It's really amazing how sometimes feeling can just appear after so long, like I was just clicking through some image searches, & some pictures of white cats came up & I started crying immediately because a couple of them looked just like Ella & it straight up felt like I got punched in the gut, it still kinda does. It's been over four years now & I reached an okay point about it ages ago where I can look at pictures of her & talk about her & it's fine, but suddenly it was like I was back right after she died when I spent a week straight alternating between crying incessantly & watching Good Eats in a xanax fog. Just one of those incredibly weird, what the hell is happening moments that just baffle & amaze me. Friggen human mind, what the hell are you even? Well, I'm gonna go snuggle my Zoe kitty & put some happy fluffy things in my brain to counteract the emotional flashback.