of the store, I found the closest water fountain and sprayed water into Bristi’s face to wake her up all the way.
“What the heck? Where am I?”
“Outside,” I slowly answered.
“But I was just sleeping in the pillow fort!”
“Do you really not remember?”
“Remember what?”
“You were sleepwalking, best not to tell you anything that happened or you’ll die of embarrassment.”
“TELL ME.”
“No.”
“I HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW.”
“No.”
“C’MON.”
“No."
"I hate you."
"No."
She kept asking me questions the rest of the bike ride home and every time I only replied with ‘no’. All her craziness had delayed our ride home by ten minutes, and when we reached our street, we could hear Lydia banging on Bristi’s door and yelling, “ARE YOU ALIVE?”
Dan and Phil stood a few feet behind her, looking around to see if anyone was seeing this. I hoped they weren’t forced to stand there for the past ten minutes, I know that I at least would have died of embarrassment in a few seconds. I saved their lives by yelling “Lydia! We’re over here!”
She ran over to us and said to Phil and Dan, “I told you guys they weren’t dead.”
They just looked at her confused and Dan said, “But you were the one who thought that they were dead after the third knock.”
“That doesn’t matter, what matters is that they are not dead, and now we can go to the park and RIDE FREAKING ROLLER COASTERS! I CALL FRONT SEAT!”
“Duh, you’re driving.”
“No, I’m not anymore. Dan’s parents didn’t want a 16 year old driving their kid around so they’re coming too, they’re in the car already waiting for us.”
I can see why, I thought to myself while looking at all the poor mailboxes that had fallen victim to Lydia’s driving. Rest in piece(s).
Bristi said, “But then you can’t sit in the front still, unless his mom sits in the back or something.”
“Ahhhhh I didn’t think about that -- no wait I mean I totally thought of that I was just testing you… on your knowledge -- ok, bye!” she yelled, rushing to the backseat of what I assumed was Dan’s dad’s car since the bumper was covered in various “#1 dad” stickers.
So he was that kind of dad.
The engine of the car revved on and Dan’s parents waved us over to get in the car. We all piled in the backseat of the car, which unfortunately was designed for three people and Lydia didn’t look like she was giving up or sharing her seat anytime soon.
“Ok Landon you’re going in the trunk”, Bristi said shoving me towards the back of the car while yelling to Lydia to save her a seat.
Dan’s mom said, “Oh you don’t have to do that, I’ll just have my sugar-poo sit on the ground by your feet.”
“MOM I AM NOT THAT. TAKE IT BACK, TAKE IT BACK NOW.” Dan yelled at his mom.
“Don’t deny what’s real!” said Phil.
“Wait, what.” Dan said with a look of utter betrayal on his face.
“I said don’t eat a reel. That’s what I said. Exactly. What I said. Very painful, would not recommend.” He said quickly, his face quickly turning a bright red.
After ten minutes of convincing, we got Dan and Phil to sit on the floor so Bristi and I could sit on the seats. They only accepted after his parents offered them three buckets of ice cream. How they are still in shape amazes me.
The drive to Valley Fair was full embarrassing stories about Dan and Phil as children. Like the time Phil thought that his parent’s were going to make his uncle’s dog into hot dogs and locked himself in the bathroom and refused to come out for two hours, or the time Dan cried at the circus when the magician chose him to perform a magic trick with her. With each story, Dan and Phil slowly sank further and further into the car. By the time we got to ValleyFair, Dan and Phil were halfway under the front seats.
As soon as Dan’s mom parked the car, Dan and Phil shot out of the car trying to escape the embarrassment of his parents. We walked to the entrance and right when I was about to pay for all of our tickets, Dan’s Dad stepped in and did instead.
“Thanks, um,” I had forgotten to ask Dan what his last name was, “Mr. Dan’s Dad”
“You can call me Robert.” he said while awkwardly patting my shoulder.
“Hey Bristi want to go on..” my voice faded out as I looked around trying to find out where Lydia and her had went. I spotted her and Lydia running alongside each other towards…. Oh crap. Out of all the rollercoasters here, they just had to pick the worst one:
Wild Thang.
I mean Wild Thing.
100 tons of steel DEATH, rising so high up in the sky I was too lazy to move my neck back to even look at it. The place that has had cars derail off of it (at least according to the Super Gossip News, my fav), and yet people still went on it thinking they were completely safe. Putting yourself in a metal can and hurtling hundred’s of miles towards the sky only to be thrust back down to Earth and back up over and over again is nowhere near safe. I couldn’t believe that Bristi, shy “stick to the rules” Bristi, loved riding roller coasters. Knowing that Bristi and Lydia were going to drag me onto it, I made a run for it and started running towards the calmer side of the park where the food and games were, only to be stopped by Dan and Phil.
“Aren’t you going to go on the roller coasters?” Dan asked, a look of confusion on his face.
“You mean steel death contraptions going over 70 miles per hour while upside down? Yeah, I think I’ll pass,” I said while trying to get away as quick as possible before Lydia and Bristi found me.
My attempts became fruitless when I heard a loud “FOUND HIM” from a voice nearby that sounded exactly like Lydia’s. Soon, I felt two pairs of arms grab my shoulders and drag me towards the direction of my worst nightmares. I tried to plead with Dan and Phil to tell them to let me go, but by the huge grins on their face, I could tell that that was never going to happen.
Minutes felt like hours as they all walked me towards my most certain death and by the time we arrived, the line was fairly long and I prayed to every saint I knew that they would decide to leave and let me be. By the time we were next in line, I knew my plan had failed and I had already written half of my will in the notes on my phone.
Ther roller coaster cart (or what I like to call ‘the cart of death’) wheeled up to us. Two little boys jumped out of the cart and bolted off, probably to get away from the death machine as quick as they could. Smart and Lucky. Much couldn’t be said for me though, as Bristi dragged my limp body towards the seats. As soon as I touched the seat I cringed and tried to get up but the work attendent strapped me down to the seat before I could register what happened and act. I really hoped the little boys had just been in the water park.
As soon as they strapped us on, I clung to the bars like it was the last thing I’d ever do, which was quite possible in this situation. Mr. and Mrs. Howell waved to us as the ride suddenly lurched forwards, it was the last thing I saw before shutting my eyes and awaiting my death. We were tilted backwards, no doubt approaching the top of the hill, and with each small lurch forwards my fear grew tenfold. I was getting closer to Heaven in two ways.
“Come on Landon!” Bristi yelled to me over the noise of all the other passengers whooping, “let go of that bar, it’s much more fun if you can wave your hands in the air.”
“Yeah Landon!” Lydia said, she was in the car directly in front of us, “Stop being such a scaredypants!”
“NEVER!” I yelled back at them, or at least tried, it came out more like a strangled cry.
