Hey hey! I had Ylvis nostalgia recently, so I went over the Ylvis Christmas calendar videos. Have you seen how adorable it is how all of them are holding Veggie after they have his ear pierced? (ep 4., 3:13). And even after Baard lets go, he wants to put his hand on Veg's shoulder, but cannot since the hand of Magnus is already there :). Or if you are out of that fandom of course, just ignore this, I just melted when I saw it, and so I thought it might make you happy too :)
Dearest anon, you have come to the right place! We are experiencing massive Ylvis nostalgia here thanks to Holmen. And I agree, that was absolutely adorable, as if they were trying to soothe him after going through something painful. Bård is there to make it better, and to make sure Veg doesn’t make it worse by touching his ear :>
Very sweet moment, thank you for reminding me of it, definitely made me feel happy too :) Feel free to drop by whenever, I’m always up for squeeing over melt-worthy instances :)
Below the cut, a submission from a wonderful person. Ylvis fanfiction of the Vegard whump variety, I most definitely recommend reading it for all those interested in the subject.
Hey hey! I only now discovered your AO3 stories and enjoyed them so much! It actually inspired me to write one of my own based on the events from this summer. You don’t have to post this, I was just interested to hear your opinion on my first fanfic ever :). Thanks a lot for your wonderful work!
He would have never believed that a simple single kick could hurt so much. But he did not regret the idea - after all, it was a lot of fun, and the pain would eventually go away and make a nice memory. He limped to work, curious to see how Vegard and Calle were handling their own ordeals. When he opened the door to the office he and Vegard shared however, he was surprised to find it empty.
It was odd; Vegard was almost never late, and even when he was late, he would still arrive earlier than Baard. Baard just put it down to him probably oversleeping for once or having a slow morning after an intense day at work yesterday. That’s how life gets after 40, he thought to himself, smirked and got to work.
He didn’t have to wonder about Vegard’s whereabouts for too long. Five minutes later, his phone beeped and he saw a message in which Vegard informed him that he will be most likely working from home today.
“That won’t be possible.”, Baard replied. “The guy who is supposed to accompany the show with the accordion just told me that he will be showing up today instead of tomorrow so that we go over the music together, he had some changes in his schedule. He is coming at 14.00.”.
“Do I have to be there for that? Cannot we just arrange it through Skype?”, Vegard replied.
Baard was taken aback. This was not a reaction he would ever expect from Vegard when music, and especially accordion (which they both liked so much), were involved.
“Don’t be a lazyass, just come to the office. What’s up? Why can’t you come?”
There was no response for a couple of minutes, and Baard was just at the verge of calling Vegard, when he saw that Vegard replied with “On my way.”.
An hour later, when Vegard showed up, it became very obvious to Baard why Vegard wanted to stay at home. He did see his brother walking very funnily yesterday - funnily enough for him to put it on Instagram - but this was a whole different level. He had his scooter with him, but only to act as a crutch instead of using it as an actual scooter. He was not putting any weight on his leg.
“Why didn’t you drive if it hurts to walk, you idiot?”, Baard greeted.
“Nice to see you too… I just don’t trust my leg to work with the pedals in a state like this, that is all.”, Vegard said still with some agony and irritation in his face.
“But does it really hurt so much? I mean, my leg is also fairly painful, but I hope I look nowhere this pathetic.”
“Thank you, trust me, if I could choose, I would indeed opt for looking less pathetic.”, Vegard replied and rolled his eyes. Baard decided not to respond and just made a mental note to drive Vegard home at the end of the day; Vegard was obviously not in a mood for being teased right now, and it was Baard’s fault after all that they were all in this state now.
Things went a bit better after they started working. This was most likely because Vegard could just sit in his chair, so his mood improved significantly as he was without the added pain of walking.
The lunch-time was approaching, which the four of them usually spent together eating outside, in front of the building to enjoy the warm summer weather.
“Hungry yet?” Baard suggested after his belly started making noises.
“No, not really, I think I will skip lunch today.”
Baard raised his eyebrows; this was nothing like his brother. It would be usually his brother making the lunch suggestion first.
“You mind elaborating on why?”
“Do I have to? You will call me a whiny little bitch if I do."
"I will call you that anyway. So what is up?”
Vegard sighted. “It is just that the prospect of staying hungry looks far more appealing than the prospect of having to walk outside or even to the fridge, that’s all.”
Only then Baard understood how bad Vegard’s leg must have hurt.
“We can also have it in the shared office space today. The weather is not that nice anyway.”
“Don’t restrict yourself, I am sure you would prefer to have it outside.”, Vegard insisted.
“I will ask Calle, but both he and myself are also still limping, so I am sure both Magnus and Calle will agree to stay here. And I will get you your lunch from the fridge and bring it. Just get your lazy sorry ass over there in the meantime."
A couple of moments later, they all gathered in the shared space to have lunch. Both Calle and Baard appreciated making the decision to stay inside as they were both limping towards their chairs; Vegard just rolled there directly on the chair from his office that he was already sitting on.
