I’m erradicating all the blondes on this neighbourhood (?).
Sandy has a sweet gig. She’s Guy’s roomate, doesn’t pay rent (what’s the use for roomates then....), lazes around, breaks the computer every single day and woohooes both Jonah and Roxie on the bench outside the building on a regular basis
This is the “Joseph vs. Straizo” arc, so I’ll just lead off with one of my favorite moments from the entire JoJo franchise, when Joseph furiously declares war on Straizo with tears in his eyes. In the anime, voice actor Tomokazu Sugita delivered this with such intensity that it actually overshadowed the machine gun.
None of the dubs or translations can do it justice, including this panel from the JoJo’s Colored Adventure scanlation project. This is a faithful translation of Joseph’s line, as far as I can tell, except they always leave off the last part: “宣戦布告だぜ!!” In romanji, that’s: “Sensen fukokuda ze!!” And it means “This is war!!”
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Last time, we saw the Joestars treating their new friend Smokey Brown, to dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant. Some mafia jerk caused trouble, Joseph whooped his ass, and then a second mafia guy apologized and shared a rumor he recently heard: Robert Speedwagon was found dead in a Mexican riverbed, apparently killed by a Tibetan monk.
From there, we see that Joseph immediately realizes that this must have been Straizo, and Erina suspects that it must have something to do with the Stone Masks and the battle with Dio fifty years ago. Smokey warns Joseph to consider the source, but Joseph is pretty sure it’s credible information, since mafia guys are all about money. I’m not sure what that has to do with whether he’s telling the truth, though. Either way, Joseph slugs the guy for just blurting out such terrible news in front of Granny Erina.
Now, at this point, Joseph and Erina are making all these Phantom Blood references, and Smokey has no idea what they’re talking about. And I think seeing this panel helped me understand Smokey’s role as a viewpoint character. When the Part began, it seemed like Smokey was sort of the narrator for the thing, which works because he’s a good viewpoint character, and he seemed to be settling in as a sidekick like Speedwagon and Poco in Part 1. But shortly after this he just vanishes from Battle Tendency altogether, and then he shows up at the end like it’s no big deal. I never quite understood that, and I think this is the sort of thing that fuels the “Araki forgot” memes, but it actually makes a lot of sense.
See, Smokey’s primary function is to be the viewpoint character, specifically for the readers who missed out on Phantom Blood. BT is a direct continuation of the previous part, in a way that none of the other JoJo parts are. Most of the main BT cast was deeply affected by what happened in Part 1. A few of them lived through it, and the ones that didn’t have personal connections to it. So they constantly talk about Stone Masks and Dio without really stopping to explain any of it. Well, if you don’t know what they’re talking about, you can take heart in the fact that Smokey doesn’t know either. So as long as he can keep up with the story, so can the uninitiated readers. For now, all that matters is that he’s impressed by the Joestars’ great kindness, and he’s intrigued and disturbed by these hints of a tragic past in their family.
And eventually, Smokey learns just what happened to the Joestar Family, or at least everything that the reader needs to know to follow Part 2. But that doesn’t happen until near the end, which is why he shows up to hear the secrets revealed. But for most of the story, he steps aside, because that’s mostly about Joseph dealing with events in the here and now, so Joseph can act as his own viewpoint character.
But is Speedwagon truly dead? The story flashes back to the previous night, after Straizo killed his own disciples and clobbered Speedwagon. They’re in this temple where Speedwagon discovered more Stone Masks, like the one Dio used, but Speedwagon also discovered an immortal man petrified in a stone column. Straizo was enlisted to destroy this “Pillar Man” with his Hamon power, but instead he wants to use one of the Stone Masks to turn himself into a vampire.