“Fine then,”Bristi answered. Not even half a second later I felt her hand prying my hand next to hers away from the bar. I tried to keep my grip, but I was so sweaty and shaky she won very quickly. I tried to grab back onto the bar but surprisingly she held onto it even harder than I had held on the bar, preventing me from moving the arm at all.
“W-WHAT THE HECK!?” I yelled. I could hear Lydia giggling.
“Are you dead?” Bristi asked.
“.... not yet.” I answered.
“See? You’re completely fine, now open up your eyes, or your going to miss the view.”
“NEVER!”
“LANDON OPEN YOUR EYES.” she demanded, her grip tightened considerably.
“FINE I WILL.”
So I opened my eyes and time seemed to slow to a snail’s pace. Saying it was a beautiful view was an understatement. The sky was like an endless blue sea, dotted with wispy cotton-candy like clouds here and there. The morning sun wasn’t obscured by any clouds, but still didn’t beat down on us, instead just enveloping us in a warm hug. The screams of people could be heard all around from adjoining rides, but the screams were mixed together with a hint of… laughter? I looked out to the horizon and saw green in every direction. Bright green summer leaves, tall dark pines, and everything in between. I could see most of the park from here. Masses of people funneled through the front gate, the ones already inside running around like children - no matter the age - towards either attractions or games or food.
And the way the light hit her.
With the sun now behind her face, it lit up her usually dark hair and made her look like an angel. She looked straight ahead, brown eyes wide in excitement, and she started to raise her arms (along with mine) up into the air. She looked at me and started to laugh and time raced back up to it’s normal pace.
“Here we go!” She yelled.
“Wait what?!”
My moment of bliss abruptly stopped as our car tipped over the top of the hill and gravity did its work.
“I MOTHERFLUFFING HATE ALL OF YOU!” I screamed, only getting even more screams in response. I felt weightless, like at any moment I could fly right up into the air. The bar, which once was my only safety now felt like my death bringer, as it kept me strapped tight to the metal hunk speeding straight for the Earth. I braced myself for impact, but instead of hitting the cold hard ground, we swooped back up another hill and the terrifying process restarted again and again.
Scream.
Almost die.
Cue Lydia and Dan and Phil and Bristi laughing.
Repeat until end of ride.
I squeezed Bristi’s hand so hard I’m surprised I didn’t break it into pieces, but she didn’t once flinch or lessen her grip either. Although, she did have to get Phil to help her pry my hand from hers and drag me from my seat. I was in too much shock to move. I faintly remember Dan’s Dad asking me how the ride was but I couldn’t answer. Beautifully terrifying are the only words I could describe it as, but I wouldn’t want to ever have to do it again.
******
Seven FREAKING more roller coasters.
All of them I would describe the exact same as I did the first - minus the “beautifully” part. I kept my eyes glued shut the entire time, and no one could convince me otherwise. Each ride Bristi sat right next to me and would offer me her hand. I would always refuse it, but she would insist and I would give in. I have to admit that it made me feel slightly less scared, but I felt horrible after it each time.
By the time we had finished riding all the coasters; the sun had just started to dip into the other half of the sky, (I’m pretty sure) I had broken Bristi’s hand, and Lydia had squealed so much her voice was getting hoarse. We approached the exit, just one more left until freedom. But then we didn’t turn and kept going forwards, forwards towards… of course.
“SECOND ROUND! SECOND ROUND!!” Lydia and Bristi chanted, Dan and Phil joining in.
“NOPE, I RODE EVERY SINGLE ROLLERCOASTER, I’M GOOD FOR THE NEXT CENTURY”
“BUT--” they started before Dan’s mom interrupted and said, “Oh that’s great! You can sit with us while we wait for them to get off. It’ll be so much fun! Go on sugar-poo, don’t let us keep you waiting.”
“DON’T CALL ME THAT” Dan yelled, drawing the attention of those near us, “Anyways I’m leaving now bye!” he said rushed as he hurried off.
“WAIT.” I exclaimed while pulling him back by his hoodie. He very ungracefully fell to the ground and I looked down at him, “What about the presents!”
“OH YES WE MUSTN’T FORGET ABOUT OUR BABIES PRESENTS I HAVE THEM ALL HERE!” his mom squealed while taking out three boxes of presents out of her handbag. Handbag? No those are for hads not shoulders. Shoulderbags? no, that sounds like an insult. Bag? no, that’s too short. Pursebag? Yes. She pulled three boxes out of her pursebag, yeah, that sounds right.
I swear pursebags are actually TARDISes.
“THIS BOXES ARE FROM ME CUZ I LOVE MY BABY TWICE AS MUCH AS YOUR DAD WHO ONLY GOT YOU ONE PRESENT. HA TAKE THAT ROBERT. I WIN THIS YEAR!”
“OH NO JESSICA, NOT THIS TIME!”
“Please kill me now, please. Why you guys do this every year?? Why.” Dan said, turning his head to face us with a pleading look on his face.
“FOR MY GIFT IS MUCH MORE SUPERIOR THAN BOTH OF YOURS COMBINED!”
“OHHHHHHHHHHHH!” yelled Lydia while waving her arms, and then whispering to us, “Which side are you on? I’m team Robert.”
“Ohdeargodno,” Dan said under his breath.
“Definitely Team Jessica! Can you not see the beautiful strategy she has laid out?” Bristi said.
Phil put his hand on Dan’s shoulder and said to him, “I know I’m your friend and I should probably do something to not get you embarassed, buuutttttt I’M LEAVING TO JOIN TEAM ROBERT” He quickly joined Robert’s side.
“Nice to see you chose the WINNING side.” Robert said to Phil, beaming like he was his own son.
Dan turned to me and said, “Just put me out of my misery, JUST DO IT.”
“Uhhhhhhhh,” I said.
Jessica turned to me and said in a scarily quiet voice, “Now, I know you are going to join team Jessica, right?”
I’m fairly sure that with the last word flames leapt from behind her eyes and Bristi started cracking her knuckles without breaking eye contact with me with a ‘you better join team Jessica or else’ look on her face.
“I’m sure he would… IF HE WANTED TO LOSE!” Robert yelled.
“OHHHHHHHHHhhhhhHHHHHHHHH!” Lydia and Phil yelled.
“Uhhh… uuhhh.. uh…. UUUhhhhh h hh h hh h… u… h.. ” I muttered. What was I supposed to do?
“CHOSE MAN, CHOOSE!” Bristi yelled.
“How ‘bout we just open the presents, yes?” I said while slowly taking the presents from the parents and bringing them over to Dan, who muttered, “OhthankyougodTHANKYOUTHANKYOUFORSENDINGTHISANGEL”.
Just before I set the last present from his mom into his arms, Bristi apparently snapped out of the trance she was in and slapped the boxes out of his hands and onto the ground.
“NO, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO OPEN THEM UNTIL LANDON HAS CHOSEN HIS SIDE.”
“THAT’S MY GIRL!” Jessica yelled.
“SHE’S NOT EVEN YOUR DAUGHTER!” Dan yelled back.