Baard and Calle spent the lunch discussing the consequences of the kicks they both received and laughing at the other related events from the previous day. Magnus was just mostly listening, happy that he did not have to go through the ordeal himself, and laughing loudly with them.
The only silent member of the lunch party was Vegard. This was very unusual, he was typically the one who talked the most. Normally, him being a bit silent for once would be a welcome, refreshing change to the other three, but combined with the misery and paleness written all over his face, it was clear that this was not a good sign. To try to involve him a bit and raise his spirits, Calle started what the three of them called an "aircraft chat mood fixing technique” - a strategy they used anytime they needed to improve Vegard’s mood and get some excitement out of him. Calle even started spitting clearly incorrect aircraft facts just to prompt Vegard to correct him and force some engagement, but nothing was successful.
“You look like shit, Vegard.”, Baard said finally.
“If you want me to look less like shit, don’t invite MMA fighters to kick us on the TV.”, Vegard replied, but there was no humour in his voice.
Then he sighted and continued. “I just don’t know why it seems to be hurting me so much more than the two of you.” Ah, that’s it, Baard thought; that’s the reason, next to the pain obviously, why Vegad is so upset. Over the years they have worked together on TV, Vegard seemed to have learnt to deal with most of the derogatory comments he had been receiving very well, whether it was about him being clumsy, short, fat, nerdy or looking Turkish, but to this day, he still hated to be seen as weak and helpless.
“It did seem like he kicked you the hardest.”, Calle admitted.
“Which is what I especially don’t understand, since you -” Magnus continued, but Baard interrupted him right away with an intense look directed his way.
“It does not matter now anyway. Let’s get back to work.”. Baard knew that the last thing Vegard now needed to hear were comments about his size, implying that he indeed was weak and helpless. They left the table and went (and rolled) back to their offices.
The rest of the afternoon flew quickly. The musician arrived, and, fortunately, the sound of the accordion and making of music at least helped improve Vegard’s spirits sufficiently to make the afternoon more bearable for everyone involved.
Right after the musician was gone, Vegard announced that he was going home. Baard turned, and right away, without a word, he stood up, took his coat and his car keys and indicated that he was ready, too.
It took a moment for Vegard to realise that Baard was intending to take him home by car. A wave of relief hit him that he did not even have to ask for such a favour from his little brother in front of everyone else. He just let out a silent “thanks” to which Baard replied with a simple head nod and a smile.
The relief quickly disappeared when he realised he first had to make it all the way down to where Baard’s car was parked. He felt nauseous at the thought of having to put any weight on his leg again, and as a result turned even paler than he already was. But there was no way he was going to ask Baard or any from his friends for support really, the most of them were also still limping and Magnus would literally have to carry him in his arms if he were to help him - he was too tall for Vegard to put his arm around his neck for support.
Calle and Magnus both noticed Vegard’s unease and after telling the brothers to wait a few minutes, they emerged from the storage room with the wheelchair they used back during IKMY for their guest pranks. Vegard thought that a wheelchair was definitely a bit of an overkill, but in his current condition, even being carried on a stretcher would be more appealing than walking. In addition, since the wheelchair was well known around the building from the pranks, at least other people would not know that something was wrong and could only assume that the brothers were testing it again for another prank. They thanked Magnus and Calle and left.
The ride home was mostly silent. Baard felt a bit guilty for being responsible for a segment which ended up with his brother in such a state, and Vegard still felt a bit ashamed for being so heavily affected by something that the others could deal with so much easier.
“You know that we do have a couple of meetings which we have to attend in person this week, right?” Baard said as they approached Vegard’s house.
Vegard just managed to let out a little “Hnngh”, hoping to put an end to that conversation for now, but Baard would not let go. “If the pain continues to be this bad, maybe you should go see a doctor?”. Vegard hated doctors, but having Baard actually talking to him about something this seriously, without any teasing or mockery, meant that he must have been even a little worried, and so Vegard was not going to dismiss it completely. “If it does not get better, yes… but I am sure it soon will.”.
…
It didn’t. When the follow-up messages of “Working from home today, sorry” arrived to Baard’s phone during the next two consecutive mornings, Baard knew Vegard would not go to the doctor without additional persuasion. He was getting truly concerned - the pain in his own leg was almost gone now, and the same for Calle, so if Vegard’s leg was still hurting as much that he could not walk, something was obviously very wrong. Maybe if he mentioned how it could potentially affect the show, his brother would be more reasonable? He called Vegard.
“We cannot delay the show because of your stupid leg. Go see a doctor. You have to be here tomorrow morning anyway for the meeting.”, Baard said.
“Then I still have time until tomorrow morning for it to get better.”, Vegard insisted.
“It will obviously not, don’t be stupid. Go to the doctor today.”
“Well, ok, I would, but Helene is gone with the kids, so she cannot take me today. Maybe the day after tomorrow then or next week?”
