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brain goes ‘u cant sleep, theres enemies nearby’ but the enemies in question is literally just the incredibly faint hum of my laptop plugged in and charging 10 ft away from me

#recurring issue for me. now laptop is relegated to only being charged in the day #and even then only when im not in my room or if i have headphones on bc. it Will distract me from trying to work.#the generaly Electrical Hum of the world is pretty tolerable but. damn if this one specific tone doesnt get on my nerves #whatever the fuck #brainweird shit #nd

oh shit I forgot I was reading the fistful novelization so I’ll finish that off uhhhh tomorrow I guess? my brain is completely uninterested in anything involving text rn

#typing out thoughts is fine tho???#i am Very Tired #brainweird shit

love the part of the morning where i’m just sitting here waiting for my meds to kick in so i can actually focus on work

#currently feel like im gonna crawl out of my skin #that ADHD antsy-ness is fuckigne.. a Menace ;____;#woaoowwoowwowa shoudlnt be long now its been almost an hour!!!!!#medication ment #brainweird shit #whatever the fuck

im a big fan of songs. would love to listen to one some day.

#why must my brain be on one of Those kicks rn #whatever the fuck #brainweird shit

wait a second.

#so is shame not supposed to feel like anger? is it really a different emotion?????#cuz its only ever felt like blinding rage to me #fucked if true!!!!! fucked if true for sure!!!!#nd shit #brainweird shit #whatever the fuck

paxil is a hell of a drug when i took it i didnt understand people being afraid of needles or driving and shit like that and now over a year off it im an extreme agoraphobe whos scared of driving and needles and i am CONSTANTLY thinking about death

#feelys feelings pile #brainweird shit

i just realised that going to therapy might work only if.....im allowed to talk abt a lot of past shit that accumulated to how my brain went complete shit,like shedding ur false skin & showing watever stuff is left inside like

as much as im ok with the past 2 therapist visits b4 i stopped going cos of school,i just realised it still doesnt work since watever happened in the sessions r just talking abt ur daily lives & interests,rather than focusing on the actual roots that led to bad brain shit,plus the lack of privacy cos im a minor so my mom must be involved,making it real hard to actually direct to these topics which i might as well just switch it to a false skin as a disguise

i just wish i can actually tend to these actual ugly ass roots b4 they become too overgrown & start affecting me almost every single day,i dont even know whether i could classify this as trauma or just me overexaggerating cos bad brain shit & it fucking sucks cos its so painful everytime anything tiny sets it off,just aaarghdhyghhhh

#giogio.txt #long post #brainweird shit #me rn: 'god help me' plays in the distance #mothers mention

I almost have DID but my brain pressed b while it was evolving so now I'm stuck in a middle stage where instead of distinct alters I have 5 identities but theyre still me

#feelys feelings pile #osdd #brainweird shit #also sometimes i habe actual alters but they do t stay atound lonh

#brainweird shit

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