“SHE IS IN MY HEART! FAMILY DOESN’T END IN BLOOD DAN! IT DOESN’T!”
I couldn’t handle this anymore, “FOR GOD’S SAKE, FINE, I’LL CHOOSE A SIDE, I CHOOSE TEAM DAN,” I yelled, linking arms with him.
“WAIT I CHOOSE HIS SIDE TOO!” Phil said, stepping towards Dan, but Lydia grabbed his arm and stopped him before he could go any further.
“There’s no going back, you’re staying with team Robert till the end,” she said.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO,” Dan and Phil said.
I needed to put an end to this.
I needed to be the hero.
“HURRY DAN, OPEN THE PRESENTS NOW WHILE I DISTRACT THEM!” I said, flinging myself at the nearest person, who happened to be Bristi. She tried to stand upright but stumbled back into Dan’s mom, who tried to stop herself from falling by holding onto Robert, dragging him down with her to the VILE PITS OF THE UNDERWORLD, *cough* I meant ground, and Lydia and Phil tried catch him but only succeeded in falling down with him. We laid in a tangled mess on the ground, all too shocked to register what just happened. Meanwhile, Dan was furiously ripping the wrapping paper off of his presents.
“...are...are these?.......... flower crowns…..?” He said, holding up two flower crowns, one with white jasmine flowers and the other with daisies. He smiled widely and put the jasmine one on his head and set the daisy flower crown on the table near us.
He picked up the second box and happily shrieked “...BAND FANDOM MERCH!” While holding up a muse t-shirt and a miniature TARDIS figurine.
“YEP I KNOW MY BABY BEST!” Jessica yelled into Bristi’s ear.
“OH, um, UM, god I can’t top that, um, I’M STILL GOING TO WIN JESS,” he yelled.
“I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY.”
“JUST GIVE HIM THE PRESENT ALREADY,” I yelled.
“WELLLLLLL, I can’t GIVE it to you exactly, because…. be….. cause…...IT’S ONLINE, YEAH, IT’S ONLINE…… and what it is, is…. um… OH, IT’S TICKETS TO THE NEXT KANYE WEST CONCERT, YOU LIKE THOSE TYPES OF SONGS RIGHT?”
Dan sat down, jaw wide open, and started to scream incoherently, “OHMYGODOHMYGODASDFGHJKLKANYE, KANYE, ILOV--”
Phil interrupted and said, “Yes, you love Kanye West, we know, you love Kanye West so much, he is the light of your life, you love him so much, you just love Kanye West, we KNOW, you love Kanye West you fucking love Kanye West ok we know, we get it, YOU LOVE KANYE WEST. WE GET IT.”
“OHHHHHH I LOVE THAT MEME!” Lydia yelled, jumping up and down, the only one who somehow was able to get off the ground. I was still pinned under Dan’s dad. But what’s a meme? Is that like a foreign word? Is it a secret code? AM I NOT A PART OF A SECRET GROUP I NEED TO BE IN? IS MEME A CODE WORD FOR SOMETHING? HOW DID LYDIA GET INTO THIS GROUP AND NOT ME? HOW?
“Thanks mum and dad!” Dan said, “also I should probably help you up off the ground.”
After we all brushed ourselves off and were standing on our feet I said, “Oh, so Bristi and I also got you this card.”
I handed it to him and we all watched him open it and read the card aloud, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY--.....Grandpa?”
Crap we must’ve grabbed from the wrong section.
“Uh, it’s because you’re, uh, so, so old…?”
Bristi jabbed her elbow into my side and interjected, “It’s because we think you are already so wise and advanced beyond your years.”
“Uh, thanks?” Dan said, and opened it, horrible 90’s music spilled out: “Oh, a twenty dollar gift card for….. I’ll just put that back into the card. ‘We love you Grandpa! Hope your 90’s are as fun filled as our 90’s!’.... Thanks?” he quickly shut the card, saving our ears from suffering from the music.
“MY TURN MY TURN,” Lydia said, shoving a box into Dan’s arm. He slowly opened it, and I wouldn’t blame him, this was Lydia, the present could be a live cat or chocolate bar or bomb and it wouldn’t surprise me. But what he unwrapped was far, far worse.
The horrible abomination called a ‘selfie stick’.
“I’VE ALWAYS WANTED ONE OF THESE!” Dan yelled.
Lydia turned back to us and mouthed, ‘my present is the best’.
“SO LET’S TAKE A SELFIEEEEEE!” Lydia yelled, already tearing the selfie stick out of it’s box and putting Dan’s phone in from him, “SAY CHEESE!”
“CHEESE!”
The camera flashed and Lydia pulled the phone back down to look at the picture.
Aw my eye is half closed
I look like a dying cow
You were flawless
This flower crown looks even better than I thought
I guess I look sorta good
I’m hungry
“Wait a sec, Phil look at those people back there, they look just like your parents!” Dan said.
“They do!” He gasped, “I BET IT’S THEIR SECRET TWINS!”
We all laughed, but then stopped abruptly as a loud shriek sliced through the air.
I was too busy helping Landon up to stop Lydia from taking Phil away. I could only watch as she ran into my mailbox, Phil's mailbox, Landon's mailbox, and so on until she disappeared around the corner. I hoped that she wouldn't crash into anything else with Phil inside, I didn't want to be sued or anything.
I grabbed hold of Landon's hand and pulled him up to his feet, but as soon as he was up he started to fall back down, so I let him lean on me for support.
After about a minute I asked him, "Can you stand upon your own?"
"Yeah I'm perfectly fine just a bit dizzy, I don't need any help," he said.
"Ok then," I said, stepping to the side. He fell right over, "Liar".
"No, I just tripped on something."
"There is literally nothing you could've tripped on, give up the act it just makes you sound more stupid," I said, "Hey Dan! Can we come in? Landon hit his head and I think he needs some ice. I'm pretty sure he can't walk home and I'm sure as heck not going to carry him all the way down the street to his house, he's way too heavy."
"Hey!" he said, offended.
"It's the truth."
"No, you can't come in. Your friend just kidnapped Phil and my parents are sleeping, they'll kill me if I let in strangers without asking them or waking them up. Plus the first stage of the Blurblurblurs is dizziness so your boyfriend is probably infected so there's no way I'm letting him in."
"SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND" Landon yelled, but Dan didn't look very convinced.
"You do realize the only way to get infected is for someone that's infected to touch you, and as far as I know, there are no infected people in America, now let us in before my regular and not at all romantic friend barfs on your porch," I said, hoping he let us in soon before I dropped him and he got even more injured, but Dan stayed silent.
"....fine, we'll give you the rest of the cookies Lydia didn't take."
"Come in, but be quiet, I don't want to have to explain to my parents why I have two random people in my house at 10:30."
"Oh," I said before we stepped inside, "and my name is Bristi, and this is Landon."
"I'm Dan."
