#bro's advice

[advicefromabro]

Is it possible to change one's gender identity? I am asking this because in the past, I had always strongly identified as female (designated at birth), but I have begun to question this identity. I have imagined myself in both a male and female identity for awhile now and feel as though I would be comfortable as either one. Is it possible that I could have gone from possessing a binary gender to a non-binary one? Thank you.

That is absolutely possible and in a lot of cases, how pretty much every trans person starts out. 

No ones really designated non-binary at birth except for the few intersex individuals who make it through by the skin of their teeth. So most of us start on the binary somewhere. It’s up to us to hop off it if that’s how we end up feeling.

[advicefromabro]

Hey, so I am afab, but I definitely want to present myself more masculinely, and I've found myself feeling sometimes like they/them or he/him are better pronouns for me on a given day. I still have plenty of times when I feel like being very feminine and using she/her though. I think I might be nonbinary but since I have barely any dysphoria (occasionally I don't like having breasts but it's not that strong) I'm not sure. I'm scared I'm just a cis girl who wants to be "special".

Listen, even if you end up deciding you’re a cis girl, there’s no reason to think the only reason you went though all of this just to be a special snowflake. That’s just a shitty rhetoric handed to you by gate-keeping cynics and transphobes. 

Experimenting is healthy and about the only way to know for sure how you feel. Physical dysphoria despite what some will tell you is not a mandatory requirement for transness. I’d instead consider how you feel on the social dysphoria front, since that’s where I’ve noticed most people find their problem. It’s all about how you’re perceived by people that causes you discomfort with your gender. 

It all goes back into the idea that biological sex is a social construct that make there no real such thing as a “female body” which means any body can be a female body, depending on the person who’s using it. I won’t get into it.

Point is, experiment, try new pronouns and clothes and names, do so on separate accounts if you don’t want to drag everyone with you, and if in the end you decide you’re fine being a girl who maybe binds sometimes, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that and you weren’t faking.

[advicefromabro]

How do I get over loving my best friend who knows I love her that way yet continues to date others and say I love you to me in a friend way?

Not to be blunt, but uh, maybe you should start by dropping that entitled attitude? 

Just because she knows that you love her doesn’t mean she has to drop her entire romantic life to soften the blow for you. She’s her own person with her own feelings. If you love her this much why would you want her to hold herself back for you when you know she doesn’t feel the same? Sounds pretty caging. 

But, to answer your question, I pretty much always say the same thing for this sort of issue and it boils down to focusing on yourself. Find a flaw in your personality that you could work on (I think I gave you a pretty good suggestion) or pick up a new hobby you want to learn or finish something you haven’t finished yet.

Putting your focus on yourself for awhile will draw you away from the need for romance which helps nip those feelings in the bud and helps you get on with your life. It also keeps your mind occupied so you don’t even realize you aren’t thinking about her.

[advicefromabro]

so i thought i was a cisgender lady but now im kinda questioning that because sometimes i feel like a boy and masculine but mostly im a girl and feminine and and im very confused as to what to call myself, and im not sure if my gender identity is different or if it is just my gender expression, thanks 4 ur help

If how you’re feeling changes instead of just what you feel like wearing, it is in all likelihood an identity issue over expression. But don’t fret, because I have a few gender switching labels to offer you.

Genderfluid refers to a fluidity of genders. Imagine being in a big pool, except the water is a psychedelic clusterfuck of gender. Demigirl refers to identifying as female, but not completely. This may not apply because you are switching between girl and boy, but it’s something to consider. Demigirl is opposite demiboy and is more or less exchangeable with nonbinary girl.bigender/trigender are possibly the most fitting, they refer to being both one gender and another, possibly at the same time though not necessarily. That’s actually where I fit on the lovely gender spectrum. I’ve been bigender for quite some time, though I still present male for the most part. 

You may fine comfort in other labels too, or maybe you just want to label how you feel yourself. Both are perfectly fine and I wish ya all the best in figuring it out.

[advicefromabro]

So uh, I'm genderfluid and I've also had sex before. But I am not very comfortable with that. I can masturbate with out problem most of the time and I am okay with the idea of giving to a girl. But as soon as someone touches under my clothes I get uncomfortable. To me, it's kinda gross and makes me feel dirty. I want to be able to preform normally with my girlfriend. Is there something wrong with me?

What you’re thinking of is sex repulsion. It’s super common, especially on the asexual spectrum, but can be found with loads of other sexual identities, too. 

It may be possible to work your way out of it, but it’ll probably take time and practice for you to trust and feel comfortable. It may also never happen, and it’s important not to punish yourself for that. How you feel is completely normal, and you aren’t broken in the least to be feeling that way.

[advicefromabro]

I'm a trans dude and my brother just told me in the car tonight that my wearing skirts and having long hair and getting scared and running from my first testosterone shot means that I'm faking being trans for attention and that he resents me for making the family uncomfortable and that's why he never uses my name and calls me his sister to people. Please tell me something positive I've been sobbing all night he's my older brother he's supposed to be on my side I don't understand why he hates me.

Your brother is wrong, incorrect, go straight to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200. 

I’ve brought this up before but I’ll reiterate, identity does not always line up with the social acceptable gender expression. 

You can be a dude with long hair, wearing dresses as much as any trans woman can still be a woman without giving up jeans and constantly shaving. 

Getting injections takes a lot of spoons and a lot of guts, especially for someone who has a fear of needles. Hormonal transitioning is also not at all required for your to have your identity and use it too. 

Your brother is working off archaic standards that have been ingrained in him since birth, and while it might take him some time and some educating to unlearn those, you can convince him otherwise. It sucks that he’s choosing those over family, and it’s not fair. 

But he’s wrong. You’re fine however you choose to dress, no matter what point in life you are in. 

[advicefromabro]

Can I bind my chest using a waist slimmer? There's one laying around my home no longer in use

Not sure I’ve ever heard of that being done, but as long as it’s stretchy enough to let your lungs expand and you take breaks from wearing it every few hours, I can’t see why it wouldn’t be. Too much stretch though of course will leave you as significantly unbinded. If you haven’t held a binder before, they are sturdy and tight.

I don’t bind, though, so I probably am not the best person to cover this. I’d suggest a quick search for trans resources to find someone with a bit more know-how than I have to double check for you. In the meantime, I gotta recommend GC2b, a company that has glowing reviews. A bit of an investment for someone who may not have an income, but worth while in the long run for how long they last.

I will also recommend this tutorial for making your own with scrap sewing supplies, which is especially useful if you’re a cosplayer and may already have this junk laying around.

[advicefromabro]

i think i might be trans but i don't want to come out and then have to tell everyone that i realized i was cis the whole time.. i dont really know how to go about figuring it out either tho?? do you have any advice??? should i like ask close friends to use he pronouns to i guess try it out????

That's a good way to go about it, yup. Choose a close few and test the waters.