summary: My love for her came too late and was gone too soon. The warmness of her hand on my neck was lost along with me, and now I look for her, wishing I could find myself.
8 YEARS OLD
It was the beginning of primary school. I was the shyest kid on class and to add insult to the injury, me and my parents lived in a far, and not very safe, neighborhood and thereat I was always very dependent of the ones around me. Far from what I remember, I had no friends until this one girl entered in our class 2 years later.
Her name was Morpho. She was almost like the combination between the blue sky and the freshness of a Sunday morning, as much ridiculous as it sounds. She had a beautiful brown curly hair which contrast with her light brown skin tone, topped with small dark circles under her dark and deep blue eyes. She was beautiful and if I didn’t know better, I would say she's a goddess.
In the third year of primary school she has really talkative and extroverted. Over the top I would say. Like the shy kid I was, I had no idea how but I was ready to risk everything just to talk to her.
The first time I tried, she completely ignored me. She was often more worried about taking care of the butterflies who were on top of the sunflower she picked from the school's garden.
In the second and final try, I gathered every courage inside me, that was most likely to be almost none, and asked her to be my friend.
In one of the breaks I faced her. Took the deepest breath I could and started one of the most important conversations in my entire life.
“- I want to be your friend.”
“- Uh?”, she inquired confronting me with her big blue eyes
“- I want you to be my friend and me to be your friend.”
“- Why should we be friends?” she asks and once again, I had no idea what to answer, because I don't even know why I wanted to be her friend in the first place.
“- I have no idea.”, I replied lowering my head.
“- Then no.” she answered, shaking her head side to side.
I was heartbroken. Like for real. I was a kid but I felt that deep.
I walked away from her until I felt something warm around my right wrist.
“- I…I want to but, I’m going away soon.”
Even without trying, she forced me to turn around as soon she respond and landed a hand on my left shoulder.
“- Where are you going?”
“- The only thing I know and that I'm allowed to say is that, in some magical way, I’ll be back but nobody knows me then”
I made it to university. I never thought about getting there but I did it and I couldn’t feel more accomplished. I’m taking an Art degree, the one I always dreamed of doing even if my mom wasn't very excited by the idea.
Yoongi, Charlotte, Jin and Namjoon are, almost like my second family.
Yoongi and Namjoon are majoring in Broadcasting Performing Arts, Jin is taking cinematography and Charlotte is majoring in Arts with me so the only class we all have together is Art. Apart from that, we always get together at the weekends and so.
"- We should just stick to the plan and skip the last two periods."
"- Jungkook, my mom would kill me."
Charlotte is older than me. She majored in cinematography but decide to take arts to continue the studies. She's caring, a bit shy and really stricken by the rules of her mom. Me otherwise, became the rebel one. I follow no rules and I’m okay with being like that. I still have no one to look after, and nothing to care about so I do whatever the fuck I want, whenever I want.
"- Charlotte, it's just the last two classes of the morning. Nobody will notice." – I said to her, rolling my eyes and getting up from the chair in front of her.
"- Where are you going?"
"- Try to find Yoongi."
It was being a shitty day. Everyone was doing absolutely nothing. English class became now the worse class because the teacher didn't a fuck, the students didn't give a fuck and so you do shit.
I walked down the room to the door until the sound of three gentle knocks on the door stooped me. I opened the door revealing a girl talking to some guy behind her. When she finally noticed the open door, she faced me with a big smile on her face, something rare in this days.
"- Are you just going to stand there or what?"
"- Uhum, hi-i, I'm the new girl. The principal must have warned you right?"
"- Baby, I'm not the teacher but carry on and you'll find her, right down there." I pointed her the direction to the teacher, before sliding over her and standing back to back.
"- Baby it's too much, where did you learn that?", she said with her face in the corner of her shoulder
"- Sorry?", I faced her
"- You can't just call baby to a stranger. It's awkward and makes me feel bad for you. For real, stop that."
She stepped inside the room leaving me and that random dude in the hallway.
I gave a few steps back and accidently stepped on Yoongi’s foot who responded with a strong pat on my back followed with a “Watch out fucker”.
“- And who’s that?”
“- I wish I knew.”
Me and Yoongi spied on the new girl from the little hole covered in glass in the door of our art class until Namjoon frightened us by the back.
“- What the fuck dude?” Yoongi immediately reacted showing his fake karate tricks.
“- Since when do you spy on people? And since when do you do box?”, Namjoon pushed Yoongi to the side and joined the gang. “- So, she’s the new girl huh?”
“- Its karate”- Yoongi grumbled crossing both of his arms.
“- You knew there was new girl and sat quiet? Thank you man.”
“- She’s not really into guys.”, both of us frown, “- Not that, she just doesn’t give a fuck about guys, so relax. None of us has a chance.”
I could say that Yoongi wasn’t giving a fuck about the situation until the door was opened in a quick gesture.
“- Next time you want to spy on someone, try to be discreet, you assholes. Even the teacher notice, Jesus.”
No, it wasn’t her. It was Charlotte.
“- Now get your ass inside before I punch you all and so she can introduce herself to the class.”
All of us entered the room while Charlotte continue to spill every curse she could at us until we completely regret it.
“- If y’all like the girl that much, can’t you just ask her number?” Charlotte continue while we sat on our chairs in the back of the class until Namjoon whispered in my ear:
“- I already try.”
“- Well done man, now she’s going to think you are a pedophile.”
Namjoon was about to respond but the teacher made silence sign, straitening her finger close to her mouth.
“- Right now? Okay, then. Hi”, and there she was, shy but excited in some weird way, “- My name is Belle and I’m new around here as you can see.”, she stopped for a second, “Belle it’s written with two “L” because it’s French, but write it as you like. I don’t really care.”