I dragged Landon into the house and set him down on the living room couch. I went with Dan to go get him a bag of ice to put on his head. Then, once Landon had gotten the ice and he felt a bit better, Dan and I sat down on the couch next to Landon and started talking.
Dan spoke up first and asked, "So, what happened to Phil now?"
"Oh yeah," I said, "Lydia does that sometimes, 'surprise dates' is what she calls them. You should probably call him and make sure he's ok, she's a horrible driver if you couldn't tell from the multiple broken mailboxes."
"Yeahhhhhhh," said Landon, "One time she even ran into the neighbor's front door, which is one of the few reasons the Anderson's put this house up for sale. Phil would be lucky to not have any injuries by now."
By the time Landon had finished, Dan had already gotten out his cell phone and was dialling Phil's number. He put the phone up to his ear and after a couple of seconds he yelled, "ARE YOU OKAY, DID SHE KILL YOU YET?"
So much for trying to be quiet. Another pause of silence came and then he yelled again, "ARE YOU SURE YOU AREN'T IN HEAVEN?..............So you're okay?.........................Bye"
He put the phone back into his pocket and looked relieved.
We sat there in a sort of awkward silence until Landon spoke up and asked Dan, "So, why did you move here?"
"Well, Phil and I used to live next to each other in London. Phil was the first one to encounter a Blurblurblur infected man in England and as soon he told me, I told my parents who told Phil's parents and we decided to move before we got infected too. We moved right in time before England was quarantined."
"But why Minnesota?"
"Why not?"
"Well I mean you could've chosen anywhere, but Minnesota? C'mon, you should've thought of going someplace like New York."
Before Dan could answer I said, "Stop annoying him Landon, do u really think that a -no offense- little boy chooses where his whole family moves? No, the adults do."
"....I'm not little"
"Wellll you kind of are, you're twelve, right?"
"I'm fourteen. Tomorrow I'm fifteen."
"Oh. Well..... You look young for your age?" I said, trying to think up of a way to make it sound like a good thing, but failing miserably. There was a bit of awkward silence.
"HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY DAN!" Landon yelled to shift the attention to himself, "You know, you just moved in so you probably don't have that many friends yet so we're going to throw you a party."
"We are?" I asked, he started to nod, "Oh, yeah, yeah we are!"
"Yeah, you know that amusement park the uh, Valleyfair. It has the most amazing rides," he said, "We could pay for you and if you want, your brother, Phil, too."
"Um he's not my brother he's my friend." Dan said at the same time I asked, " Wait, 'we' are paying?"
"Yes Bristi, we are, " he said, "and I'm feeling way better now, thanks for the ice, so we should probably leave. We'll come pick you guys up at 9:00 tomorrow morning."
I helped Landon get up to the door and we waved goodbye to Dan when Lydia came speeding down the street. She slammed on the brakes last minute but still ended up halfway in the lawn and halfway in the driveway and also somehow sideways. Phil stumbled out and yelled, "Thank god I'm not dead."
Dan rushed to the car, completely passed Phil, and pulled a batch of cookies out of the car and announced, "YES, THEY'RE SAFE AND STILL PERFECT."
He stuffed some cookies into his mouth and then ran inside.
"Thanks Lydia for not crashing," Phil said, "but maybe you should work on avoiding mailboxes. Anyways, that was a lovely trip but I've got to go make sure Dan doesn't eat all the cookies without me, I'll see you later."
He walked off inside after Dan and as soon as he shut the door behind him Lydia said excitedly, "I soooo ship them, I'll call it 'Dil'"
"Why?" I asked.
"Why what?"
"Why do you even ship them, you haven't known them longer for an hour yet. And what happened to your major crush on Phil?"
"Wellll, he said the only important thing that happened in his life was meeting Dan and he said his favorite animal is a manly dinosaur and Dan was just wearing dinosaur footie pajamas and EEEEEEEEEE IT'S SO CUTE THEY ARE SOULMATES." Lydia exclaimed, jumping up and down in excitement.
"IKR THEY ARE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER!" Landon screeched.
"I guess they look cute together" I said.
"COME ON BRISTI! IMAGINE THAT THEY'RE YOUR FAVORITE COUPLE IN THAT BOOK YOU JUST READ!"
"Oh. my. god. That is PERFECT! THEY EVEN LOOK AND ACT LIKE JIMMY AND TINA EXCEPT ONE IS A DUDE, THEY'RE BOTH DUDES THAT MAKES IT EVEN CUTER!"
"WE NEED THEM TO GET TOGETHER!" Lydia yelled.
"SHHHHHHHH THEY MIGHT HEAR US." Landon yelled even louder.
"Fine we need a code name of this." Lydia *tried* to whisper.
"It's going to be called the Operation Dill." I said.
Landon asked, "Isn't that a pickle?"
"Ok, then Operation Pickle."
"Pickle rhymes with tickle so it should be operation tickle!"
"No" Landon and I said at the same time.
"You don't have to be so harsh." Lydia said quietly, but quickly perked up and said, "I have tons of books on how to get couples together that we can use."
"Why do you even have a book, no books, about that?" Bristi asked.
"Because, have you seen those two stray cats that pass by here? They're like, the PERFECT couple!" She said frantically, obviously trying to keep something from us.
"Ohhhh, would you look at the time, it's almost dinner time, I should probably go home and help my mom cook dinner!" She said, glancing at her imaginary watch and running to her house quickly.
"Do you think she realizes that it's 11:00 at night?" Landon asked me.
"She's obviously lying but I'm too tired to care, see you tomorrow. Come to my house an hour early and we'll go get him a present before leaving." I started to walk back when Landon suggested, "Goodbye hug?"
I walked back and gave him a quick hug before leaving but I noticed a flash of light come from a bush by Lydia's house. I looked back to ask Landon if he had seen it too but he was already shutting his door.
I went to go investigate the flash before I went inside. Making sure no one was watching me looking at bushes in the middle of the night, slowly and I cautiously made my way through Lydia's lawn towards the bush. A sudden rustle that came from within it startled me and I ran forwards to see if what was in it had gotten way. Unfortunately for me, a giant beetle had been flying in the opposite direction and just so happened to be at eye level with me.
It took a few minutes before my mom had to come outside and finally calm me down enough to finish screaming.
I ran up to my room as fast as I could and locked the door to make sure no beetles visited me in my sleep.
I laid in bed for an hour or two but couldn't sleep, anytime I closed my eyes all I could think of were beetles. I looked over to my clock which read 1:48 am. Well if it was this late already, I probably wasn't going to get much sleep anyways, so I logged onto tumblr and scrolled through my feed. It was mostly stuff I'd already seen before and I soon got bored. I tried to lie down and sleep again but when my head hit the pillow, I heard birds chirping outside my window.
"STOP SINGING, YOU AREN'T GOING TO GET ANY MATES AT 5 AM. WHY YOU ASK? BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL FREAKING SLEEPING!"
