aot spoilers / tw- mentions of su!c!de
i dont think i appreciated reiner's character as much as i should've the first time i watched aot. the fact that he battles relentlessly with who he was raised to be, TRAINED his whole life to be to fit into the marlean society (and father) that hated him...versus the real person he became with the 103. he hurts me so bad. he doesn't know who he really is.
and the fact he's tired of fighting, so so tired. tired of being used, of hurting people. he regrets everything he's done, but knows he can't take anything back. he has to live with his actions and that's what hurts even more. like everytime we see him at the beginning of s4 he's miserable, and when i saw him holding the gun down his throat, i cried. he just wants to be gone. to pay for his sins. he's something so special to me.
he doesn't want to fight anymore, to be a weapon of destruction, but he'll be there for the ones he cares about (aka, falco and gabby). he wants to die but he can't, he can't just leave everything behind. he's exhausted, so tired, but he wants to do right.
oh goodness, reiner braun the man you are to me.
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