brain goes ‘u cant sleep, theres enemies nearby’ but the enemies in question is literally just the incredibly faint hum of my laptop plugged in and charging 10 ft away from me
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brain goes ‘u cant sleep, theres enemies nearby’ but the enemies in question is literally just the incredibly faint hum of my laptop plugged in and charging 10 ft away from me
oh shit I forgot I was reading the fistful novelization so I’ll finish that off uhhhh tomorrow I guess? my brain is completely uninterested in anything involving text rn
love the part of the morning where i’m just sitting here waiting for my meds to kick in so i can actually focus on work
im a big fan of songs. would love to listen to one some day.
wait a second.
paxil is a hell of a drug when i took it i didnt understand people being afraid of needles or driving and shit like that and now over a year off it im an extreme agoraphobe whos scared of driving and needles and i am CONSTANTLY thinking about death
i just realised that going to therapy might work only if.....im allowed to talk abt a lot of past shit that accumulated to how my brain went complete shit,like shedding ur false skin & showing watever stuff is left inside like
as much as im ok with the past 2 therapist visits b4 i stopped going cos of school,i just realised it still doesnt work since watever happened in the sessions r just talking abt ur daily lives & interests,rather than focusing on the actual roots that led to bad brain shit,plus the lack of privacy cos im a minor so my mom must be involved,making it real hard to actually direct to these topics which i might as well just switch it to a false skin as a disguise
i just wish i can actually tend to these actual ugly ass roots b4 they become too overgrown & start affecting me almost every single day,i dont even know whether i could classify this as trauma or just me overexaggerating cos bad brain shit & it fucking sucks cos its so painful everytime anything tiny sets it off,just aaarghdhyghhhh
I almost have DID but my brain pressed b while it was evolving so now I'm stuck in a middle stage where instead of distinct alters I have 5 identities but theyre still me