Then I threw my pillow at my window, but then I didn't have a pillow anymore and I accidentally broke the blinds. What a great way to start my day. And now the sun was pouring through the window right into my eyes.
"GO THE FRICK TO SLEEP SUN NO ONE LIKES YOU."
I tried to turn around and close my eyes but my head was so uncomfortable without a pillow and the sun was starting to make my room unbearably hot. I would've gone to get my parents or close the curtains in front of the window but I was way too lazy tired to get up. So I just sat there in agony for the next two hours until I decided to get up.
I didn't bother getting dressed into some regular clothes and just went straight downstairs for food. Once I poured my cereal, I turned on the T.V and watched some Doctor who but right when I was sure the Doctor and River were gonna kiss, the news station interrupted it.
DUN DUN DUN BREAKING NEWS
"C'MON GUYS THIS IS THE SECOND TIME YOU'VE INTERRUPTED MY SHOW!"
"BRISTI SHUSH I'M TRYING TO SLEEP," my mom yelled from upstairs.
"WELL I'M TRYING TO WATCH DOCTOR WHO, LOOKS LIKE WE BOTH AREN'T GETTING WHAT WE WANT."
"I CAN'T HEAR YOU. WHAAAAAAT?"
"JUST NEVERMIND," I yelled, just the news lady started talking about her 'oh so important breaking news.'
I tried to change the channel but the exact same thing was on every single one but with a different person. I was too tired to care about the Blurblurblurs and ready to throw the T.V out the window when something she said piqued my interest.
"The blurblurblurs have spread across most of Canada, we strongly advise anyone living in the southern parts of Canada or Northern parts of America evacuate immediately. The president of the United States has put our countries finest to work at protecting the border."
"Well crap, I really hope that this is an April Fools Joke, 'cuz I am not letting anything ruin Dan's birthday today."
I'm pretty sure I just got kidnapped by a psychopath. Well, isn't that just a perfect way to start my weekend. At least I have these cookies. Just I was about to take a bite of one, the car lurched forward and hit a mailbox, and then another mailbox, and then another one, then a trash can, and then another freaking mailbox.
"WHERE ARE YOU EVEN TAKING ME," I yelled at the blonde psychopath, or as she likes to be called, 'Lydia'.
"TO A PARK, I'VE HEARD THOSE ARE REALLY ROMANTIC," She yelled back, making me very confused as to why she was suddenly trying to be romantic when she just basically kidnapped me and drove into multiple mailboxes.
Just as I was about to question if she has ever even driven before, we drove out of the neighborhood, and she was actually driving fairly good.
"So," She said, going from crazy to chill in ten seconds, "What brings you to Minnesota?"
"Isn't it kind of obvious?" I replied, "I thought everyone knew of the Blurblurblurs reaching England by now, considering it's already been a few weeks since the first outbreak."
"But aren't the blurblurblurs are just a joke?"
"Are you still going on about that?" I asked her, "I thought I told you that April was two months ago."
"I won't believe it until I see it, now back to your story," She said while she finally pulled into a little parking lot, where a little park with swings and benches everywhere came into view.
"MADNESSSSS IS SWALLOWING ME WHOLEEE I HAVE FINALLY SEEN THE SEEN THE LIIIIGHT" My phone blared loudly, making both me and Lydia jump. I gave Lydia the 'one minute' sign and answered my phone.
"Hellooo?" I asked into my phone.
"ARE YOU OKAY, DID SHE KILL YOU YET?" I heard Dan say from the other line.
"No... She's actually surprisingly good at driving... Well, except for those mailboxes."
"ARE YOU SURE YOU AREN'T IN HEAVEN?" Dan, yelled back, obviously still paranoid about me being in the same car as a crazy kidnapper.
"Yes Dan, I'm pretty sure I'd be aware of me going to heaven."
"... So you're okay?" He asked, my last statement making him calm down drastically.
"Yes, I'll see you later tonight with some leftover cookies," I said, looking over at Lydia, who was already at the swings waiting for me, "I gotta go, bye Dan!" I said, waiting for his bye before hanging up.
I jogged up to the swings and sat next to Lydia, kicking my feet lightly to start swinging.
"So, do you like girls? 'Cuz I'm one." she asked while winking really dramatically.
"I prefer dinosaurs."
"Lady dinosaurs, right?"
"I like manly dinosaurs."
"Oh ok," she said, looking slightly disappointed.
"Oh, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."
"SO YOU DO LIKE ME!" she said, hugging me.
"Well, yeah, but as a friend." I said while shaking her off.
She still looked slightly disappointed, but was cheered up a bit by me calling her my friend.
"So, since I'm your friend, I think I should learn a bit more about you." She said.
"What do you want to know?" I asked, trying to think of things to tell her.
"I dunno, all the important stuff I guess," She said casually while shrugging her shoulders.
"Well, I was born in Northern England and Dan and I grew up as neighbors, so we were best friends almost instantly, even though he's two years younger than me. I ate a crayon once, if you want to hear that story."
"Ya know what, I think I'm good" She said, scrunching up her face at the thought of eating a crayon.
"How about the time I beat up a shark?" I said.
"Ooooh that seems interesting, TELL ME NOW."
"Well, just a few minor details, it might have been a toy shark, and it might have been in a dream I had last week, but anyways, I was in a flying boat that was heading to Antarctica to defeat the emperor penguin, Mr. Pillow, and then his minion, the princess sha-"
"How about you talk about something else," She said, interrupting my story of my amazing dream.
"A couple weeks back, when I was going to meet Dan at a park, I saw someone with the Blurblurblurs spasming on the sidewalk in front of me, which is part of the reason why we moved here, and why Dan is so paranoid about it." I said.
"Wait, so you're telling me you moved continents, just because of some April fool's joke‽" She asked, seeming genuinely confused like she seriously thought it was an April fool's joke.
"I'm not sure if you're being serious or not, so I'm just going to act like you're joking."
"I'm being completely serious, I could've sworn I saw Johnny Depp in the crowds of Japan on the news. It's just a big joke a bunch of actors pulled off."
"Coming from someone who is a eye witness of the blublurblurs, it is not an April fool's joke, it's totally real."
"And how do I know you're not being paid to say that," She said, an inquiring look on her face.
"Because I can't lie for my life."
"How do I know you're not lying right now?"
"Did you just hear what I just said‽"
"SHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. But I'll still listen to your fantasies."
"Okay then, maybe by the end you'll believe me. So I'm walking outside my house and to the park when I turn the corner and see this guy just on the ground spasming around, honestly it looked like a real life video game glitch. So I rung up the ambulance and when they came they were like 'BLOODY HELL IT'S ONE OF THOSE INFECTED PEOPLE' and just drove off. I was going to bend over and help the poor man up, but he had this crazy look on his face and I was like 'AHH' so I just waited there for the ambulance to come back but instead these black vans do, and out come these other men in full body suits and then they grab the crazy man and just chuck him into the van and then drove off like nothing happened. A few days later I was watching the telly when I saw closer photos of the blurblurblurred people and noticed they looked exactly the same as the crazy man. So, yep. That's how I met an infected person."
