We have been experiencing some good old fashioned boundary pushing recently, which always makes me stop and reevaluate the limits that I set, both in terms of what is important to stick to and what I can make allowances for. It also interests me the things that wind me up for no apparent reason (eating his yoghurt with the end of his spoon), and how I need to check my own impatience. As always, here's some excellent advice from JL on this topic that makes total sense. Rise above your triggers, wounds and patterns from the past and be the parent, rather than getting caught up in your child’s behaviors, taking them personally and engaging in conflicts at his or her level. This is the key to breaking negative cycles. Rise above your fear that your children will be hurt or love you less when you upset them by setting reasonable, respectful limits. (They won’t.) Rise above and understand that children go through stages when they need to resist, defy and even reject us in order to develop in a healthy manner. Set honest personal limits (like, “I will need to move to the other room if you continue to speak to me that way”), but don’t feel threatened by this age-appropriate behavior or take it personally. Rise above so you can set and hold limits confidently, calmly and early, without getting angry or holding a grudge. Repeat: don’t take behavior personally. Rise above your impatience and model the manners, character traits and values you want your kids to emulate rather than demanding they share, apologize, express gratitude, treat others gently, patiently(!), generously and with respect. Rise above your worries and impatience (again), so that you can lead with trust rather than micromanaging your children’s physical and cognitive development, play and food choices, social issues, school work, etc. Rise above impulses to correct or judge. Be the trusted confidant with whom your child can safely share her darkest feelings, even when they’re directed at you.