Before he does this, he reads Speedy’s translations of the writing on the walls of the temple. The ancient Aztec cultists who built it said that the Pillar Man was immortal and had many powers, but he was vulnerable to the sun, just like the vampires from Part 1. But the writings warn that the Pillar Man created the Stone Masks because of this weakness, and one day, “when he befriends the sun, the world will be his.” That doesn’t seem to follow, since the only thing the Stone Masks seem to be able to do is make new vampires, who are just as vulnerable to sunlight as the Pillar Man.
Anyway, Straizo doesn’t seem to care. He just doesn’t want to die of old age, and he’s become disillusioned with the Hamon power he has, so he’s turning heel and going full goth on us. To avoid Dio’s mistakes, he plans to eliminate any witnesses, including Joseph and Erina. Then he’ll go into hiding and figure out a long term plan, with the rest of the world unaware of his existence.
You know, now that I write that out, I’m amazed by how similar that plan is to what Dio ends up doing in Part 3. In Part 1, he set about turning a whole town into zombies, and planning to unleash them on the world without any real agenda. But in Part 3 he eventually holed up in a swank mansion in Cairo and took great pains to stay hidden while he acquired more power. Parts 5 and 8 carry that same idea even further, with villains who go to great lengths to cover up their very existence.
At any rate, we only see Speedwagon pass out in this scene, so it’s unclear whether he actually dies or not. Really, using Speedwagon in this way is a pretty smart play. He’s an old man, and he was never going to survive another 50-year time-skip into the next part, so it’s safe to assume that Part 2 is his swan song. But how will he die, and when? It could be at the very start, or maybe somewhere in the middle.
Anyway, Straizo just walks up to a cafe in New York to confront Joseph, and Joseph whips out a machine gun and shoots his ass. This whole time, Straizo had assumed that the untrained grandson of Jonathan Joestar would be easy pickings, but Joseph’s a lot more skilled with Hamon than he expected, and he’s tricky too.
As Joseph fires on Straizo, he recalls how worried Erina was about all this. The story kind of glosses over it, but Joseph seems to have worked out Straizo’s entire plan. I guess that’s not much of a stretch. He and Speedwagon were together with a temple full of Stone Masks, and then Straizo turned on Speedwagon. Why else would he do that, unless he used the Stone Mask to turn into a vampire like Dio did? And once you arrive at that conclusion, it isn’t hard to figure out what Straizo’s next move would be. And that’s how Joseph was so prepared for this. After the shooting stops, Smokey freaks out about Joseph murdering a dude, but Joseph was expecting a vampire the whole time.
I also like Joseph’s line in the flashback. Erina isn’t worried for herself, but for Joseph, because it looks like he’s being pulled into this same tragic fate as the rest of the family. But Joseph resolves to face this head on. “If this is my fate, then I accept it.” Pretty sure Will Zeppeli said the same thing when he discovered that he would die saving Jonathan.
There’s similar “call-to-adventure” moments in the other parts. Jonathan has his when he accepts Zeppeli’s offer to train him to battle Dio again. Jotaro has his when he defeats and saves Kakyoin, then learns what’ll happen to his mother if he doesn’t go. Josuke has his when Angelo shows up and he has to avenge his grandfather. Giorno kind of always had a hankering to take on Passione, but I think things got serious once he had a choice between killing or sparing Bruno. There could be no turning back from that point. For Jolyne, it was the moment she had a clear path to escape the prison but decided to go back in because that was where her enemy was. For Johnny, it was that one battle where he chose to crawl towards the danger to save Gyro instead of withdrawing to safety. For Gappy... I’d have to study that a bit.
But for Joseph Joestar, it’s this moment. Erina never sent Joseph to learn the Ripple from the Hamon monastary, and she seems to have taken great pains to keep him out of trouble, but now trouble has come to them, and Joseph isn’t about to back down.
So yeah, bullets don’t actually kill vampires, but Joseph was hoping to destroy his head with some of those shots, or at least slow Straizo down long enough to finish him off. Instead Straizo reveals that he has the power to shoot high pressure fluid from his eyes, the same move Dio used to kill Jonathan at the end of Part 1. He calls this “Space Ripper Stingy Eyes” which is either stupid or brilliant depending on your mood, I guess. He used it to protect his head from the machine gun fire, and then he uses it again to shoot Joseph... except he hits Joseph’s reflection in a nearby mirror, and I guess he didn’t notice the real thing standing behind him.
