10 things not to say during your book pitch
1. "Everyone back at the compound is so excited. They're all praying for us right now!" 2. "Will you sign this for my parole officer?" 3. "I was channeling both Clark Ashton Smith and Ann Landers when I wrote this, so it may seem a bit clunky at first." 4. "I believe you are pronouncing 'Cthulhu' incorrectly." 5. "The How-To articles said I should learn everything I could about you. I just want to say it's very brave of you to appear at public events like this given your past convictions." 6. "First of all, as we all know, plagiarism is the highest form of praise." 7. "Just act natural. If they think you can see them, you're dead." 8. "Everyone in my family promises to buy a copy. And I have a big family." 9. "Of course, I haven't quit my day job. Taxidermy keeps food on the table." 10. "I'm sorry. I wasn't listening."