I Will Get What I Want
I think many people will empathize but I’m nothing special. Sure I work out and am sort of conventionally decent looking but queer people always struggle with internalized misogyny. So when it comes to dating, I’m not masc enough for most and not fem enough for others. My fluidity doesn’t open itself up to a flock of potential suitors on dating apps. I’ve become pretty resigned to the fact that I’ll be good enough for anyone, not in a pathetic way, more like a self aware one. So imagine my reaction when I matched with Izzy.
The biracial, 6’1” god was so conventionally attractive and my god his sense of humor was so good. For once in my life the man struck up the conversation with me first and we quickly decided to schedule a date. For weeks we went on the best dates, very innocent though get your mind out of the gutter (for now). Pho, bowling, museum tours, we did so much and one thing is for sure I was swooning. I’m a pretty serious person so this felt pretty exciting, like I finally found someone I could call my guy, the one, my partner.
But as all good things in my life go, there was a rug about to be pulled from under me. We had just been on a date the day before when I get a message from him on IG.
“Hey I really like hanging out but I think right now I need to focus on me. I think I’m a sex addict.”
My stomach dropped….what? We weren’t doing anything…was he seeing other people on the side and never said anything? I was so rattled. I didn’t know how to try to be supportive, but also ask the questions I wanted to know the answers to.
All I could muster up to type was a measly,
“I understand.”
Pathetic. I hated myself for not exploding at him. Especially after his follow up.
“I want to work on myself but we can still be friends.”
I was so gobsmacked by the demotion. From the best dates of my life to….friend. Oh my god what a freaking mess. I was so angry.
A few days went by and he texted me asking if I still wanted to hang out on our normal date night. My weak stupid idiot self said sure and we continued that way for a month. Then out of nowhere a conversation become slightly flirty and I lashed out.
“I thought you said you were an addict. Why are you being so flirty and forward now?”
“Well I mean I could be down to do some stuff with a good friend?”
My stomach fell again. Some stuff…like I’m a piece of meat. But as you may have realized by now I’m a little weak. I reluctantly agreed but didn’t know what to expect since we never did much when we dated.
That day is when I met a completely different Izzy than I knew up to that point. I arrived to his apartment instead of a date spot and he opened the door.
I tried to avoid a looney tunes-esque jaw drop to not stroke his ego after hurting me so much. While I had seem him shirtless on his profile, our dates were always clothed. Being welcomed by that big chest and sweats vulgarly draped over a thick salami I had never met, nearly sent my hormones into overdrive. He wasted no time acting charismatically nice to me before our TV watching became frisky. He pushed me over on his bed and held me down with all of his weight before coming in to whisper demands to me. I was gobsmacked but this was everything I wanted right? I silently obeyed and had the night of my life….that I could remember. But I’ll never forget that first moment he flipped me around and yanked off my pants. A gentle pressure became immense before I gasped. I thought I took all I could but he showed me I could take more and more. Inch after inch in length and girth entered and so did more gasps. At some point I thought I would pass out but then I locked in and only felt pleasure. This would continue for months.
I became used to our hang outs, I mean who wouldn’t? Easy on the eyes, he’d feed me, then breed me. It was the life but then one day after our fun he randomly interjected that a new client at work asked him out on a date and he said yes. They had already been on two dates and he told me he wanted to ask him to start dating. My world collapsed again. What do you mean you just that to me and you have secretly been dating someone else?!
We only hung out sporadically after that and never intimate again. Then he posted his new partner on his social media story….my world spiraled again.
Oh of course he’d be a heartthrob too….I spiraled down a rabbit hole after that. I found out his name was Henry. I loathed how they were stunning apart and together.
Sure he was stunning but there’s no way he made him laugh like I did, there’s no way he gave him all the pleasure that I did…..well that’s not true. He looked like he did I significantly better than I did. Okay okay but I am funnier.
It consumed every facet of my life until my algorithm served me exactly what would be the answer I sought. A permanent possession spell. All I had to do was order from some sketchy website and follow the ritual with the materials they sent. But one thing was clear….its a one way trip. I racked my brain with the decision as I sat in my sad studio apartment watching a box of ritual ingredients. Screw it, I brewed the tea-like concoction and waited until I felt anything. It tasted like nothing but boy did I FEEL it. It felt like I developed the largest splitting migraine in my life coupled with some sick nausea. I ran to the restroom to vomit and as I prepared to go everything went dark. I opened what I thought were my eyes groggily when I looked down to see myself…..I tried to feel a pulse but a force blocked me from touching myself. That was it. My whole life just upended over jealousy….
If this was forever, then I have to make it worth it. I hurried over to Izzy’s place and not a moment too soon. Henry had just arrived, talking to Izzy in the kitchen, well more like they were frisky while cooking some food. I watched as they sat next to each other at the table nearly inside each other as they attempted to eat. It made me sick. Izzy whispered all the things he wanted to do to Henry in the sensual way he used to in my ear. That’s for me not HIM! As my man sauntered his way up the stairs leaving Henry to clean up. I pounced.
If I could have choked him out I would, but instead my hand began the process. I tried to place my hand around his neck but instead his body magnetically pulled me in. He struggled as he tried to turn off the water and yell upstairs for help. But my lust for Izzy was too strong for Henry’s desire to pilot his own body. After a few minutes I gained control of my much shorter form. He may be shorter than me but his beautifully tanned body was stacked with hard muscle and god what a bubble butt I told myself as I grasped it with a firm squeeze. That’s when his consciousness reached its loudest pleading for me to stop.
Saved by the bell as Izzy silently swooped down to sweep me off my feet and up to his bed. The playbook was the same although I hated to admit there was something in these interactions that was missing when he filled me. Passion. I knew how to take him and all his girth in my body but Henry was a pro in ways I didn’t know you could be. He bent me and held my legs in ways you see in all those crazy videos. He told me to get on my knees and almost as if reflexive I was there.
This view was electric and thank god. It was the only way to get rid of Henry forever. Izzy’s massive chest sent me over the edge. Rope after rope of my new babies flowed out, not just clearing my mind of hormones but excavating the former operator of this body. Henry was juiced out and I was about to have some new juices put in.
All that to say, I guess I didn’t introduce myself yet. My name’s “Henry,” me and my new husband Izzy are in the honeymoon villa and we would love if you could bring us some more towels and those margaritas.


