"That seems intense."
"It was mostly just really confusing and weird, like imagine finding a crazy man when you're expecting to find your best friend."
"Oh that reminds me, one time I was walking down to the store with Landon to meet up with Bristi but then a weird dude was there instead and we couldn't find her, but she was actually just in the bathroom, but enough about me, TELL ME EVERYTHING ELSE YOU HAVEN'T SAID YET ABOUT YOU."
"Well, I was born on January 30th, 1987 in Rawtenstall, Lancashire. And then nothing else really happened for the next nine years until Dan moved in next door and we immediately became best mates."
"..."
"..."
"...that's it? But you already said all of that."
"Well yeah, that's the only two interesting things that happened in my life."
"That's not very much."
"Tell me about your oh-so-interesting life then."
"Well, I was born in a hospital waiting room at 1:34 am on a rainy Sunday night-"
"Don't you mean morning?"
"NIGHT, on April 18, 1999. I WAS A BEAUTIFUL BABY WITH A CUTE FACE AND ALL THE NURSES LOVED ME THE MOSTEST."
"Oh, here we go," I said exasperatedly.
"I grew up to become an even more beautiful girl with long, flowing, perfectly straight blonde hair and a perfect body that everyone wants to date, so WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?"
"Well I'm already outside with you, if you couldn't tell."
"No I meant like on a date."
"It is! It's June 10!"
"NO, I MEAN, LIKE, JUST KISS ME YOU FOOL," she shouted while she leaned forwards, lips puckered, but I guess she forgot she was on a swing, since she just fell forwards onto her face.
"Ohmygod are you alright?" I asked
"No, I think I broke my face or something, you should kiss it to make it feel better."
"Not doing that."
I grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet.
"Why not?" she pouted.
I didn't want to hurt her feelings by saying no, so I came up with the quickest lie I could think of.
"I HAVE PHOBIA OF KISSING," I blurted out, immediately mentally face palming at my terrible lie.
"Wellllll, I'll help you overcome that fear!"
"O-o-o-ok but I'd rather not right now. Besides, now your face has some dirt and stuff on it."
Then she screamed so loud I'm pretty sure my friends still stuck in London heard it.
"What's wrong?" I asked after the ringing in my ears stopped.
"THERE. IS. DIRT. ON. MY. FACE."
"...and?"
"I PROBABLY LOOK HIDEOUS RIGHT NOW, I'LL HAVE TO GO INTO HIDING AND CHANGE MY IDENTITY AND NAME, EVERYONE WILL CALL ME 'UGLY LYDIA' AND MY LIFE WILL BE RUINED"
"It's ok, it's just a litt-"
"NO NO NOPITY NOPE I AM GOING HOME RIGHT NOW BEFORE ANYONE CAN SEE THIS."
She ran off to her car and started the engine.
"Wait a second, don't leave me behind!" I called after her, barely closing the door before she sped off to her house.
"You're acting like you just got infected with the blurblurblurs."
"Ha, that's immpossible, it's just an April Fool's Joke."
"Jeez you don't have to yell," I said back. I checked the rearview mirrors and saw the cars behind us.
"WELL IF YOU DON'T THEY'LL GET US. SERIOUSLY LYDIA, DID YOU THINK RUNNING INTO THE KITCHEN AND GRABBING A BUNCH OFF STEAK OFF THE GRILL WAS A GOOD IDEA."
"But it tasted so good and I wanted more without the whole paying money part."
"Well," Bristi butted in, "If you wanted to do that you could've at least not dropped all the steak on the way out."
"Sorry, it was hot and covered in sauce."
"JUST STOP ARGUING AND CONCENTRATE ON NOT RUNNING INTO ANYTHING ELSE."
"Fine."
I drove back and forth weaving between cars and occasionally hitting every trash can I saw. Landon was watching behind us and checking if our pursuers were getting closer or not while Bristi sat shotgun and yelled at me which direction to turn. She mostly said 'left! no no the other right!'. By the time we finally outran (or is it outdrove? I suck at words) them Bristi had lost a lot of her voice.
"Finally," she said, "That took like a half hour and it's already— AH CRAP THE MOVIE STARTED. DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE!"
"NO I NEED TO SEE MY BEAUTIFUL BABY FIGHT MY OTHER BEAUTIFUL BABY" I yelled, slamming the accelerator and speeding off once again.
Once we got to the theater- fairly quickly because of my amazing driving skills- we got popcorn and rushed into our seat. We were half an hour late. The movie was already playing, and I had no clue what the heck was happening.
"Is that supposed to be Thalia!?" I heard Brandon whisper shout to Bristi.
"They got her sooo wrong!"
"What! She's acting like Percy's best friend! and NO why is Nico the one falling of the cliff with the manticore! That's supposed to be Annabeth"
"SHHH my baby Lerman is beating up my baby Chris and looks sooo hot."
But they kept talking the whole movie and raising their voices little by little until they were yelling at the screen to the annoyance of everyone in the theater. They, along with me, tried to shush them, but I guess they tuned us out or something. One man got so mad he stormed out of the theater only to proudly march back in with a a very fancily dressed man. The fancy man walked up to our row and said to Landon and Bristi - who were still yelling -
"Excuse me sir and madam, but as you've been a disturbance to the other moviegoers we have no choice but—"
"AND WHY IS JASON THE ONE HOLDING UP THE SKY HE ISN'T EVEN IN THIS SERIES"
"Excuse me but"
"AND ATLAS HELPING ZOE DEFEAT KRONOS?? WHAT EVEN—"
"EXCUSE ME." that got them quiet "I must remove you from this theater unless you get qui—"
"OH AND LOOK THERE'S RACHEL WITH ORACLE POWERS. JUST WHY W—"
"THATS IT LETS GO"He grabbed them by the hair and dragged them out of the theater.
On the way out Landon was tripped by 'accident' six times and Bristi 'accidentally' got soda spilled onto her, but neither of them noticed, they were too busy yelling. "BUT WE AREN'T DONE RANTING" were the last words they said before the theater door slammed shut behind them. Everyone let out a sigh of relief and resumed watching.
The movie shortly ended and I ran outside to meet Landon and Bristi. The first thing I noticed was Landon's jacket on Bristi, the sleeves slightly too long and covering up her hands, and Landon to the side talking to her about the movie, sometimes both of them finishing each others sentences. You see this is why they're my OTP. I stood off to the side and just watched them talk, hoping to see Landon sneak in a kiss. He had just finished a long rant and Bristi patted him in the shoulder and said "I have taught you well."
OH MY GOSH SHE TOUCHED HIS SHOULDER. PHYSICAL CONTACT BETWEEN MY SHIP. THE SHIP IS BEING BUILT I thought to myself, shaking in anticipation. JUST LEAN IN A BIT CLOSER...
