This is one of my latest fanfics about MarbleHornets.
The lack of uppercases, punctuation marks and the general "format" is wanted, and it's inspired by my dissociation issues, let's call them that since I'm not sure enough of myself to self diagnose. I hope it helped me portraying what I wanted to portray.
Hope you like it.
Regards,
[REDACTED]
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Spoiler warning: mentions of the comic book "Marble Hornets Issue 3.5 - ToTheArk".
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HEY, SUNNY BOY, SMILE AT ME
sometimes
i remember things
messages everywhere
secrets everywhere
sometimes
blond hair
bright smile
a little bit of a fessure between the front teeth
i look for it whenever i see someone smiling
how do you smile
i can't do that anymore
the plastic of my maskface is too hard and cold
sometimes
i remember
i was
warm
-
sometimes
thoughts get confusing
codes and riddles
numbers
glitching reality
the operator
faceless creature
it stole the faces from every memory i had
virus
it infected my whole being
i can no longer be myself
i can no longer remember who i loved
who i was loved by
what love is
i am always so cold
cold as a corpse
yellow hoodie stained with red
eyes no longer bright, one missing
blood seeping through that front teeth
the ark
awaits
i didn't die yet
didn't feed the ark
sometimes
i see
the sun
riddles and codes and warmth
his absent eye is pitch black
he no longer smiles
maybe a ghost
maybe an hallucination
he talks about tim
i do not know who he is
me
talks about me
can't remember
his voice stern and cold
answers my riddles resolves my codes
he's not really dead
he says
he will stop this
will fix me
but
i am broken, i can't be fixed
i am cold
-
the day the music died
was raining
old school
dusty floor
i'll kill you i screamed
he fell
down
down
down below
blood pooling under his head
a red halo
staining a yellow hoodie
my breath laboured
i don't know what i felt
anger
fear
nothing at all
never checked who he was
never dared to
and yet
alex showed me
now he briefly smiles at me
blood seeping through the little gap between his front teeth
is he
really dead
really here
really alive
really gone
is this reality
-
my head hurts
riddles eat my brain
codes stab it with painful thorns
sometimes
i see
the sun
«I've been looking for you.»
he's offering me his gloved hand
and his warmth tricks me into letting myself be boiled alive
am i really safe
am i me
who is
me
is tim still here
is tim still me
will i ever take my maskface off
i know no safety beside him
the one who stuck with me despite my impurity
or maybe because of it
maybe he just can't leave
maybe i ruined him once again
the sun is warm
usually
i feel a spark of warmth when i grab his hand
«You are broken, you can be fixed.»
his voice is as soothing as i think i remember it was
calm washes over me
hands stop trembling
i cough twice
i sob ugly crying
clawing his hoody trying to keep him close trying to never let go i don't want to be alone anymore please don't leave
«I'm not leaving, Tim.»
i'm tim
i'm me, he says so
a masked figure
behind him
don't know that facemask
don't know
is it gonna start all over again?
is this person here to torment me again- to take him away again?
i panic
«Listen to me» he says
i do
i think i'm dying
panic swirling in my chest
difficult to breath
«Everything is normal. Everything is fine.»
i don't really remember much
vague and blurry conceps most of the time
but
college, panic attacks before an exam
his smile reassuring me, his voice saying those exact words
«I worry about nothing.»
he calms me
again
soothing voice
warmth
the masked person doesn't seem so scary anymore
not beside him
«Because nothing's on my mind.»
the sun smiles at me
for the first time since i remained alone
a path of death and loss behind me
i am
warm
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Little explanation time, with a lot of spoilers, lmao.
The masked guy is "Skully" and the whole fic happens after Issue 3.
I think that the order of the issues is 1, 2, 3.5, 3 and 4, and I think Issue 3.5 happens before Issue 3 becsuse in Issue 3.5, Skully "absorbs" Jay and Alex, and shows their faces to Jessica in Issue 3.
I also don't think Skully "absorbs" Brian. Brian says he had escaped the Ark multiple times, leaving behind pieces of himself, and Skully clearly asks him "help us". Skully doesn't show Jessica Brian's face, also.
With all the worry and concern Brian showed towards Tim, I wanted to write what I'd love to see: Brian looking for Tim with Skully's help, and finding him. I just did that from a dissociated, broken Tim's pov. Or at least I tried to.