Baard was having none of this.
“If Helene is gone, then I am the one taking you to the doctor. Make an appointment and tell me when to pick you up. Now.”
“What?”
“You heard me well. Find a doctor and make an appointment NOW, or I will do even that for you."
Vegard remained silent for a moment. He has never seen Baard behaving like this; this was always Vegard’s behaviour towards his little brothers instead.
"Is that silence a ‘no’ Vegard? Should I call my physio and ask him if he can make an appointment for my stubborn 40-year-old brother?"
"No, no, ok, I will find someone."
Baard was pleased with himself and made a mental note to do this more often. While it was not really something he would ever expect himself to do back to Vegard, it was a surprisingly effective persuasion method. In half an hour, Vegard messaged him to ask him to pick him up with a specific time and destination of the doctor’s office.
When Baard came to Vegard’s house, he was alarmed to find his brother looking equally as pale and miserable as he did the two days before that. He helped him jump on one leg to the car and felt bad for having to rush him to make it to the doctor on time.
Only five minutes after coming to the waiting room, a physiotherapist appeared and called Vegard’s name. Vegard stood up onto his one working leg and started heading into the direction of the office. Baard felt a bit awkward; unsure as whether to follow or not. On one hand, going to the doctor’s office with your 40 year old brother together would seem crazy to most people; they were both grown up, independent adults. On the other, he was genuinely curious about the state of his brother’s leg and seeing how out of it Vegard was, he thought it would be a good idea for Vegard to have someone there who could actually be clear-headed and write things down.
Having decided that he would join, he took the opportunity that Vegard clearly struggled to get to the office, so he stood up and allowed Vegard to use him as a support.
"So, what did you do?”, The doctor asked while filling out the paperwork.
“I think that might be pretty hard to explain… ” Vegard started, but the doctor interrupted him right away.
“Mr. Ylvisaaker, I know who you are and what you do. I have no expectations regarding what I am going to hear now.”
The brothers laughed. Baard, being responsible for what happened, spared his brother the duty of explaining, and described their little vegetable stunt. After the doctor stopped laughing, he instructed Vegard to lie down and remove his clothing.
When Vegard put his pants down to show the physiotherapist the injury, Baard couldn’t believe what he saw. A dark, red area spread across the entire back-side of Vegard’s thigh. He himself wondered whether he had something similar on his own thigh after the kick; he has not really checked. He started to really question whether the stunt was worth it.
The doctor showed them the ultrasound pictures of the hematoma and prescribed Vegard crutches until further notice to aid healing. Vegard initially protested, but Baard knew that the protest was just a formality for Vegard to feel like he was acting manly, as Vegard knew very well that the crutches were necessary at this point. Only one question remained unanswered.
“How long…?” Baard asked.
“These hematomas are quite tricky. We can only accelerate the healing process by preventing additional strain and injury - which is why you have to use the crutches - but otherwise it is very individual. A hematoma of this size can take months to heal.”
They all remained silent for the moment. Vegard knew what it meant; it meant that the vacation Helene and the kids looked so much forward to would have to be cancelled. It also meant that a lot of the segments they were planning to film to make the show a bit more interesting would not happen. Filming action scenes with one man limping on crutches while he should be resting his leg was not an option, and would probably not be received well by the public. This entire show was already organized on the very last minute, and now it looked like even more would have to be figured out on the spot with so many ideas, some of which were already half-baked, discarded.
Baard was thinking the same. But this time, he was the one in the role of the big brother and seeing how troubled Vegard looked over the entire prognosis, he returned him the little favour that Vegard always did for him - Baard looked at his older brother, smiled reassuringly and said, “that’s fine”.
They thanked the doctor, picked up the crutches from a pharmacy along with some creams and pain killers and went back to the car. They just sat there and allowed the news to sink in, including the consequences they were now going to face. Baard was the first one who started.
“You know… had I known that this would happen…”, Baard said, before Vegard interrupted him to tell him that he understands and is not angry about it.
They drove back to Vegard’s place. Staring at the house, after a moment, Vegard looked at his brother with anxiety in his eyes. Neither of them talked, and yet an entire conversation seemed to have taken place. Baard just verbally concluded it with “Yes, I will talk to her. Though if I do, maybe I will end up in a worse condition than you are right now.”, Baard smiled and so did Vegard.
*****
End of submission.
Dearest anon, this was the most amazing surprise, thank you so much! And of course I posted this, everyone should have the chance to read this lovely fic. Because yes, I liked it a lot! It was very well written, had a good pace, lots of emotions, logical progression, believable dialogue, a little bit of humour, and a whole bucketful of brofeels. Absolutely loved it! And it definitely hit the spot for me, this is exactly what I was thinking about when I heard of the kicking and its consequences, so thank you for making a story out of it. Also, I’m very flattered that my scribblings could inspire you, thank you very much for the kind words. You should definitely write more if the urge strikes you, this was highly enjoyable :)