RING RING RING RING YOU GOTTA PHONE CALL! Ra RA Ra RA RING, dING!
I really needed to change my phone ringtone, I made that one with Bristi in third grade and she instantly noticed it. She whipped around and saw me hiding behind the bush frantically trying to silence my phone.
"One, why the heck are you in a bush, two, how long have you been in the bush?" Bristi asked me.
"Ummmm I... DROPPED MY PHONE IN THE BUSH! OH, LOOK AT THAT I FOUND IT HAHA! LET'S GET IN THE CAR NOW!" I said as I rushed to the car and practically launched myself into the driver's seat.
When Bristi and Landon reluctantly got into the car, I sped off, maybe hitting a few curbs on the way out.
"I have no clue how we haven't died yet." Bristi said, hanging onto Landon again so she doesn't fall over.
"Yeah, usually by now we'd be flipped over, waiting for an ambulance."
"THAT WAS ONE TIME." I declared, looking over my shoulder to glare at Landon, which probably wasn't the best idea, considering it made me swerve the car into another lane, making a bunch of different cars hoot at us.
"WOAH, EYES ON THE ROAD!" Landon and Bristi yelled at me.
"I can't do that! I can't take my eyes out!" I yelled back.
"YOU KNOW WHAT WE MEAN!"
RING RING RING RING YOU GOTTA PHONE CALL! Ra RA Ra RA RING, dING!
"Ooo phone call!" I said, grabbing my phone and answering it.
"YOU CAN'T EVEN DRIVE WITH FULL CONCENTRATION ON THE ROAD, MUCH LESS WHILE YOU'RE ON THE PHONE."
"Hello?"
"Hi honey! How was the movie?"
"Good. Oh there's was this giant explosion that went like WHOOOSH" I put up my hands and imitated the explosion like as if my mom was there.
"LYDIA. KEEP YOUR HANDS ON THE STEERING WHEEL," Bristi said. When I didn't, she put her hands on the steering wheel instead and tried to steer while I talked on the phone, she's such a good friend! Landon sat in the backseat just repeating "I'M GONNA DIE, I'M GONNA DIE, I'M GONNA DIE"
"Hey sweetie, what's all that yelling in the background? You aren't at a party, right?"
"No I'm in the car. I was driving earlier, but Bristi took over."
"That's nice."
"I'M ONLY STEERING LYDIA, I'M NOT IN CONTROL OF THE ACCELERATOR SO DONT TAKE YOUR FOOT OFF THAT PEDAL."
"So those two houses next door that have been on sale for the past three months? A pair of young boys just moved in there. You should show them around, and I just made these welcome to this neighborhood cookies that you should bring over to them!"
"WHAT ARE THE BOYS CUTE? HOW OLD ARE THEY WHAT IS THEIR RELATIONSHIP STATUS? W—"
Landon snatched the phone out of my hand and hung it up:"NO TALKING AND DRIVING"
"Don't you mean no texting?"
"FOR YOU IT'S BOTH"
"SHHHHHHHHHHHH, I GOT THIS," I replied, almost crashing into my neighbor's mailbox, again. After ten minutes of failing to pull into Bristi's driveway, I just gave up and parked in front of her yard. I ran out the door of the car, completely ignoring Landon and Bristi trying to run after me, and ran to my house- which was right next door.
"MOMMMMM I'M HOME, NOW WHERE ARE THOSE BOYS!" I yelled out, wanting to meet them as fast as I could.
"Wait, what boys?" Landon asked, Bristi right beside him still trying to catch her breath.
"My mom called me saying that there were some boys moving in down the street, AND I ALREADY CALLED DIBS ON THE HOT ONE!" I said while my mom finally came downstairs to tell us where the new boys were at.
"They're moving in where the Anderson's used to live, I think their names are Dan and Phil, and here," my mom said while handing me a plate of cookies, "give this to their families."
"OK BYE" I ran out the door to the Anderson's old house and banged on their door.
"HELLO I'M YOUR NEIGHBOR WANT TO DATE— *COUGH COUGH* I MEAN EAT THESE COOKIES."
I waited for a few seconds before I heard a slow and sluggish pair of footsteps trudge down the stairs and the click of the door unlock. When the door slowly opened I almost exploded from the amount of cuteness in front of me. First of all, he was around my age. Second, he was wearing the cutest lion onesie with a tiny tail and a bright orange mane. I looked at his face and that's what did it. His black hair was tousled like he'd just gotten out of bed, and his eyes were like a kaleidoscope of dazzling blue and gold crystals hidden behind a pair of nerdy black glasses (that made him even cuter). I fell for him that instant.
He yawned and said, "Oh, hi there." [OH MY GOD HE'S BRITISH] "Who are— ooo you have cookies!"
"Cookies?" a voice from inside called out. A head peeked out from the room at the top of the stairs. For some reason, it was a boy about Bristi's age wearing a doctor's mask with cat whiskers drawn onto them. But he was still cute too. He had brown straight hair pushed into a side fringe, and had warm brown eyes that matched his hair.
"Can you bring me some cookies, Phil?" the boy upstairs asked.
"Only if you come down here."
"BUT WHAT IF ONE OF THEM HAS THE BLURBLURBLURS?"
"Dan, if one of them did I would've caught it too by now and the cookies would have the germs in them and look - excuse me"
He ate a cookie off the plate and forgot a piece of melted chocolate chip on his lip.
"NOOOO PHIL DON'T DIE ON ME"
"Dan. They. aren't. even. deadly." He said in between bites.
"NOT RISKING ANYTHING" Dan said backing back into the room while spraying febreeze all over the place and shutting the door.
He turned to me and said, "Sorry about that, that was my friend Dan, he's sorta extra extra antisocial since the blurblurblurs started spreading. I'm Phil, I just moved here earlier if you can't tell" he gestured towards the boxes littered around inside "So what's your guys' names?"
Landon held out his hand for Phil to shake: "I—"
I wasn't going to have Landon say something first, then they'd get a bromance and I wouldn't be able to get Phil to date me. So, I did the most reasonable thing. I smacked Landon's hand out of the way, then pushed him out of the way into the ground.
"MOTHERFLUFFING AGAIN WITH THE GROUND AND MY FOREHEAD I HATE YOU GROUND."
"Ohmygod is he o—"
I thrust out my hand for Phil to shake instead: "HI IM LYDIA YOUR NEW NEIGHBOR DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO HIM HE'S A FOOTBALL PLAYER, THIS HAPPENS ALLLLL THE TIME I HAVE COOKIES OH WAIT YOU ALREADY KNEW THAT BUT HAVE SOME MORE." I put the plate in his hands "ALSO DO YOU I might let the other one come too WANT TO COME OVER TO MY HOUSE TOMORROW AND AND ERMMM I CAN DRIVE YOU AROUND THE CITY AND SHOW YOU AROUND!"
