Somebody Else
This is inspired by the song “Somebody Else” by The 1975 so there’s definitely angst.
Words: 1.2k
I always knew that after the way I ended things you would never be able to forgive me, and I didn't blame you. Ashton still says its my fault for stringing you along, but I didn't want a girlfriend.
When I woke up this morning to see that you've moved on, it hurt. You made your new relationship public on Instagram, and even though it has been three months since I ended it, it hurt to look at this picture.
The whole day I couldn't stop picturing you with him, the way his hands held your waist and the way you looked genuinely happy. I hated thinking about someone else holding you like that. But I also couldn't bring myself to call you and ruin that happiness. I know that what I did really hurt you, but I just wasn't ready for a relationship. I didn't want a commitment and I didn't want to risk getting hurt, and I think that I'm really starting to understand how selfish that was.
It's probably way too late now, but I keep finding myself opening up my phone and looking for your number. I even made the mistake of looking at some old pictures of us. We had been practically dating for months and I knew you were waiting for me to ask you to be my girlfriend, I just couldn't bring myself to put a label on it. When I look back it I feel like an idiot, even my bandmates were telling me that I making a mistake I just didn't care.
I ended up calling a few hours later. I thought you weren't going to answer and I at least wanted to say that I tried, but right before I gave up, your voice rang through my speakers.
"Calum?"
I had a whole speech planned and I was going to beg for forgiveness and for you to take me back but when I heard your voice its like everything just went blank. "Hello?" you asked again.
"Uh yeah its me," I said. You stayed silent for a minute and finally sighed heavily, "What do you want?" I could tell that you were trying not to cry, and all of a sudden I felt like I needed to cry. "I just wanted to uhm apologize for what I did, I know we haven't really spoken since then so I just wanted you to know that I am sorry."
You took another pause, "You're sorry?" you scoffed. "Cal if this is some type of attempt at winning me back, your apology is a few months too late. I moved on without you saying sorry I don't need to hear it now." Even though it's what I was expecting to hear, it still stung.
"I know." I said and held back my tears. "I wasn't ready for all the things that you wanted and I fucked up. But I realized it now and I'm scared that it's way too late but I shouldn't have ended things with you and especially not in the way that I did."
"So has anything changed? Are you ready for a relationship or are you just feeling regretful and wanted to hurt me again?" you asked. "Look I deserve your anger I was a dick and I've never done the relationship thing but-" I sighed, "You make me want to be better. And when I saw that picture today I realized how much I love you. I hate to think about you with somebody else. Seeing his hands on you and thinking about you two together made me sick."
I heard you hold back a sob, "Cal I was waiting for you to say all of that for months, and as much as I do love you, I've moved on and I'm happy."
I'm not sure if I expected you to forget about your boyfriend right away, but hearing you say that you still love me is some sort of hope. "I know," I said, "I just wanted you to hear this all from me, I didn't want you to think that I never loved you."
A minute passed by of you just sitting on the other end of the line, I could hear you sniffling and letting out little cries, "Goodbye Calum."
And then the line went dead.
--
A week has passed since I called you. I've spent the majority of this week laying on the couch and drinking. Ashton is trying his best to help me out but we both know its a lost cause. This is all my fault and nothing is going to change that.
The day you called me, I could've sworn my mind was playing tricks on me. I answered on the second ring, "Hello?" I know I probably sounded urgent and pathetic but I didn't care. "I can't believe you called me," you sighed, "Do you know how selfish that was? I haven't been able to think about anything but you all week."
I'm not sure what I expected, but I prefer this to you crying. "I know, and I'm sorry I just couldn't live with myself if I didn't try."
"I ended it with him," you said. For a second I was thinking that my mind really must be playing tricks on me, that I was hallucinating the entire conversation. "Oh," I replied.
"Yeah oh," you scoffed, "I knew that if I loved somebody else then being with him just wouldn't be fair."
"Yeah that seems like the right thing to do," I didn't really know what else to say. I didn't want to show how excited I was and throw you off. "Well now I'm not sure if I know what the right thing to do is anymore..I'm standing in your driveway," you sighed deeply. "What?" I breathed out.
"I drove to your house," you said, "I think that I wanted to see you and tell you off to your face but I was too chicken to knock on the door." I hung up the call and rushed down the stairs and out the front door.
There you were, looking even more beautiful than I remembered. You took in a deep breath and I could see the tears welling up in your eyes. "You uh look good," you laughed, "Of course you still look good I was hoping you looked like a mess but you always look perfect. Thats another thing that makes me so angry about you I wanted to come tell you how much I hate what you did to me but all I can think about is how I want to kiss you."
"If you want me to beg for you back I will," I said stepping closer to you, "I will give you whatever you want if you give me another chance. I'll bring you on tour and we'll move in together and I'll take you out on dates and post pictures of us together. I'll do whatever you want." I cupped your face and tucked your hair behind your ear, "For the record you look good too," I sighed. Your eyes flickered down to my lips before you closed the distance between us and kissed me. I moved my hands down to your waist pulling your body closer to mine as you wrapped your arms around my neck.
"Can you uh still beg?" you said all breathless as you pulled away. I laughed and picked you up wrapping your legs around my waist as I carried you back into the house.
