#britnatural

[cassierobinsons]

i'm bored so i'm going to britnatural post. sam and dean would be northerners, obviously. it would air on bbc3 or e4, kinda leaning towards the former? aesthetically it'd be very We've Got Shane Meadows At Home. sam met jess when their eyes met from the across the room at the durham university libdem society. bela's dad was a tory MP.

[fatallyaddictedtofiction]

britnatural is my favourite thing btw. just to let you know.

[hardoncaulfield]

I'm watching the s11 finale and...the existence of the bmol suggests there are monsters in the UK and this suggests the existence of British hunters which is a concept I find just hysterical.

[jupitermelichios]

So I’ve been thinking about Britnatural

Full credit to @dreamprophet​ for the original idea

And I have thoughts. So many thoughts.

Sam and Dean are obviously from Essex now, and speak with a mild to medium Estuary accent. I haven’t fancast them but I need you to know that in my head they’re played by the two guys from Two Pints of Lager. Dean dresses exclusively in tracksuits. He probably has a burberry cap that is either put on or taken off to indicate that this time he means business. When not hunting demons, he makes his living hustling darts. In the first episode, he will defeat a ghost by throwing a holy-water soaked dart through the ghost’s head and then yelling “One Hundred and Eighty!” This will establish his character.

[artists rendition of Sam and Dean questioning witnesses]

Rather than salad and burgers, the class difference between Sam and Dean is now demonstrated by the fact that Sam drinks Aspels cider and Dean drinks Frosty Jacks (or White Lightning, depends who’ll sponsor us). Dean also has at least three embarrasing stories about Sam getting pissed on Lambrinis. Sam likes Irn Bru, because he went to Edinburgh for university, and Dean mocks him for this, whereas Sam mock dean for having inheritted all of John’s Cliff Richard tapes

John is played by Robson Green, aka McNair from Being Human

When he leaves to go looking for the demon which killed his wife (played by Jane Horrocks) he leaves Dean the keys to the family car

a morris traveller affectionately called Bastard. The fandom immediately fancasts Bastard’s human-sona as David Tennant despite the writers best efforts to the contrary. The traveller’s top speed of 50 mph explains how they’re able to spend so much time on the road in such a tiny country.

They investigate mysteries by posing as either DEFRA agents or Community Support Officers. There’s one episode where they’re supposed to pose as men of God but instead of sexy young priests they’re anglican vicars, Dean nearly blows their cover by refusing to wear a cardigan or eat slightly stale squashed fly biscuits.

Cas is played by Kris Marshall, best known for leaving My Family to become a film star and then never being in any films

He wears an anorak and his host body was very involved in running coffee mornings for the local CofE church

On their travels they will meet beloved recurring characters such as Ruby (Lauren Socha)

Charlie (Richard Aoyade)

Meg (Ruth Jones)

and yorkshire Bobby played by Steve Halliwell off of Emerdale

They’ll also face daunting villains like Crowley (still played by Mark Sheppard but we’ll dub in a voice so he’s now from Merthyr), Chuck (played by Rob Brydon, obviously) and Lucifer himself (played by Martin Kemp).

Episode concepts include

- A thinly veilled Midsommer Murders parody where they investigate a sleepy village with 900 x the national murder rate, in which John Nettles will cameo as the local police officer (the culprit will turn out to be his wife, who is placing curses on people)

- Three sepperate Jack the Ripper episodes (not a recurring villain, they just keep finding new culprits each time and never acknoledge they’ve done this before), and one where it looks like the Ripper but turns out to be the Trunk Killer

- Sam and Dean fight the Beast of Bodmin

- Nessie, obviously

- You know how everyone knows someone who found a dead body during Duke of Edinburgh? yeah, that.

- The ghost of that monkey that was hanged in the forrest of dean because the locals thought it was a french spy

- a wicker-man inspired folk horror episode full of actors from the Archers and including lots of creepy music being played over footage of southern white hanky morris dance

- they have exactly one actually scary episode, inspired by Who Put Bella in the Wych Elm and it gets so many complaints Broadcasting standards pull it

- the highgate cemetary vampire (played by Noel Fielding)

- that one pond in epping forrest that’s supposed to eat people

- they share locations with Dr Who a lot and extras from the wrong show end up in shot so often they have to do an aliens episode to explain it

- Tolkein epsiode where they fight Ents but this is Britnatural so instead of tree-men the Ents look like normal men, but can also turn into normal looking trees

- so many reformation era monks. so many. you know how SPN feels about civil-war era widows? that’s how Britnatural feels about monks

- a sponsored episode where they fight the witch of wooky hole and then go to the theme park and talk loudly about how great it is

- Dean’s dramatic death on the ranch when the hellhounds get him (they’re now Staffies, obviously) takes place on a farm in Herefordshire

- instead of LARPing Richard Ayoade’s Charlie is just a member of the Sealed Knot so Sam and Dean have to dress up as Cavaliers and Roundheads

- any ghosts of well known historical figures are played by whoever played them most often on Horrible Histories

- the ghost of someone heavily implied to be Bruce Forsythe is haunting the ballroom at Blackpool tower (there’s definitely at least one instance of a hammond organ playing itself) and when they go undercover Dean is forced to dance in a competition thus revealing his secret love of ballroom dancing

- the Changing Channels episode has a weirdly meta bit where they’re on goggle box watching themselves be on the basil brush show

[cassierobinsons]

pov you asked britnatural dean to describe ketch

[cassierobinsons]

me: i need. to make a good post. an effortpost. something that isn't a twitter meme or a bitchy text post. it's 2024 i can do this

me 5 mins later:

[hardoncaulfield]

britnatural dean would have the english flag in his bio if he were to ever venture into online spaces please dont do this he’d rob a home bargains in broad daylight 🤡

he WOULD rob a home bargains in broad daylight oh god....the English flag...he'd get like...English flag fuzzy dice for the reliant robin. Instead of the fruit boots he'd wear rebok trainers..this is all making me want to projectile vomit 🤢

[hardoncaulfield]

british supernatural cas "oi, arsebum"

This is SO cursed but you're correct