"That sounds great actually! DAN DID YOU HEAR THAT?"
"NOPE NOT GOING I DON'T WANT TO DIE""Come on Dan you aren't going to die"
Landon said, "DON'T GO SHE'S CRAZY."
"NO I'M NOT I SWEAR, I'LL SHOW YOU RIGHT NOW"
I grabbed his hand and brought him to the car while he protested with "But I'm still wearing my footie pyjamas"
"COOLIO, LET'S GO NOW"Before Bristi, Landon, and Dan could overcome their shock, I had already ran into a couple mailboxes and sped out the neighborhood.
"But wait, what about Dan, he's scared to death of the outside world ever since he heard about the blurblurblurs!"
"Wait you're in on the joke too?"
"What joke?"
"You knoooow, the April Fool's joke."
"Um, it's June...? I'm pretty sure it's not an April Fool's Joke."
Finally we're done, I thought. My friends and I raced each other to the locker room, bumping and jostling around with each other. Our team, of course, won. I yanked the door open and over to my locker, quickly changing out.
"Dude what's the hurry?" asked Caden - our new cornerback.
"Oh I just felt like it," I said hoping he wouldn't see my face blush strawberry red.
"Riiiight," he replied and he walked away towards the ice baths.
As soon as I pulled my shirt on I flew out the door and climbed onto my bike. I pedaled at full speed to her house. The wind whipped through my hair, messing it up but I didn't really care, they would kill me if I was late. So, I pedaled harder and faster, a little too much faster. So fast I didn't have time to stop and I biked straight into a trash can. I was thrown from the seat and flipped over the handlebars.
"MOTHERFLUFFER!" I screamed as I landed on my stomach on the grass, most of me anyways, my forehead banged right into the curb. I felt my forehead and saw that I was bleeding. I also looked at my watch and saw it was 5:15, I was already 15 minutes late. I jumped right back up onto my bike and started to pedal again. I probably should've gone straight to a hospital or something but if I was any later I would probably get hurt way worse than this.
When I arrived I saw Bristi and Lydia, arms crossed, on the porch waiting for me. I checked my watch 5:30. Crap they were going to kill me.
"Took you long enough," Lydia said, "We've been waiting for like half an hour."
"Why is your forehead bleeding?" Bristi asked with concern written on her face.
"Uhhhhh" I said nervously, "It's not blood, it's ketchup! It's not my fault that the ketchup dispenser went all crazy at McDonalds."
"WAIT YOU ALREADY ATE I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING OUT TO DINNER TOGETHER." yelled Bristi.
"Did you bring me some fries?!" Lydia asked while looking at my bike to see if I brought her any.
Pointing to Lydia I said, "No," and then to Bristi, "I can probably still eat a horse."
"Of course you can, you're always hungry. But don't expect me to pay for your second dinner. Let's go already, I'm starving. You're so late we can't bike there anymore or we'll get there way past our reservation time. I'm afraid we're going to have to have Lydia drive us."
"YAYYYY I GET TO DRIVEEEEEE" yelled Lydia, "I NEVER DRIVE WITH PEOPLE, THEY'RE ALWAYS SCARED I'LL CRASH INTO THAT HOUSE."
"Yeah, because you already have." Bristi retorted.
"To be fair, it was only the porch."
"Yeah, and the mailbox, and the fence, and you even went through the front door," I told her.
"let's just forget about that," Lydia said, while dragging Bristi and I into her car.
"NO NO NOPITY NOPE NOPE NOPE," Bristi said, trying to get out of the car.
"YES YES YESSITY YES YES YES," Lydia said, locking the door as she made her way to the driver's side.
"THIS CAN BE CONSIDERED AS KIDNAPPING," I yelled at her.
"JUST SHUT UP AND LET ME DRIVE," she said, stomping in anger on the accelerator running into the mailbox.
"THIS IS WHY WE NEVER LET YOU DRIVE" Bristi yelled at Lydia, "WE HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN IN THE CAR FOR TEN SECONDS AND YOU'VE ALREADY CRASHED."
"LALALLALALLALAALLALALALLLA" Lydia said, turning up the music all the way.
The rest of the ride Bristi and I hung to each other for dear life. The car jerked back and forth as Lydia would go full speed and slam the brakes. She also made a lot of wrong turns and a lot of sharp U-turns, throwing Bristi and I back and forth. I prayed to God that I wouldn't die. Also I'm pretty sure that Lydia had the crazy look in her eyes when she kept looking at us in the rearview mirror and smiling way too much. When she looked at us she kept saying three words but the music was so loud I couldn't tell what it was.
It seemed forever until the car finally came to a stop outside the restaurant. Bristi and I basically lunged at the car doors and sprinted away from the car before Lydia could force us back in.
"FREEDOMMM! WE SURVIVED!" we yelled in unision, creeping out a few other people and making mothers pull their children away. I saw one of them pull a small spray bottle out of their purse: pepper spray. She led her children and husband away while staring right into my eyes and doing the 'I'm watching you' gesture and briskly walking into her car - the whole time without breaking eye contact - and sped off.
"That's weird, BUT I DON'T CARE LET'S GO SHOVEL FOOD INTO OUR FACES," I, stomach growling in agreement, yelled.
"You're really hungry for a person who just ate."
In truth I hadn't eaten since breakfast, but I was too embarrassed to tell her about the crash.
"I HAVE AN AMAZING METABOLISM. DEAL WITH IT." I said pushing my way into the restaurant.
As I pushed open the doors I felt a tug at the back of my shirt collar and Lydia pulled my back outside.
"Do you seriously think you should walk inside with blood all over your face?"
"ITS KETCHUP"
"UH HUH YOU TOTALLY GOT KETCHUP ONLY ON YOUR FOREHEAD, I'M THE MASTER OF ACCIDENTS AND EVEN THAT'S NEVER HAPPENED TO ME. NOW COME HERE."
She shoved a wet wipe into my face and scrubbed away all the 'ketchup'. When she was done, Bristi slapped a band-aid onto my forehead.
"You would think, after getting straight A's, you would be smart enough to know the difference between blood and ketchup." Bristi said while opening the doors to the restaurant. We walked in, and we finally sat down at our table, nearly thirty minutes late to our reservation.
After we got our drinks and ordered our food, one of the TVs on the wall of the restaurant- that was playing peaceful music- turned on, and the news came on, "BREAKING NEWS" displayed at the bottom of the screen.
"The blurblurblurs have spread across most of Asia," the newslady announced, making everyone in the building gasp, "Asia has gone on lockdown and ceased all sea trade and air travel. All people that have entered Asia and/or come into contact with anyone that has been there, in the last month is required to go to the nearest hospital to be checked if they carry any trace amounts of the blurblurblur disease."
Several people in the restaurant hastily got out of their seats and ran out the door.
"I still don't get why everyone is getting up in a hurry, it's an April Fool's joke."