She had straight brown hair with a light blue on the tips, big black dark eyes, her lips were painted with a purplish tone and a small eyeliner. She was wearing a pair of ripped jeans, a small cut up to her shoulders shirt from the Queen’s and a black jacket in her hands.
“- I’m majoring in Music and I think that’s all.”
She ends her speech with a bow and walked down the tables to seat on the very last table like the teacher demand.
“- Yes, what a great idea. Let’s put the new kid on the last table so she can interact with the class.”, she complained passing by.
I was certain it was her. From far, I could see a small scar down her lip, and her personality was almost like Morpho’s. Maybe a little more extroverted but everyone and even me, changed over time so it must be her, it need to be her. So I waited until the very last class to confirm.
Everyone left the room besides Yoongi, who I forced to leave after pinching his neck several times.
And there we were. I was different but so was she, and I couldn’t wait to have her in my arms. She was sleeping with her headphones but quickly woke up when Yoongi smashed the door behind him.
“- Wait, what?”
“- Morpho?”, I went straight for it, “- Morpho, I know you must be confused but it’s me Jungkook.”
“- How do you know that name?”
“- It’s me Morpho. Móre. You don’t remember?”
She started packing all of her pens, books and got up from her chair. Before she could leave, I tried grabbing her by the arm.
“- Morpho, what is it?”
“- Fuck, I need to go. Bye.”
And there I was. Losing the love of my life again.
1 day later…
Morpho missed classes today. Maybe she wasn’t ready to meet me yet or she was planning something. I don’t know. I just know that I want to tell her so much that I start to shake just by thinking about it.
After class, I passed by my mom’s work so I could pick her up. She worked in this fancy and expensive hospital that I’m already tired of.
As usual I enter the building, I say hi to the usual staff, I ask where my mom is, I go on the elevator, enter the door 236, and wait.
This time I waited away too long. 30 minutes passed and I was almost asleep.
I knocked on the door 3 times.
“- Can we please leave, I’m ti- Morpho?”, don’t ask me why, but she was there. Right there in front of me, next to my mom. It was her.
“- I’m not Morpho for fuck’s sake.”
“- I’ll be down soon Jungkook, just give me 2 seconds.”
The “no Morpho” rolled her eyes and sat down in those comfortable hospital chairs you see all the time in movies.
Yes, they are real and truly comfortable.
“- So what th-“
“- Keep your voice down, please, Jesus.”
Someone was dying. The beep sound was just one of the things surrounding that room. I knew that feeling.
“- Maybe we should talk in other time, don’t you think Jungkook?”
“- Yeah, I think so.”
My mom appeared from behind me.
“- Let’s go Jungkook?” she said before kissing the forehead of the “I suppose sister of the girl who’s not Morpho but seems like it” and kissing “the girl who’s not Morpho but seems like it”.
“- Yeah, let’s go.”
And we did. I drove until home, my mom made dinner and then we slept.
Belle missed one more time the whole week and that made me nervous. I didn’t know what to do. Should I try to find her? Should I leave her alone? I didn’t know. I was so fucked up.
Without even noticing, it was already Monday after school and I didn’t know if going back to that hospital was almost like an invasion of privacy but sure it seemed like it.
But still, I did the same thing.
I entered the building, said hi to the usual staff, asked where my mom was, got on the elevator, door 236, but this time I didn’t wait.
I knocked and my mom open the door. Her cheeks were red, trembling eyes, her hair was all not that great, so I knew. Someone died.
I felt bad for my mom because I know what’s the feeling to lose someone you love. To lose someone you admire.
“- You did your best mom.” I said while my mom’s head was against my shoulder.
“- You know Jungkook, sometimes the worse part of this job is not when someone dies and leaves, but when someone gets cure and leaves.”, she lift her head, “- The little girl you saw here a couple of days ago, got her second kidney transplant. Life gave her a second chance, you know? It’s almost like she need to be here. At first, I was just checking her occasionally, but it became more and more, and know seeing her leave so happily… it’s amazing. It’s truly amazing.”, she was crying again, “- I’ll invite her someday, so she can come to our house, then I’ll make her some mac and cheese.”
“- Why mac and cheese?”
“- She said someone recommended my mac and cheese what’s absolutely impossible, because I only do i-“
Everything she said after, it was echo. My thoughts stopped and my heart start beating.
“- Mom, mom, mom.”
“- What?”, she asked while she organized her pens on the table.
“- Invite her today.”
“- Today Jungkook? It’s already late.”
“-Please mom??”
We drove home, and made dinner.
It was my last chance. If it wasn’t her, she wasn’t coming back at all.
I kept my promise Morpho, I recognized you, what about you? I’ll you keep your promise?
“- Jungkook, can you go open the door?”
It was almost in slow motion, one step each time, the door seemed so far that I cou-
“- Jungkook? Quicker please.”
Yes, fuck.
She was almost like the combination between the blue sky and the freshness of a Sunday morning, as much ridiculous as it sounds. She had a beautiful straight black hair which contrast with her light brown skin tone topped with freckles under her dark and deep eyes. She was beautiful and if I didn't know better, I would say she's a goddess.
“- Jungkook.”, she began with a low and melodic voice.
“- Princess.”
“- You guys know each other?”, my mom peeked her head through the open door of the kitchen.
“- Yeah, I think you can say that.”, she replied with the most beautiful smile I ever know, “Oh fuck, I forgot my purse.”
“- No no no no no, you are staying here.”
“- Jungkook, do you trust me?”
“- I do, of course I do.”
“- Then you’ll wait.”
“- Do you promise to come back?”
“- I promise Jungkook.” She let go of my hand, that she grabbed in some moment I don’t remember, and got back to her car running.