What makes this fight so awesome is that these two are determined to kill each other, and they each have extremely simple moves to defeat one another, but they have all these tricks and schemes to protect themselves. Joseph manages to hit Straizo with Hamon, but it does nothing... because Straizo was a Hamon master before turning into a vampire. He can’t use the Ripple without destroying himself now, but he still knows how to defend against it. For instance, he’s got this scarf woven from dead bugs, because it conducts Hamon energy far more effectively than his own body. So it just absorbs Joseph’s attacks and disperses the energy harmlessly away.
Does it really have to be made of dead bugs? I feel like Tonpetti just told him that as a prank. “No, really (snort!) the only thing that works is dead bugs. (tee-hee!) It smells awful but you have to wear it (ha!).”
But Joseph has his own tricks, like... putting a dozen grenades on his opponent’s back when he isn’t looking! Seriously, there was zero opportunity for him to do this. One moment he steps over Straizo’s body to see if he’s still alive, and the next moment he supposedly planted all these things on his scarf. I get that he could pull a string connected to the pin without being noticed, but that’s the only part that makes sense about this. It’s still awesome, though. If Jonathan had access to explosives, Part 1 would have been a lot shorter.
I really think this was the battle that set the tone for Stand Battles in later Parts. Araki loves these off-panel tricks in combat, and they’re a lot easier to explain when all of your characters have magic super powers. If Joseph had Hermit Purple in this fight, there’d be no problem at all. He could just use Hermit Purple to snake through the ventilation shafts and hook up all the grenades. In fact, it’s tempting to suggest that Joseph was unconsciously using Hermit Purple throughout Part 2, but I don’t want to get into that right now.
Anyway, explosions don’t stop vampires any more than machine gun fire. Straizo’s body is in pieces, but the pieces just slither back together and regenerate. Wait, wouldn’t his head have been vaporized in that blast? Also, Straizo spends the rest of this battle in the nude, so we know that stupid scarf is out of the equation. Why didn’t Joseph just go back in the cafe and finish Straizo off while he was still in pieces?
Again, it’s easy to say “lol Araki forgot”, but I think it’s a lot more sensible to suggest that Joseph forgot. As clever as he is, he went in with the Ripple, a machine gun, and a dozen grenades, and Straizo had an answer to all three. He doesn’t want to press the attack because he’s out of tricks. All he’s got left is another Hamon attack, which means Straizo will see it coming. Or he’s still worried about the scarf, and hasn’t realized that it’s gone now. In any event, he’s running away, creating some distance before Straizo can make his next move.
Also, there’s a lot of bystanders gathering around, so it makes sense to take the fight elsewhere. Some guy named “Bruty” tries to stop Joseph to impress his girlfriend, but that backfires spectacularly. Was Bruty in the anime? I feel like he wasn’t, but I don’t want to check.
The one I do remember is this girl photographer. Spider-Man hadn’t been invented yet, so in those days photographers just sort of wandered around with their camera, waiting for Spidey to debut. This exploding vampire diner is the best she could do in 1938.
I just really like this lady. There’s a spark in her eye and I just assumed she would end up being Joseph’s love interest by the end of the story. Well, we’ll get to that.
Instead, she’s a hostage. Joseph and Smokey run to the Brooklyn Bridge? I guess? It’s a bridge, I’m sure of that much. Anyway, Straizo catches this lady and takes her with him to intercept them. He threatens to kill her unless Joseph faces him again. But Straizo offers to spare Joseph and never trouble him again if Joseph runs away. This is because Straizo figures that if Joseph chickens out now, then he’ll never be a threat to Straizo in the future, no matter how powerful his Hamon abilities become.
