Looking Back...
It’s funny how making the decision to say ‘I’m here’, as far as my weight loss goals go, has made me look back at my 2 and a half year journey in quite a bit of detail.
I started by a random accident with a kid on a scooter while I was walking home from the grocery store. Even then it seemed like an odd wakeup call, but I think sometimes even though you don’t know the language being spoken to you you’re able to completely understand the message. I got that one and I got it good. Do something because the road you’re on will lead you to a life where you can’t recover...from anything.
So I did...the juice diet, the clean diet, My Fitness Pal (also known as My Fitness Frenemy), loads of walking, a bicycle set up in my living room, cutting down, burning and avoiding calories is what it all boiled down to. Almost halfway through my mother died, my father struggled, I wallowed in guilt and confusion, I had amazing support from places I both did and did not expect it, and I had no support from a place I did expect it. I still feel the pangs of guilt and confusion, but those are things that crescendo and diminuendo throughout my life and probably always will. The legacy of being human.
Since I declaerd myself ‘here’ a few days ago I’ve been busy. I’ve had an induction at the gym portion of my leisure center...I’ve walked and swam. I’ve also adjusted MFP to a higher level with a goal of losing .5 lbs per week. I don’t expect to lose that, but the number of calories suits me. The limit is easily lived within and I’m shocked the way the pressure has lifted as far as food is concerned - it’s not an obsession now, I am merely mindful of it so I don’t go backwards. Throughout my journey I’ve also been tracking my daily weight. I made some comments in places where I’d struggled or gained...it’s a mini emotional diary of my failures. To be fair, I have a few celebrations noted as well. I closed that list down and started another...called ‘Lori’s Healthy Life’. I made a quick note of my achievement and that this is not a log to assess weight loss, but one to keep myself accountable. This is my upper area to try and stay near...if I fall below that’s great, but if I go above I know I need to adjust.
My whole attitude has changed...a huge weight (no pun intended) has been lifted. Over the last few months I’ve been wearing a few skirts and dresses, but yesterday I wore one that I never dreamed I’d wear, even if I fit into it. I looked fabulous. I’m going to a Christmas lunch with a bunch of girls at The Botanist...it’s a trendy restaurant in the middle of Newcastle and I’m looking forward to enjoying the food and a few drinks. And I lave a stunning blue sparkly dress to wear. I tried it on the other night and actually shocked myself at not only how much of a departure it is from ‘me’, but how great I looked in it.
I’m kinder to myself now. I’m smiling now. In my heart of hearts I’d love to tone up and shape up further, but with me living healthier it may just happen...but I will not berate myself if it doesn’t.
The other day I was ‘here’...and now I’m so pleased with the settling in to my new life that I’ve done.