Y'all its October 27th and I'm fucking tired. My mom's health has been up and down, and we almost lost her a couple weeks ago because she was on the vent. Thankfully she is doing well. I'm still stuck in this unhealthy toxic wreckage of a "marriage". I'm not bitter, I don't think. Maybe just disappointed. I can't find the broken link. The disconnect. I'm all over the place emotionally because of a back and forth pull of emotions over me right now. I just want to be healthy enough again to want to have better. At this point licking love from a serrated knife is my own person hell and assumed kink since she gets off on it so much. Fuck dude. I miss my dog. That's been one of the hardest things, I think. I've been working the haunted house. That's been fun and making me feel a bit of joy. Nothing is as haunted as the corridors of my soul since pure carnage of who I was, am, and will ever be. It's no doubt made its mark on me and parts of me will never truly be the same again no matter how my life ends up. I lost big parts of me with all those loses, and I got to figure out how to stitch things up.