Joseph tries to call his bluff, but then Straizo rips out one of the girl’s teeth to prove he means business, and Joseph gets furious all over again. I don’t think he was ever planning to abandon this fight, but he was probably hoping to get Straizo to give up his hostage at least. Now he’s just pissed, and Straizo is impressed. Joseph tries to act cool, but he just can’t hide his passionate feelings. This is in stark contrast to Jotaro, who wagered his own soul in a poker game and bluffed his way to victory.
So Straizo tries again with the Space Ripper Stingy Eyes, but this time Joseph blocks it with two shot glasses charged with Hamon power, and then he lands the decisive blow. But before Straizo dies, Joseph demands to know why Straizo dumped Speedwagon and the others in the river. Not only does Joseph want to give him a proper burial, but he doesn’t understand why Straizo would have dumped them in the river, since that was how Joseph knew to expect him.
Wait, I thought Straizo wanted Joseph to know he was coming. Oh well.
Anyway, Straizo explains that he had to do it, because the Pillar Man was absorbing the blood from his victims. Straizo was worried that the Pillar Man might awaken, so he put them in the river instead to be safe. Nevertheless, he suspects that the Pillar Man will reawaken eventually anyway, and Straizo now realizes that it will be Joseph’s destiny to face him some day. Then Straizo just uses the Ripple one last time, and self-destructs.
It always seemed strange to me that Straizo saw the danger of the Pillar Man and just left things the way they were. Maybe he planned to deal with him later, or maybe he just didn’t know or care about it until Joseph defeated him, and he felt a moral obligation to warn someone.
I guess he could have destroyed the Pillar Man like Speedwagon wanted him to do in the first place, but it seems like Straizo didn’t realize that blood would wake him up until after he was already a vampire, and unable to use the Ripple. For that matter, it remains to be seen if Hamon will work on Pillar Men.
Anyway, what else is going on? Oh, yeah, Europe is getting closer and closer to World War II. The official start of the war is usually considered to be September 1, 1939, but Italy invaded Ethiopia in 1935, and Japan invaded China in 1937, and Germany annexed Austria and conquered Czechoslovakia in 1938, the year Battle Tendency is set. So we’re in this weird time period where there’s Nazis in the story, and the British-American protagonist doesn’t care for them, but isn’t trying to kill them on sight. I’ll be coming back to this topic later on.
I think the main reason for including Nazi Germany in this story was to draw parallels between their goals and those of the fictional villains. The Nazis believed themselves to be the “Master Race”, the most “evolved” people, and this made them worthy to rule the world. Araki notes that they turned to all sorts of sci-fi/occult/fantasy stuff in their war. Similarly, you have villains like Dio and Straizo turning to mysterious Stone Masks for spooky powers, and then you have the Pillar Man himself, who apparently sought the means to “befriend the sun” and rule over the world. So the Nazis fit into this theme of trying to claim some sort of supremacy over other beings.
But what’s their role in this story? Well, the Germans have an “information base” in Mexico, run by a guy named Stroheim. He makes pretty ladies shave him with a straight razor, and if he gets a nick he makes them lick the blood off, and then he threatens to cut off their tongues. Also, he trained his dog to not eat treats until given permission. He’s a sick fuck, is my point.
Wait, no, my point was that his staff discovered the bodies that Straizo dumped in the river, including Speedwagon, who’s still alive, somehow. I guess Straizo was going to finish him off but he got in a hurry when he saw the Pillar Man absorbing the blood from the others. Not sure how Speedwagon survived that ordeal, but Stroheim’s men have been taking care of him this whole time, and he was unconscious until recently, so it might have been touch-and-go for a while.
Back in New York, Joseph doesn’t know what this is all about, but he decides to go to Mexico himself to get to the bottom of it...
Sandy Bruty and Brandon Lillard are surprisingly domestic for romance sims. They’ve been married for a while now and their daughter Chloe will be off to college soon. Fearing the empty nest, they recently decided to move in with a few old pals.
